OCTOBER 🪽Miscarriage & Pregnancy Baby Loss Storytime Awareness | Q&A Chatty Catch Up Car Chats

Cheers guys. I've got myself a little pumpkin spice latte decaf and I treat myself this morning to my second breakfast of the day from McDonald's. Well not second from McDonald's. I had a nice healthy yogurt bowl this morning but it just wasn't quite filling me up honestly. It's now like 11 o'clock and I'm just, well I've just beat the breakfast time. Managed to get in there. Mmm. These new little mini hash browns are nice. I did also get myself a an egg McMuffin. I usually give the egg to that guy in the back, if you can see him. We're post-walk, so he'll be salivating at the opportunity of getting this egg, but he's going to have to wait. But how are we, guys? I hope you're all doing really well. I wanted to do a bit of an update, a bit of a chatty video today, and I thought, what better setting than in my car? However, I've picked a pretty poor spot for lighting, so apologies for that. Let me see if that's a bit better. that hold on we just need a mouthful everything absolutely everything wow this pregnancy that's how i've had the best diet although having said that i do be i like i crave a lot of healthy foods lots of fruit veggies or more more than veggies more so salads i've been craving a lot of salads fresh kind of fruit like i said refreshing things but just as we're leaning into the cozier season little PSL and a McMuffin is going down an absolute treat so yeah oh I actually asked a question box on my Instagram because I thought we could just have a bit of a chatty catch-up in today's video and I have to say the majority if not all pretty much are pregnancy related so I guess we could kind of tie this in with a bit of a 28 week update pregnancy update heading into well I'm in my third trimester now officially so we made it to the third trimester it is also the week of in fact I think specifically tomorrow is Baby Loss Awareness Month I say week month October and I see lots of oh I'm just taking a screenshot by accident and I see lots of things on socials about um you know like people sharing their journeys and awareness around that whole topic as well which i know can be a bit triggering for people to listen to and to hear if you've experienced it yourself i might have to pick a different spot here this car park is full and people are doing laps and circling and every time somebody goes past they look at me to say you got me i'm like and then they catch me vlogging and they get oh i'm driving anyway we'll we'll stick stick it out for now but yeah serious no as we're talking about uh pregnancy loss it is something that i've touched upon in my journey to um this pregnancy where like i said we are currently in our third trimester which is mind-blowing and surreal and i'm so grateful but of course that brings a lot of anxious thoughts and worries and feelings and i think even regardless of experiencing pregnancy loss I think naturally I'm quite an overthinker a worrier anyway so it would have come with somewhat of those kind of feelings pregnancy for me especially like health anxiety related things because obviously as your body's changing and you're feeling different things going on inside of you and different symptoms it can be quite a mind game a lot of the time but for the most part we're doing well I thought I will touch upon pregnancy loss baby loss given that we are in that month of october let me pull up the questions i feel like a lot of these are going to be quick fire so i guess let's touch upon uh our baby loss which i have like i said i've mentioned before so i won't go into too much detail plus also to um protect myself i feel like it's such a touchy subject for um for me to put online because you're opening up the floodgates to a load of opinions mostly positive from you guys having experienced the same kind of thing so that's not positive but as in positive in that you like the fact that i've shared my story and um feel somewhat less alone but you also get a load of unwarranted opinions and very negative opinions i've had some not loads but i have had a couple of honestly cruel messages, really, really cruel messages that no one should ever, ever experience. And I'm not going to go into that because that's giving them airtime. I'm just going to say there's a reason why I'm somewhat protective over myself in this situation for my own mental wellbeing with how much I share in terms of detail and depth of our pregnancy loss story. So what I have shared before and what I'm happy to mention is that we've had two pregnancies prior to this one. We also have had some fertility testing to check that it was a case of bad luck as we kept being told. The first time was a missed miscarriage at around 11 weeks, the second pregnancy we lost around 14 weeks just after that so there were somewhat late losses but I know some people have losses much further down into pregnancy. One of the questions was has your anxiety eased now that you're in your third trimester honestly no i do get somewhat of a reassurance now that you can actually feel movements though so that's a really nice feeling but then you get worries about oh am i feeling enough movements have there been reduced movements and then all of a sudden we'll have a boxy match in there and i'm like okay we're all good anyway let me stick to the list of questions because otherwise i could get sidetracked and just keep waffling and waffling how are you feeling about labor have you made a birth plan yet i'm not being strict with a specific birth plan in that i'm a control freak i'm a capricorn i like things in order and if i have a plan which for most things i do very type a person over here if the plan deviates i spiral so i don't want to be too set however of course i do have preferences not a home birth that is not a preference of mine given that my anxiety overthinking i just feel like if i'm in a hospital i know i'm in the safest place if anything was to go wrong i think if i were to have a home birth i'd start worrying that things that i'm feeling might be wrong whereas if i've got the help in a hospital and the equipment and everything's already there that will actually help reassure me so as much as i am squeamish to things like hospitals and needles and everything like that i know that for me for peace of mind i actually will feel more comfortable in a hospital so a