The Best DJs Are Women | Leslie Liao

I'm a woman. I love being a woman, but it's a lot of work, you know, like I have to wear makeup to look like a woman And I'm an Asian female. It's trickier for us, you know, like my our facial features are gender-neutral You know Like white people are different. You guys are like, oh, I have my mom's eyes. I'm like, oh, yeah. I have my dad's entire face None of you know him, but you see it, right? So I have to wear mascara and blush every day to disguise myself as a young beautiful Asian woman One time I was at the airport. I had no makeup on my hair was tied up in a bun and someone called me, sir I'm not making it up. This is a real problem for Asian women. You know the plot of Mulan Remember the young beautiful Disney princess Mulan all she did was go like this and the plot changed entirely and Everyone's like sir. Excuse me, sir Let's get down to business. I Can't put my hair up. I just hear be a man I Wear fake eyelashes. Okay, I glue on hair where there should already be hair You know, it's like guys. I know you'd be late to stuff too if you glued your balls on every day You know But I am in my 30s, I'm a woman in my 30s I miss my 20s I hooked up with everybody You guys should have been there because we would have you know, I Look I got a lot of action I put up solid numbers on the board in my 20s because if you're a single woman, it's easy men make themselves available for you You know, they were everywhere. They were hard for me to resist when I could just reach out and grab one, you know I like couldn't you know It's like, you know when there's a plate of fries on the table and you eat them even if you're not hungry you know, I wasn't even thinking I was like I'll take okay. Someone take these dicks away from me. Like I'm Seriously, take them away. I'm stuffed. I can't fit one more But if you'll have one I'll have one, you know what I mean? Like let's do you want to split like let's be bad It's the weekend. Let's But in my 20s, I was single for most of it and I used to be sad about it It used to bum me out, but I've grown up. I'm in my 30s. Now. My feelings have evolved Like now I'm angry Now mama's pissed okay, cuz I don't want to keep looking for this man Like why am I looking for like I feel like when I finally find him? I'm gonna act like a mom whose kid got lost at the grocery store You know like hey, where have you been get in the car Those stop crying get in the car But I am in my 30s. I have never been married. So I've all right All right security what the hell what the hell but if your industry so sorry glad you're here thank you so much Okay, I've never been married okay, I've never met my soulmate right But even though I've never met this guy, I think about him all the time. I wonder about him, you know I'm like, what does he like? What does he do? Where does he live? Like he's got to be pretty special, right? But now I'm realizing we should not do this We shouldn't hype up our soulmates this much because at this point I've been waiting my entire life to meet this one man and I'm not trying to sound mean But I know he's not gonna be worth the wait You know, it's like my whole life who am I waiting for a guy named Greg and a graphic tea like who cares You know if I saw Greg tonight, I wouldn't even get in line you know and It's hard now like all my friends are married. They're all married. So they pressure me. They're like Leslie Aren't you scared that she might die alone? I'm like, dude, I am an Asian female. I don't think we even die I'm all I'm chillin. I'm chillin. I don't know what happens to us. I think we just shrink and float away And I'm excited I can't wait But it's hard being a straight woman. Where are the straight women at? See how sad see how sad we are. Did you hear that see how sad we are inside on the inside? It's a struggle for me being a straight woman. I'm and it's hard like I rarely meet a man that gets me smitten You know, it's confusing. I don't know like I'm I'm straight. So I'm attracted to men But I don't find men attractive Does that make sense? Do you know what I mean, honey? Do you know what I mean? It's like I want you to hold me but do you always have to wear a hat? like I Is that how you guys get ready? Is that I? Can't I can't believe I'm straight. I can't believe that's what I want. You know what I mean? They're like it's not a choice. I can't believe I'm straight because women are Beautiful like women gorgeous any woman could walk by and change your life But I have never Seen some floating hat in a crowd. Oh my god. Oh Who is that man? You know in those Costco basketball shorts. Oh yummy yummy Come to mommy **** yeah, I've never What I would give to be those buffalo wings melting in his mouth. You know what I mean? You guys are gross But I want one. I still want one I know. Yeah, I'll see you after the show. Um, I But I don't know I want to I want to be with a fun guy like I love to party I love music festivals I just don't know why there's so many male DJs So many because the best DJs in the world not now the best DJs in the world a woman's talking, sir Okay, the best DJs in the world are Straight women right and because in real life on the streets, we're remixing men all the time Do you know what I mean? Like every time we break up with a man and send him off to his next relationship You know, we're like It's Jason but with career ambition Like oh here we go with Anthony, but he's a better communicator Another one It's Michael but with clean towels You know, I mean see there's a women always get it I don't think the men realize what we did for you We we fixed you. You know what I mean? Like this is how women support women. We just go around fixing each other's future husbands You know Under the table no commission, you know Like here you go. Here's Tyler. He talks to his mom. Now. There you go. Congrats Here's Brian, he's an active listener congrats on the engagement. I'm so happy for you Okay. Thanks for your ally ship. I'm a woman. Bye