Comedy Clash: Ian McKellen vs Patrick Stewart | The Graham Norton Show

This is weird and don't answer this question if you don't want to butter but I have I don't know why you brought this up, but I did hear you discuss you had an extraordinary disagreement with your wife About yourself. Do you know what i'm talking about by myself? You mean? Yes. Yeah. Oh Yes, listen, I do know this story do not listen with interest One night as you do we were talking about stuff And uh, I just have no interest and of course being circumcised I said They were chatting they're married they're married they're allowed and she said She said you're not circumcised I said what do you mean? You've only known me a few All my life. I remember my mother telling me why because it was fashionable at the time She said you're not circumcised. I said that's ridiculous. I should know if i'm circumcised A bit of conversation, but the next day I happened to be seeing my doctor Are you okay I was seeing my doctor for my annual physical, of course. So, uh while he was down there Excuse me. Oh, by the way, uh My wife and I had a little disagreement, um I I am circumcised Because she says i'm not and he goes Not Down again, and he said hey i'm jewish. I know the difference That is a bizarre story You're gonna have to change your facebook status now No more beef stew There's more beef stew Now have you got obviously you're a fan of the one direction I can see but has one direction met ian mckellan He's in one direction before I thought he'd have a bigger beard. Yeah But didn't you come close to meeting in new zealand Yeah, we were on tour in um, new zealand and they were filming Yes, and you were meant to come and see us filming The day after your final concert, so I thought i'll go and have a look at them see who they are Very enjoyable. Thank you. Thank you It was a very he's a wizard. So I think he wins It was a very small show. I mean it was just you no no fireworks or anything But and quite a small theater. Do you remember? Yeah back in the day Anyway, they didn't turn up the next day to visit us because why I don't know why what had happened on your last night I think we I don't know. I don't think I mean maybe We're on the water tonight though. So we're safe. Yeah, your plane might have been moved early or something Now ian mcgallan because I saw the pictures of of you all at the premiere on monday night Oh, yes, and I mean it's been part of your life for nigh on 14 years now So it must was that an emotional night or were they the emotions happened already? Yeah. Well, it's over, you know We're not not we've not been working on the hobbit for some time now, but I it was very moving I mean you go and these kids have been sleeping out all night. What do you know about this? But the the the They're all homeless These uh People were not born when we started making uh, lord of the rings, you know So it's a big part of their lives and that's that's very sweet, isn't it? And they'll be able to see all six movies now and show them to their kids That's what's nice. We've made classics. That's lovely and also it will take nearly a day to watch it Can be done Have you have you done it? Yeah, I think I did it. I was off school ill once I think I did um with my friend We might have watched one or two three or you're amazing Right answer So you're back in star trek now, but like over All the time you haven't been doing it the show as you guys were saying never goes away. It's constantly on television Do you ever find yourself? Like drawn into watching them I don't look for it but uh Occasionally, you know you're good. Yeah Uh, and oh dear there was one night in a hotel somewhere i'd flown in I had room ordered room service and I was flicking and there was oh Star trek next generation. Okay. Let's see what's going on. I'll just watch it for a couple of minutes well, I got hooked and then there was a ring of the doorbell and my My order arrived my room service order arrived and the waiter came in looked at me And I thought he's gonna go away and tell the entire kitchen it is the saddest thing This guy is upstairs alone having room service watching himself Hey, no, I was going to say judy dedge tried to tell a story about you and her at buckingham palace Do you remember this story? In the throne room. Yes. Yeah It was a very posh occasion Every occasion at buckingham palace is posh. I suppose I was sitting next to the queen's late. Um Sister vanessa kirby, uh princess margaret So the banquet was over and you were free to go around and there was a sound of music playing, you know perhaps there was a dance going along and so judy and I went along the corridor and Into what we both felt was a vaguely familiar room. There's a little band playing We had a little twirl around the room and nobody else there. I