Bạn Có Đang Làm Hư Con_ Những Hiểu Lầm Về Cảm Xúc Và Hành Vi Của Trẻ

What will happen if I don't cry, don't express my feelings such as being annoyed, angry or sad? Every time I cry and eat, I get caught, right? Stop right away, don't cry anymore! But besides that, is the approach more gentle, like sympathy and listen to me when I eat, is it indulging me and hurting me? Hello everyone, I'm Thuan. Welcome back to my channel. In the video about the topic of what to do when I eat, which was on the air the other day, I shared with everyone the steps I take when I eat peanuts. There are steps such as sympathizing with my feelings, connecting with me to soothe my emotions, help me calm down, then move towards me and give solutions according to each suitable situation. These are the views of the No Drama Discipline method. Temporary is a non-disruptive discipline, or teach your child not to cry or be negative. There are also questions from mothers, such as, I just let my child cry and then talk to my child. Or is the approach more gentle, like sympathy and listen to me when I eat, is it indulging me and hurting me? In the previous videos about the second childhood crisis, the third childhood crisis, or the video about what to do when I eat peanuts, I also shared with everyone that according to the research of psychologists, the main reason why children eat peanuts is because they are not able to self-dissipate their emotions, as well as they don't know what to do in those difficult situations, so they only know how to cry, eat peanuts, and lick things. In fact, these are the situations that children really need help. There are two very important concepts that we need to distinguish between, that is, emotions and behaviors. In the past, I was very confused about this, so I didn't know what to do with my child when I ate peanuts. But later, when I understood these two concepts clearly, I felt that I understood my child better. The behavior will have the right behavior or the behavior that is not suitable, but the feeling is not right or wrong, because emotions are natural things inside us, and emotions can have positive emotions such as happiness, satisfaction, enthusiasm, and so on. Emotions that are not easy to bear, such as sadness, anger, crying, uncomfortable, disappointment, jealousy, and so on, are all emotions that we all experience, even adults or children all have emotions. Because we empathize with our children, we are helping them understand the feelings they are experiencing and help them overcome those difficult feelings. Empathy here does not mean that we sympathize or support their wrong behavior, their inappropriate behavior later, but it only stops at the step that we record the feelings of our children, the feelings that our children are experiencing. And empathizing with the feelings that our children are experiencing is how we help our children understand that all feelings, even negative feelings, are not bad feelings. It is also how we help our children have good feelings, good knowledge of themselves. Even when we have positive or negative feelings, our parents are always here, always accepting us. When we record those feelings of our children and empathize with them, we will not have any wrong behaviors later or affect others. There is a book about feelings that Binette and I both like very much. It is the book What Color Are You? In this book, we will read and explain to you that you may have happy feelings, but sometimes you feel sad, you feel angry, then all these feelings are completely normal. This book will help children imagine feelings as well as call them feelings when they experience those feelings. Binette and I really like it. When children are about 2.5-3 years old, parents can read this book for their children to help them understand more about the feelings they are experiencing, especially the difficult feelings when they are sad, angry, uncomfortable, and angry. Then back to being angry, crying, that is, you are experiencing a very difficult feeling. Maybe you are angry, you are uncomfortable because you are not doing that, or your parents are not doing what you want. Empathizing with those feelings, as well as indulging you when you are angry, it doesn't really hurt you. But on the contrary, letting you cry, will make a child feel insecure and worried. It will send you a message that parents only accept you when you are happy. Worse, if you force your child to be silent, not to cry, then shout, scold, and punish you when you are expressing, you are exposing your feelings, then the message you are sending to me is that my parents don't accept those feelings of mine, my parents don't like the way I express my feelings like that, then I will start to doubt the feelings inside me. Oh, so I can't cry, right? Is it wrong to cry? Or am I not allowed to be sad? From there, I will have a tendency to suppress my feelings. Psychologists have also shared that adults in an environment where I can't express my feelings, have to use pressure to suppress my feelings. I don't have a chance to fully experience difficult feelings, then in the process of growing up, children will easily encounter problems such as stress, empathy, or when I was bullied at school, I didn't dare to fight back. Because, first, I doubt my feelings, and second, I don't have the habit of expressing my feelings. This is the same with family violence, or love between men and women. When I step into a toxic relationship, I don't dare to step out. As I just shared, empathy with your feelings is to let you know that no matter how you feel, parents always respect and accept your feelings. But it doesn't mean that we sympathize with your wrongdoings. Empathy