Q&A! PREGNANCY, KIDS, MARRIAGE AND MORE!

🎵 I still remember who we are, who we are. As we stare into the sun. I can't believe we've come so far. I still remember who we are, who we are. Now these days have come and gone. We've given everything we've got. I still remember. 🎵 You guys asked for it and have been waiting for it and so... Here it is. We both like did this at the same time. We both, we do that sometimes. It's weird. Um, here it is. Our questions and answers video. Okay, so there are lots of baby questions of course, which are really exciting. I'm actually going to do a pregnancy tag video. It should be uploaded on Halloween. I'm going to answer some pregnancy related questions. It's actually very spooky. It is not very spooky. Oh, so I am going to be doing that with a few other of my favorite YouTube Mamas on Monday, which is Halloween. So we will be uploading that too. That's going to go in depth a little bit about some pregnancy related questions. But we will answer a few. We have a lot of questions, so we might not get through all of them. If we don't, we will just plan on a part two. And without further ado, here's my list. We'll start with a question everyone wants to know. Everyone wants to know. Marcia specifically said, if number five is a girl, will there be a number six? This time I think I am done with pregnancy. I love having babies. I love all my children. I know they are a blessing from God. But pregnancy is really hard on me and I just don't think I can do it again. We do still plan to do foster care adoption in the future. So we want to leave that open. And I know God can provide for, we can have ten kids and still do those things. But I just don't know if I can make it through another pregnancy. Maybe it will be a boy, maybe it will be a girl. It don't matter. If it is a girl, we can just adopt a boy later I guess. Yes. Everyone also wants to know if we are planning to find out the gender. John really wants to. We are finding out. I don't want to. And that's because I know what's coming at the end of this. He knows, but he doesn't understand what labor feels like. And I'm like, look, when I'm in the very last seconds of this thing, and I'm like, I don't want to do this anymore, I quit. And they're like, look, if you just push, you'll find out if your baby is a boy or a girl. That's like the incentive. With Adeline, I was like, oh, okay, and did it. And so for that reason, I want to wait. So we, I don't know. I mean, I can respect that, but I just can't wait. Like what happened last time. It was sweet, but it was still like, well, that was anticlimactic. Oh, my goodness. But for me, it was like, I wasn't even disappointed that it was a girl. I wasn't either. I wasn't disappointed that it was a girl because I was so in the moment, and it's like you're meeting her. I feel like if we find out, and if it is another girl, there might be like a bit of sadness about not having a boy. I'm already assuming it's a girl, so that's why I'm kind of like, it doesn't really matter to wait. So I guess we're undecided is the biggest thing. But if we do decide to find out ahead of time, of course we will let you guys know. Probably in a super special way. Just stop it. We're undecided. So Kelly wants to know, what if you have twins? I don't even know what to say to that, except I think I would throw up. The twin mamas out there, triplet mamas, any quadruple, multiple mamas, I don't know how you do it. That blows my mind. I can't even imagine what that would be like. Our kids are close together, and that's hard to know. So I think that would be a little overwhelming. I don't know what would happen with home birth. I guess I could still home birth twins. Just seems like it would be really intense. That's crazy. I don't know. We don't know, though, either. I still am just like, oh my gosh. Just thinking about having to push two or three babies out, that's like crazy. But for me, we haven't. With every other pregnancy, we've been in an OB's office, so we've done the early ultrasounds where they dating scan and make sure, you know, see how many there are. This time we haven't done that. So we'll do a growth scan, anatomy scan, but that's not for another probably five weeks or so. So hopefully we're not super surprised and shocked in about a month. Angela asked if we'll move to Pennsylvania or if my family will move here. We definitely won't be moving to Pennsylvania. I love it there. I miss home, but this is our home now, and this is where our kids are and our friends and our family. So I think we're pretty content. I mean, in the future we might move, but I don't think I would move to Pennsylvania. I'd probably move out west to the mountains. I like that. Or Texas. Let's move. Let's just get out of here. My parents probably. My dad owns a company, and he has a lot of employees that really rely on him, so I don't think he's ready to move and leave them hanging. I think he wants to move. I think they both want to move, but they've got a lot of ties right now at home. So unfortunately, no, I don't think any number of babies could make them move just yet, but hopefully in the future. They've said something about five years, and that was two years ago. They said that two years ago. If you're watching this, Mom, the timer is on. You've got three years left. Get on it. Leslie wanted to know what our opinion is on permanent forms of birth control. And I feel like this is something that I think has been an internal battle for me, just like with religion and faith, like trusting God and then knowing that he ordains life, but then also knowing, like, using wisdom and discernment. So this is something I don't know what my actual opinion is on it. Like, I feel like we've talked about John getting a mastectomy. Whatever, that's your idea. I know, but this is scary. But then part of me is, like, is that, like, taking, you know, is that taking control of something that's not supposed to be in our control? Like, are we just supposed to use wisdom as far as when we are intimate? Yeah, I don't know. That one is really, like, it kind of is something that torments me, like, that opinion. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't feel negatively about anybody who chooses to do that, and so I'd feel like it's something I might consider, but... I mean, we are considering it. Yes, but then there's part of me that's like, is it the right thing to do? I don't know. So I don't really have a... I'm not against it or for it. I guess I'm just neutral. So somebody else asked if our boy name has been the same each time and we just didn't get to use it, or if it's changed. It was going to be... Well, first... No, don't... Okay, we might say you don't. Oh, I thought you were... No, okay. Well, we don't know any... Oh, this is just sad. We were going to... We had the name Judah set aside if we had a boy, and then when we got pregnant the third time before even knowing, we were like, this baby is Jude. Just plain and simple. We knew it was a Jude, Judah, some form of Jude. Ended up being Judea. It ended up being Judea. So that took that boy name, I guess. And then, let's see, we had a name for Adeline. So we had a name, a boy name, last time, and we might still use it. I'm not sure yet. It might become a middle name. It might not be a name we use. I don't know. This time I don't know about names. Like every other time I've known their name right away, even before I was pregnant with Elena and with Jude. I knew their name before I was even pregnant. So, yeah, this time is different. I feel a little bit like, hmm, who is this baby, Lord? Who is this baby? Casey wants to know if this baby was planned. Casey, how dare you? This baby was not planned by us. We talked about having a baby in, like, two years. We talked about a fifth. We wanted to have a fifth. Well, Danielle was talking about doing foster care already, and I'm like, man, you know, that's cray-cray, but that's what she wanted to do. I think this is God's way of saying, hey, let's have one more baby, then we'll do the foster care. In North Carolina, you have to sign up for a class, and it only happens in November each year, and it's already full. So, like, I said, let's get our name on the list, because it'll at least be, you have to do the class, and it's like a six-month process of paperwork and home checks and all these things before you can even get licensed. So that's why I said let's start the process. Yeah, maybe God was saying, like, no, I have other stuff in store. I think, obviously, every life, every child has been, yeah, he has a purpose for, and we believe that wholeheartedly. There is a reason we have four girls and whatever this baby is, and there's a reason they were born when they were born. I believe that without a doubt. So I think we weren't really planning the timeline now, but, yeah. The rest of the questions, the rest of the baby questions will be answered, hopefully, in that pregnancy tag video. And so let's move on to some of the other questions you guys had for us. Mary asked if John does daddy-daughter dates, and what is the most rewarding part of having so many kids? I don't do daddy-daughter dates. Not that I don't want to, just because we haven't, but I think it's probably time to start doing that, especially with Tyler. He has done some, but not regularly. Yeah, but not very many. I mean, I've maybe done a couple with him. So just not a whole lot. So it's something that I do want to do, and that I think we both think is important for both of us to spend one-on-one time with the kids. So I think that the age that Tyler's at right now, it's really starting to be important for her to get that intentional one-on-one time with both of us. So we've talked about, since they've started preschool, they don't have preschool on Fridays, and making that Friday mornings. It's just we've been really busy. And that's the biggest challenge I think we have, is John doing so much freelance work, and just always being on the go and always planning stuff and always doing stuff. So whenever we do have free time, we're doing something as a whole family. So I know that that one-on-one time is important. Yeah, definitely. And the most rewarding part of having so many kids, I don't know, I think whenever you have one child, you hear all the time, and even having one child at one point, they're like, I just don't know how I could love another child. I feel like I wouldn't love it as much because I just love this child here so much. But once you have that other child, that love is not multiplied. It's not like you have to love this one a certain amount, and this one doesn't get as much love. No, it's the exact same feeling you have with that one just at two different times. Yeah, it's weird. It's hard to explain until you've actually had it. So if you have one or two kids, just imagine those feelings just completely with multiple children. So I think that's rewarding for me, just being able to share, just love these kids, and for them to love you. That's probably the best part is that they reciprocate that love, and they just, Daddy, they want to hug you and be with you, even if you don't want to sometimes, but it's just nice to have that. I think, too, seeing all their different personalities, knowing that they each have a purpose and they're just so individual, and so they each add something to our family. Like Elena is just this sweet and bright girl, and she has a very sour side, so she adds that too. That's not rewarding. Tyler's very smart, and she's brilliant. She wants to be helpful, and she's so compassionate. She cares so much about being helpful and serving. And then Jude is just funny. She's just this wild little character. And Adeline, she's always smiling. So each one has this thing that just adds an element of joy to our family. And I know as they grow up