hospital birth is a preference who knows how quick or fast the labor could be and I've had friends give birth in their kitchen and their partner has had to deliver the baby for them so you just don't know in terms of pain relief see how I go I'm not anti it I'm not for it I'm just well in fact I probably am more for it than anti it if I'm being honest but I would like to I like to somewhat test myself and see how I go but if there are any complications any issues or if I'm struggling then by no means am I against having any kind of pain relief um a bit apprehensive around gas and air though because i've heard that makes you feel quite sick and nauseous and again a emetophobe health anxiety the thought of actively choosing something to make me feel sick i think could make me feel worse but until i'm in that moment who knows i can't say so keeping things open-minded are you planning to breastfeed that would be the hope and the plan i actually had a dream about breastfeeding last night are you having a baby moon no again the thought of going away in my third trimester where i'm starting to get more and more uncomfortable and honestly i'm craving the colder weather the thought of going to a hot climate now i mean Tom would if he could but i've kind of put my foot down and said no thank you we have booked a night away in over towards like York Harrogate way and maybe another UK staycation but otherwise when are you due christmas day so who knows it could be a 2026 baby it could even be a 2027 baby do you have any feeling whether baby is a boy or a girl and are you tempted to find out i am not in the slightest bit tempted to find out the only thing that i struggle with is as when i see things in the shop honestly i'm like oh that could be good if it was a boy or that could be good if it was a girl but i can't buy it because i don't know but otherwise i'm actually really excited that we've kept it a surprise and everyone that we've told whenever i get asked is it boy or girl or do you know and i say no surprise they always say it's the best surprise you'll ever have like so nice that it's kind of a bit more old school to do that whereas nowadays most people find out so i'm really excited to keep it a surprise have i got an inkling yes i've always said from the get-go i'm getting girl vibes with this pregnancy but then there are certain things that people say to me online oh but that's like you know you're carrying like a boy bump or there's certain symptoms that lean towards boy but i think the majority of my symptoms for old wives' tales lean towards girl i don't know prior to pregnancy though I'd only ever seen myself with boys so that's interesting I've kind of flipped that mindset since being pregnant I don't know but it's 50 50 I'm just gonna have to open the window a little bit to let some fresh air in how long did your sickness last in early pregnancy mine started quite early this pregnancy around five weeks and in fact you know what I'll talk about all my three pregnancies because I've experienced three first trimesters back to back basically the first one i had sickness from about week six and then it eased around week nine at which point obviously that makes sense now because the baby had stopped growing around eight weeks even though we saw the heartbeat on an eight week scan it must have died a couple of days after that and um my nausea did ease so that kind of makes sense even though nothing else showed signs of me miscarrying the baby hence why it's called missed miscarriage or silent miscarriage second pregnancy zero nausea zero sickness honestly in terms of that side of that pregnancy a breeze first trimester was a breeze in that pregnancy obviously it didn't work out and it was came to a sad ending but um yeah zero like when people say like i don't i didn't get any nausea and it can be hard to believe if you've only ever experienced nausea but trust me zilch nothing and then this pregnancy it started quite early from about week five week seven was probably the most intense six seven and then it got slightly more manageable but it was still all day every day and then i was physically sick once at week nine but that was after a blood test and i fainted and i think that just yeah talked about that in my first trimester vlog but it did ease from about week 11 i would say it was pretty much gone so yeah it kind of started early but stopped a bit earlier as well when did you announce the pregnancy to friends and family and on social media i had a scan at 16 weeks with the fetal medicine unit having been with them previously they offered me a 16-week scan in between that 12 and 20 weeks with the nhs so i took it and um after that i was like you know i'll announce it online now um and then for friends and family quite early i would say with this pregnancy the first one we told them really early second one we waited until we'd kind of lost the baby before then telling people so and i don't know which is better i probably think if you're going to tell them anyway you might as well tell that you've lost a baby you might as well tell them that you're pregnant as well but then you're protect you wanting to protect your friends and family from going through like kind of a heartbreak what are you most nervous about for after baby arrives oh it's a huge life change isn't it for one um i think the thing i've been most dreading if anything which i need to flip my mindset on that because i remind myself it's only temporary and we don't know how our baby's gonna be but one thing that i struggle with the most and something that like oh the the thought of scares me most is sleep deprivation this is a personal one in that take what i say lightly because this is just my opinion and my experience but what advice would you give someone wondering when they're ready for a baby i don't think i would have ever felt officially ready for a baby ever i was always it's the sort of thing that made me feel like i was very on the fence about having kids but actually when we found out we were first pregnant that kind of had happened and we were okay with it we'd we were aware that it could happen but we weren't trying or anything and when it did happen it was like okay shock scary but committed now then losing that baby and a subsequent pregnancy was when i might have well from the first moment of obviously the first loss that was when I was like right this