How He Knows You're the One: His Secret Thoughts | Relationship Advice for Women by Mat Boggs

How does he know when he's met the one? What are the thought processes he goes through? Having coached women over the last 15 years, the truth is that we all want a ton of things when it comes to our person, and rightly so. Like we say, let's write a list of everything that we want, and people will have 150 things on that list. And the truth is, you deserve to have what it is that you would want on that list. It's each of our jobs to be a match for the things that we say that we want. One of the top things that lets him know, regardless of everything else that's on that list, when he's with her, he actually feels like the person he wants to be. He feels like a better version of himself around her. That rises to the top of all the other experiences saying, I love who I am when I'm with this person. You might have a friend like this where when you're around that friend, you are super funny. It's like you're a comedian. Everything that you say, they laugh, and you guys have so much fun together. And then, you get around other friends and you say similar jokes, but they kind of look at you like, okay, maybe they roll their eyes and you feel like a dumbass. Clearly, I am not funny or humorous. Why? Just different people bring different experiences. When I met my wife, not only did I love her, the amazing woman that she is, but I loved how I felt about myself when I was with her. We just resonated. I felt smart. I felt funny. I felt capable. The way that she saw me, it helped actually bring out my best just being around her. And later, I would discover that there were a couple of things that she was brilliant at doing that she didn't even know that she was doing, but these things were igniting something in me, something that me as a man, I wanted more than sex. Men want this even more than sex. And these two experiences are respect and acceptance. She had this beautiful way of empowering me to lead, which showed that she respected my decision-making, that she was seeing me as competent to be able to deliver whatever it is that she wanted. And she was also so accepting of herself, so authentic in her mind, in her body, that she created space for me to love and accept myself in deeper ways, in ways that I hadn't even known before. So, both of which created this really deep and powerful experience that when I was with her, it was unlike any feeling that I had with anybody else, that I loved myself more. I felt like a better version of myself. And so, guess who I wanted to be around? Because I felt special in her presence, she became special to me. So, that is the first secret thought that we have as men around knowing, is this the one, is how do I feel in her presence? Do I feel more like the version of me I want to be? The second secret thought that men have about, is this the one, actually isn't even about you. It's about themselves. And it's answering the question, am I ready? Am I ready for this commitment? Am I ready for marriage? Am I ready for a long-term relationship? Am I at a place in my life where I want that? Every person has their own prerequisites for what needs to come before they feel ready. Some people, it's super young, like they can get married at a really young age. They don't have to feel established in their career or in their finances yet, and they're willing to lean in. Other people are like, no, I have a vision for myself that I want to be here in my career, or I want to be here in my income. I want to have a certain number of life experiences before I decide to get married. One of my best friends that I went through high school with, I was actually living with him and his girlfriend as we graduated college. And I said, hey, man, you've been dating Megan for a long time. And are you thinking about getting married? And he was like, yeah, one day, one day, I want to get married. I was like, you guys have been together for like years, what's in the way? And he was like, well, I really want to be at a place where I could buy a home as we get married. Like I want to have enough money saved up so we could actually get married and move into a home together, our first house. And I asked him, I said, does Megan want that? Like, is that something that she said? And he goes, no, no, she doesn't really care about it, but it's something that matters to me. That wasn't a prerequisite for her, but it was for Andy. And so, he really wanted that experience. And ultimately today, they did get married. They did buy a home. They've been married over 20 years. But the idea was he was waiting longer, not because she wasn't the one, but because he had a certain prerequisite that mattered to him. The third secret discussion that a man has with himself around is this the one for me is the answer to the question, can I make her happy? Do I have what it takes to provide her with what she wants? In other words, her standards. I'll never forget there was a gentleman who hired me to coach him. He drove all the way down to Orange County from like north of LA. And he said, hey, I would really love your support. I'm dating this woman and I really, really like her. And I want to be with her. I'm afraid I can't give her what she wants. And I said, well, what is it that she wants? Well, she's used to dating these billionaires. So, they take her on these private jets and put her up in the finest resorts and give her this kind of a lifestyle. And immediately I'm thinking, man, are you sure you're into the right woman? His hesitation of moving forward with her wasn't even about the fact that she might be into the wrong things like more materialistic things and just getting pampered and taken care of versus a mutually great relationship. His