Toddler Discipline Strategies To Keep You From Going Crazy | Dad University

The toddler years with my children were the specific reason why I started taking parenting classes. I wanted to learn more about this stuff. I was frustrated, I was angry, and I was short-tempered. It is amazing how much we will allow a three-year-old to affect us. What I didn't have at the time was the knowledge on how to discipline a toddler or how to deal with these specific situations. What was I supposed to do when my toddler was being defiant? I could only yell so many times, I could only say no so many times. It was frustrating. So I figured I needed to start studying, I needed to start learning, and most importantly, I had to start practicing these techniques so that I could discipline my toddler and really understand how to handle these situations. In this video, we're going to go over some toddler discipline strategies. After this video, my hope is that you will be more calm, your toddler will improve the way that they behave, and you will feel like you're able to handle these situations when they happen, because they will. Hey guys, I'm Jason Kreidman, and welcome to another episode of Dad University. Be sure to give this video a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and click on that notification bell. Also, it really helps us spread our message when you share these videos. So maybe you know a couple people that might enjoy it, please share it with them. Most parents associate discipline with some kind of punishment. But what if I told you that I believe punishment doesn't work? You know, it's funny, I've done a couple videos on punishment, and I've even cited studies and research and data, and I still get people that don't agree, and that's fine, because they didn't like the publications or the studies that I cited, and they feel like they're biased. Everybody's got an opinion, and that's what's wonderful about the internet. So I want to throw it out there, so that everybody understands. This is my opinion. I make these videos, it's my opinion. You don't have to agree with it, you don't have to go along with it, I'm simply stating my opinion. And now here's the beautiful thing. You can choose not to listen, you can choose to listen to some of it. My hope is that even if you disagree, there are a ton of other videos on this channel which you can get some value from. We don't have to agree on everything. You know what? We can agree to disagree, and we can still be friends and move on. So again, this is my opinion. You don't have to agree with it, but I believe that punishment doesn't work, and I'm going to tell you why. It's not the punishment that actually teaches them what to do. It's that discussion that you may have after you've done whatever you've done to punish them. It's that conversation and asking them, what could you have done differently? Or showing them the correct way to handle whatever situation that they were faced with. Or explaining the consequences of their actions and how that could work. That is what teaches them. If you think that sending your toddler to their room, making them sit in the corner, taking away their electronics, or if you're even one of those people that think that spanking does something, none of these punishments work. We've talked about it in other videos, you can go check those out, but none of them work. All it does is make you feel better. It's not going to make your toddler better. And that's what we're trying to do. We're trying to improve the behavior, trying to help them understand situations. And none of these punishments work. Now you might be saying, but Jason, I spanked my toddler and they stopped the behavior. Granted, they probably would right then. They're scared, they probably would stop whatever they're doing. But did you really teach them anything? What information did you transfer to say that if you're going to do this, you're going to get punished? That has nothing to do with what the correct behavior is and teaching them the correct behavior. Within these toddler discipline strategies, some of the items are things that you're going to think about when you're interacting with your toddler. So it's just some things that you have to keep in mind or some ways that you're going to approach some things. And then the others are specific things that you can do when you're actually interacting with a toddler and dealing with a situation. So let's get to it. Number one, be empathetic. Put yourself in the place of your toddler. You've only been on this earth a couple of years. You haven't even been walking and talking very long. There's so many rules and things to understand. It's pretty overwhelming. Being empathetic means that you're looking at a situation from another person's perspective and actually feeling it. What is it like to be a toddler? I want that toy now. I want to keep eating those cookies. These clothes? I don't want to wear these clothes. We're leaving the park? I don't want to leave the park. It's important that we understand the toddler's perspective and be empathetic towards them. We'll probably make different disciplined decisions and act towards them differently when we understand what it is that they're going through. And the truth is, you'll actually get less mad as well. Less frustrated because you're understanding where the child is coming from. One way you can show your child empathy is by doing number two, affirming their feelings. So let's say the child is crying. They wanted that cookie. You might say, I know you really wanted that cookie and dad's not letting you have it. I would be so mad too. I understand you're mad. What this does is that it affirms that you understand what they are feeling and what they're going through. That is an important part of communication. And the truth is, is we all want to be heard. And even a toddler, they're just crying or getting upset because they want attention. They want to be heard. Oftentimes when you affirm your toddler's feelings, they will stop. They got what they needed. There's no more reason to fight. They wanted to be heard. Number three, don't take things personally. Your two or three year old is not out to get you. They're not trying to make you mad. They're not trying to make you upset. They're just trying to figure out what's going on in this world and making sense of things. So you can't take these things personally. Us dads have a tendency to take things personally. How dare my toddler defy me? Or how dare my toddler talk back to me? But the truth is, is that they really don't have a good understanding of exactly what it is that they're doing. We do need to take a step back and not take it personally. Number four, provide choices. Toddlers start to explore this idea of control. They really want control of everything. And so one of the best ways that we can help them