I Quit

okay so this video is going to be a little bit difficult to make and I've had to restart it three times now but the gist of things is that my family across the years has had a lot of problems with drugs whether that be the devil snowflake for the sake of YouTube purposes the female hero I think you know what that is alcohol and marijuana these are the four things that have really held my family back back in terms of actually being successful in any field the only one of the only one of us that doesn't do these things is my older brother and funny enough he's the most successful out of all of us so if that doesn't tell you one thing I don't know what does my father was addicted to you know for a very very long time and it's kind of hard to talk about but when I was 15 he literally got in so much debt with his dealers that he just left just left me in the house on my own to deal with these people just ran away and decided that to get himself clean if he even is clean I don't know I don't speak to him anymore because of the situation but yeah he ran away from us left me in a house with dealers banging on the door constantly people getting beaten up outside my house in my front room all sorts of crazy stuff so if you want like a full childhood breakdown story I'd be happy to tell it it might be a bit difficult and hard for me to get through but i' be happy to do that just in hopes that it might help or Inspire someone that has been through the same sort of thing now it's not just my father my mother that have had problems with these things I had an older sister she died when I was 14 due to a drug overdose which if that doesn't motivate you I don't know what did for many many years I was super super super anti-drug and I never did anything never smoked never nothing but when I turned 21 was when I first smoked and at that point no it was when I turn 19 I first smoked and I was 21 when I did my first you know devil snowflake session now I'd spent many years on this stuff many many years a lot of which I regret because it's just a complete waste of time I can't tell you to go out and not ever try these things because to be honest you're not going to know how bad these things affect you until because to be honest if you're like me and you have to learn from experience like obviously I couldn't learn from my father being a drug addict I couldn't learn from my sister dying so I had to go through and find out and find out these things for myself yeah this is a pretty difficult video to make but anyway so I was 21 I started getting into this stuff and it becomes great at first you think it's cool you don't really want it after you finish it you can get through the day without really needing it after time and time and time passes you eventually become less and less affected by the highs of it and more and more affected by the need to have more of it and if you've ever done something like this the devil snowflake to be specific you'll know that the way that people act when they want that kind of of stuff is tragic and you never want to be around it like don't let your friends get into it even if they are the kind of people that don't learn from other people's mistake it's just not worth trying I have so many friends that started at the same sort of time that I did are still going to this day and are wasting paycheck after paycheck after paycheck on these things and these are my closest friends and i' and some of them I've had to distance myself from just to keep myself on a straight and narrow path now these aren't the only problems that I've had recently I managed to quit the devil snow like probably around I was 24 it was just about the time that I met Holly once I met Holly I really didn't feel like I needed to do it anymore and to be honest a good woman will keep you on the straight and narrow boys so if you need something like that go and search yourself for a nice girlfriend and not one that is in and if you're into these drugs not one that's into those two because that is a downward spiral that both of you will fall into and if you've got someone else fueling you back and forth it's just a recipe for disaster so find yourself someone who's straight and narrow a wholesome young lady or man whatever you may be into but yeah that is the main reason I managed to quit that but when I did quit that I actually got myself into weed I smoked so much weed to like what how to say to like fill the gap of not having that so I was doing instead of doing the devil snowflake like two or three times a week I was smoking every single day to try and make myself feel something else and to be honest it was good at first I felt more creative when I was on it the only problem was I felt lazy and I just wanted to eat constantly and to be honest obviously it's a better situation than the first drug I was into but it's still not ideal when it comes to mental health all this that and the other it starts off great just like the other ones do and then after a while you slowly get used to it and you get worse and worse feelings you get the paranoia you get all sorts of stuff I get sweats and stuff like crazy or at least I did at this point though I am now two days days no three days without smoking at this point and to be honest this is the first time I've been like completely drug free in God knows how long like 7 years I'm 28 now and I started doing these things like religiously or habitually I should say and I was like 21 which is pretty crazy to be honest it's been a long time and a lot of those years are wasted like I didn't start making content until I stopped doing the devil snowflake so those too correlated and I've been smoking pretty much the entire time I've made content there was like a brief 6mon period where I didn't for a little while but I fell straight back into it so this time I'm going to try to keep myself on the straight and narrow but I'm not going to say that I'm not going to smoke ever again because I feel like that's a recipe for disaster and if you guys see me smoking in like 3 or 4 years time just know it wasn't because I didn't try my hardest because I really want to be clean and sober and be the best YouTuber I possibly can for the people that take the time to watch my videos I don't know why I'm swiching around this pen I think it's just to make me feel more Comfort but anyway so that's the story of how I got to this point if you guys want me to tell you a little bit more about my childhood and how I got and everything that happened because trust me it's one hell of a long story and it's a bit traumatic so it might be difficult to make but if you guys want to see it I'm happy to share that with you in the hopes that it might help someone that's been through the same situation or is struggling currently with a situation because trust me it does get better on the other side but you have to want to be better yourself like you can take these things two ways you can either become exactly what you are surrounded by adapt to your environment which is the natural human instinct in most cases or you can see the error in the ways of the people around you test it out for yourself a little bit in my case and then figure out that that's not the life you want to live because I don't know about you but I want to be successful in my life I want to show everybody that doubted me everybody that saw my parents and counted me out from the start that I can be the best I can be whether that is whether that's making it on YouTube becoming a skate making it in skateboarding whatever you want to do just know that it can be done now I haven't smoked like I said earlier for three days at this point and to be honest my energy levels are feeling pretty good like the first couple days I was extremely stressed I was flipping out at Holly which is something you should never do but to be honest she's amazing she understand she even said to me like cuz I didn't tell her I didn't tell anyone that I was going to quit I just decided to do it in my own head and started working towards it because I feel like the second you go around and say to everybody right I'm quitting this I'm quitting that everybody's then looking at you and the people that don't really rate you that much are looking at you and waiting for you to fail and they want you to fail and that might be motivation for some people to keep on the straight and narrow but to have people wanting my downfall around that's just something that I didn't really want to do so basically I just kept it to myself and here we are 3 days deep and this is the most I've tried many times to do this before right by the way many many times I've tried to quit this is the longest I made it in a very very long while and I'm feeling like I might actually be able to make it permanently like this I'm not going to say permanently like I said earlier but at least for the time being the only crazy thing that I feel like the crazy side effects of like quitting it cold turkey after smoking it every day all day for years is that I've been getting some crazy dreams like last night I had a dream that I flew back to Amsterdam to drop in that giant vert ramp you may have seen the short that I made and apparently in the dream I went straight to the coffee shop and just blazed up instead and I was like why have I done this I woke up in such a stressful State sweating my ass up and I was like oh thank God I didn't relapse but yeah it happens people relapse quite a lot but I'm going to do my best to try and stay on the straight and narrow for the good of the YouTube channel for the good of the community and just for my own mental well-being and health but anyway I feel like I had to make this video because when I say something to the camera when I say something to you guys I feel like I'm far more likely to stick to it because I've then made it a public matter as opposed it if I just stay and sit in the room and think I'm going to quit if I had have made this video on day one I probably would have relapsed and messed it up because I would have put too much stress on myself to do it but at this point I feel like I'm over the hump of the hardest bit but anyway guys I felt like I had to make this video my own sanity hopefully it helps you and can give you a bit of inspiration through any struggles you might have and if you want me to tell the story about my complete childhood I'll be happy to do that but it might take me a little while to get it done because it's been a very emotional 28 years anyway thank you for watching guys I'll see you in the next one