She Caught Her Husband Lying About How He Spends Money

[music] brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. >> So, there's uh some discrepancies between how my husband and I think about finances. We've been married uh it'll be 31 years next week. And um just today I we were looking at some cash and um we were going to pay um to have some work done. Anyway, uh he left me a note saying he left $1,300. Uh he doesn't have any more. He'd have to go to the bank. And um I know for a fact that there was $2,200 in an envelope. And so I know he lied. And um I also had a discussion earlier with him about tithing um and the fact that that has not been something that is consistent uh with him because he is in control of finances and he said that he would uh he can't talk about the past but he can just do better in the future. But I've heard that before because I've had this conversation about the tithing before. So, how am I supposed to trust him with, you know, the past history in tithing and the fact that um, you know, I believe he lied about the the cash that was in the house. >> I think we can agree on that. There was Did you confront him and say there was 2,200? Why is there 13? Where' the $900 go? >> No, he did say he left some to uh for for some spending money. and he had set the money in a in a safe. Um, but I have the the code to the safe because he's, you know, for your protection if you need to get in here. >> Sure. >> To use. >> And was there $900 in there? >> Well, I I looked the other day and it was the the 2,200 and then I looked again today after I received that text about the 1300 and I looked and I didn't I didn't count it, but I there was more. It was more than just some spending money. And >> so he you think he's clearly lying to you. And do you think there's something going on here? An addiction, an affair, that that reason why he's withholding this information. 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I I just don't understand the defeat. >> And if you bring it up with him, he just gets defensive and says, "Well, I'll just try to do better because that's not good." was that that was regarding the tithing and um so he controls the accounts. I have access to them and that's why I was able to >> So what do you mean by control? >> Um he takes care of all the bills. He pays all of the bills. He always has. Um when we first got married, he had money saved. I did not because I was a spender. I had no debt, but I had no savings. And >> you relegated it to him to handle it. Yeah. And he pretty much, you know, based on the fact that he's a saver, kind of took over took over the >> How much money do you guys have saved? >> So, right now, so this is I know this won't be agreed upon, but we have a joint savings. Um there's like 35 in that um joint >> 35,000 or 100 >> thousand. But we also inherited some money um a few years back. And so between the money that we inherited his um tax deferred, my tax deferred, there's uh like 1.3 mil in there. >> Okay. >> Um and so I've even wanted to pay off the mortgage. There's only about 60 or 70,000 left on the mortgage. >> And how old are you, Tim? and um I'm 59. He's mid60s. >> Okay. How long has your marriage over these 31 years lacked communication and trust? >> Oh, most of them. >> Okay. That's what I was getting at. This has been going on a long time, which makes you an accomplice to the crime >> cuz you've been sitting back allowing it to happen to you, >> right? And so there needs to be a come to Jesus meeting and some marriage counseling to go, we're not on the same page. We haven't been on the same page. We have money in spite of our lack of alignment, lack of values, lack of just transparency when it comes to money. You can say, "I have access to the accounts, but we are not on the same page, and I want to know exactly where this money is going and what else is going on here in order to rebuild trust." And if he can't straight up tell you, if he starts to get nervous and defensive, that's a sign that this marriage has not been a marriage for a long time. >> Oh, >> it's been a transactional partnership. >> Yes. >> And that's the that's going to be the sad truth that you have to face >> is that we sort of played house as two people who live together, but we are miles apart. >> Yep. Yeah. I It's It's just been That has been difficult. I've asked there's no budget to speak of. Um, as long as the the bills get paid, you know, the the credit card gets paid every month, then, you know, we're we're doing good and >> and the rest of the money disappears into where he over wherever he wants it to go. >> Yeah. But it's not really disappearing. It was, you know, private school, tuition, college. So I I >> Kids are out of the house now. Um, they're all in they're all in their 20s, but three out of the four remain >> in the house. >> Mhm. >> Okay. I think we need to we need to have a come to Jesus to go, "Hey, we're we're in the last quarter here of this marriage, I want to make this great. It hasn't been great." And I want to know if you're on the same team. I think if you come at it attacking, he's just going to get defensive again. But if you come at it and say, "Listen, I haven't done a great job being involved, >> and that part's on me." But you have not done a great job communicating where our money's going, and it's left me wondering, is there something else going on? Why can't you be honest with me about where this cash is? Why is it all just smoke and mirrors and and defense? And if he can't get there, you definitely need marriage counseling yesterday. I don't know that he's willing to go. >> Do you think he would do that? Um that's been a struggle um over the years, me always asking and um it's never helped. So why why try it again? >> You need to go solo then until he's on board. Would you go by yourself? >> I am. I'm currently >> Okay. And what's come of that? >> Um we're just getting into some of the stuff. Um, so you know, I I think I'm at a realization of really am, you know, been unhappy for 20 years or more and do I want to finish the last 20 of my life. >> Yeah. >> Continuing to be unhappy. So that's my that's kind of what's been rolling around in my head for the last few days and especially after today. >> Yeah. Well, the it's going to take time and consistency and honesty and transparency, which means we're doing a budget every month. All our accounts are combined. There's no just loose cash, you know, fluttering away every month. I don't know that he's willing to do that. And at that point, you're going to have to make a hard call. Do I want to continue down this route of misery and lack of trust, or do I need to just create the my own last chapter of my life? I can't make that decision for you, but I hope that you guys come to a conclusion and you don't let this drag on for another 20 or 30 years. I'm so sorry, Janine. >> Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your