My Husband Bought a House With His Mom and Doesn’t Want To Leave

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today today's question of the day comes from Miranda in Florida yeah she says a couple of years ago my husband bought a house with his mom he told her that if she helped with the down payment he would pay the mortgage taxes utilities Etc I agreed because I thought it would be temporary as a way to help each other out but it's sounding more like it's a permanent thing to secure her retirement I didn't imagine living my adult life working so hard to pay bills and still feel like a guest in our home I'm not against him taking care of his mom I just want to live on my in my own space where I can relax I love my husband so much and I don't want to get a divorce I told him if things don't change in a couple years we need to find our own place he suggested that we rent a small apartment where we can live by ourselves with our child his mom can stay in the house while we continue to pay the mortgage as an investment property she's elderly so she cannot work is this the best solution oh man oh jeez okay Miranda we hear you we hear you yes and I'm so sorry I'm so sorry but this is why you guys situations like this especially if you bought a house with the mom I'm assuming both names are on the deed like I mean like that's where stuff gets real real dicey so um hopefully that's not the case hopefully she just gave money towards the down payment yes so yeah so what I would do is like there's a realistic conversation to be had of I mean honestly if there if someone's going to live in a small apartment versus a house say it Rachel there's a family involved with children right and there and you could find a great spot for her but it's just her living right it's just what she needs and now if she's elderly and doesn't have a lot of money um you know depending on her situation and where you guys are I mean there may be a reality in a world where you you help pay maybe the the rent in that way grandma got to go to the apartment yes but Grandma's going to go to the apartment yeah yeah because at the end of the day you know especially if you guys are not on the same page I mean we know I mean I think it's kind of more few and far between but people that live with their in-laws and it works you know like I mean that's that happens and both parties are genuinely happy great with the situation um but the fact that you guys are on such uneven footing when it comes to the emotion decision of like hey living with your with your mother-in-law then yeah then something something needs to change and again and I it would I mean and there's a lot in that on who's name is is on the house too because there would have to be a whole process to get someone's name off or someone's changed and all of that so in the cleanest way possible if his name and you guys own the house but she was the one that was just contributing right to the down payments um there will have to be some conversation of equity though but um because of what the amount she put in versus what you guys have paid um because she did put a down payment down so there is a level to be compensated from an equity standpoint in that for her for her retirement but um but yeah this ongoing process with no end in sight that's what needs to change and for you guys to have an end date would be the goal yeah absolutely I validate that 100% I think it's totally fine as the wife to say hey I'd like our own I'd like a place of our own and be able to experience life as our own family here and I love your mother but we can help her with an apartment but there's also something to be said uh you know she says that they've been working you know paying off their debt she says we've been working our whole adult life you know and it's like you've got to be in a place where you can help right other people and I don't know that they're in the place financially where they're able to help and not hurt themselves in the process that's a great thr on that out there yeah for sure yeah that that's the hard thing too is because when people get in a situation especially with you know parents and when they're going to retirement we've had a lot of calls of that of kids saying what's my responsibility for my parents but if you're not in a good place financially then you're you're not going to be able to help so getting you guys in a really steady Place financially that if there was margin to be able to help and that's what you guys decided together then that's a whole other you know thing but if but I would see what is in her retirement and what she can what she can float you know in a living situation but that is sticky and it's hard because there could be promises that she feels like you guys made or that he made and you're breaking those so there's just going to have to be a really hard conversation um kind and you may have to revisit that conversation once or twice because it's can be pretty could be pretty emotional so 100% I hope that helps Miranda create your free every dooll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life