how to make friends easily | tips for the socially awkward, healthy friendships, how to be likeable

Making friends is so easy, but everyone acts like it's hard. Everyone has this misconception that it's this impossible task, especially if you're socially awkward, shy, quiet, or introverted. But guess what? I was and still am all four of those things, and yet I sit here every single week and make YouTube videos to thousands of people, I come across confident, and I have the ability to go up to a stranger, talk to them, and make friends with them. But I get it, okay? Because for years, I was a loner. Or I was surrounded by friends that weren't right for me, and for so long, I always dreamed of the day that I'd have friends around me that actually aligned with me. And it wasn't until I learned these tips that it was possible. And that's why this video is all about how you choose friends. Making friends is the wrong approach. It's so centered around a lack mindset, and it means you're more likely to end up with the wrong people. As always, here's the video structure. We're going to be covering green flags and friendships, how to make friends as an adult, how to avoid common pitfalls when it comes to making friends, strategies, where to meet people, and so much more. I got you covered, don't worry. But right before we jump into this video, I wanted to mention that this video has kindly been sponsored by Teddy Blake New York. And if you've been following me on Instagram, then you know how obsessed I am with this bag, and that I've been wearing it literally everywhere over the last week. When I tell you I am obsessed with this bag, and I need it in every single colour, this brand is amazing because they're all about designing premium, luxury feel handbags without the luxury price tag. Every single one of these bags are actually made with real premium Italian leather. They use the same materials as all luxury brands, and they never compromise on quality. I love the fact that this can be used with a top handle, but it also comes with a long strap. The inside is so roomy. I actually can't get over the smell of this bag, you guys. And then there's a small pocket. I always like to put my lipsticks in there. They have a bunch of designs, not just this one. Every single colour you could imagine. Small bags, big bags, everything. This grey bag that I own with the gold hardware is the Kim Lizard 11 inch bag. There'll be a link in the description for you guys to shop, as well as an amazing discount code for you guys. But honestly, I'm just so impressed. This is made with a team of Italian designers. They always give you a fair price. And it's so high quality and durable, that it's literally designed to withstand the test of time. So your money will be very well spent, because this is gonna last you ages. And honestly, I wear it with every single outfit. There's not one thing in my wardrobe that this bag doesn't go with. So, chapter one, the friends you should be choosing, not making. It's vital we place importance on friendship green flags, and what our friendship standards look like. So of course, this is the first step, because you need to enter into the process of finding your new friends with the correct mindset. Your friendship standards need to be sky high, and you cannot come from a place of loneliness or being desperate. Because that's how you either end up more lonely, or surrounded by toxic friendships. So first things first, let's get our checklist for these people in order, so we know exactly what we're looking for, and then how we can get it. Here are the qualities of a healthy friendship. One, positivity. Of course, friends are there so that you can talk to each other about your problems, have a shoulder to cry on. But ultimately, you wanna have positive people around you. As I said in my last video, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. When you are going into this process of trying to get new people into your life, you need to make sure they're a good influence on you, and that you uplift each other. You're not trying to just find people to spend time with and talk to. It's important to find people that actually energize you, rather than every time you leave a meeting with them, you feel drained and exhausted, because all they do is complain, criticize, and gossip. If you put up with that, that's exactly how you live a low vibrational life. Healthy friendships also look like trust, okay? I need to have 100% trust in you, that you're not gonna stab me in the back, you're not gonna go around spilling my secrets to everybody, talking bad about me. I need to trust that you're loyal, you won't lie to me, and if we have an issue, you can come to me and communicate with me. Next is respect, and this is crucial, okay? No matter how different my friend is to me, we could be complete opposites. Maybe I would never make the choices they make in life. However, I still respect them and the choices they make in life, okay? I don't wanna be friends with people who just because they don't live the same lifestyle as me, think I'm weird, or question my choices, or use it as an excuse to criticize or gossip about me. The next quality is somebody who listens and asks questions. I need to feel seen, heard, and accepted for who I am as my authentic self. They have the desire to get to know me on a deeper level. They're not just using me as their personal therapist to vent all of their problems and then never listen to what I have to say. And in that case, you have to question yourself, when I meet up with this person, am I just sat there listening to their stories the whole time or giving them advice the whole time? Next is vulnerability. And I feel like this is very overlooked in friendship. You need to be able to open up and share so you can connect on a deeper level and understand each other fully. Skip the small talk and the gossip and just having fun experiences together. Ask the real questions. Because once you fully understand somebody, you can care for them properly. You can show up for them properly. Next is alignment. And this is easily confused, okay? Because I don't mean aligned in the way that we are exactly the same type of people and we want exactly the same type of things in life. No, I mean roughly