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我聽說他們把他們放進一個遺棄的礦坑裡 然後蓋上塑膠 我聽說他們要把他們送去那些南邊的國家 那裡的總統是個混蛋 不管怎樣,我今天睡得很好 先生,我們應該放在哪裡? 遊樂場? 不,那些蠢小孩正在引起懷疑 去公園 呃 我覺得是蠢小孩 這太荒謬了 那棵樹上有九根鋼琴 嘖 艾傑·馬洛姆 心理保護公司 一些小混混 撞上了你的小遊戲《隱藏的嘔吐》 伯恩斯 在你對人類生命的不可置信的懷疑之下 這個法庭將給你三億美元 史密斯 我的錢包在我右前方的口袋裡 伯恩斯 我也要那座法庭的雕像 賣掉 嘿嘿嘿 安迪·卡普 你這個喝醉的妻子 嘿嘿嘿 哦 會有一個鎮上會議 決定要怎麼花伯恩斯的錢 哇 這可能會是我們的低收入的公共學校 孩子們 是時候上歷史課了 戴上你們的虛擬現實頭盔 嗯 非常好 哈嘍 麗莎 我是Genghis Khan 你去我去 喫我喫的 嗯 來吧 麗莎 我們都知道要怎麼花這筆錢 名字 必須要花 我們會做任何你想 只要把你的巨型機械眼鏡脫掉 啊 我認為我們應該花錢 在一個整個城市都可以為之驕傲的事情上 像一個巨型機械眼鏡 沒有胖子的東西嗎 不 哦 看起來 所有人在春寺都出現了 哈哈 這個城市能再愚蠢一點嗎 命令 請站起來 頒獎 把錢給我 一會兒 首先我們來評論 我們上次的會議 把錢給我 非常好 我們現在聽到 兩億美元的撥款建議 你意思是三億美元嗎 當然 我真笨 抱歉 我們可以利用這筆錢 去聘請一名警察 終於把那盞燈 放在城市東邊 無聊 大家好 我的名字是Mr. Snub 我來自 呃 遠遠的地方 是的 這就對了 無論如何 我... 我認為我們應該把錢 投放在覈心 我喜歡這種方式 Mr. Snub 抱歉 但我希望 把這筆錢 投放在更多警察身上 我今年被槍擊了八次 結果 我幾乎失去工作 哭吧 我的名字是Marge Simpson 我有個想法 首先 聽起來有點無聊 閉嘴 我會用一些 噢 你們一定有注意到 大街的 許多人 因為把冬季圈 放在輪胎上 導致 太多的白色 嗚呼 看看那些屍體 那些屍體 正在變成 真正的垃圾 噢 等一下 當然 我們 可以修復大街 我們可以 把所有的雞蛋 放進一個盒子裡 還沒完成 我只是在說 我們可以 把所有的錢 投放在一個 愚蠢的小街上 但是 噢 我不會 大街 拜託 你知道 一個有錢的城市 就像一條 旋轉的牛 沒有人知道 他怎麼拿到錢 而且他不知道 怎麼使用錢 嘿嘿 牛 名字叫蘭麗 萊爾蘭麗 我今天來 給你們這些 好人們帶來一個 想法 可能是最棒的 噢 這不是給你們的 這比較像 一個 霍爾比爾的想法 噢 等一下 我們是 摩納瑞爾 我聽到 那些聲音 好大聲 它飛得 像雲般軟弱 這會不會 把蛇蠍脫穎呢 你不在乎 我的印度朋友 我的母親 我的父母 我的母親 And I swear it's Springfield's only choice Throw up your hands and raise your voice Monterey What's it called? Monterey Once again Monterey But Main Street's still all cracked and broken Sorry mom, the mod has spoken Monterey Mono Monterey I still think we should have spent the money to fix Main Street Well, you should have written a song like that guy Thank you for coming, Mr. Landley I'm Miss Hoover Miss Hoover? That is hard to believe Oh, you Now I'm here to answer any questions you children may have about the monorail Me! Me! Can it outrun the Flash? You bet Can Superman outrun the Flash? Uh, sure, why not Hello, little girl Wondering if your dolly can ride the monorail for free Hardly I'd like you to explain why we should build a mass transit system in a small town with a centralized population Ha ha Young lady, that's the most intelligent question I've ever been asked Really? Oh, I could give you an answer But the only ones who'd understand it would be you and me And that includes your teacher Next question You there, eating the paste Coming soon It's Truckasaurus, the movie Starring Marlon Brando as the voice of John Truckasaurus You crazy car I don't know whether to eat you or kiss you Celebrity voice impersonator Are you stuck in a dead-end job? Maybe Are you squandering the precious gift of life in front of the idiot box? What did I tell you? Are you on your third beer of the evening? Does whiskey count as beer? Well, maybe it's time you joined the exciting field of monorail conducting by enrolling at the Landley Institute Actual institute may not match photo Mark, I want to be a monorail conductor Oh, no It's my lifelong dream Your lifelong dream was to run out on the field during a baseball game And you did it last year, remember? Oh, yeah Good evening Before we begin Is anyone here an investigative reporter? I am, and she is Well, I'd like you to please leave Should we take our hidden camera? Would you? Let's go True or false You can get mono from riding the monorail False No, wait Maybe it's true No, you were right It's false Wow You really are going to be a monorail conductor That's right, boy You know I used to think you were stuck in an emasculating go-nowhere job Kid But now I want to follow in your footsteps Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you Ho-Jun I'll get back to it Come on Keep it coming Over I hate that sound According to this book The monorail goes over 150 miles an hour What if something goes wrong? What if? What if I'm taking a shower And I slip on a bar of soap? Oh, my God, I'd be killed It frightens me that you want to work on something that's so unsafe We monorail conductors are a crazy breed Half in love with death Gobbling up danger like ordinary men eat peanuts Am I turning you on? No What if I undo this button? Good night, Homer What if I talk like this? What if I sing to you? I gave my love a chicken It had no bones Hmm, chicken So then Mono means one And rail means rail And that concludes our intensive three-week course Hey, wait, man Who gets to be conductor? Oh, right, that Well, I've been monitoring your progress closely