The Tesla Roadster is More Insane Than You Could Have Imagined

Elon Musk has once again proved he is easily the greatest marketing genius of the modern era. Last night, he dropped the official production Tesla Roadster, and nothing could have prepared us for what was about to happen here. First of all, it looks nothing like the concept they showed nine years ago, but that's not all. Far from it. The car will do 0-60 in one second. In fact, Tesla did a live demo and it hit 60 miles an hour in 0.81 seconds. Next, it uses a fan system to suck the car to the ground. With two Gs of downforce, it can drive up a ramp and even stop upside down. But that's not all. No, the car has available compressed gas thrusters that allow it to essentially fly and critically land. And they did just that in a live demo. Elon says it will go 230 miles an hour and crush every track record in the world. When it goes on sale, there will be three versions. The base model is called Performance. Next is the Thrust model, which adds the compressed air thrusters for acceleration. And finally, there's Rocket, which is invite only. It's a single seat and adds the gas thrusters all around the car so it can do flips and essentially fly. In all this hype, I guess no one noticed it's now a coupe and not a roadster, but calling it something it's not is probably the least ludicrous thing that's going on here. Slated for production in 2028, will any of these things ever really make it to a real car that people who buy it can drive, and will those people then take it out and kill themselves trying to do flips or fly? I honestly don't know. What I do know is that if you believe everything I just told you, I know a cult you should join.