and get older, they're all going to have this specialness about them that makes our whole family special. Just to add real quick, it is also cool to see how we both are growing, being challenged by them and by just the things, the personalities that they bring into the family. So it's just also rewarding is that it is teaching us a lot as we're going through this. What age will the girls start chores? So they've actually had chores. I'm just not consistent, and that's my fault. We're so busy that I just, I'm like the least habit-forming person in the world. We both are the least habit-forming. We both have trouble forming habits, which is really hard. But it's good and bad, because I've never been addicted to smoking or things like that. It's good in that way, but it's bad in the sense that we've got to teach our kids good habits. They do have good habits, but it's a lot harder to be consistent with things. But Tyler, she's responsible for her dog. Although now we're struggling because she has to take him out on a leash for a walk and to go potty, and she just will hook him up somewhere and she'll go play. I'm like, okay, now you cannot take him out next time. So it's like her responsibilities are getting taken from her. She likes responsibilities, so it is actually punishment, are getting taken. So it's, I don't know, it's hard. But yes, in our process of minimizing, I am making it as easy as possible for them to clean their rooms, which means I do have to go into Tyler and Alayna's room today and take more toys. They don't even have that much, but they still have them all as a force. So until they learn how to clean up after themselves, now we've started this, they don't get to have things. So that's the start of the chores. I definitely think kids at any age can have chores. When Tyler was two in her room, we cleaned it up every day before she could come out, and she would do it. So it got to a point where I'd come in her room in the morning, she would have already picked up all her toys and ready to come downstairs. So I think it was a lot easier when we just had one kid, or when Alayna was a baby. I mean, it was a lot easier to be consistent with that with all of them. There's always somebody that needs something immediately before we're even awake. And there's more rooms. So we're working on it. We just have to find a new group with a larger family and with more responsibilities for us, too, with making videos and things. Megan wants to know, how does Danielle survive the day with all four kids alone? How do you survive the day with all four kids alone? That's a good question. Have you ever had all four kids alone for a whole day? Not for a whole day. Oh, no, not all four kids. I think I had all three at one point for, like, seven hours, which is actually kind of like a whole day. But they were sleeping probably for, like, three of those seven hours, so maybe four. Remember you went out with, like, Janine or somebody? Yeah, we spent a lot of time. And you were gone, like, all day. I was like, where is she? But I wasn't going to text you because I was like, this is your time. It's not easy, but it's not hard. It's easier when John's not here in some ways because when he is here, the kids act rowdier and wilder. And he plays with them, and I love that, but it winds them up and then they, like, won't listen to anything. So when he's not here, they tend to listen a little better. A lot of times they'll play by themselves quietly or they'll go outside. This trampoline has been a lifesaver because I'm like, go jump on the trampoline. Get out of here. We do watch TV sometimes. Sometimes it's like, okay, movie day, like, just sit down and chill out because I can't do this. A lot of times when I'm here, when John goes out of town, I just, things get neglected, like cleaning and laundry and dishes. So I think that's most of my survival is prioritizing. Okay, kids, they have to be fed, and they need to not be killing each other. So those are the things. And then everything else comes after that, which usually means it doesn't happen because those first two things take up so much energy and time. So I wanted to know what the girls' favorite movies and TV shows now are. Tyler very much likes action things, and we don't really let her watch these all the time because she likes to imitate things she sees, but she really likes the Ninja Turtles and the Power Rangers. Big Hero 6. Star Wars. And Jude likes, her favorite movie is Frozen, which is adorable because she sings the song now. It's really cute. Jude likes just about anything. Daniel Tiger. She loves Daniel Tiger. She loves him. And I love Daniel Tiger. His parents are saints. Elena, who does she like? She likes Princess things. She likes Feeding the Beast. Princess Elena of Avalor. Princess Elena of Avalor she really likes. So, yeah, she definitely, Belle is her favorite princess, I think. She really likes girly things. She likes My Little Pony. Do we come from large families or families with a lot of girls? My family is, we have five kids, two girls and three boys, yeah. So the, but, yes, I mean, it was pretty even, I think. So your age differences were kind of far apart. Yeah, yeah, my two oldest siblings are half siblings, so they are a little bit older. They're, like, ten years older than I am. But, yeah, so there's girl, boy, girl, boy, boy. So we actually have more boys than girls, actually on both sides. So it is kind of funny that we cannot have any boys. I have two brothers. So, no, not large family. My grandma had five kids, though. So I know at least she doesn't think I'm crazy. What are the biggest hopes for your kids' lives? I think that's pretty simple. I hope our kids, you know, follow Christ and see the example that hopefully we're setting for them. But aside from that, I don't have the biggest hopes for them. I'm not going to be a parent that's, like, pushing college and a specific job. We hope they