Erica Sigurdson - THIS is why we DON'T overshare

I'm going to let you peek behind the curtain a minute. When you do TV in Canada, they make you submit all of your jokes in writing. And I got, whenever you do stuff that's a little too feminist-y, you get notes back like, hey, love what you're doing there. But we don't want to alienate half the audience. So maybe instead of using the word men, you could say society. Yeah, yeah. Oh, cool, cool, cool note. So here's a fun bit about how society chased me down an alley one night. You know when you're out and you hear footsteps, and you're like, oh, I hope it's not society. My husband and I, we accidentally made friends with a couple in our building. Yeah. You know when, like you, one, many, two drinks, and you're like, uh-oh, we have new friends. Gross. And they keep just popping by unannounced. And so they knocked on our door two weeks ago, and I looked through the peephole. She always brings wine. That's why I open the door. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, man, it's a vintage year. Ah, I guess I'm opening the door. And so I open the door, and they're standing there, and she bursts into tears right away. She's like, we got to talk to you guys. And I'm like, there's no easy way to just take the wine and slowly close the door. So I'm like, okay. And she's like, there's been infidelity in our relationship. Now, spoiler alert, whoever tells you there's been infidelity is not the cheater. It is the dude next to her staring at his feet. And she goes, we just want you to know you don't have to choose between us. I was like, oh, no, no, no. You came as a set. You leave as a set. What do I want, one pepper shaker? Get out of here. So they continue into our living room, sit down, and start telling us all about their marriage counseling, which I immediately know is just going to make Jay and I argue. Right? So they sit down. They're like, our counselor said you have to be 100% honest with your partner, 100, 100%. No, that's too much honesty. That's too much. No one wants 100%. I don't want Jay being like, what are you thinking? And I'm like, oh, just that I could have been somebody. Gave up my dreams. Like, you can't say that. And then they're like, no. She says it's good for the relationship. Even if you develop a crush on another person, just be honest with your partner. I dare him. If he came home and he was like, have you met that new girl at the Starbucks? I'd be like, what girl? What Starbucks? I will burn it to the ground. Yeah, I'm super jealous. I can't handle that kind of information. And so then they all look at me and they're like, what? You've never fantasized about another man? And I go, no. And then even Jay goes, come on. You've never fantasized? I was like, I honestly haven't. I've tried. But I'm a Scorpio, so I am very jealous. But I'm also very loyal. So, like, there's a fire hall in our neighborhood. I mean, it's not in our neighborhood. But you make enough lefts, you'll find it. And sometimes they wash the trucks. Wednesday's at 2. And it's summertime, so shirts are coming off. So I'm just enjoying this. I'm just sitting there and like, oh, my God. Do you know what I'd love to do? And then suddenly my brain goes, hmm, where's Jay? Where's your husband? And I go, oh, he's dead. Sorry, he died. And Jay goes, you kill me. I go, I love you so much. I can't imagine we ever break up. So you got hit by a bus. And so now I'm back into it. My husband, I'm not a cheater. And so I'm like, okay, now we'll. And then suddenly I'm like, oh, my God. I've got to plan a funeral. What am I going to do? I don't know. Who do I invite? How many people? Is it going to be open bar? What are we doing with this? And I'm just picturing myself all black. It's so slimming. And I take up smoking because now why not? I'm the widow Sigurdsson. And I'm just having a great time with this. And then suddenly at the funeral, Jay's dad pulls me aside to let me know Jay took out a huge life insurance policy. Now I'm rich. And I just look back at that fireman and I'm like, ugh, I'm out of your league.