Why Parents should Listen to Kids | Anyue Sun | TEDxYouth@Xujiahui

Hello everyone. Today, I'm here to share my opinion that parents should listen to kids. First, I will tell you a story of a monkey prison experiment. Scientists caught a monkey from the wild and put it into a cage made of barbed wire, which is really strong. In the beginning, the monkey tried to escape, but this hurt every time when it bumped into the edge of the frame. Finally, the monkey stayed in the middle and didn't try to escape anymore. And the scientists changed the barbed wire cage into an easy broken cage with a similar appearance. But the monkey still stays in the middle and never tried to break the frame anymore. Sometimes, I feel just like this monkey. Now, I will share a story of mine. It's Christmas. Christmas! I finished all my homework and want to go out to play with my friends. I asked my mom, Mom, can I please go out? She said no. I want to please her. So I washed dishes and I made breakfast. I asked again, but they disagreed. So then, I fed my cat, I cleaned my room, I even swept the floor. But then, no was the response. So finally, I had to agree to do extra homework as they wish. I spent three hours of dark time until 6 p.m. It's time for dinner. My dad said, let's go out to eat. After dinner, I miss my friends so much, I just want to sit on the couch and WeChat my friends. But my parents had different plans. They took me to see a show about science, which I'm not very interested in. After all of that, it's bedtime, and it's the end of my day. After all of that, I feel like all my ideas will be rejected, and my day was ruined by parents. This is a typical kind of parents who always say no. And the always no parents will make kids passive. The passive kids will let their parents do everything for them, because they think that their parents will not let them do anything they want, and will try very badly just to let their parents agree with one simple thing. But actually, executive function, EF for short, is the right way to learn. EF is an important concept in child psychology. It's the way to achieve goals. It includes to let kids plan by themselves, make decisions by themselves, use knowledge well, and remove unwanted thoughts, feelings, and actions. Then shift from one task to another. Parents should encourage kids to program executive functioning. It's the only way how kids learn. For example, parents should let kids learn from their own failures. When the parents tell the kid the opening the fire is dangerous, even if the kid says yes and understand, they don't. Kids will still try and get hurt. Until then, they know what the parents mean. So even if the parents tell kids that doing this or that is wrong, the kid will still need to learn from their own failures, not yours. Those who don't let their kids learn from their own failures, who clear obstacles, and make sure there's only one path for their kids, the way to success, are called snowplow parents. Do you know what a snowplow is? A snowplow is a huge machine that goes out and removes snow. This information is from American College Health Association. This study is about 297 college students who have snowplow parents. Snowplow parents are parents who fix kids' problems when they are small, but actually they create bigger problems when the kids grow. Let's see the result of their parenting. 84.3% of students felt overwhelmed, 60.5% felt very sad, 57% felt very lonely, 51.3% experienced anxiety, and 8% even attempted suicide. Here's my suggestion for the future. Parents, if you can discuss your suggestion with us, not just to disagree, it will be a lot better. And as a kid, we should discuss with our parents our own opinions about why we want to do this and how we will achieve our goals. Parents, we need you when we're feeling down, when we fail, and when we're in trouble. We want your encouragement to help us conquer difficulties by ourselves. Please trust us. If you do something more than just to suggest your idea, our life will be a lot difficult because your decision might not be the same as us. Sometimes being different is an advantage, and having a strong personality is not a bad thing. Kids have their own life. Why not just give us a chance?