said, I think this is the throne room You know where you got made a dame and I got made a knight and you know the two thrones for the queen and Her consort I said, but where are they? She said I don't know. Let's have a look. So we We went on dancing Around the corner found ourselves behind the band and there behind this sort of partition was the thrones So we sat on them It brings out the worst in you buckingham palace I was doing an event there a sort of part of a concert and I was given a dressing room Which was it was a guest room at the front of buckingham palace and you looked out of the window You were right next to the um The the bulk the bulk. Yeah Uh, and uh I thought well I could just go out there and have a fag Oh, no, and there I am looking down the mar And suddenly there's a minor searchlight on me and below there's a policeman saying sarianne don't forget you're in buckingham palace Well about six months later i'm going along to get a medal on this occasion Uh, and as we came through the gates there was the same policeman he said oh not you two again What is lovely because acting is a kind of transient thing You meet people then you don't but one of the lovely things that came out of these films is uh, You're a friendship with uh, ian mckellen Now, yeah, do you know how do you but you must have known in mckellen before the films? Oh, yes, since I was a teenager. He's two years older than me Um He said something the other day really along with what he was just said one of the nicest things ever He said yeah patrick stewart and I I I really feel that at last I have a brother Oh That's adorable. He might have said father, of course You I You were kind of a theory about the way he speaks the way ian mckellen speaks Well, we did an animated movie together as well as these you did. Yeah, it was called flushed away I really love my son often says why was there no sequel to that because I lost a lot of money, but I always remember he played the toad rita. Hello And I was always like He can get like consonants where there's nothing like he can make a one syllable word into 20 Okay, there's a test for you. There's a test for you. If you shut your eyes. Yeah, shut your eyes Okay, is this the real voice of ian mckellen or is it somebody doing in mckellen? Okay Uh graham, is there room for another mutant on that sofa of yours? That's the real that's him. That's it. It is. Yeah. Yes it is. Come out Why i'm dressed as I am I i've just come down from scotland and it took longer to get from city airport to us Than it took to get from edinburgh to see So i'm still in the clothes I was wearing up there. Well, you're very welcome Uh, yes, I this is magneto's coke it's really yeah, they gave it to me it's in Radium of the red. Look at it now. Yes So i'm just hoping someone's watching My mom can do this. She's very good with that stuff. Yeah, not working. No, you're not working tonight. I refuse I refuse I'll drape it there. I'll drape it there. Yeah, sit down sit down sit down sit down How could you now sir patrick stewart and you don't really use the sir much do you? uh Well, should I sorry should I have been calling you? No, I shouldn't am I supposed to no, okay But but no do you I take my lead from sir. Ian. I whom we've both shared some time with yes, and uh, he is he is so Phlegmatic about all of that and and I just you know, it's a great honor, but it's not something that I need to Press when you bump into another sir when you're out and about do you then do you? Well, you know you must roll in circles, okay circles So, how do you become a sir, um, well patrick how I don't uh, well, you know, it's a case of um I got mine on the queen's birthday honors But you have reminded me That I did have a sir encounter only a few weeks ago in los angeles a rather Fancy, in fact extremely fancy restaurant. Well, tell them what it is because they'll know um, it was the uh, the the the tower bar Uh, sunset tower. No Look at the tower bar. Oh, man You keep going keep going, okay No, the tower bar is a spot. I got a feeling this isn't gonna work out So we had four of us were seated at a table about 15 minutes later into the restaurant walks Sir, paul mccartney. Wow good Paul and I have a very slender Relationship but it's lasted decades I first encountered him in 1964 no when his girlfriend Jane asher then told him that I loved aston martin's I was driving a battered old ford But aston martin's were my dream car. She told him this and one night. Yeah, we knew he was seeing the show There was a knock on my door And I said, yeah come in i'm there in my underwear, you know like as usual I hang around like that. I mean my pants I'm ready for you Come in and the door opened and standing there was paul mccartney who I had never met before and this was 1964 And uh, he said jane says