is this is actually what I want now so that's my personal experience on it oh this is an interesting one I don't think I've answered this before would you like more than one child and how many or how many children would you ideally like honestly just even to get one I would be so grateful for but having said that I think a second would be nice I've always kind of thought like oh yeah maybe one day like one or two and that's kind of we're at that stage so maybe one more in future if we're lucky enough to but i don't know where i'm gonna be after this baby arrives in terms of my decision i don't know have you chosen names for a boy or girl are there any front runners yes we still have a list of names especially boys names that we really like i really struggled with actually deciding which was my favorite boys names girl's name we found harder but I do have first and middle name that would be quite nice to use if we have a girl so yes but that could change who knows we're not dead set on both of the boys names and girls names they could alter because they actually have altered we were I was set on a girl's name and then I've changed it since so who knows and then other people have said will you share the names that you loved but won't be using or do a baby names video let me know if you want to see that maybe even if i just do a bit of a instagram tiktok style video to do that rather than a full dedicated video on here on youtube but let me know if you'd want to see that will you share your baby shopping list big ticket items um and baby shower prep and gifts and everything like that so i have just been as and when i've seen things compiling a list on my notes app and then Grace Beverley who just had a baby she did a really detailed list that i downloaded from her site to be able to kind of cross check it and then i just asked chat gpt to like fill in any blanks that i've got that i've been adding like cause i screenshotted my notes app her list and got them to do like a really in-depth list that honestly is probably only for type a people or else just looks too overwhelming but i don't want to really buy too much more until after our baby shower where I'll be 32 weeks by that point so for me I think November will be the month of yes I'll share any items that we do get at the baby shower any items that I buy after that big ticket items smaller items the detailed list of things I will probably share I think November will be a buying month for me I also want to get ahead and this is another question about like prepping for Christmas in advance makes sense with me having a baby coming I just don't want to be too overwhelmed a lot of people have asked about content as well actually in terms of hold on i wish i didn't eat that hash brown but in terms of how my content will be affected so i'm thinking or like will i take a maternity leave i'm thinking of easing myself in from december to unless this could change but to one one video a week maybe my sunday uploads with the odd maybe bonus upload here and there as and when and it be kind of vlogmas weekly vlogs but compiled into one long video on a Sunday rather than like every day or twice a week that might continue on throughout January where hopefully I will not just disappear maybe worst case a week or two but like as soon as I've had baby but otherwise kind of keep in line with doing some content but just maybe not the full two videos a week uploading but I don't want to just disappear from you guys and of course I'll always be active on Instagram and things where it's like far more immediate and a lot easier to just share things in the moment oh this is a good one are you planning any extra help after birth do you have family nearby or a dog walker for Barney uh I haven't thought about a dog walker for Barney although that might be a good idea even if it's just one decent walk a week that could be nice we have got his doggy daycare that he goes to though so although that's not an a walk out and about he always comes back home really tired after that so maybe popping him in daycare a couple of times a week rather than at the minute it's usually once a week or once every fortnight Tom also is really good at walking him whenever he's golfing so that can be his like his mental offload time his alone time and he can take Barney with him and that will help out yeah that's always an option I suppose a good idea but not one that I've necessarily booked and do we have family close unfortunately not I would love it if our parents were around the corner and who knows what the future may hold however right now currently our parents are an hour away and an hour and a half away so they're there it's a doable distance but it's not something that I can just be like oh I'm just popping out can I just pop in drop off baby for an hour I can't do that how do you structure your working days now that you work for yourself I've just gone self-employed and struggling I am naturally quite a motivated hard-working character I don't know if that's the Capricorn in me probably is but I can't sit and do nothing that's an absolute lie I take that back I can sit and do absolutely nothing however I also need to feel an element of productivity so if I have a day where I'm doing nothing I get like itchy feet to and also not only that but once you find your passion which mine is this this is my dream job it doesn't feel like work as much and it's more it's far more exciting and motivating to to do and to work on and yeah so I think if you're doing something that you really enjoy it kind of feels quite for me anyway quite easy to stay on track and stay motivated a big tip i will say is don't stay in your pajamas all day if that's an option don't do it at least have a shower get into some nice comfy lounge sets good H&M lounge set American Vintage Skims even treat yourself why not whatever it is just do something to feel a little bit more put together i quite often like to put makeup on every day even if i'm like hair wash day and everything like that i still like to put just a bit of makeup on not every day but just something to make me feel somewhat more motivated is this the first grandchild of both your parents yes do you think you'll ever move house potentially one day do you have a cleaner with so many floors yes i do and yes she is actually cleaning our house currently which is another reason why i've got out