we wanna go to the same area in life, which is up here. We are always trying to work on ourselves. We are always trying to reach our goals. We lead those conversations with new knowledge and new energy and motivation. And these friendships are amazing because if you're into your self-development, you and your friend are gonna help each other stay on the same path. As I said before, you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. So when you look around at the five people closest to you, think to yourself, do I wanna be the average of these five people? If the answer to that question is no and you would never wanna have any of their lives, mindset or goals, then go find another friend group. The last qualities of a healthy friendship are effort and communication. You wanna make sure that you're not the only person that's always asking them to meet up with you. You need to know that when you need them, they'll be there. And when they need you, you'll be there. They're not gonna drop you the second they get into a relationship. They're not gonna be super inconsistent and always leave you hanging. And with communication, it's healthy. It doesn't involve lies or manipulation or gaslighting. You guys can have issues, that's normal, but they're always resolved peacefully and in a mature manner. And all of those qualities equal a healthy friendship. Next, it's important to set your standards. And of course, I'm gonna help you out and give you a list of questions that you are now gonna ask yourself so that you can start forming this list of your standards. Number one, what do I expect from friendship? Number two, how do I want my friend to show up for me when I'm going through it? Number three, how often do I wanna see them? For me personally, I'm a very low maintenance friend, okay? I don't wanna be expected to meet up with my friends every week. So I need to meet people that also live a similar lifestyle and are okay with that. Four, what personality traits do I want them to have? For me, it's compassionate, understanding, and loyal. What shared values do I want us to have? It could be you need a friend that has the same hobbies as you, or the same interests as you, or just the same morals as you. What are my non-negotiables? For me, it's you have to be ambitious. I don't wanna surround myself with any other energy because truthfully, I'm okay on my own. I wanna surround myself with people who are as ambitious as me and I won't make friends with anybody who doesn't have that quality. Next, what experiences do I want us to have together? AKA, what do I want our friendship to actually look like? Is it traveling together? Is it always just casually chilling at each other's houses, having sleepovers? Is it doing activities? Is it going on double dates? Is it going on nights out every weekend and doing the clubbing lifestyle? Now I know, first and foremost, friendship is about genuine interest and connection and love and care for that person, of course. But in order to keep your standards high, then you have to ask yourself this question. So for me, what I wanna get out of my friendships is to feel uplifted and inspired when we talk and we meet up about our goals, our lives and everything. For you, you might wanna get out a good laugh and to feel relaxed and not have to think about all of the other stresses in your life. Or maybe you wanna make friends with people that are older than you so you can have deeper conversations and kind of learn that wisdom from them. And listen, that's not bad and that's not superficial or a fake way to approach friendship because if you were dating, you would have these exact same standards. So why are you not holding that for all of the other people in your life? Chapter two, how to heal the friendship wound. This is so overlooked, but it truly does affect whether we make friends, how we make friends and what kind of friends we have in our lives. I always questioned, why haven't I found my dream friendship group yet? Why am I always alone? And then I found out I was self-sabotaging the whole time and I didn't even realise because subconsciously my friendship trauma was controlling the choices I made in my social life. I was literally isolating myself to protect myself from going through bad friendship experiences again and I wasn't even fully aware that I was doing that. I experienced this by having a lot of experiences with fake friends or being betrayed or stabbed in the back and just losing a lot of trust in people because I had been abandoned by friends in the past. A lot of us go through this and it actually ends up altering our perception of female friendships to something that's catty or bitchy and ingenuine but this is so far from the truth. There is so much love, power and support that is built within sisterhood. And I don't wanna miss out on that but I was because I was trying to fill that hole, that trauma by spending so much time with myself. And I thought I was protecting myself but really I was hurting myself by playing it safe because I was holding myself back from having those experiences of female friendship. And that's when I realised something had to change because you have to be loving, open and trusting to allow the right friendships to come into your life. And you don't need to be perfect but sometimes a little bit of self-development can go a long way in improving your life and the quality of people in it. We already know unhealed traumas will affect all of the relationships in your life. So how do we heal our friendship trauma? This is how. One, forgive yourself because you are worthy of friendship and you need to stop looking back at every single little thing thinking that you were the cause of it. I've experienced this and it's a very common experience when you go through like a negative or traumatic relationship with somebody even if they did you wrong, even if they hurt you and disrespected you a little part of you was always gonna think but why did it happen to me and how did I contribute to this? Was it really my fault? Am I a bad person? I'm all for self-reflection and recognising where our weaknesses are and where we go wrong but that wasn't your fault, okay? If somebody hurt you, you did not deserve that. You didn't deserve that treatment. You