that you're like aston martin's here drive this Wow and he tossed a bunch of keys over cool and it was an ass it was his In we're in the fanciest restaurant in la we're now in the tower bar Legend I am feeling less and less good Keep going. You're in there. So paul mccartney's come in. You've known him since the 60s and uh, Uh, he sees me and comes over and uh, I stand up and say hi and we have a big hug in the restaurant And i'm very much aware that there's all the tables are full on this kind of thing And we talk for five or six minutes and he goes and sits down five minutes go by and into the restaurant Walks a ringo star I swear to you They were they were oh they were at the same table they were the same yes, um, well, uh, we at the tower I am expecting so many free meals And um We finish early and I get up to go and paul stands up to say goodbye And we have a hug and as we have a hug, he says into my ear Do you know ringo? Yeah, of course I've never met him, but i'm Ringo, come on. Come over here Hang on a minute. He said Sir ringo Sir patrick sir paul Hey, we've got the knights of the round table Uh, so this production of mother goose what makes it it's special it sounds like you've thrown everything at this it's got it all Well, I went to the management and I said before I finish I wanted to play Dame once more I I have played the widow twanky in in aladdin great success And as thank you as the saying goes once they've seen your twanky can a goose be far behind Mother goose is the great part for for a dame because it's at the center of the story and it's not on the adjunct is It's all about a woman who is not quite happy with her lot uh, and has her wishes granted and um We see what happens. Anton. Who do you play? I play I play mother goose's husband Yes, so I only I only found i'm i'm called vic Vic goose and I only found out Here in the research chassis that I am. Ian's first ever stage husband well john bishop's first Uh stage wife No, but the others have been women Now recently you have been talking about uh, jean-luc picard he's coming back. Is this right? I know So is it where is he going back? He's gone on telly or is he coming back to yeah, is it is it a movie? Yeah, he's doing his shopping Yeah, it's uh, I I still can't quite Fully take it on board. Uh, because i'm not only Reviving jean-luc picard, but i'm also Co-executive producer. Hello, which i've never done before. I and it sounds quite easy But it's not the word executive and co so, you know And you're the famous one so the other one can do all the work There are several of us yeah, we are we are reviving We're reviving a picard story It's exactly 19 years in the future, which was how time has passed since the last time I put on my space suit Um, has it really been that long 19? It has been yeah. Wow I mean for the television scene. Yeah And I heard you talking in an interview about when you went for when you were I think it was after you were cast They had quite a different vision of jean-luc picard that he wasn't going to be the way he turned out to be Well, yeah, they they thought he should be french For one thing and did you do it french? Um, I did a recording a taping which must be somewhere in the vaults of panama pictures Um where we experimented with the french accent. Would you like to hear a sample of yes Okay Space They didn't use it Yourself and judy dench, uh, you haven't done this yet. You're going to be working together soon, I believe we are uh in the movie of cats Wow, did you expect that? The musical cats. Yes the musical cats Who are you giving gus? Is the cats at the theater door? My name as I ought to have told you before is really asparagus But that's such a fuss to pronounce that they usually call me just gus wow Terry you're the only one who won't remain that way But look if you're making a group i'm really happy The invitation is so so open but you might well ask How do you prepare for being a cat? How do you prepare for being a cat? Well at the moment i'm looking for uh, the inner pussy The the the mugginess that she's within us all and um, not doing very well at it I thought of going on a cat diet, you know weekends just eating cat food and Seeing us that out but i've always thought that tinned cat food smells as if it might be rather tasty It isn't So but i'm having to learn how to walk like a cat though on two feet and and do a bit of poor action Will you be in tights? So is it the costumes like the I will be in tights No, I don't know what i'm in yet And judy is is in that and I think we're going to have a little a little number brief number together. Oh, lovely Oh, yeah I've always wanted to be in a musical on stage and i've never really made it so that this is uh Rather late in the day. It's uh and better bit of a dream come true. Yes, because when did