This Try Not To Laugh Was KILLING ME!

Yo, what's up? It's your boy KSI. Welcome to a video. I try not to laugh. Let's do this. Any confession for the guys watching? Confession? Yeah. Okay. I did five some. Five some? Five some. You're going crazy. Five guys. Huh? Wait, so then, I'm confused. So, he said five guys. Is that including him or not including him? Because that would be a six some. But, what? Damn, okay, well. But I still high-fived it. Indiana Jones. No. How hard can it be? It's hard. Uh, rock. Hip, hip, hooray. Fair enough, fair enough. I thought that was a red. Whip. Okay, okay, one more, one more. You did really good. Alright, come on then. Ah! No, did he, did he really just do that? He legit just pointed at him. Oh my god, bro. You can just walk away. Don't participate. Just walk away. You. Oh! You gotta try to guess what's in my head. Don't film me. Don't film me, bro. Excuse me, can I use the restroom? No. Someone says, has the search party looking for Jay Slater tried shouting auto glass repair? If he's in the vicinity, he will shout back auto glass replace. And this is not funny. I don't even understand that. No. Only British people understand that. That almost got me. Yo, I'm actually trying not to laugh in this video. Oh. You're in London now, so tell your boys don't jump in a clash. That goes for your boys in the crowd and it goes for the ones in the back. That is your driver. You came with six man. Let me just run through the maps. Six man came in a four door whip, so someone was sitting on somebody's lap. Oh. Did you hear that? No, it's the beat. Oh, shit. What you do for a living? My name is Mario. I'm 28. I'm a famous live streamer. I bring at least 130,000 a month. So be cooking right now. What's your name? I'm Grace. I'm 21 and I'm a waitress. Why didn't you pop your balloon? What do you like about this guy? Maybe his income, but I can't see his face. Wow. Straight up. His income. They ain't playing around. They were just like, yo, I like how much money he's making. I'm down. Take my mask off. Mask off. Oh, my God. I mean, I really don't even got to go down and lie on an axe. Why? Yeah. I'm pretty sure I know that. Yeah. No, that's the face you see at night to give you nightmares, man. Oh, there's ugly and then there's that dude. Holy shit, man. Oh. Who is this, Ray? Oh, that's my twin. I let him borrow my car. Oh, your twin. You don't have a twin, Ray. Nah, that's me. I'm just saying. When you play with lions, it's important to never show fear. Hey, y'all. I'm smashing it, man. There's been a few funny clips, but I'm holding it in. Look. What? Look. He's looking. Look. The fear in his face. He's so confused. Why didn't he run out? You got some ink on your chest. You got some ink. Oh. What does it say? It says, uh. Hey, man. You ain't got to touch it and stuff while you're talking to me, man. Are you rubbing on your chest while you're talking to me, man? No, man. It says a wise man knows how to defeat issues without raising a hand. He who does is far in favor of anything that he does. Wow. What you in for? I'm assault. I'm willing to date a nice black girl. Yeah. What is, I mean. A black girl that's nice? I think more black women want you to be, you got to be more assertive. Not too much, because you know how y'all get. Yeah. Y'all got to meet. None of that. Turn back the clock. I'm a modern day soldier, brother. I can't say. Don't think we ever forgot about you trying to jump on drill. Yeah, I killed it, man. What are you talking about? I'm talking about. Don't laugh at me like that. Spray, spray, spray. Shut up. When KSI raps, he's one of them artists. Like, you just, I'm not even going to call him an artist. He just speaks for the sake of speaking. Don't he just says words that rhyme. Isn't that every rapper in the world? Isn't that every fucking rapper in the world? Nah, bro. The hate is forced. Have you got grills as well as braces? Like, what is going on in your mouth, man? I had to like, jaws from James Bond. You're probably too young to even understand that reference, man. And call it bars. It don't even make sense. One second he's talking about spray, spray, spray. And then the next bar is talking about chocolate fingers. Like, where's the correlation? I hear it though, man. These times he was still trying to find himself. You know what I'm saying? But never do that again, though. Spray, spray, spray, spray. Nah, you know what? This low-key makes me want to hop on another drill song now. Just to piss this guy off. The spray, spray, spray bar was about me spraying champagne in the club. And then the chocolate fingers is me. I can't believe I've even fucking explained this. But it's about me sticking my fingers up a girl's ass. And then her sucking on my fingers. Alright, you happy? Alright, let's move on. I was wild back in the day, man. That scares me. What scares you about it? Okay. Rest in peace. Got it. You gotta leave that house, bro. Get the fuck away from that house. You're living in an A24 film. This is the beginning of his movie. He's like at a comedy show. And I'm like, what scares you about dying? A lot, actually. There's a room in my house. He's gonna remember all this laughter when he goes home. Fuck, man. I can't go. Fuck, man. Leave that bitch. Come home with me. Come to LA. I gotta get you out of that house. She really thought I was speaking Spanish. I speak Spanish. Do you want me to speak some Spanish right now? That's like French. That ain't even close, bro. No. Look. Look at my video. What? Exactly. What are you on? I really can't talk to you. No, no. One moment. Speak Spanish. One moment. I'm sorry. Exactly. You don't know Spanish. Not right now. Oh God, no. But you do. Dude, I've been grinding the web app all morning. I already made like 4,000 coins. 