How to SWEAR 🤬 in SPANISH 🇪🇸🔥 (for educational and survival purposes 😜)

This has to be the most useful lesson I've ever filmed, like, ever. Today we're going to be learning how to swear in Spanish. Are you ready? I don't know if I'm ready for this. Come on, let's go. Las palabrotas en español. Don't worry, we're going to start baby level, child friendly almost. And then by the end, you'll sound like you're stuck in Madrid's traffic. So just make sure that you're using headphones in case your grandma is around, OK? I don't want to be held accountable. First things first, as much as I love the English language, the beautiful English language, there is nothing like swearing in Spanish. We just have the most creative and funny swear words and they just hit differently. In English, less is more. We have the S word, one syllable. We also have the F word, also one syllable. And then we have the C bomb, of course, also one syllable. In Spanish, more is more. The longer, the harder it hits. It's like a metralleta. You don't even see it coming. And suddenly, me cago en la puta madre que te pario, hijo de puta. It just hits differently. I love Spanish. Empezamos con el primer nivel, baby swears. We could say miércoles, miércoles, literally Wednesday. But it's used instead of saying mierda, ----. Miércoles, he perdido el autobús. Jolín, jope, very innocent. It's like saying, oh, golly, very innocent. Caracoles, literally, snails. I don't think nobody under 80 would ever say that. I think it's quite funny. Recorcholis. You would sound like a cartoon character if you say that. And then you have the classic. Que te den por saco, anda y que te den. It's a polite version of screw you. Que te den. Que te den por saco. Of course, those are the ones that you say if you're in primary school and you don't want to get in trouble, but then when you get to secondary school, you upgrade to the real stuff, don't you? So instead of saying miércoles, you would say mierda, ----. You stab your toe and you go, ah, mierda. My sofa has it for me. I don't know how many times it's done that. I'm surprised I still have a toenail. Joder. The national word of Spain. You can use it being surprised as in joder, que calor. **** it's hot. In anger. Joder, que pesado. **** it's such a pain. Or in happiness. Joder, que rico está esto. And of course, we've got the classic. Vete a la mierda. Go to hell or literally go to the ----. Level two, classic swears. I think most of you already know this one, possibly from watching Netflix, but cabrón, you can use it for different meanings such as bastard or hey, dude, hey, cabrón, friendly, que pasa, cabrón. I personally don't use it like that, but I know a few people that would. I personally prefer to use it in an angry manner. Eres un cabrón. It comes in handy for certain moments. Coming up, the classic. Coño, coño, coño. Literal meaning, vagina. Bit of a rude way to say vagina, if you know what I mean. But also we use it as in the meaning of for God's sake or even **** or ----. In an angry way, I could say, coño, tierra la ventana. Hey, for God's sake, close the window or surprise. Coño, Juanjo, que sorpresa. This is running to Juanjo, I'm happy to see him. Moving up, cojones, balls. This one is used everywhere. Do not get confused between cojones, cajones, drawers and cojines, cushions. It's always a funny misunderstanding in furniture shops, but try to avoid it. You can use it to express annoyance. Cojones, deja ya de molestar. ****, stop annoying me. There's also a beautiful expression which I absolutely love. Manda cojones, que manda cojones. That means something like this is unbelievable. The literal meaning is send balls. Manda cojones. Manda cojones, no me puedo creer que no me haya llamado. Unbelievable, I can't believe he hasn't called me. But of course, you can also use it in a positive way, such as, oye, esto esta cojonudo. Instead of cojones, I have used cojonudo, cojonudo, cojonudo. If we look at that compound word, cojonudo, cojo means lame, nudo means not. Fun fact, my dad thinks he's so awesome. He decided to put that as his email address in English because he thought nobody would understand in Spain. So his email address is his name and then the word lame, not. That's my dad for you. Dad, I think it's about time you change that. A ver si maduramos ya, eh? There's also a really funny expression with cojones that is, mis cojones 33. My balls 33. God knows where that comes from, but it basically means no ******* way. Moving up to level intermediate. Empezamos con hostia. Yes, is the Holy Communion wafer, that little biscuit that they give you. And then, of course, it gets stuck to the top of your mouth. That happened to you as well? Christians, Catholics, if you know, you know. But anyway, it's used as damn, hostia que caro. Damn it, this is expensive. Hostia, imbécil. Very similar as the word in English, but we use it a lot more often. I think that in English is being given like a posh meaning. Some sort of imbecile. Nah, in Spanish