this happen when I was? You can use the words it's all right to do that. Yeah, when did I go bald? I mean look i'm sitting next to these. Yeah, but opposite me. So you're fine I was 19 and it went in a matter of months It fell out. It was my last year at drama school and I thought everything was over I did spend more money than I could afford on treatments And I wore caps all the time I wore a lot of wigs on stage I had a hairpiece a very good hairpiece made that I would wear for auditions and occasionally for roles on stage And I developed yes a comb over A kind of really a kind of donald trump Yeah somewhere between bobby john and donald trump and um, and so the problem is is that you know You have a balloon on your head stick it in the feet Your hair goes with it, that's right All those situations you've got to avoid and it's limiting in your life. And now of course, you're like the poster boy for for bald people Yeah Written on my tombstone He was a poster one. No one when I was working at the barbican years ago. I was walking across a rain swept Square one of those public places and a guy walked past me with a hat on and an umbrella and I was just walking You know bareheaded And suddenly I heard my name called. He said mr Stewart and I turned around and he lifted up the umbrella and he took off his hat And he was as bald as me and he said on behalf of all the bald men in the world Thank you I have been looking at wayne rooney and I am very It's superb I'm, not sure superb's the word I mean i'm i'm i'm wondering about going down that road do it Dude we laugh we can do jokes about it in the monologue I might get some dates Oh as if you need to help Not a word not a word Now I love that because we think of you as this really serious shakespearean actor Well, you kind of love a bit of lowbrow as well you're a huge beavis and butthead fan. Oh, yeah Genuinely. Oh, look at them there. They are my heroes That's very good To do a live action thing the two of you on tour. Hey, yes Remember you heard it here first It's not a bad idea the the older beavis and butthead Mature beavis and butthead the bald beavis and butthead Yes, he had to go there yes Now you mentioned bolton in your school, yes This is so sweet. I haven't seen this picture before This is uh you in school and you've sort of changed a lot and not changed at all. This is you just in there And what what were you what were you giving? Well, that was a play called fry bacon and fry bungies an elizabethan play written about shakespeare's time and I was playing the young heroine But there were girls in school Can't quite see the boy in the sixth form who I was madly in love with do you want to try and find him? Brian, he's quite handsome that one No, never mind him I don't know him. Uh I'm going to struggle I mean it's a good game, but uh I'm, not sure i'll get it. Yes He might be just out of shot. I think yes Oh dear and people obviously get very excited when you go on tour and places rather what so you've got a blue plaque Haven't you most people have to die to get a blue plaque? Did you like in liverpool? I've got a number of blue. Oh, have you? I've got one on the house where I was born In burnley, but I I did go and visit it on my second only visit to burnley because we left when I was two months And I think they put it on the wrong house No, this other one is in liverpool, I think or leeds I think it's liver we thought it was leeds, but I think it's liverpool. We think it's liverpool. Yes Yes. Well, what was I doing there? I think I can tell you what you were doing there. I can tell you what you're doing there Sir, emigreland sat here on table five and enjoyed a jack of potato and a latte Where do you know where that is? It's it's on the university campus. Oh, okay. Yes. Was it a nice potato? Liverpool's looking gorgeous these days since they've done it up. Oh, yes I used to go to liverpool when I was a kid and it was a dangerous and dirty and dank place pre beetles everything But now of course, it's it's spanking. It's terrific. Oh, it's beautiful now Yes, and in the show, obviously you'll be you know, as you said you'll be talking about shakespeare and doing scenes Yes, but you'll be uh also telling stories about your your life and why not people you've worked with there's a story Actually, do you didn't just try don't ask me to tell another maggie smith story no Every time I see her she said you've not been doing me again Now you've done her again Some people really wanted you for the part So they thought the gene might like you better if you weren't bald. Is that right? Yes Um, I was to do my final audition. I did audition four times And this one would be for the paramount pictures organization the executives on whose lot we were going to be shooting and my agent called and said, uh, Patrick they've