Best of Henry Cho： Dumb Friend Jokes ｜ Henry Cho Comedy)

So J.B., the question about that is a buddy I grew up with. One time, he was riding my truck when we were kids. And I flipped on the turn signal. And he just went, what's that clicking noise? Hey Hank, your truck's making like a clicking noise. Then I finished the turn, he goes, no, never mind, it went away. Why do we still hang out? I don't know why we hang out. It's not his fault those parents are stupid. They named him J.B., that's my buddy's name. Only a J and a B doesn't stand for anything. That's his name, J.B. So when he's 16, he tried to apply for his driver's license. He didn't want them to think that J.B. stood for anything. On application, he wrote, J only, B only, Stewart. It came back, Jonely Bonely Stewart. He's like, look at this, Henry! Jonely Bonely Stewart. What's that clicking noise? We still call him Jonely. My kids have only known him as Jonely. I mean, since they were a little bitty. He's like, I'm Mr. Stewart. They go, oh, daddy told us, Jonely Bonely. You're Jonely Bonely. So what he did recently, I was doing a project in New York. So I was up there for a couple weeks. They gave me a high-rise apartment. So I called him. I said, hey, free place to stay in New York City. Come on. So he came to visit. We're so high up, we had a garbage chute. So one day, I gave him the garbage. And I said, hey, go two doors down. You'll see a chute. Just throw the garbage down the chute. He came right back with the garbage and goes, they refused it. I said, what are you talking about? There's a sign that said refuse. I said, that's refuse. They're not the same. So like I told you, I went to Korea one time. I told Jonely. I said, hey, man, I'm going to Korea. He's like, wow, that's like going to a different country. How do we hang out, man? But this show had done me a steal. You know on Star Trek where it says, to boldly go where no man has gone before? He thought boldly go was another planet. We're watching Star Trek. I got a clear blue one out. He says, when they going to boldly go? Man, what did you just say? Well, every episode, they say boldly go. They ain't never been there. Man, why do we hang out? That is Jonely boldly from boldly go. And Jonely's a great hunter too, man. But he's dangerous to hunt with. The way he hunts, he goes, man, if it moves, just shoot it. He'll go, got him, Zeke. Zeke. Because Zeke's last words were, what's that clicking noise? One of my buddies, man, they're the two biggest goob heads God's ever put on this earth. I swear, they're great guys. I love them to death, but they're real stupid. One of my buddies would not go to New York City with me because he thought we may get mugged up there. He kept going, Henry, we may get mugged up there. I said, no, we won't. He goes, well, we won't if they don't know that we're from out of town. I said, well, you're right. He goes, well, let's don't act like it. I said, all right, man, I got it. So we took a bus from the Bronx into downtown Manhattan. The whole time, my buddy John Patton's going to Henry. We don't want people to know we're from out of town, so let's don't act like it. I said, all right, man, I got it. We step off this bus. My buddy John goes, hey, look at there, Henry, there's the Empire State Building. We just started handing out cash. He has this trait that if I repeat the same word several times, it sticks in his head. And that's all he can say for 30 minutes. I mean, it's a condition, but it's hilarious. He gets over it. I mean, there's no cure for it. It's just a little tick he has. So sometimes we take turns leaving him voicemails. There's like five of us. We all grew up together. And Tom, that's his name, he has a condition. So sometimes I'll just leave a voicemail saying, Walmart, Walmart, Walmart, Walmart. And he'll call me back going, Walmart, Walmart, Walmart. I said, all right, man, call you back in 25 minutes. Call him back in 25. Hey, Henry, that was not nice. Not nice, not nice, not nice, not nice. Stop it. He's our friend. We've been doing that since we were little. See, it's different now. People make fun of people. People categorize people. He was just one of our buddies that had a tick. I mean, when we were in elementary school, he had to go to speech therapy. And they'd pull him out of class. And everybody knew that he was getting pulled out to work on his speech because we knew he had a speech impediment. So instead of making fun of him, we just had fun with him, and he had fun back. Because we're like in second grade. So we're like seven. And he gets pulled out, and we go, see you, Tom. Tom, see you later. He goes, see you guys. We'll see you in a little while. All right, we'll see you on the playground, Tom. And we did that every Tuesday and Thursday for three years. And then he learned how to speak properly. Except that one little tick. So we're glad we kept something. I told him I told that story on stage. That's the first time I ever told the tick story. Because that was supposed to be a secret. I mean, it is. There's five of us, and we know. Of course, now there's 225. But the other story about him and his speech impediment in school, I told that story one time. And I told him, I called him. I said, hey, man, I don't know if this is going to come out. But I was doing a show, and there were like 2,000 people in this crowd. And I just told a story about you going to speech class, and us going, see, Tom, Tom, see you. So somebody may say something to you, because I may have said your last name also. He called me from work and goes, thanks, man. I walk into work, and my secretary goes, hey, Tom, how you doing? It's kind of tough on me growing up in my neighborhood when I was a kid. Kind of tough on me when I was little. Guys, you guys remember playing Army as a kid? Yeah, you pretty much guessed it. I hated this game. All my buddies would go, OK, Henry, it's the neighborhood against you. We'll give you head start. I'm booking down the road, man. We used to play a lot of Cowboys and Indians, too. Didn't we, guys? Cowboys and Indians. You guessed it. I hated this game, too, man, because I was always the cook. Yeah, what a go. I swear I talk this way all the time. Y'all are staring at me like retarded kids in math class or something.