How To Leave A Toxic Relationship

Sometimes relationships are far from the ones and fairy tales we loved reading as kids. Our prince charming, instead of saving us, becomes the one we need saving from. Magical kiss doesn't bring our princess back from eternal sleep. But instead, the toxicity comes not from a poisoned apple, but from the person themselves. This can make us feel like we're trapped, just like Sleeping Beauty. When the illusion of love shatters and you come to realize your partner is toxic, you're faced with a difficult task. Leaving. Breaking up is never easy, even if it's the best thing you can do for yourself. That's why we're here to offer you some steps you can take to free yourself from a toxic relationship. Red flags. Realizing you're in a toxic relationship is a crucial step when trying to escape. But what are the red flags? Licensed clinical social worker and therapist Insha Raman suggests you ask yourself these questions to recognize a toxic relationship. Do you constantly feel unhappy about your relationship? Even if we all feel down now and then, it's not normal to be sad, angry, or anxious nearly all the time around your partner. These feelings might be a result of your partner's toxic behavior. Are they often calling you names or criticizing you? Are they controlling, constantly texting or calling to check up on you? Or maybe they're overly dependent on you, manipulating or gaslighting you. Feel free to check out this video to learn more about these red flags and toxic relationship behaviors. A million reasons. Even if it sounds like the most logical solution, simply breaking up with a toxic partner is not always easy. You know that very well if you've tried to leave the relationship before. Psychotherapist Marne Fearman wrote on very well mind about some common reasons why you might be reluctant to leave. Do you feel like you can't break up with them because it feels like you'd lose a part of yourself? This is a fantasy bond, a defense mechanism which makes you feel like you and your partner are one, a connected unit. A codependent relationship also makes a breakup difficult. You might feel like you and your partner are dependent on each other, like you simply need to be near them in order to feel safe and loved. Or you might have false hopes that one day they'll turn their life around and change for the better. And sometimes toxic partners can be verbally or even physically or sexually abusive. You may be afraid of what your partner would do to you if you decided to leave. Please remember, if you're a victim of domestic abuse, we encourage you to seek professional help, either from a psychologist, social worker, or the police. This video is not a substitute for professional advice and protection. Please check out the description where you'll find a link with resources for victims and survivors. Sharing a secret. Do your friends and family know about the problems you're facing? If not, now's the time to open up. No matter how hard or embarrassing it may feel, you need a person of trust. not just to comfort you, but also to help keep you safe. It can be a family member, a friend, a colleague, or a professional if you feel like you're not really close to anyone else. Whoever it is, social support is crucial. A study published in Journal of Counseling and Development in 2011 found that being connected to people around you can help you adjust and recover from your breakup. Skipping this important step might make it even harder for you, so make sure you share your secret. a forought. After you've asked for help, think about everything you have to do once you leave. This will not only help you be prepared, but it'll also make it real in your head, leaving little room for possible excuses. Do you need to pack your things? Do you need to stay at someone's place? Do you need someone to stay with you instead? Is there anything that could make them need to talk to you again, such as shared bills or Netflix password? According to licensed marriage and family therapist Jenny Mary Batteston, this step is especially important if there's any abuse involved. So, make sure you don't leave out any details. Not going to reach my telephone. According to associate professor of psychology and human development, Dr. Kelly Campbell, cutting off all contact with your partner is an important next step that you should take. She believes that continuous exchanges can prolong the healing process. So unless it's absolutely necessary that you stay in contact, for example, if you have kids together, the best thing to do would be to completely cut off any ways for them to contact you. Since toxic people are often master manipulators, they might play the manipulation card and try pulling you into their toxic circle once again. That's why it's important to take control and not let them get close to you again. Heart on paper. Breakups make us feel all the feels. It's completely natural to be overwhelmed with different kinds of emotions. The important thing to do at this point is not to bottle it up. Try and find a way to express your emotions so that you're able to process them and clear your mind. Journaling is one of the techniques that is highly recommended by therapists. And it really works. In a 2010 study published in the journal Psychology and Health, one group of participants who had a recent breakup were instructed to pour their hearts out and write about their feelings. Later, they showed lower levels of tension, fatigue, and intrusive thoughts. That's why authors concluded that expressive writing has a wide range of social, emotional, and physical health benefits for individuals coping with stressful events such as breakups. So, grab a nice notebook and a cute pen and put your emotions on paper. After all steps are taken and you free yourself from your exartner's toxic grip, please don't forget to take care of yourself. Now is the perfect time to show some love to you. That same love you've been showing to others for so long. To help you with this, here are 10 ways to deal with a broken heart. And don't forget, you matter.