feel like they're in control is giving them choices because they then get to make the decision. And making a decision is being in control. Instead of saying, hey, wear this shirt, you might give them two options and say, hey, which shirt would you like to wear? Again, they get to choose which is them being in control. Or instead of saying, hey, it's time for a bath, let's go to the bathroom. You'd say, hey, it's time for a bath. Would you rather hop like a kangaroo over to the bath or would you rather go slow like a turtle? Again, you're giving them that choice, which makes them feel like they're in control. Number five, positive reinforcement. Most of us have no problem pointing out the negative or the things that our children do wrong. But what about making a big deal about the things that they do right? Positive reinforcement is extremely powerful. So maybe you say, hey, I really appreciate the way that you were playing nice with your sister. That was that was really appreciated. Or when we were leaving the park earlier, you know, you didn't argue. You just came right with me. And that was so helpful for us leaving on time. It seems like we shouldn't have to say anything because that's the behavior that was expected. But positive reinforcement works. And it's really important that you reinforce that behavior because they will want to do it again. If you're not sure if positive reinforcement works, think about a situation in which you got a compliment from your wife, maybe for doing a task. Let's say you did something without being asked. You, you know, clean the bathroom and she came to you and just said, you know what, honey, thank you so much. That was so appreciated that you clean the bathroom. You'll probably clean that bathroom again. Positive reinforcement works. Number six, ignore them. That's right. Toddlers often misbehave because they want the attention. Why do you think they cry? Because it works. Why do you think they act up or misbehave? Because it works. Now, we may get upset or yell, but that's still attention. It's negative attention, but it's still attention. So that's often why they will act up is because we then provide them that attention. If you ignore them, you're stripping away that attention. You're not giving them the attention that they're asking for. By ignoring the bad behavior, the toddler will often realize that it doesn't work for getting the attention that they want. Now, you have to be prepared for a strong willed child if you have one where they may continue to escalate it until somebody gives them that attention. But for many children, ignoring the behavior will often work if it doesn't. And you obviously have to use some of the other strategies. But a good example of this is a temper tantrum where and try this when you're at your house rather than maybe when you're at the store. But the child doesn't get their way and they throw themselves on the ground and start pounding the ground or crying or getting really upset. What if you just walk away and you ignore them? They realize that they're not getting the attention by throwing the tantrum. Instead, what most parents do is run over, pick them up, say, hey, you can't behave that way, whatever. And they give them that interaction that they're looking for, even if it's negative and they're yelling at them. But that interaction is what they want. So by ignoring them, you're basically saying what you're doing is not working. That's not going to bother me. That's not going to get you the attention that you want. So probably not a good idea to do that behavior. You may have to spell it out for the child and give them some direction if they're not familiar with this. But you could say, you know, when you calm down, then I'm happy to talk to you. And then you have to stick to what you just said. You can't talk to them. You must ignore them. You have to stick to what you promised. Number seven, distraction or redirection. Most toddlers are pretty easily distracted or redirected. You know, if they are whining about something, you can often change the subject or, you know, give them something different or change the situation pretty quickly. You know, if they're going after a cookie and they wanted this cookie and you say, oh, no, let's go play over here. You know, hey, and then you have some activity or some toy. Oftentimes they'll forget what's going on over there and be distracted. Toddlers live in the moment. And as a result, you can usually change that moment or get them to focus on some different shiny red object. Their attention span is low. And so redirection or distraction is usually pretty easy and you can take advantage of that low attention span. Number eight, repetition. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was your toddler's ability to understand what's going on in this world. It takes three thousand nine hundred and eighty two times for a toddler to understand something. I'm actually kidding. It's that's not a real stat, but it does feel like that. It takes repetition over and over and over again. You will find yourself saying famous phrases like how many times have I told you or haven't we done this before? The answer is yes, a lot of it. Dealing with a toddler takes repetition. It takes going over and over and over again. But that's the thing you have to understand. And when you have that expectation, then you won't get as mad. You are prepared for the fact that it's going to take repetition to get this toddler to understand what's going on. As adults, sometimes it's hard to remember to give them that leeway. We expect that they should understand right away. But as adults, we don't even do that. So how can we keep a toddler accountable when we have the same issues as adults? Toddler discipline is one of the toughest areas for parents. The toddler years are rough. I empathize with you. It's not an easy situation to be in, but you will make it through, especially if you implement these strategies. But I ask you also, too, is to have patience. You know, understand that you're going to make mistakes. Your children are going to make mistakes. And just remember to have that patience. Of course, it's easy for me now to look back at all the mistakes that I made during toddler discipline. It's not an easy time. It takes a lot of effort and a lot of patience to keep yourself from going crazy. But I'm confident that you can do it. I would love to hear from you. What are some discipline challenges that you are having with your toddler? Leave your feedback in the comment section below. If you found this video helpful, you don't want to miss what we have for you in our other videos. Be sure to give this video a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel and click on that notification bell. Also, if you know some people that might enjoy this, please share it with them. We'll see you next time.