didn't deserve to be abandoned, hurt or rejected. It was unfair on you and it has nothing to do with the person that you are. However you were treated has more to do with that person than you. And if you have reflected on yourself and you know you have good intentions then you should remember that you are worthy of friendship and that you would make a really good friend. Two, heal your attachment style. I always talk about this because it really helps us in all aspects of life. I had to heal my attachment style because I used to be an avoidant. This meant that I had to make an active decision to go against my natural beliefs of trying to isolate myself and hold on to my independence because I thought other people or relationships might ruin that. Avoidance, hate, commitment and depending on other people and that's where I was always at and I knew I was never gonna go back to that place unless I had the intention to ignore it every single day. On the other hand, if you have an anxious attachment then you need to recondition your mind into thinking I can make friends but also I can live without them if that comes to an end. I am completely whole, capable and happy on my own. I don't need to cling to other people or depend on them. Three, figure out your mission because this is going to be your motivation. Don't just go out to make friends just because you feel like that's what you're supposed to do because that's not going to be sustainable in the long run. A lot of making friends is about putting yourself out there and approaching people and if you don't have the right motivation behind it you're not going to build up the courage to actually go and do it. Think about the reason as to why you actually want to make friends. How is this going to benefit you and your life? Why do friendships mean a lot to you? What can you bring to the table in that friendship and how would having a best friend benefit you in your life? And the last step to healing our friendship traumas is to take it slow and one step at a time. Be gentle with yourself. Trust issues and changing the way you act as a result of past traumas is normal. You need to make a plan of how you're going to make friends which we're going to go into at the end of this video and then take baby steps when it feels comfortable. The important part is that you're actually making steps. You're making progress. You're not just going to stay stagnant because that's your comfort zone. I had trust issues for so long I didn't want to let anybody in but I knew I was acting in my future self's best interest by actually going out there and trying to make friends because my comfort zone isn't concerned with my future it's just acting off everything that's happened in my past which is no longer relevant. So when I'm taking these steps like going out of my way to message somebody new or talk to a stranger or make conversation or ask somebody out for coffee I literally reward myself. I act like I'm talking to my inner child and I'm like well done like I know that was difficult and maybe the trust isn't there yet and you're still very nervous about this friendship but well done you for taking that first step. It's all about having some self-compassion and understanding in these situations so it makes the journey easier. Don't put so much pressure on yourself where it's like oh but we're not friends yet and we haven't met up yet or what if they reject me? No, no, no. Just focus on the step that's right in front of you right now. Chapter three. Avoiding common mistakes people make when they're trying to make friends. The first one is stop expecting your friends to be perfect and stop expecting them to be the same as you. This is very common in female friendships. You know when you're trying to find your new girl bestie and you want to have everything in common with them that is not realistic and nor is that going to guarantee you a healthy friendship. It's important to be aligned with someone but even if they have completely different interests to you don't just dismiss them. Two. But I have no friends and I'm lonely and I'm really shy and I'm socially awkward. Stop making excuses. You are literally self-sabotaging your own life and your potential. Those excuses might be very realistic and based on very hard facts as to everything that's happened in your past as to why it's difficult for you to make friends. I understand. But you're never going to get past that until you make the decision to ignore those excuses. You are the only person that can save yourself and show up for yourself. I was like this for so long where I used to get scared of talking to new people. I was too shy. I was too introverted. It felt too scary and I was more comfortable being on my own but I knew in the long run I was missing out on valuable friendships that could have benefited my life. So I decided to be my own hero and save myself and like I said before taking it one step at a time literally acting as my own mentor and saying okay first things first you're going to approach that person. Well done. You did that. Then you're going to engage in conversation with them. Then you're going to ask them out for coffee. You're going to make a plan and you're going to commit to it. You are not going to allow excuses of past experiences to run your life anymore. The next rule is to stay authentic. Don't try to change yourself or alter yourself in a way that you think this other person would like you. Try to act like you're interested in what they're interested in or to just be a yes man to them. No, if you say something and they disagree with it or if they don't like the way that you think or what you're interested in then so be it. Why would you want that friend in your life? And even if they're funny and you guys have good experiences with them long term you're missing out of meeting people who truly love you for you and who you are. The next rule is to put yourself out there and put your pride aside. Okay, a very common mistake is that sometimes our egos get in the way and we're waiting for other people to approach us, you know. Okay, but that person should text me first or they should ask me out for coffee. No, when you are trying to make friends you can't let your ego or pride have any place in this