called us and they want to know if if you've got a wig or a hairpiece or anything you could wear And I said, yeah, but why well, they they'd like to see you. So I said, but it's in london So they had it flown You could say fly my wig What kind of wig was it I'm intrigued what color it well, it was my own hair. So it had to be changed quite a lot It had to be my own hair color. Um, and a little pussycat wig We've got a picture of you this is how captain luke picard might have been here he is That's a hairpiece It's a really good one. Oh, very good. Yeah So, um when I did that final audition, I took my hairpiece with me. In fact, they had got a hairdresser to put it on for me, which she did and uh, and did it very nicely and then I um I did the interview and they they were the executives were very nice and I went back in and my hairdresser said Oh, I think they liked you. I really think they liked you. Come on Let me take that off So she started taking it off and there was a knock at the door And it was all the paramount people that have been watching my audition and they came in and they said well yes, thank you for coming and uh, all that rubbish, you know, and then they they uh, they left and my Makeup artist said you've got it. They wanted to see you without the wig. That's why they came in here I know it without doubt and it proved to be true and uh The rest is sort of It is history Ian McKellen i've heard you tell a very sweet story. I think you were eight or nine and you met a special someone Yes, we were on holiday in north wales. Yes, and uh staying in the same guest house was a lovely girl called wendy who was from the midlands and we were Very sweet on each other and used to go walks together and hold hands. I remember that And when we parted after a week I realized That this must be love i'd heard about love but I was this was it this was it And so I wrote a letter to wendy and oh blissfully got a return letter from her and we started a correspondence now people here have no idea the thrill of waiting for a letter from the person you love or Because they're there aren't instantly aren't they? They weren't when I was nine years old you had to wait and if the letter wasn't there at eight o'clock in the morning Worry not because there was a second delivery, you know And another one in the afternoon and when that didn't happen you said well, there's always tomorrow It was a great great thing. Anyway, eventually it faded out And I turned in another direction and I often I often wondered what had happened to wendy and Just about a year ago. I was at the national theater at the interval And a lady of my own age came up to me said hello and I said hello and she said I'm wendy. Oh So we had a hug and we haven't corresponded and If she's watching this show, she's welcome to get in touch. We could perhaps pick up where we left off. Do you still have the letters? Oh, no What a good question, but I don't know what did you do with you just chucked them No, did she oh because they're the ones that are worth the money You guys uh, ricky and patrick you obviously know each other you work together on extras and yeah Is it true that you you didn't think it was ricky trying to contact you It is true, yeah, um, I had a friend who was very good at doing impersonations voices And I was in my local supermarket down in bermondsey, you know keeping it real Collecting your club points And my phone rang and uh, I said yeah hello and uh this voice said Ah patrick. It's ricky Ricky and I said ricky ricky's your ways. Yeah Uh, listen, we're doing this show new show and maybe you've heard of it and he pitched extras to me and he Convinced me that I was not speaking to my friend the impersonator really was ricky's your ways now I've never asked you this ricky, but was that the customary way with which you approached actor? Yeah, every time I asked every person Personally to to be in it and did you make sure they were in the supermarket? No, I didn't I thought you were in a play at the time. No, I thought I was in the bermondsey supermarket It was amazing. It's still the record. Um for extras for the most takes two grown men Just giggling just giggling every time he said knickers or something How many takes? uh, I think it was about 45, but it was just It was and it just got worse and then you see the crew sort of not laughing anymore And then I just couldn't do it it was such a silly scene but uh very quickly it is oscars weekend this weekend and uh, ian, would you mind telling us the story about when you were nominated for uh, Gandalf and you had the the beads. Yeah Well, they weren't beads Uh the in in uh, new zealand where we filmed lord of the rings You you if you're lucky when you leave you're you're given a piece of green stone carved And you wear it often enough and your