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You can see the stars Loose leaf, craft, unlined College rule Can't you just write on your arm like I do? Why are you getting those rubber bands and paper clips? Don't you need a notebook or something? Nah, these days everything's done on computers And staplers, computers and staplers Crusty, speak and say S is for shixa S-H-I I think there's a T in there somewhere Ah, look it up Lisa! Stay cool, Millie Oh, hi, Lisa Did you have a nice summer? Don't you hate that we have to go back to stupid school tomorrow? I like school Me too! We have so much in common We have a pen glued to your cowlick If you don't like it, it's gone! Do you want this? No Yo, Appu, give me the usual Yes, sir One cookie dog, one bubble gum cigar And the latest issue of Success Magazine Hey, this hot dog tastes different Yes, I just cleaned out the machine, sir So the snack you are enjoying Has not been soaking in putrid grease Yeah, but Without the grease All you can taste is the hog anus I'm so sorry, but I sold it all to the rendering plant People buy grease? Oh yes, they use it to make products Such as soap, cosmetics, baby food Use grease is worth money? Then my arteries are clogged with yellow gold I'm rich, Appu, rich Money in the bank Okay, this bacon's done And now for the profit taking Dad, I don't think the dog can handle any more bacon Looks like he's about ready for another squeezing That side of bacon was for my bridge game tonight March, if you don't mind I'm a little busy right now Achieving financial independence With cans of grease? No, through savings and wise investments Of course with grease Mom Where do you think you're going? It's the first day of school Not for you it isn't You're in the grease business now Then the doctor told me That both my eyes were lazy And that's why it was the best summer ever Thank you, Ralph Now take your seat Hey, Blindy, have a nice trip Attention, please I need a volunteer for a thankless chore Shall I assume the only hand in the air Is Lisa Simpson? Thank you, Lisa We have a new student, Lisa And I want you to show her the works The lunchroom, the tree But when you get to the trophy case Give her some cock and bull story They're out for cleaning or whatever Don't worry, I'll help her out I remember how hard it was to be an outsider Always trying to fit in Never quite feeling like... Lisa, I'd like you to meet Alex Whitney Your name's Lisa? Shut up, I love that name Did she just tell me to shut up? Take it outside You'll want a locker in this hallway It's library adjacent Is that perfume? Oh, don't be such a Phoebe It's Pretension by Calvin Klein Want to try some? Okay, so what's the Habs in Springfield? What do you guys like to do for fun? Well, you'll definitely want to get yourself a good doll The new Malibu Stacy Has an achievable chest Dolls, really? Okay, what else you got? Oh, Jacks Jacks are big, they went out for a while But then they came roaring back Uh-huh, you mean that game With the little rubber ball? Oh, don't worry, you'll pick it up fast Once you get to foursies, you're in the zone Uh-huh Isn't a trophy case supposed to have trophies? Uh, they were all wiped out In the big trophy fire Ah, I see the trophies Are still out for cleaning, eh, Lisa? Okay, boy This is where all the hard work Sacrifice and painful scoldings Pay off Four pounds of grease That comes to... Sixty-three cents Woo-hoo! Dad, all that bacon cost twenty-seven dollars Yeah, but your mom Paid for that But doesn't she get her money from you? And I get my money from Greece What's the problem? Wow Look at that load of grease Boy, if we're ever gonna earn Paper money, we have to expand Our operation Um, I don't know how much more school I can miss Oh, you'll miss plenty I have a feeling this business Is going to consume our whole lives Alex, over here! Okay, if the new girl sits with us Okay, I guess She's okay That's it, don't be shy Now maybe a little joke to break the ice Or a big joke Careful now Nobody likes a show-off Where are they going? Hey, wait up! They left without me Oh, Lisa I've got an extra seat And you've got an extra lunch Catch my drift? Milhouse, lower those eyebrows And the other one So there I am Being nice to Alex And she takes all of my friends And ditches me I'm sure they didn't ditch you, honey Maybe they went off to plan A surprise party for you Oh, yeah Good one, Mom They only like her Because she acts too grown up With her perfume and her cell phone Oh, and get this, Mom She drinks iced tea Lisa I can't imagine anyone Being more likable than you But apparently this new girl is So my advice would be To start copying her in every way But Dad Uh-uh, think Is that what Alex would say? Listen, I'm sorry I ran out on you yesterday But the girls couldn't wait To show me that tree Don't give it a second thought I didn't Anyway, I got you a little present Oh, earrings Wow, thank you so much, Alex Oh, but these are for pierced ears Yeah, aren't they great? Alex did ours Yeah, all you need is a thumbtack And a whole lot of paper towels Uh, but I don't think I'm ready For pierced ears Well, maybe you can Put them on your doll Just kidding, Lisa I'm sure you'll be ready someday Oh, Lisa, I was hoping I could count on you Again to spearhead our annual School-wide apple pick Absolutely Apple pick? Yeah, it's great You have pony rides, sing-alongs, apple bobbing Apple picking, apple everything Oh, you forgot apple bobbing No, I didn't Didn't your old school have apple picks? No, we weren't big on fruit We were more into, like, dances You know, things that are fun A dance? Great idea, Alex Yeah, Principal Skinner Can we have a dance instead? Oh, that would be great Let's do it Well, we've never had a dance before Lisa, you'd be doing all the work What do you think? I don't know The ponies might be startled by the loud music Well, there wouldn't be ponies Then, at the risk of being unpopular I think I'm gonna have to say School dance? I didn't approve any school dance Yes, you did yesterday Right by my locker Oh, yes, yes Um, carry on When you want grease, go to the source Good old Krusty Burger Oh, I'll say Look at that red-headed kid He must be $20 worth of grease on his forehead alone I was thinking more of the deep fryer All right, we'll try it your way Can I help you, sir? My