process. You need to fake it till you make it, get that confidence and reach out. If you are rejected then so be it. And this links into the next rule which is all about exposure therapy. In this case, exposure therapy means consistently putting yourself out there and allowing the possibility of yourself being constantly rejected from other people and I know that sounds horrible. Why would anyone want to experience that? But the thing is, when you keep exposing yourself to that experience, you become numb to it. It no longer affects you and it raises your confidence. Destroying your fear of rejection will make this entire process of making and choosing friends 10 times easier. Because if you think about it, what's really holding yourself back from DMing that person or shooting your shot or approaching that stranger? It's the fear that they won't smile back or they won't talk to you or they won't like you back. But if they don't, who cares? Then they're just not your people. Then we move on, we go about our day and we go to the next person. It's really not that deep, okay? It was never that serious. Your mindset needs to get to the place of, oh, you don't like me? Okay, cool, that's fine. Because I like and love myself. Just because you don't want to meet or you don't want to be friends doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with me or that I'm not desirable or I wouldn't make a good friend. That probably just means we're not aligned or you're not interested and you are completely okay and within your right to have that opinion and that opinion doesn't define me. So why should I allow myself to be affected by that opinion? It's really that simple. And the last rule is to take a leap of faith. Sometimes you need to leave the past in the past and just openly trust no matter what. And is there a chance you're gonna get hurt? Maybe. But if you try to avoid every single negative possibility in life, you would never go anywhere. You wouldn't apply to any jobs. You would never find your soulmate and you would never find that group of friends. Chapter four, where to meet people. Now you have the right mindset, so let's meet those new potential friends. The key to this is hobbies so that you can find like-minded people. And I think the first step to this is to build up the confidence and courage to go out and do things alone because once you're comfortable doing that, you'll be comfortable going to places to meet people alone or joining clubs or activities alone. So the places to meet friends. One, become a regular anywhere you want. Could be a coffee shop, could be a bar. When you become a regular, not only do you familiarise yourself with the staff and that staff could also be your age, live near you, have the same interests in you and you guys could perfectly get along and be friends but you'll find other people who are regulars at that place. Next is join a class. Yoga, pilates, tennis, whatever. Because just like when you were a kid and you were in school and you were trying to make friends, you do it in clubs. You do it when there's a little community and circle of people around you where you have no choice but to work together in a team and talk to each other and get to know each other and that is way less intimidating. It means that you're not actually putting yourself out there that much. Plus you already have the same interests that you can bond over. That is automatic conversation. No awkwardness needed. The next place is Bumble BFF. I personally have never used this but I have heard amazing things. Anybody I've heard that has ever mentioned this has always said they found a group of friends from this app. The next place is TikTok and I know this might sound crazy but I say this because I've actually seen this work. A few times videos have come up on my For You page where women who have just moved to big cities like London or Manchester will literally post a quick little TikTok video like, hi, I'm a girl in her 20s and I live in this area of this city. Does anybody want to meet up for coffee? Comment section, hundreds, hundreds of women who are like, oh my God, yes, I'm also here and I'm living alone and I would love to meet up. Easy. Next is Facebook groups. You can find a Facebook group on anything. On just being a South Asian woman, on being a girl in her 20s, on being a postgraduate. Best way to make friends because people bond in there so quickly while never meeting face-to-face. And lastly is to slide into the DMs because social media was made so people could be social. Reach out to people that you follow, mutuals, people that live in your area, that go to your school, your university. If you're a content creator like myself, reach out to other content creators and be like, do you ever want to do a content day? So from everything I've said, the key factors are to put yourself out there and have the confidence to be the person that speaks first and do it on a platform, a location or a club that links to who you are as a person and your interests. It's as easy as that. That is the magic formula. That is what majority of people do to meet friends. Okay, so I know why I should meet people in the mindset I should have and why I should meet them, but what do I talk about? You know I'm gonna tell you. This is what to talk about for the shy, for the socially awkward, for normal people who just really hate awkward silences. I can relate. The key to this, to having a good conversation that flows and also this person being engaged with you and liking you and wanting to keep talking with you is to go into this process of talking to this person not with the mindset of I'm trying to make this person like me or I want this person to want to be my friend. No, no, no, no, no. Because if you think like that, you're gonna be so in your head. All of your confidence is gonna be out of the window because you're placing all of your power in the hands of this person. You're gonna come off as desperate. You're gonna be in your lack mindset and you're not gonna have that magnetic aura. So instead, you're gonna go in with the mindset of how can I make this person feel and how can I see and understand this person more? Instantly, you are now making this all about the other person and not yourself. When you're