chances are you'll get back to new zealand. That's the idea And it'll bring you a bit of luck. So, uh When those films were nominated for something like 20 oscars, uh on that night Everybody from new zealand was wearing the green stone the punami, they're called Uh, and when we're on the red carpet going into the ceremony, I met maggie smith. Hello, what are you what are you here for? I said well lord of the rings. Oh, yeah, she said what's that around your neck? Oh, so it's my punami maggie I own your punami. What's that for? I said well if I wear it, it'll it'll bring me luck and uh, i'm very nice And we went our separate ways and you know, it lasts for three and a half or four hours, you know, don't you? And at the end, of course everyone else wins the oscar apart from you And a bit dejected you're coming out looking forward to a drink and you bump into maggie smith and she points out you And she said it didn't work, didn't it? Something odd happened to me. It's not very funny, but odd happened to me last week, but i'll just put it in context Uh, you remember the late lamented, uh, michael gambon? Oh, yes, uh who played the other wizard, you know dumbledore? Yes, and I played Gandalf and we were often mistaken for each other And I think he based his makeup and beard on mine, actually One day I was going to see him in a show and after I said do you ever get mistaken for me? He said no the whole time and I said well, what do you do? He said no, they bring me their wretched ten by eights of you as gandalf. What do you do? He said I just sign your name But that's in the back of your mind last week I I was waiting for the uh, Docklands light railway to take me back from the west end to home and the voice behind me said, excuse me I turned around there were two young women in their 20s and one of them said Are you uh, michael gambon? And I said michael gambon is dead He said yes, I know but are you? I said michael gambon is dead. I mean that is an exit line. I swam down to the dlr, but she she followed And she was laughing and giggling with her pal and I think what she was doing was she was texting her friend saying i've just seen a ghost I heard you talking about ian and talking about how you were intimidated by his beauty. Yes. Uh, well Gorgeous I think we do have a photograph. We've got a photograph of ian as a coriolanus. We are look at that. Come on my lord Having said that you do look great there ian, but check out patrick stewart Well, you know, you know I don't know what you've got to look forward to But i'll tell you something you've been hearing about um This amazing body it it is absolutely amazing the privilege to be so close But uh, you know magneto the character I used to play in this tired old franchise What was also a pretty uh muscular wasn't it and and there you can see But the trick is that I am wearing underneath my costume a suit Which is sculpted to look as if i've put all the effort as he has into it. You knew that Huh, did you know that you've got to work out. McKellen's working out I just put on the suit and i'll tell you what i've still got it at home Why have you two got drinks and I don't yeah, that's We've got red wine red wine red wine, oh look look at that psychic water and red wine Any nibbles Are we doing we're doing all that cheers cheers Lovely to see you. I was like, oh look people And what's all this about you being uh, uh circumcised You work together you work together on on broadway you did two plays together on broadway. It's so brilliant. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yes You know that there are not many plays where uh, there are two wonderful parts for actors of the same age so You can go through your life never working with the people you admire and the people who you have an awful lot in common with Shakespeare's not bad to that extent But there are a few plays and one of them is waiting for god over There are two wonderful parts for for people of the same age And another one is no man's land by harold pinter and we've done them both And we've just finished doing no man's land in in london Though don't despair if you missed it, you can catch it on nt live. They record a performance. Oh the cinema I have just had an idea This is awesome For for some time now I have been teasing Hugh but getting more and more serious about a a theater job. We might do together I have been saying to this man for a long time He should play steven sondheim's sweeney todd. It is if the role might have been written for him And I add a rider that if he plays sweeney todd, I will for a limited run play the judge Which is a two-scene role, but with two numbers including a duet between the two of them Who should play mrs. Lovett? There's a nice juvenile part that eddie redmayne played in the movie. Yeah, I could play a pie