reason for not wanting to move forward was because he says, I don't think I can provide her with the lifestyle that she wants. I don't think I can make her happy. And ultimately, he had that conversation with her. I said, well, let's go direct, have that conversation. Truth of the matter was that particular woman was in it just for the status, just for the perks and wanted the guy with the most money. And so, I believe that guy actually dodged a bullet by being direct. But every man goes through his own version of, do I have what it takes to make this woman happy, to provide her with the standard of life that she wants and able to make her happy emotionally, make her happy sexually, make her happy in the lifestyle that we're living. If he's getting a big yes to that, that really opens his heart to lean in with more freedom that says, yeah, this kind of life, I know that I'm going to be the man who can provide her with what she wants. The fourth secret dialogue that we go through is life direction. Does our vision and values align? So in other words, do we want to both have kids? Do we both want careers? Do we have the same spiritual or religious beliefs? Do we have the same value on health? On the way that we spend money is a value conversation. And him saying, you know what? I really feel in sync with her. We want the same thing. We have the same life goals. We both love traveling. We both love camping in this camper van. That's going to be a I'm in. You'd be amazed at how these common values and the vision are so critical, no matter how he feels about you, him saying, yep, I want to do life with this woman. Let's explore number five. The secret dialogue that he has in deciding is this the one is he's asking himself, does she fit with those that I love? And do I fit with those that she loves? Does he believe that you get along with the people who matter most to him? It might be his parents or his siblings or his friends or his kids. The people that he loves most, if he doesn't believe that there's a connection there or there's a possible connection there, that's going to be a big red flag and he's going to put on the brakes. Same thing with the people who really matter most to you. Now, I know some people watch these videos and they say, Matt, I don't have a big family or I don't have relatives. Is that going to be a big challenge? Does he want that? Not necessarily. It is not a challenge if it doesn't matter to you. In other words, there aren't people that you really love that he might have friction with. It's the people that you love. Let's say you do have a family, kids, your parents or your siblings that really matter to you and they're important to you, they're always going to be in your life. So he wants to know that he can fit and vibe. I remember dating Irene. Maybe third date, I go over to her house and her dad's grilling barbecue and he's got chicken and her mom's making tortillas and homemade refried beans and I'm over there and I'm literally having this thought. I'm like, wow. We're having great conversation and I'm thinking her parents are so cool and I'm eating these tacos and I'm like, these are amazing tacos. I could do this for decades. I love these people. I love this food. And I'm so glad that I felt aligned because that's an experience that we have had over and over and over again. And so he's asking himself, do you fit with the people he loves and does he fit with the people that you love? And that will be an important part of the equation around him saying, yeah, this is going to be my person. Now, let me give you a bonus tip on this one. Part of the secret mindset that men go through around whether or not this is the one. Some of us believe that you just have to know. Like on the first date, he knows that you're the one. Let me say this, for every person who's ever said, I know that this is the one, for every person where that works out, there's like 20 of them who thought it was the one and it didn't work out because they either broke up before they got married or they got married and they got divorced. I personally have a lot of people in my friend group that are like that category. They thought they found the one and it didn't work out. So, the reason this is a bonus is, yeah, he might know early on and might be convinced, but don't let that deter you. If he's not sure, if he's figuring it out, and if you're still under the 18-month mark, let him have time to figure out if this is the one that he really wants. If he's in a stage where he's uncertain and he's not sure and he didn't know right away, don't let that be a red flag. Don't throw that away. With Irene, I loved her and I was in, but there was this point where I wasn't 100% sure. And at the end of the day, it was my own fears that I needed to work through. And so, you might be in a situation where your man's going through the same thing. I don't advocate letting it go on forever, but there is a discovery period where he can work through those fears and then ultimately know if it is meant to be, if it is the right thing for the two of you to be together, for him to choose in to that experience. But more importantly, my question for you is how do you know that the person that you're seeing is your person? What are the criteria that you look for that this is the one for you? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below. If you would love techniques and strategies, I have poured my heart and soul into this book. There's so many amazing blueprints and strategies to create an incredible relationship with really all the men in your life. If you haven't grabbed this book, click the link. Wherever books are sold, you will find it. I appreciate you. Here's to your amazing love life. Thanks for watching and I'll see you soon.