Women, This is WHY Your Decluttering Doesn’t Work (How to Declutter Better)

You know that moment when you have finally decluttered and organized your closet or your kitchen or garage and it feels amazing, you're so proud of yourself, but then it just doesn't last that long and slowly stuff starts creeping back into the closet, to the drawers are overflowing, and before long you're right back where you started. You are not alone, my friend. This happens to so many of us because decluttering is not necessarily about just our stuff. A lot of it has to do with our emotional attachment to our things. As women, we carry a lifetime of stories in our house. Those jeans we wore to that fantastic concert, our children's memorabilia in boxes, and of course let's not forget the Sunday items that hopefully we'll fit back into again. Then of course there is society always pressuring us to consume more. So then we start to feel a little, well, weird when we want less. We feel out of place. So today let's talk about some of the reasons decluttering doesn't work or last and how we can finally get to a place where we feel good about letting go. You can't reach for what's ahead of you if your hands are full of what's behind you. We think that clutter is about our stuff, but actually it's also about our emotions. Everything that we own and have is more than just stuff. It comes with the emotions behind it as well. Everything we have comes with a story. We remember, we have memories about it and it evokes a feeling within us whenever we see it or touch it. This is why letting go can feel like a loss in a way. Many times we feel like it's erasing who we were. When I first became a minimalist, it was not by choice. It was in 2008 after the recession and we had to downsize. I literally felt like I was becoming invisible. I was extremely not only attached to my possessions, but my possessions really felt like who I was. It was part of my identity and therefore it was so painful to let go of these things. So then what do we do? We start refilling our space so that we start to feel more like ourselves. So we start to feel more safe and comforted in our homes. Decluttering is not just an outside job, my friend. It is also a huge inside job. But by doing this and going through mindfully all of your possessions, you will gain so much insight into not only who you have been, who you are, but who you are becoming. I might need this someday is the one sentence that keeps us from simplicity and living a clutter-free life. It is out of fear. Holding on to things for the someday is fear of scarcity, fear of loss, fear of not being able to find it or replace it. Fear is a very powerful thing and it can influence so many decisions that we make in our lives. If we are afraid that someday I might need this dress or this kitchen gadget, even though I have never used it from the time I bought it 10 years ago, it really keeps us grounded and rooted in the past when the truth is that most of these someday items we never end up using. Scarcity mindset keeps us stuck. It is the scarcity that is fear-based and it means that we are afraid of losing something. But when we find a way to let go, we actually gain security because when we realize we don't need these extra items, we start to trust ourselves and this builds confidence. Our homes are filled with memories, but memories don't live in items, they live within your heart. We keep these items because we're afraid. We're afraid that we're going to forget people in our lives or a particular moment in time. Being with my grandsons when they're tiny and little and enjoying precious moments with my family. These are memories that I cherish every day. Sentimental things run deep. They are in our photos, they are in keepsakes or things that have been passed down through generations for us. But sometimes these memory items and possessions become our emotional and physical clutter. They keep us rooted to the past and prevent us from living in the present or even seeking out the future. Decluttering is a fascinating cycle, isn't it? Clear, clean, refill, repeat. And we get stuck in the same pattern because we haven't fully come to grips with why we keep refilling our space and finding ways to prevent us from refilling our space once we have decluttered it. It used to be that when an item was worn out slightly we would mend it, but now that seems very old-fashioned and so instead we opt to just buy something new when actually all it takes is just a little bit of time and patience to fix a shirt. Also, we don't practice that getting rid of things and letting them go before we bring anything new into our house. I practice the one-in, one-out rule. If something needs to come into my life, then I need to let go of something as well. When you think of possessions in this kind of a way, you really intentionally pause before making that next purchase when you're like, hmm, if I make this purchase, what am I willing to let go of? In a world that glorifies more of everything, it can be a little lonely being on the opposite end of that and instead craving less, but less truly is more because we start to find joy in the everyday little things like playing a board game or walking in nature, baking something delicious, and this turns our joy inward instead of outward. Minimalism really does challenge the norms and you may feel a little bit like you're boring or less than or even weird if you are not chasing the next purchase like everyone else. When I first became a minimalist, it really caught people off guard, which I was surprised because I thought that how many items I owned was really just affecting my life, but it was different and it did make people around me feel a little bit uncomfortable, which then made me feel like I was odd or different. Am I guessing away? I am. True simplicity is when your home supports your lifestyle, not the other way around. Before you can declutter and make it actually work and last, look at the emotional aspects of why you have clutter in your home instead of letting go of something and thinking, do I really need this? Maybe think, what does this represent to me? Trying to identify the deeper meaning of your possessions. The truth is letting go takes a lot of courage and so does being a little bit different and going against the norms, but when you do, you will find clarity. You will stop chasing who you used to be or fear and you will be able to stand in not only who you are now with confidence, but also you'll be reaching for your future. Thank you so much for joining me today. Have a beautiful day, my friend.