How to stop ruminating on the past (and finally move on) | Healing from Heartbreak series pt.2

as you walk down so many different changing roads. >> I don't ever come here anymore. The start of this walkway or this trail is on my old street. So, if you've been here a while, then you might recognize these views, cuz they're amazing. But I don't know if I've been back here since my divorce. And I actually have mixed feelings about revisiting places that have memories or that bring up old memories. mixed because in some ways I'd prefer not to intentionally bring up memories that I know will make me sad or just remind me of hey this is no longer your life cuz there are so many things I loved about my life here there's this quote that I kind of love that says close the window that hurts you no matter how beautiful the view does that mean for me it's kind of exactly what I'm doing right now purposely putting myself in a memory that I know will make me sad. I think it can be healing, but I also think sometimes it can be dangerous if I stay too long metaphorically. I don't think revisiting old memories is the problem. But losing yourself in them is >> in the highs and the lows. Moving fast, oh, moving slow. May your rooms be filled with light and may peace be by your side. When I think about my life, it's changed so many times already. Two years ago, I was married with someone I had been with for 20 years, and I lived in a home I thought that I would grow old in. Before that, I was a teenager who couldn't imagine the life I would someday have. And before that, I was a child living with my parents and siblings. Every season felt permanent when I was in it. And none of them were, just as the one I'm in now. The one where it's just me with my boys in this rental that's starting to feel like home. It's not permanent either. In another year, I probably won't recognize my new life. So, I just want to reiterate that the only constant is change. All right. Well, it's been a year since I've promised another video in my healing from heartbreak series. So, here it is. I do feel like since I have a whole another year under my belt that I probably have a little bit more wisdom that I can share with you. So maybe it's good it's taken this long for me to get another video out. I would say over the last 2 years I've gotten pretty good at recognizing triggers. Whether that be a thought that I allow myself to ruminate or a place similar to the trail that I was on today that will just bring back a flood of memories and can cause me to spiral. So, one piece of advice I have for you is when you let your mind wander to these memories and you begin to dwell, ask yourself this question. What will this lead to? What will this lead to? because it will do one of two things. Is this thought going to leave you encouraged? Because sometimes they will. Sometimes it's a good memory or is it going to cause you to spiral in grief? I've noticed that any of my my grief when it feels stuck, it starts with the thought. Again, it will do one of those two things. It will either encourage me, which when grief is still really fresh, it usually does not encourage me. It usually will cause a spiral. And so I first recognize that because once that thought creeps in, that's where I have the control. I have the control if I want to suffer or if I want to set it aside and not let myself ruminate. We aren't necessarily in control over what happens to us, but we do have control over how much suffering we endure. So that's kind of my thought with that. Now, I have been wanting to share this message for a while. Well, I stumbled across this a year ago, and this message probably changed my mindset more around heartbreak and grief than anything has ever done for me. Some of you might be familiar with Peter Cone. I follow him on Instagram. I will link him right here. Everything he says to me just lands. He just has such a way with words and I feel like a lot of the things that he has said has helped me so much on my heartbreak journey and healing from heartbreak. So, this is something that he shared. we fall in love with the version of us that we got to be with that person. And if we don't realize this, then love becomes personified. It's with that person over there. And so when something happens, there's heartbreak, there's a breakup, there's divorce, there's death, it's so devastating because the love existed with that person over there. And so he teaches a more empowering way to look at this and that is that they are the catalyst of revealing who we actually were our nature. You want the you that existed with that person. So who were you with that person? Who did you get to be with that person? You know he gave this example of you probably felt this sense of freedom, this hope, this excitement for the future, the kids, the house, the trips, all of it. But the truth is that you generated that. You associated it with that person. And so because that person is no longer in your life, you feel like you've lost it. But the truth is you can replicate that again. You can feel that again. And I don't know why that just landed with me so hard to realize that yeah, I miss the me that I got to be in that relationship, but I have so much faith that if God could give me love like he has, then why wouldn't he? Again, I don't know. I just found a lot of healing in that. And the thought that keeps popping in my mind is I know I shared this in the last video, but that image of you holding the the teddy bear and Jesus has a much larger one behind his back and he's asking you, you know, hand it over, which that to me was so symbolic of the moment that, you know, I knew that my life was going to be different forever. But I was grasping on to that thing, my old life so hard. I did not want to give it up because there's no evidence. It's so hard when there's no proof and there's no evidence and it's 100% trust that okay, if I let this thing go, if I let this old life go that you do have something for me and maybe something more aligned, maybe something just bigger than than I could imagine. God has shown up for me so many times in my life. And why wouldn't he again? Why wouldn't he? I know that if I'm still here, then God isn't done. And I really trust that what's ahead of me is brighter than anything I've already lived. And that says a lot because honestly, I believe I've lived a pretty beautiful life so far. I just don't believe that you reach a certain point and God says, "All right, that was it. from here on out, it only goes downhill. I don't believe that. I think life keeps unfolding. I think it keeps expanding. And I think God always has more for us, not less. But I also think our mindset matters because if we're convinced the best is behind us, we will live like it is. And we will only find evidence of that being true. So my question for you is what do you need to let go of to maybe allow something new in your path?