Hilarious Moments in Sweden _ Max Amini _ Stand Up Comedy

Let me get a big round of applause from the real deal Swedish people. Yeah, clap, let me see. Oh wow, we have a big crowd of Swedish people here. I love this. And you were clapping too? You think you're a hot-blooded, authentic, real deal Swedish person? Look, the guy next to you got very offended. The way I found out you're not a real authentic Swedish because the Swede right next to you went like, what the f**k? No, it's okay, don't say sorry. Where are you from? You're from Philippines. To be honest, you look very Swedish. People tell you you look Chinese, tell them no, I'm Swedish. Tell them Max said, you're wrong. You're adorable. You're from Philippines. I love Philippines. What's your name? I'm Ara. You're Ara? You what? You moved here from Copenhagen. Oh, and you still look Filipino. Because I heard the cold weather will change you to a Swedish person. To a Scandinavian, it didn't happen? You got to go outside and stay in the cold. Yeah? Your hair goes blonde, your eyes go blue. Why do you think Swedes, when their babies are born, they leave them outside? Did you know that? They leave their babies outside in the cold and they go inside the coffee shop and get a coffee. They want the kid to get as blonde as possible. You know, it's snowing, the baby's inside. The Middle Eastern, it's hot, it's the desert, you know, hair black. Wadda, wadda, wadda, wadda, wadda, wadda. It's the effect of the desert. Gives you dark hair. What about Philippines? It's humid, it's warm, it's beachy, it's so sunny, your eyes, you just go. God, so much sun. So much sun. Sun in your eyes. Gives you that beautiful long eyes, yeah? That's so nice. And then your skin is so smooth like a dolphin. I love, you're so lucky. Us Middle Eastern, hair everywhere. You see all these Middle Easterns here tonight? They shaved right before they come. And I'm talking about the girls. Don't say, you're so, Filipinos are so nice. Sorry, sorry, don't say sorry. Don't be sorry, be Swedish. Say, I'm not sorry, **** you. That's so great, honey. But I hope you meet some cool people that live here. And I hope you get a nice boyfriend. You like the Swedish men? You don't like the Swedish men? Good to know, good to know. You're not attracted to the Swedes? The blonde, the blue eyes, the six pack, the cock. I mean, I heard the Swedes gotta have big cocks, no. They're Scandinavians. You know that, yeah, you didn't know that? The Swedes have the biggest dick. Look, the African guy goes, yeah, it's bigger than mine. Look, I'm serious. African guy, agree with me. Look at the history. In Sweden, it snows a lot. All the white Swedes, they go out with their dick and they clean the snow like this. Like a windshield wiper. When it snows in front of their house, they take the dicks out like, come on. Like this, they clean the whole driveway. That's why they don't get circumcised. Because the head needs to stay warm inside. The science. The Swedes don't cut it so the dick is warm inside while they plow the snow. The Arabs, they circumcise. Because it's so hot. The dick will burn inside. It needs to be outside to breathe. Oh no, habibi. Habibi, I'm so hot in here, habibi. What part of Africa are you from? Nigeria? That's wonderful, dude. What's your name? David. David, how does it feel as an African to live in a country that finally your dick is smaller than theirs? It's unbelievable, huh? You never thought that that's gonna happen, huh? And who did you come here with? My wife. But there's nobody in that seat. Do you have an imaginary wife? He's like, I think she's here, but... Oh, that's your wife? She's coming? Ah, wife is real. And she's so beautiful. Look how she's dressed. My God. How long have you been married to this wonderful David guy? One year. That's it? No kids yet? Four? Let me calculate. Oh, okay. Every three months they had a baby. The last one came out in one month. What's that? You came from Iceland? Ask her name? Sure, what's your name? Say it again. Go again. Oh my God. Wrong again? That's a really beautiful name. That's really your name? You were born with that name? Can I ask you an honest question? Your mom and dad, they have speech impairment? So when you're born, the nurse is like, what should we name the baby? Excuse me, what is it? One second. Okay, we got it. The nurse walks away with it. And no one can ever say her name, ever. Even the parents, they're like, they have a paper next to them all the time. Jennifer. Linda. You're so cute. That's why you have a nickname, which is... What is it? Yo, the nickname is harder than the name. She goes, no. Well, you're so beautiful. From Iceland, yeah? Yeah, it must have been cold the day you were born. That's why your parents were sunnery that day. You guys like it? Like, you cannot say her name without ******* spitting out... How romantic is it for the husband? I love you. Give me a kiss. She's standing there like... I love you too. Oh, that's so good. Husband, what's your name? You don't have a husband? What if you change your name? You'll find love. Three Europeans here. Yeah, Europeans. Yeah, clap, clap from other parts of Europe. Sir, what part of Europe are you from? Finland. That's nice. Just because of you, you are my 50th birthday gift. That is so sweet. This is what happens. When you turn 50, your life becomes so boring that the wife goes, let's watch some comedy, you know? I'm so happy you came, buddy. And what's your name? Reza. Reza? You Persian. Reza. Where are my authentic Europeans? Salam, I am Reza. I am here. I am 50 years old. It is my birthday. I am excited to see my comedian. I'm here for my birthday to send you a hug. Well, Reza, you're very welcome. No, no, I asked where are my Europeans. You're Iranian. This guy has no f***ing idea what he is. Look at these young bucks. Yeah. Look at you three, so good looking. Sweets? No, American? Ah! You're American? In Sweden? No! What are you doing here? You're here to f*** up the country? They're doing just fine, man. You're here to sell them bitcoins or some ----? What are you doing in Sweden, guys? Visiting family. Ah, really? And what's the relationship between you guys? We're brothers. Okay, the two brothers and the one in the middle? He's my boyfriend. He's Persian. He's your boyfriend and he's Persian. Persians. You got a good reputation in Sweden, apparently. You have a Persian gay boyfriend? Yeah. What a great choice. So let me get your names, first guy. What's your name? Philip. Sounds gay. Is your flip any time, yeah? Philip flip flew. Philip the flipper. My Persian gay buddy? Kayvon. Sounds like gay-von. Good name, good name. Your parents knew when he came out. They came out, Kay-von! They did also, when he came out, the baby came out. Usually babies come out with their head out first. This one came out with his ass. He's like, I'm coming. I thought you guys are liking my show so much. That's why you're so happy. I realized, no, you're gay. That's why. Gay people are just happy. That's great, man. What part of America do you live? Texas. Texas? Don't tell anybody there you're gay. Not the best idea yet. Be careful. Just put on a cowboy hat. And then, you know what happens then? Brokeback Mountain. Like, Brokeback Mountain, Texas cowboys. Persian gay make the best husbands. You married? Not married yet. Yeah, Persian. How do I know? Who said that? Birthday boy. He's gonna **** you. You're gonna find out why. You guys ever had a threesome? No? Well, happy birthday. The wife didn't know the comedy show comes with dicks. So, okay, because you guys are Muslim and you came with a hijab, I want to tell you, some parts of my show might be X-rated. When that happens, start praying for me. Okay? How long you guys been living in Sweden? You meet one, okay, one year ago you came. So, you don't speak the language, do you? It's a long story. Oh, we don't want long story. You were born here and then you left for jihad. Like, Habibi, how did you know? Swedes, relax. I got this, okay? The Swedes get nervous. What the ****? We thought we came to a comedy show. We have a gay threesome with the birthday boy. This guy goes to jihad. The African guy's ******* dick is smaller than the other ones. And then a Filipino who thinks she's Swedish. This is unbelievable. What a show.