4,000 coins? Yeah. Bro, who gives a fuck about 4,000 coins? You fucking loser. Why are you calling me? Hi. Hey. How was the game? It was good. They just beat us. They played with the birthday present you got Bryce. Oh, wow. Tony got his chance. What's up, Bryce? Bryce is next. Oh, OK. He plays hockey. OK. Face layers. Oh. Is he twisting his ankle? I have no clue. Well, that was actually a nice tuck and roll. Yes, it was. But how did that even happen? Oh, my God. Well, I know. Listen, my husband always tells me, when I wear my crotch or my sandals, your feet, you know, have to kind of like hug your body. You go lay down somewhere. I bet he's just there like, can this woman just shut the fuck up? I just basically sprained my ankle. I think my ACL's gone. My MCL's gone. My PCL's gone. I think I twisted my spine and you just talking. I didn't believe in love at first sight until I saw you. Sit on my face and I aim away to your heart. Whoa. What's your name? Freddie. Freddie, I think I love you. I love you, too. Can I have your number? Of course you can have my number. One important question, though, right? Ashley Cole, Guna, or Chelsea? Chelsea. Because he's a fucking Muppet. Ashley Cole is a dirty, dirty little snake. Dirty snake. Get out of here, Ashley. Get out of here. You're not a Guna, my fella. You're not a Guna. Get out of here. I think I'm going to have to put my thighs around your face just to shut you up. Oh, please do. What? I just realized you can't talk while inhaling through your nose. Wait, wait, wait, what? I just realized you can't talk while inhaling through your nose. This is why the eyeshield is sitting exactly where his face is. When I was younger, I was born without both parents. Wow. In the back of a small toilet during a business. You can't be born without parents. I'm so sorry to explain that. I crawled out of that toilet. No parents. Oh, my God. No money. How would you have money if you were just born? Homeless. Oh, my God. Ready to give up. But then I heard the man on stage say something that changed my life. He said, just because you were born with nothing doesn't mean you can't become rich. Wow. You could be lying, but you're successful, so no one's going to check. Why are you clapping? Everything you said sounds like bullshit. At that very moment, I got up, got into my car, drove off to go buy some microphones, started my podcast. How old were you when you did this? By the end of the week, I had 400,000 concurrent daily listeners. Your story doesn't add up. And I was making three million a month. That's the most incredible thing I've ever heard in my life. Brother, your backstory sounds like bullshit. Because sometimes a message can suddenly... Brother, nothing you said makes any sense. I'm asking you to explain. It doesn't have to make sense to you. You're born. What does my money have to do with any of this? You don't understand what it means to become rich. Don't question him. Here you go. Serving the ice cream. Big ass scoop for a very nice lady. What's your cosplay and what have you been mistaken for? I am Blaze the Cat from the Sonic series. And I was mistaken for Gengar from Pokemon. White people can identify 500 dog breeds. But we get two black co-workers mixed up. Oh my god. How do I get to Newcastle from here? This is Newcastle. Translate country before I beat the shit out of you. Into Portuguese. Get out of my country before I slap you. Gracias, brother. Well, I'm mom of two. Here's how I know my toddler is ripped off his diaper in peace somewhere in the house. Oh my god. I come over here. Just introduce yourself. First word that comes to mind. Oh my god. It sounded like gunshots. I cannot lie. I know it's a balloon popping dating show. But it sounded like they all just killed themselves. Oh my god. First word that comes to mind until we say the same word. John. Mad. Finish. What was that word? When you see the games tomorrow, obviously the big rival of yours Inter Milan are in the other semi-final. Would you like that? I didn't understand. Can you repeat, please? Inter Milan are playing tomorrow. Internacionale. Would you like to face them in the semi-final? You do like... You like to? I didn't understand. We have to give a 100% there. No, I'm serious. It was a... Internacionale. Is it actually a laugh? Internacionale. How is it almost an inter? Internacionale. He's crying. I lost my virginity to a girl, so I'm not a, as they call it, a gold star gay. So I lost my virginity to a girl. That's a term? Yeah. Oh, wow. You never heard of a gold star gay? No. Sounds like I really got to educate your viewers. A gold star gay and then there's a platinum gay. I think I know the platinum. Okay, so what is a platinum gay? Isn't the platinum gay the one that's never, like... They came out through C-section, so they've never even touched a vagina? Get the fuck out of here. Never touched a vagina. Ever. I never had a chance. Nah, that is fucking jokes. Decent badge. Alright, well, it's been your boy KSI. I'll see you later. Take care. I don't know no nothin' but no ice. I'm just cold. 40 somethin', milli somethin', so I get so...