I’m 28 and Still Support My Mom and Sibling

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today I kind of need some I guess some direction in terms of what to do next in my life financially um my parents recently went through a divorce and so I kind of had to take over um as like the main contributor to the household financially I'm currently living with my mother and my younger sibling um so I'm kind of paying for mortgage you know all the insurances why why is that why is mom not working no no no she is she is so um because uh you know cost of living in California is insane um I the way we set it up is I pay for I say I want to estimate like 60 to 70% of my take-home pay um and then the rest is made up by my younger sibling and my mother how old are you I'm 28 right now okay okay so when you say 60 to 7 70% of your income tell us dollar-wise how much how much money is this costing you every month uh I would say maybe around 28 to 3,000 okay so you're spending 3,000 bucks kind of paying the the the things that make the house go round and tell me again explain to me again why Mom is not contributing no no she is um but but how much is she contributing if you're contributing that much right now she's contributing Maybe like 1500 and explain to me why that is um well she doesn't really make much um so because I make the most in the household right now so I wanted to you know obviously so did she ask you to take on the brunt of this or was this something you sort of stepped up and went mom here's what I'm going to do yeah yeah no I definitely stepped up I mean it isn't fair for her to or for me to force her to try and find a job out of nowhere um the scary part is it's not fair for you to prop up a lifestyle that's not sustainable for them because let's say you go and get married next year you move out you're not still paying all of their bills and how old's your sister uh my sister is 25 um I guess to give a little bit more information um so in terms of the unsustainable lifestyle it it more or less is the reason we she got a job is because if me and my sister were to contribute you know 100% of our take- home pay we would be able to afford you know all the groceries and you know everything else to make the to to live um but because she as a you know wonderful mother that she is she's like oh I don't want you or both of you to you know not have any savings for the future so she said I'm going to get a job to do it but because objection wait a minute let me let me jump in here okay couple quick quick questions you guys live in Los Angeles but it doesn't sound like it's for the reason of a career like nobody's like listen I started my my firm here and now this is where I'm at it sounds like you guys are kind of making ends me to use your terminology why are you still living in such an unsustainable to quote you and inexpensive area um well my dad's business was here so we all moved here and my mom does help with that um even through the divorce you know it wasn't an ugly divorce you know now it it was one of those situations where you know they got married you know out of you know necessity because they needed to help each other but that money is not filtering into your lifestyle now because they're now divorced and the two children are grown so my question stands it sounds like if this is an unsustainable situation for your mom and I'm saying your mom because the two kids are grown like you're grown um it sounds like she's got to decide where can she live that's not Los Angeles California and and afford her lifestyle because here's my second part of this you're 28 your sister's 25 typically the reason that somebody would say somebody your age would say hey I'm living at home is typically because they've got student loans they've got bills and it's cheaper for them to live at home than it is for them to maybe do something on their own and in your case that's not really the case because you're paying for your mom's life and I understand that there's you know been something traumatic here with the divorce but it still doesn't place that ball in your court do you see what I'm saying and so I think all three of you have to go what does my life look like where can I live where I can afford to be an independent person because do you have debt no I have no debt you have no debt there's nothing that stops you from saying hey I'm going to go a further radius out from you know Los Angeles California wherever that is and I'm going to figure out where I can live to do a job that I can make more money doing and support my lifestyle what are you earning now and what is your job now uh I'm a I'm an analyst for a film studio and I earn gross is around 80,000 okay so that's great that to me $80,000 you're doing good like there's got to be a life that you can have on $80,000 is that fair enough yeah okay they Jacob on my screen here it says how do I make enough to take care of my mom is that the ultimate question are you wanting to make more so she can stop working yeah um she's working right now to help contribute but obviously you know she's kind of you getting up there I don't know how to put that delicately but um but because she is my first language she's turning 60 but she does have some like health issues so what is her plan for retirement because right now you just you're just going to stunt your growth as an independent person to just well I got to take care of Mom for the rest of my life I'm going to live at home what if she lives to be 90 now you're 58 and still propping up her life mhm so she didn't prepare yeah that's because that's the kind of situation I'm in like she does kind of have like a very loose retirement plan I don't think it's as structured as I would like personally what is it but lay it out so she so she said that her plan is to um well we'll still live in this house that we or this condo that we have and you know she did you say wheel like all of you will still be living together for her retirement no no my sister is um planning to move out and so it just be me and my mother but this is not good this is not good this is not good yeah and I know it's justes is not good but um but yeah once she is old enough to get Social Security she says she plans on finding like one of those um like I guess like apartments or whatever that is like income based or like low income something like that and um kind of live there but I guess another piece of information is my parents do have a second property that's paid off and that's they're getting like rental income but because of the divorce they were debating whether or not selling it or just splitting do you know what it's worth if they were to sell it what would they what would they take to have to split um I think collectively if they sold it they'd get maybe around a million okay so she'd get 500,000 a and then have to take out fees and whatnot right yeah is she getting rental income right now from this property yeah yeah right now it's already been paid off for years and they've been kind of how much is she making from that um now that it's split she'll make around a thousand and then what is she making from her job uh right now she's only she's in like ldly care so I guess it's based off how many people she takes care of um she's only taking care of one person um so she earns around 1500 net but she says she is planning on you know assisting another person that would bring her income to me listen I don't mean any harm you got to separate yourself from the situation this is going to pull you under dude you're going the opposite direction by saying I'm going to work more so Mom doesn't have to work because that becomes enabling and you're going to have to keep that up for the rest of your life cuz Mom's not going to up and get a job 10 years from now if you decide to move out right and right now you're paying like to your point you're paying 60 to 70% of the household expenses she has no reason and and in her mind the plan is your sister can go on along but you're going to live with me until I'm done and that that that really puts um you in a bad position if I were your mom I would be talking to ex-husband I'd say we need to sell this property because I need this $500,000 and I need it in my Nest Egg so it can grow for me for the next 10 years and she still has to work for the next 10 years that's right oh my goodness so Jacob we're basically telling you to do everything opposite the way you're headed right now and it's because we care for you we care for your mom we want her to have a great life and currently her loose retirement plan is going to end up stunting your growth for the next decade or two or three and so we need to end this codependence right now otherwise it's going to hurt both of you in the long run so sorry to hear that man create your free every dollar budget today the simplest way to budget for your life