with the feelings that the child is experiencing will help you reconnect with the child. As I shared in the video, What to do when the child is bullied, about the way the young brain works, only when the child feels safe, calm down, then we can teach how to correct the wrong behavior, guide or guide the behavior, then it will work. At this time, the child's superior brain is ready to listen, accept, receive, and remember how to respond in the same way for the following situations. Maybe you are wondering if the way to get along with the child is making the child worse? And just like young people are approached by traditional methods such as scolding, punishing, beating, they seem to be more afraid of their parents and listen to their parents more. That is also the way we have been raised since childhood. In fact, it's not that I'm worse, but I feel safe and trust you. Children are just playful with people they trust and don't have to be rude. When you feel unconditional love from you, you trust yourself completely and you can show your true nature. And the nature of children is playful, not loud, not fierce. Because the child is still growing up, still learning how to deal with emotions as well as learning how to solve their own problems. So think back to our parents. Is it when you go to work, when you go out, you will not easily get angry with your colleagues or with a stranger? But you will usually have strong feelings when you go home with your wife, husband or your parents-in-law. Because you know that you will never be judged by them. And do you also tend to like to cooperate or often share with people to listen and respect your feelings instead of taking power to scare you, right? And the fact that you build a relationship of trust and deep connection with me definitely won't hurt me. On the contrary, it also helps me build a belief that I always have a stable spiritual base which is my father, my mother, my family where I can return when I fall where I never judge you and always accept your feelings and your personality. As I said at the beginning of the video, this method we need to distinguish between feelings and behavior. I have been talking about empathy, feelings, reconnecting with children. And after reconnecting with children, we start to adjust the wrong behavior, direction, guidance, explanation, etc. For the wrong behavior, we need to be clear, objective and rarely compromise with children. And the rules you give also need to be considered in accordance with the age and ability of the child. For example, the case that many families will have is the case that the child wants to watch TV and when the TV is turned off, he is still a child. My Vietnamese son is the same. Vietnamese son can watch TV shows starting from 2 years old. At that time, I decided that I would watch 15 minutes each time. But at that time, he was still very young and I said I didn't understand the time. So I usually set an alarm clock and when the alarm clock rings and the time is over, I will turn off the TV. Although I explained what I said, but at that time I was only 2 years old and I didn't understand much. So when I turned off the TV, Vietnamese son started to yell. Vietnamese son cried, screamed, shouted all kinds of ways to ask me to watch TV again. So I also applied the steps that I shared in the video What to do when your son yells. I will take my son to a quiet corner, a place in the house that is familiar to my two children, then let him cry a little, then try to sympathize with his feelings. Then I will transfer my son. At that time, I can explain to my son that I have decided to watch TV for 15 minutes and when the clock rings, I won't watch it anymore because my eyes will be damaged if I watch too much. At that time, I was still a child, so I didn't understand much of the explanation. At that time, I can transfer the action to my son that now I want to go to work with my mother to play a game or do something else. Then I will transfer my son. By the time I was about 3-4 years old, I started to understand more. I also repeat the situation that when my mother turned off the TV, I cried. Although I was used to the fact that I got my phone to turn off the TV, but there will also be times when I turned off the TV, I cried. I just finished eating, but I cried so I vomited it all out. At that time, I helped my son calm down and explained to my son that my decision was like that and if I watched too much, I would be damaged. When my son understood, I transferred the action and played a game and suggested some actions for my son. Then I told my son that I would do the same next time. I was only allowed to watch for 15 minutes on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. Now my son is 4 years old, he understands the rules. And just do it. In case you cry and want to watch TV, and I see you cry too much and open it for me, I will get used to it. From then on, I will turn off the TV and I will cry to open it again. So when there is a rule, we need to be aware of it as well as not showing it to my son. I hope this video is useful to everyone. I am not a perfect mother and I am still on the journey of learning to be a mother every day. The things I share in this video are from the books I read, the things I heard and learned in the learning to be a mother. And I hope it is useful for those who are watching. Thank you everyone for taking the time to watch my video. Don't forget to like and subscribe to the channel. Click the bell next to it to receive notifications when I have a new video every week. And if you like topics about being a mother like this, please leave a comment for me to know. See you in the next videos. Bye bye.