But this gentleman here clearly stands out above the rest Who, me? Yeah, sure Whoo-hoo! After an exhaustive search Springfield has found its monorail conductor Homer Simpson This is the snack holder where I can put my beverage Or, if you will, cookie Wow, Dad, you really know your monorail Homer, there's a family of possums in here I call the big one, Peggy I'm going to see Mr. Landley Mr. Landley? How much did you see? Nothing incriminating Good Well, bye I don't know why I leave this lying around I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville and North Haverbrook Is there a chance the trap could bend? I call the big one, Peggy Oh, wait There ain't no monorail and there never was Excuse me, miss You asked about the monorail? Who are you? My name is Sebastian Cobb Landley hired me to build his monorail He cut corners everywhere Bad wiring Faulty brakes As a celebrity on the Maiden Voice This is all that's left Of one of the crappiest trains ever built Mr. Cobb, what can we do? You'd just better have a damn good conductor I like my keys in there Get a rock Ladies and gentlemen Nothing brings out the stars Like the maiden voyage of a monorail Everyone's here From recently outed leading man Dash Calhoun To Rusty the Clown Rusty, why won't you answer my calls? You've never even seen our son Here's one of those lovable high schoolers From TV's Springfield Heights 90210 He's cool, he's sexy, he's 34 years old Let's hear it for Kyle Darin And here's country singing sensation Lurleen Lumpkin Fresh from her latest stay at the Betty Ford Clinic And what you been up to, Lurleen? I spent last night in a ditch How about that, punk? Now I'd like to turn things over to our Grand Marshal Mr. Leonard Nimoy I'd say this vessel could do at least warp five And let me say May the force be with you Do you even know who I am? I think I do Weren't you one of the little rascals? Mr. Landley Little lady, I'd love to But I have to catch a plane But the ride only takes a minute Yeah, well, my plane leaves in less than one minute I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut Sorry Actually, you see, the doors on Star Trek were not mechanical We had a stagehand on either side Who would pull the door open when he saw you approach Stick your head out the window, boy It's the greatest Yee-haw Can't you stop it, Dad? I'm trying my best The lever you have pulled breaks Is not in service Please make a note of it How fast are they going? Well, judging by your husband's cowardly scream 180 miles an hour Making me dizzy I'm gonna take a nap All right, I'm in charge here Run along, Quimby I think they're dedicating a phone booth somewhere Watch it, you talking tub of doughnut batter Hey, I got pictures of you, Quimby You don't scare me That could be anyone's ass Now, beat it I'm calling the shots I think that sash is cutting off the air to your brain The town charter says in an emergency I run the show Well, we'll just see about that Let's go to town hall Fine Should we take one car or should I follow you? Hey, according to the charter As chief constable I'm supposed to get a pig every month And two comely lasses of virtue true Keep the pig How many broads do I get? Hey, hey, hey, let go, you're ripping it No, you are Let go, that's the charter Wait a minute We can just shut off the power No such luck It's solar powered Solar power When will people learn? A solar eclipse The cosmic ballet goes on Does anyone want to switch seats? I did it This is your captain speaking Our non-stop flight to Tahiti Will be making a brief layover in North Haverbrook North Haverbrook Where have I heard that name before? Oh, no There he is Seat 3F Rusty wants out The world needs laughter Are we gonna die, son? Yeah But at least we'll take a lot of innocent people with us Homer Yeah, hello Homer, there's a man here who thinks he can help you Batman? No, he's a scientist Batman's a scientist It's not Batman I think I have a way to stop the train You need to find an anchor of some sort Think harder, Homer I'll take that Now, separating Sammy's twins Is a long and costly proceed You call that an anchor? Donuts Is there anything they can't do? Dad, you're a hero Yes, son I'm the best monothingy guy there ever was It's done here What do you mean your work is done? You didn't do anything Didn't I?