An Artist's WILD Birthday Party _ Ian Bagg Stand Up Comedy

That's a good joke. That might be the best joke I've ever told. She answered yes. She's fantastic. Let's listen and see how it's going. Ah! Ah! What are you guys? You guys aren't even religious. You're just riding around in your F-150. Cowballs on the back. I ain't driving no F-150. I ain't driving... What are you driving with that kind of English? I ain't driving no F-150. I'm a Dodge Ram, man. Oh, hell no. What do you drive? I drive a Chevy all the way. You drive a Chevy all the way? Oh, my God. Somebody comes from f***ing family wealth. Driving a Chevy. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Some guy with an F-150 just panicked. Oh, no. F*** those are s***. Now there's just going to be a car fight here. F*** you. F*** you. I'll see you in the parking lot. How long have you been buddies with Buddy? He's my cousin. He's your cousin? All right. Well, answer the question. I'm glad you put the bloodline down, but let's see where the question was. Are you guys related? How long have you been buddies with your cousin, Buddy? Cousin, hey, hey there, pal. 24 years. 24 years? Nice. Which one of you is older? He is, and then here. 24? Yeah. Yeah, I figured out the math. And who is that? Is that your aunt and uncle beside you? And your mom and dad? That's my dad and mom. That's your dad and mom? Terrible parents, bringing them to the show. Do not read the f***ing... what I do here. I talk s*** and talk about pussies. Dad didn't want to give you a f***ing birds and the bees talk, so he brought you here to sit up front. Tell him about finger banging. Alright, good response. Are you guys single? Married. You're married, but you didn't bring your wives? My parents are taking me to comedy. Or taking my cousin. You stay here. Or is she in the car, just f***ing a little bit window down? How come you didn't bring your wife? It's her mom's birthday. It's her mom's birthday? You don't like that, b***h? I like seeing the future, so I came here. That might be the best joke I've ever told. How did you meet your wife, bud? Shorts, how did you meet your wife? Tell those guys. It's probably... I've seen your socks. Probably in a trampoline park. Bouncing up and down. How did you meet your wife? Are you his wife? Yes. We met on match. You met on match.com? Doesn't that feel better to get that out? No, you didn't want to say it. I could tell you were all f***ing nervous. Nobody's going to judge you. It worked, it worked. I learned how to jack off with him. I'm going to laugh with him. Anyway. Why are those people blinking over there? Are you guys celebrating something? Are you getting pulled over by the cops? It's my birthday. Oh, it's your birthday. Welcome to Chuck E. Cheese. Twin child of mine. How old are you? You ever f*** cousins? Guess what, guys? You're going in for an Eiffel Tower. It's going to be fantastic. One girl just turned 21. And you've got your hips on backwards. Sorry, ma'am. Fight back. 61. Well, she's going to be a little older. Chances are she's going to fall asleep halfway through this. That's why they've got the lights on over there. Just to keep her awake. What's her name, 61? It's his birthday, not mine. What? Why'd you do no talking then, ma'am? Is he nervous? She's a woman. We've got to get this going. Holy s***, he's talking to our tape. 61. Tory. Hold on, is Tory the guy? Is that short for something? Jonathan? What's your wife's name? Steven. Nobody finds it weird in the neighborhood. No, I'm Tory. She's Steven. One lady's clutching her pearls right now. Are those pearls you're clutching? What are you clutching? Clutch, clutch, clutch. You're holding your neck? Interesting. Showing yourself out right at the show. How do I get out of here? I'm going to have to f***ing suffocate myself. You seem nice, ma'am. Are you a teacher? You're a nurse. Very Arizona. We don't trust you, b***h. What kind of nurse are you? A neuro-nurse. Neuro, where were you in that movie with f***ing Keanu Reeves? What's that? Is it hearing? Do you work at a hearing place? Because you're whispering to me like I'm sitting right beside you. Tell that person beside me and then they'll tell them who the f*** I am. Tell her. What movie? Is that what she said? Has everybody got a touch of autism in this f***ing place tonight? What kind of nurse are you? I do a joke and you're like, What movie? Still awake, Tori? Had a nap this afternoon. Going to a birthday party tonight. My name's Tori, b***h. What do you do, Tori? What do you do? Art b***h. What? B***h at the end of it? Art b***h. Art b***h? Yeah. What does that mean? Why would you? Maybe I should talk to your wife. I can see why she was talking earlier. She was all like, Alright, you can talk to him, but good luck. I never had to give him to the conversation, but I loved his eyes. That's why I f***ing married him. I could see what he was saying through his eyes, but his mouth was ruined. I like art, b***h. Ma'am, what does he do when he comes home from work? What does he tell you about? You'll never guess what happened at the end. So you're an artist? Hold on. I'm gonna guess you're younger than him. Are you younger than him? That's not younger, b***h. A year, a month, and a day. I f***ing ask him all the time. Tell me about the old days. What was real phones like? For a long time, I called 9-1. What kind of art do you do? Are you one of those? It's a bunch of statues in front of the house. What's that? She's a panther. Are you good? How do you guys know? F***ing so many followers. Yeah, she must be good. She f***ing said yes. She answered yes. She's fantastic. Now you're getting culty mccult. Come on, everybody. We're gonna paint at 11 and 2. Do you guys have any pets? Do you travel five months out of the year? To where? Art festivals. Alright, everybody look at that table. Those are swingers. That was a good talk. Where can we find your art? Is it .org or .com? Meg! Guys, just go online and just type in Meg. Don't look for the shark. Look for the artist. Megharper.com You know what would be better? I don't know why we're clapping at that. She pays for her own website. It's not like she's f***ing special. Oh my god, she's got a website? You want to sell some art? Artbitch.com Tori's on the front page. Just a video. Hi everybody. I'm Tori. I'm not the artist my wife is. She's in this room behind me. Doing art. Let's listen and see how it's going. She's almost finished. Welcome to Artbitch.com