is not. It's the classic idiot. Straightforward. Eres un imbécil. My teacher used to call that to a few kids in my school, also a Catholic school. Moving on, gilipollas. Gilipollas. This one is my go to. I freaking love this one. Asshole, gilipollas. The iconic Spanish insult, possibly the most used one. Este tío es un gilipollas. Entre tu y yo. We all know the word puta, unfortunately. Overused in the wrong context, if you ask me. And from that word we have derived putada. Que putada. What a bummer. For example, se me ha roto el móvil. Que putada. I'm screwed, basically. And the last one in this category, que te jodan. Que te jodan. Learn this one because it could come in really handy at any given point. Que te jodan, que te jodan. Madre mía, I hope I don't get cancelled for this, guys. Moving on to level advanced. Brace yourselves. Me cago en todo. I ---- on everything. If you know, you know, Spaniards tend to ---- on everything. Not literally, but with swear words. We ---- on the milk. We ---- on tus muertos. On your dead relatives. We could even ---- on la puta madre que te parió. The ******* mother that gave birth to you. So anyway, me cago en todo. Me cago en la leche, me cago en tus muertos, me cago en la puta madre que te parió. That was quite... This is like therapy. Hijo de puta. Son of a bitch. Insulting, yes, but also sometimes affectionate. Hombre, que pasa, hijo de puta. I'm happy to see you. It would be something like, my guy. Hey. And one more on this trend. Anda y que te den por culo. Literally, go get fucked in the ass. It is very popular. How are you doing? Oh, good. Yes. Are you taking notes? Now you're almost fluent in Spanish road rage. But before I show you the last one, the funniest ones, in my opinion, I need you to stop. I need you to hit that like button. I need you to hit that subscribe button. And if you're really serious about learning Spanish and you'd like to have lessons with me, head to the link in my bio and sign up to my online community. What will you find in there? Full courses from A1 to C2, all levels. Six life lessons a week. My favorite, real life meetups. And the greatest and most supportive community to learn Spanish. I have called this bonus round funny insults. Because, as you know, us Spaniards are insult artists. Empezamos con la madre que te parió. I've used this one many times. The mother that gave birth to you. It can be admiration or an insult. It depends. La madre que te parió, que bien juegas al fútbol. Oh, my God, you're good at football. Or, la madre que te parió, se te han olvidado los deberes otra vez. **** my life, you have forgotten about your homework again. Context, my dears. Context. Tu puta madre en bicicleta. Your ******* mother on a bike. Nobody knows why. Nobody knows how. But it's just hilarious. It would be something like saying, no ******* way. Toca cojones. If somebody calls you a toca cojones, un toca cojones. Ball toucher. You are a nuisance. Deja de ser un toca cojones. You could also use toca pelotas. Toca cojones, toca pelotas. This one is kind of not as bad. You could use it amongst children, I think, this one. Eres un toca pelotas. Mamarracho. Definitely child friendly, guys. Very used amongst teachers. Clown. Un mamarracho. A ridiculous person. Eres un mamarracho. Un pringao. A loser. Un pringao. Tontolaba. All of this, super child friendly, guys. A silly idiot. Tontolaba. I love this one because of the context behind it. Eres un pagafantas. Only used for men, mainly. This is the word that we use to describe the guy that pays for the fantas, but is never going to get the girl. A friend-zoned loser. The girl doesn't want him to know that he's a pagafantas. She's just using him. Cancino. Not to be confused with casino. Cancino is just an annoying person. Me cansas. Eres un cancino. Again, child friendly. Come mierda. Not child friendly. Shit eater. It's harsh, but it's funny. Boca chancla. I can't keep a secret, guys. Soy una boca chancla. Big mouth. Someone who talks too much nonsense. Apollardao. This one comes from the word polla, which means dick. Apollardao. Someone just dumb. That's like... Spaced out. Not paying attention. Distracted all the time. Empanao is the child friendly version of this one. And just to finish with some positive ones. De puta madre. Literally, of the whore mother. Oye, tengo entradas para el partido. Toma, de puta madre. I've got tickets for the football. ------- awesome. And on that note, remember my dad's favorite? Cojonudo. We've already seen that one. OK, so this is the most useful lesson that I never thought I would be teaching. At least now you speak advanced Spanish traffic driver. Use them wisely or not. Yo no soy vuestra madre. But before you go, in the comments, make sure you leave me which one is your favorite. Have I missed any? And if you want me to do a part two with Latin American insults, let me know, because those are next level. Hey, don't forget to subscribe. Otherwise, you're such a bringal. Un besito y hasta la próxima.