out of her way taking barney for a walk and not rushing to go back anytime soon because i just like to let her crack on but yes absolute best investment i have ever made was getting a cleaner she comes once a week for about three hours and yeah it's just the best thing ever although our hoover is broken currently so that's a bit of a problem it's in for repairs hopefully that will get fixed soon if not adding to my to buy list a new hoover where's the vase from on your dining table the range that big white ceramic stone kind of looking one is from the range how's decorating the black room going it's no longer black i think i've shown this in a vlog yeah in fact the vlog's going live today the day that i'm filming this so you won't have seen that yet hence the question it's no longer black if you haven't seen that video go back and have a look are you growing your hair out planning something different with it as you can tell obviously i have the roots of all grown out i've just not been wanting to put loads of bleach and product on it not only just through pregnancy but through trying as well um i know it's not good for your hair or for but then again i do do my nails so i'm not i think i might eventually sorry i'm just i'm doing my jeans because i feel like my tummy's expanding and baby needs a bit of wiggle room in there uh i will probably maybe go a bit brighter and lighter in the future but i do quite like having a darker root because it's just such low like lower maintenance have you watched any christmas films yeah i suppose does harry potter count probably not because I like to start them in September but some Harry Potter movies not a specific dedicated Christmas one as of yet although Heart Xmas did come on my radio the other day and I have to admit I did leave it on for at least two or three songs are you putting your decks up early this year I tend to be fairly early anyway in the November well I won't be doing anything too early because we're having Halloween baby shower type party uh so it wouldn't be until I like to do it mid-November time um mid yeah mid-November and I don't know if I'll go overboard this year because obviously it'll involve putting it all away and if we have baby by that point that might be a bit of a headache and a bit overwhelming to have just so much going on with the home but we will obviously be putting out our tree a few little bits here and there who am I kidding I'm gonna be full-blown Christmas decorating I know I am and then last one any advice for dealing with flaky friends slash acquaintances and also making new friends so ending on a non kind of pregnancy related question i am the sort of character like i've touched on in this video that feels overwhelmed anxious overthinker that for me to and a homebody and for me to like simple things for a lot of people where i don't know just going to meet a friend for a coffee or something like that I love doing that but for me to actually be the one to put it in the diary is quite rare so I rely on friends kind of making plans and me kind of going with them which is quite poor attitude to have I do have a couple of friends that get it and also feel the same way so that we kind of have to both make that initial effort because otherwise we just never see each other and we do fill each other's cups when we do see each other so it's important to put things in the diary so that they're in then in terms of specifically flaky friends that is one thing that i don't like to do is like let people down so if they're constantly letting you down or flaking it's like if it's in their character if it's in their nature or maybe there's something more underlying like maybe they are an anxious character themselves maybe speaking to them about that being open with them about that but if they keep doing it and there's almost no remediation is that the word like essentially rather than just being like oh i can't do it i'm not feeling well or something's come up actually saying oh i'm really gutted that unfortunately this thing's come up however are you free on this date can we reschedule can we put something else in the diary but then i can see the frustration that you then think well keep rescheduling keep putting dates in the diary and then you keep flaking on me it's hard i think maybe let them make the first move to booking something in and see how that goes and if you don't get anywhere then just slowly let it fade out and it's okay to just not have that friend in your life as close as you might like to have had them in your life because what do they say friends are you've got like different categories you've got friends for life you've got friends for a season friends for a reason all of that kind of thing that it's okay that a friend might come and go in your life uh making new friends i always think the best thing same with if you're single and wanting to meet someone i think would be to put yourself in an environment where you would share like common interests or you would want to find that friendship in so say for instance i don't know you're really into your pilates or something going to pilates class or yoga classes i know it can be hard to to make that like oh would you like to go for a coffee um but until you do you just don't know if you feel like there's someone that you you look at you think i know i would be good friends with you then why not just just ask they might be feeling the exact okay they might be feeling the exact same way and that loud banging is probably a sign that i'm i need to wrap this up here because i've been talking way too much if you have stuck with me this long thank you firstly if you like i touched on at the start of this video are experiencing any kind of pregnancy loss baby loss with it being the month of raising awareness for that kind of thing i just wanted to again send you all the love send you a big hug if any of you experienced it in the past equally sending all my love my inbox is always open feel free to message me anytime about anything um and yeah thank you so much for watching today's video I hope you enjoyed this little chatty interlude we'll be back at the weekend probably if this is a Wednesday that you're watching this with a nice cozy vlog I'm sure thank you so much for watching I will love you and leave you hope you have a lovely rest of your day and I hope to see you all very soon in my next video bye guys