constantly being self-conscious and thinking, okay, but do I look okay? Or how is this person gonna perceive me? And what if they don't like me? And what if they reject me? All of that insecurity is they're gonna show through the way that you act and talk with this person. Whereas, if you are now making it all about how can I make this person feel? You're gonna appear more confident. You won't be insecure anymore. And everything you say and do is now gonna be 10 times better because you're focusing on listening and showing up for that other person. And there is a 99.9% chance that they are gonna love you for it. You are gonna make such an amazing first impression as a result. It is a proven fact that people love talking about themselves. So this entire conversation strategy is going to be centered around just asking them loads of questions. Loads. And the fact that they're answering your questions and talking to you for an extended period of time and then opening up to you as a result will trick their brain into thinking that they already like you even though they probably met you 10 minutes ago. I'm gonna give you a rundown of how this is gonna look. Hi, excuse me. Oh my God, I just wanted to say I love your outfit. Me? Really? Oh, thank you so much. That's so nice. Yeah, your style is incredible. I love your necklace especially. Where did you get it from? Oh, thank you so much. It's actually just from Zara. Oh my God, I love Zara. It's literally my favorite store. I'm literally here in the shopping center shopping all of the time. Are you from here? No, I'm actually not from here. I just moved here like six months ago. Oh, cool. Well, I've actually been living here my whole life. How have you been finding it? Because sometimes I feel like there's not really much to do on the weekends, you know? Oh my God, yeah. I've been having that same problem where I don't know where to go so I just always come to this coffee shop. Trust me, I feel your pain but there's this really good lunch spot that I love and not a lot of people in this town know about it. Honestly, I guarantee you'd like it. You know what? We should go together. Oh, really? Yeah, I'd be down. That sounds really nice. And that is an especially good example because this girl over here was such a dead conversationalist. She didn't ask me any questions and yet I still kept the conversation going. Now, that wasn't realistic. That's like a worst case scenario where the other person takes no interest in you and doesn't ask you any questions back and yet it's still that easy to keep a conversation going. Realistically, if you have a conversation with a stranger and start off with a compliment, instantly they're gonna like you and they'll be disarmed. They'll be more open to talking to you. And secondly, whatever questions you're asking them, they're gonna start asking you those questions back and then it's an equal conversation where you're going back and forth, you're getting to know each other and after the first like two, three minutes where you might feel awkward, it becomes natural. And lastly, the key to having a good conversation is to emphasize the things that you guys have in common because yes, that leads to easier conversation but if you're emphasizing all of the reasons as to why you guys are the same, it's gonna kind of trick the other person into thinking they like you straight away and this links into the last chapter which is how to become more likable when you're making these friends. This chapter is not about changing yourself. We stay authentic around here but I thought it would be useful to end this video with a few hacks that are known to make people more likable based on psychology. The first tip is when you're in a conversation with them, repeat back to them what they just said. Yeah, so when I met with them, I just felt really uncomfortable and it was just such an awkward experience. I didn't know what to do. Oh my God, they made you feel that uncomfortable. I can imagine how confusing that must be. So what did you end up doing then? When you repeat back to them what they just said, that shows that you're a good listener but also if they hear words coming out of your mouth that they just said, in their mind it will make them think that you guys have shared interests. The next tip to be more likable is be lighthearted, be easygoing, smile and laugh. You wanna radiate positive energy and this means no more resting bitch face. Who would you rather be friends with? Me or me? The next step on how to be more likable is to put your pride aside because it disarms people, okay? Start joking about an embarrassing experience you had or a time that you were a little bit cringy. This shows that you are confident and secure in yourself and because you're not trying to force this perfect image of yourself on other people, it relaxes them and it allows them to also be their natural authentic self and open up to you. Plus when you're telling funny, embarrassing stories about yourself, it keeps people laughing and if you can make people laugh, they're gonna like you. The next hack is to ask for advice. This forms a really strong bond and emotional connection. People will like you if they feel like And lastly, talk positively about other people. This creates an amazing aura for yourself and it allows the other person to start trusting you and based on psychology, whatever good things you're saying about that other person, this new potential friend will start associating those positive qualities you're talking about with you and who you are as a person. And that brings us to the end of this video. I hope you guys enjoyed it. If you did, make sure you give it a like and subscribe because I'm putting videos out every single week. Make sure you comment down below and let me know what you thought or drop down a video request because I always listen to your requests. This video today and my last one were also requested by you guys. Make sure you follow my Instagram to keep up with my daily life and follow my TikTok for daily self-love and self-growth advice. They are all linked in the description below. I really hope you learned something new and this video helped you out. Thank you so much for watching. I appreciate you and I'll see you in the next one. Bye.