don't go to college. We just want them to be good people and treat people kindly and to have compassion for people and to do things that are beneficial to others and not just themselves. So that's kind of my biggest hope is just that they become somebody that actually cares about other people and not just worldly materialistic things that mean nothing. I agree. I also think that they care about family. That's important to me, is that they grow up and that they value their relationship with each other and their relationship with us. So I hope that they always feel close to us and trust us and that they always want to spend time with, not always, always, but always want to spend time with us and with each other. That's one of the biggest things that breaks my heart, is, like, I'm not super close with my brothers. So I just feel like I miss that, and I want that for my kids. I want them to be close and best friends and to grow up together and love each other for their whole lives. Nicole wants to know how we afford a large family, and I think that is funny. Budgeting, which we're terrible at. We don't budget. We don't have a lot of money. Like, we're not super rich. John works really, really hard doing videography. Like I said, he has a lot of freelance jobs. For a while, he was working a full-time job, a part-time job, and side work to provide for all of our needs and more. God has always blessed us. He's always provided work when we've needed it, when things look really tough. We'll randomly get a tax return that we didn't even realize was coming, or we'll randomly find, hey, someone wants a video. They asked for this stuff. So he's always just kind of provided for each child he's blessed us with. And so I think also prioritizing our spending, you know, and what's important to us. The kids eating healthy food is important to me. Clothes and having expensive clothes or not. Most of their clothes are actually hand-me-downs. I mean, we do buy them clothes, but maybe once a year, maybe twice a year for Tyler, and then the other girls get hand-me-downs. So I think it's just a matter of spending money on what we need and trying to limit the things that we want or saving for the things that we want. How do we prioritize marriage and not stress? We don't prioritize our marriage. We prioritize stress. Good answer. Look at this guy. But we don't. We need to. We don't prioritize our marriage the way that we should. We don't prioritize stress. I was kidding about prioritization. Stress just happens to be coming in. But we don't. We need to do more of that because we're just not. I am so focused on my job and then typically after the job, the kids, helping Danielle with the kids, so it doesn't really, that's not really focusing on our marriage. It's just trying to help around the house and keep sanity in the house. So it is something that we both are not or that I'm not. We recognize the need for it. We're not saying we don't need to prioritize our marriage because we do. Or that we don't want to. Yes, and we understand the importance of it. Now we're in a season that's just hectic and busy, and so it's hard. It's hard. Yes, we need to find time to do those things. I think for us, we're both reaching a point where we're like, okay, let's put our nose to the ground, like work hard and try to build something that will support our family through, you know, videography and YouTube and trying to get to a place where we have the time to spend with the family and to spend with each other and not have to worry about, you know, working all the time or planning things. And it gets a little bit easier. I think it does get easier as your kids get older. And we do spend time together. You know, we will make a point to sit down together, eat together, watch, you know, TV late at night, do stuff and talk. We just haven't gotten out of the house really much for dates and stuff. But don't think that we live in this stress-free bubble of like happy. All marriages have problems. That's plain and simple. If somebody tells you their marriage has no problems, they are lying to you. But we work through it, and we work through, you know, everything. I feel like that's one of the things, like when God put us together, we've jumped over every hurdle. We've gone through it in five years of marriage, now about to have our fifth child, and we've gotten stronger each year in our ability to get through the tough stuff and get through financial burdens and get through, you know, we were living in a very small apartment at first and get through just all of these challenges, job changes. If you're not willing to adapt, then your marriage is going to fail because that's the biggest thing I've learned in our marriage from the beginning. You know, I've seen myself change so much because I've had to learn that she's not me and she doesn't think the same way I think. And the same, you know, for her, I don't think the same way that she thinks. So it's something that you have to just be willing to compromise on things and just be able to, you know, just change a little bit the ways you do stuff sometimes because if you don't, you're just going to be miserable and you're going to hate your life and you're going to want a divorce. All right, guys. Well, we have like a whole other page and a half of questions, so we're going to have to do a part two to this. Oh, just another page. Well, no, because we're going to take some of these. Okay. So what we'll do is we'll come back and bring a part two, hopefully in the next week or so, to finish up on your questions. So thanks for the questions. We hope you enjoy this video. You're getting to know us a little bit better. Yes. And if you're not subscribed, please subscribe. Yes, subscribe, like the video. And we will see you later. Yep, see you later, guys. Hey, thanks for watching. Make sure you click the subscribe button to follow along with the Murrays. Click subscribe.