The Most Hilarious Father of the Bride Toast

Hard to follow that, but I'll do my best. It was a Saturday in July, Ocean City, New Jersey. The day started out like any other. A morning bike ride to breakfast, a leisurely stroll on the boardwalk and a lazy afternoon on the beach. And as my wife, Sue and I sat in our beach chairs watching Nick and Nicole hand in hand, playfully splashing by the water's edge. With a real sense of happiness and a smile on my face, I turned to my wife and I said, she's going to marry that boy. And as the sun set and we returned home for cocktails and hors d'oeuvres on our back deck, then caught a Phillies game and movie and then retired for the evening. And as we peacefully drifted off to the sleep, our bedroom door flung open and Nick Delenti, fresh from a night in Seattle City and clearly making a wrong turn for the hallway bath, staggered by our bed, on his way to our bathroom. Sue, who always picks the side of the bed closest to the bathroom, would live to regret that choice this evening. As we lay stunned and trembling in fearful anticipation as to what might come next, our worst fears were realized. As Nick emerged from the bathroom and proceeded to get into bed with us, Sue, always accommodating, started to move over to give him more room. Outraged, I said, get him out of here. To which she replied, I'm not touching him. His thing might be out. So I got out of bed and I guided Nick back to his room. And as I returned to bed, now locking the door behind me, which we do now every night, even when no one is in the house. I got back into bed, still dazed and confused. And with a look of bewilderment on my face, I turned to my wife and said, she's going to marry that boy? Nicholas Michael, all joking aside. You're an outstanding young man with a kind and generous soul. And me and Sue and Gino couldn't be happier to welcome you into the Samola family. As your family has welcomed Nicole into theirs. Your mother and father, Marley and Mike, your sister Kimmy, and your brothers Danny and Max have opened up their hearts and home to us. And we are honored, humbled and grateful. Your family's character and integrity set a high bar and we'll do our best to keep up. Although I have to tell you, off script, keeping up with your old man is going to be tough. That's going to be tough. It's going to be tough. Nicole, Grace, Lucy, ever since you could walk and talk, whenever your mother or I would announce it was time for bed, you would jump up and yell, five more minutes. And no matter what we did that day, the zoo, the library, the park, a birthday party, a Chuck E. Cheese or all of the above, you still needed five more minutes. Your spirit and zest for life, which you inherited from your nanny Lou and uncle Buddy, although challenging at times, is a gift and a blessing. And whenever your mother and I look at you and Nick, what impresses and delights us the most is the childlike enthusiasm for life that the two of you share. And so I say to the both of you now, cherish that enthusiasm, nurture it, and don't ever change. And so once again, let's raise our glass and toast the new Mr. and Mrs. Delenti and let the games begin.