God, you're greasy Mr. Maruka, help! Mom's gonna kill you If she didn't want her car ruined She should have done a better job Hiding her keys Hey, what the... Hey, hey, you're taking our grease It's our grease now Gah! We run the grease racket in this town Hey, that's my shovel We also run the shovel racket Okay, girls We're gonna need balloons, crepe paper, party hats Whoa! You've got a dingo junction here? I am not wearing this Oh, come on, Lisa It's totally you Just, you know, add some accessories, lip gloss Maybe drop five pounds Aren't we a little young for makeup and... What do you mean five pounds? Well, you wanna look nice for your date Date? Hello, for the dance You guys have dates? Hello! Stop saying hello Okay, calm down, Lisa D-M-Y Don't mess yourself Ew Yeah, that's why we changed it to D-M-Y Don't worry, Lisa There's still plenty of time You'll get a date I don't want a date And I don't want to wear perfume and cocktail dresses Am I the only one who just wants to play hopscotch and bake cookies and watch the McLaughlin Group? Hello? Oh, I can't believe those goons muscled me out of my grease business I've been muscled out of everything I've ever done including my muscle-for-hire business My poor homie Couldn't you try some other far-out money-making scheme? Oh, what's the point? You can raise some emus Emus? Really? Oh, that's pretty crazy Nah, I'd only fail just like I fail at everything Hey, Dad, I've been thinking What if instead of giving up on grease we go for one last big score? Wait a minute The boy's right I can't quit now Aw, you always know just what to say to cheer me up Emu Farm? You're priceless, Mark The thing about huckleberries is once you've had fresh you'll never go back to canned So anyway, I kick the guy's ass Now, if the berries are too tart I just dust them with confectioner's sugar Oh, cool Hey, guys Hi, Lisa Are you all right? No doubt Can't a girl fabulize herself before the big dance? Your earlobe's bleeding So, I guess major muffins like yourselves all have dates, huh? You'd better believe it Really? All of you? We all have dates, Lisa Everyone does Even me Unbelievable Whoa! Another wedgie Hang on, I'll get my forceps Sorry Milhouse, oh I've been looking all over for you Listen, you've always had a crush on me, right? Well, this is your lucky day 'cause you're gonna take me to the dance Pretty great, huh? See ya No, but I can't I already asked somebody So, un-ask her But that one You're taking me, you got that? And it's gonna be a magical evening What am I doing? This isn't me I'm sorry, Milhouse I'm free next weekend There's plenty of Milhouse to go around All right, son We're about to embark on our most difficult mission Let's bow our heads in prayer Dear Lord, I know you're busy Seeing as how you can watch women Changing clothes and all that But if you help us deal this grease tonight I promise we'll donate Half the profits to charity Dad, he's not stupid All right, screw it, let's roll I knew I should have Attached those somehow Lucky paramecians You don't have to worry about Finding dates or dancing Lisa, I made you some Homemade Pepsi for the dance It's a little thick, but the price is right Thanks, Mom, but I told you I'm not going Oh, so you don't have a date You can still go And have a wonderful time You don't understand I don't belong there The other girls are already into fashion And makeup and dating You make me feel like a little baby Oh, honey A baby couldn't have organized a big school dance Unless it was especially skilled Or one of those super babies from Brazil Forget it, Mom, I'm not going But they're counting on you to take tickets And if you sit there With a brave little smile And a festive bow Why, you could be the belle of the ball Mom, you can't possibly believe that I have to, honey Or you can stay here And we'll have our own dance Every Simpson dance now Bomb, bomb, bomb I'll go It's better work, boy I don't want to wind up working On your mother's emu farm Don't worry, this is the school We've been dreaming about The grease traps in this kitchen Have never been emptied Okay, turn on the suction It's working What is it? Nothing Enjoy the dance Wow, Lisa I really admire your guts You came here all by yourself At the risk of being labeled A dateless wonder Ow! It slipped It's gonna be a long night Where's the hose? Bringing up the rear Are you as excited as I am? Oh, yeah Well, here goes And now we wait So, is this your school? Well, it used to be I mean, ugh I mean, what are you doing here? Uh, well, uh We're a new foreign exchange students From, uh, um Scotland Sands be praised I'm from Scotland Where do you hail from? Uh, North Kilt Town No fooling I'm from North Kilt Town Do you know Angus MacLeod? Wait a minute There's no Angus MacLeod In North Kilt Town Why, you're not from Scotland at all Ah, don't be daft I was born and raised Uh, what the My retirement Greece No You thieving Greece pundits I'll kill you Wait up Not so fast, boyo Well, if it was up to me I'd let you go But the lads have a temper And they've been drinking all day Me It's really painful All right, fine I'll strangle you for a while I have to run home I need you to keep an eye on the dance Oh, I don't want to go in there With all the happy dancing couples Normally I wouldn't ask But it's an emergency Mother has a June bug cornered in the basement And she needs me to finish it off Come on, chop chop All right, all right, DMY I know what that means, young lady Oh, Lisa, it's terrible Okay, this dance has gone titanic What happened Well, the boys and girls Are like afraid of each other They're acting like a bunch of Kids I know, what is up with that It's because they are kids And so are we Come on, Alex We've only got nine, maybe ten years, tops When we can giggle in church And chew with our mouths open And go days without bathing We'll never have that freedom again Listen, you can giggle and stink all you want But I have a credit card, so On you Guys, guys Mike, please The groundskeeper and I Are trying to settle this like adults The snowflake tastes like fish sticks It's like a hamburger milkshake Here comes the grease ball Hey, Luigi Bring your kids a free pizza Why you have to make the fun, huh That's my grease, it's mine Give it here They're playing in grease? Yarg Oh, at your age You are so dead There's bacon in that