Crowd Work with Jiaoying Summers - stand-up comedy

See that's a real black man. Look at this. This is a black man. The whiter the shoe, the blacker the man. I love the shoes. Those are nice neck when I was five. I remember them. So what's your name, sir? Merrick. Do you know this Asian lady? I know nobody at this table. Okay. How about this black man? No. I can introduce you. What's your name, sir? Theodore. Theodore. That's Theodore. This is Merrick. Merrick and Manny. This is the one. He's not black. I just focus on the black man in Louisiana. What do you do? I'm an audiovisual. How do I look? Nice. Thank you so much. I did not see the Asian woman, but I saw a white man. I know there's an Asian lady right here. And she's right here. So white man, what's your name? Michael. Michael. That's white. How did you guys meet? Where did you find her? At a restaurant where I was teaching a class. You teach a class at a restaurant? What do you teach? That was an alcohol management class back then. Alcohol management? So you guys met at AA? So what's your name? You are so stunning. Lauren. Lauren. That's not Vietnamese. Lauren is white. Everybody is white here. What do you do, Lauren? What do you do? Numbers? Data? Research. Research. Okay. She's not telling me what she's doing. She's afraid I'm going to dig in and try to get her man. I already have my green card. He's safe. Okay. I love the nails. Look at my nails. This is fucked up as a nail lady. This is embarrassing. So what kind of species are you? I'm Caucasian white. Caucasian white? I know white people. I fucked them. But like what? In detail. Like what did you make for both your grandparents to come here? My grandparents came from Russia. Oh, comrade. Okay, good. So what do you do? I'm an attorney. Oh, okay. A Russian lawyer. Okay. She's going to **** you up. So what's your name? Debbie. Debbie. Debbie means die, be. Die means dumb. Be means pussy. So dumb pussy. But you are smart here. Maybe you have dumb pussy, but you are smart here. That's all that matters, you know? How about you, girl? You are tan, but you are white. So your name is Ella? Ella means I. I means love. Love means ----. I love to ----. That's a good habit. It's good for you. So what do you do, girl? I love the fit. You guys are fabulous. What do you do? You are Gen Z. I love that. I love Gen Z people because we have something in common. None of us speak English. Like Gen Zs, they don't speak English, you know? Like when Gen Zs are dating, they don't say I'm dating someone. They say I'm talking to someone. I had this Gen Z friend. She came to my show one time. She brought a really hot guy. He's so hot. I'm like, oh my god, he's so hot. She goes, I know, I'm talking to him. I'm like, nice. Since you are talking to him, can you tell him I want to **** him? She was like, I cannot believe you also want to talk to him. I'm like, what are you talking about? I don't want to talk to him. I can't talk to him. How can I talk to him with this dick in my mouth? So you're also Gen Z? So what do you do? What do you study? Nice. Is that your friend? Oh my god. Good. How about this one? Are you a daughter? Wow, you got beautiful kids. So you are studying law. What do you study? Wow, so you are going to be a judge. He's going to be a lawyer. So you can work together and ruin the system. Very Russian of you. I'm proud. So where are you from? What are you? I'm Filipino, half white. So you are Chinese. Half Filipino, half white. So what do you do, sir? You have nice bristly hair. I was an Air Force veteran, but now I'm a machinist. Wow, that's hot. That's a real man. Can I touch your hand? Oh, that's strong. This is a real man. So do you know anyone here? Do you know any Russian lawyers? You're just like, I'm pure. I serve. So do you have a girlfriend? No, I don't. Okay, I'll find one for you. You deserve a good girlfriend. Hi, Asian lady. She looks Asian to me. I could be wrong, but you could be mixed. What kind of species are you? There's a lot of Vietnamese here. It's a swamp. I love the fit. You are so cute. What's your name? I love your voice. If I had your voice, I'd be having a boyfriend. Two, three, five. My name is Jiao Ying. Mr. Shine. I talk like a butch lesbian. The woman loves me, but I cannot date a woman because if I abuse a man, if you suck their dick later, they forgive you. Women, we don't forget. I can't handle a woman. She will remember something I did wrong, like the female president 20 years ago. I cannot handle that. Also, I don't want guests to like a woman because I'm a feminist. I don't want to do that to women. To men, I'm good. I suck their dick. Shut up. What kind of Asian are you? Vietnamese. We've got a pure Asian couple. Where did you guys meet? Vietnameseonly.com? You met in New Orleans? Did you just filter as Vietnamese only? Speak like Britney Spears? Yes. I'm from Vietnam. I don't know. You guys are so cute. What do you do? I own a bubble tea shop. I love bubble teas. I remember when I got my first DUI. Not to brag, but it happens to the best of us. I remember afterwards I was breastfeeding. My milk, I went to open bag, I bombed. I went to my car and started crying. My milk came all over the windshield. As a Chinese person, you can't waste your milk. That's the worst. You don't waste your milk. Chinese people don't waste ----. If you waste food, it means you're going to be poor next year. It's bad. I caught a cup. I don't want to waste food. I was thinking my son can drink. Wait, there's alcohol in my milk. They can't drink it. I start pouring it out. Wait a minute, there's vodka in my breast milk. That is the best wet russian in the world. I just sweep my tits. I drink it like a bubble tea. Because the Chinese titties, they are communist. The titties are heavy because we suffer so much. It's dense. It's heavy. If I drop my tits, I can kill a midget. It's heavy. Here we go. There's an Asian lady. What kind of Asian are you? Oh, my people. Hi. My Chinese lady. Hi. What do you do? Scrub nurse. Hi, my husband. What do you do? Nurse marketer. We got a lot of people who are angels here. They make me feel guilty about my jokes. Do you feel bad you didn't get a Filipino nurse? The real nurse? No. She's just enough. Yay. This is another real black man. I love the fit. This is very, very good for someone who's not gay. This is a nice outfit. I'm proud of you. What do you do, sir? I'm retired. Rich. I like it. What's your name? Joe. Hi, Joe. Is this your lady? She is stunning. What kind of species are you? Filipino. It should be Filipina. I speak English. None of us speak, but Filipina. I don't know. I don't really matter. Look at those titties. Filipina island titties. They are heavy. Did it just get bigger because you're getting the BBC? Or just natural? How do you guys meet? Through a friend. Who made the move? Him. Mutual. I like that. She's like, no, no, no. You chased me, ************. I did not. Me speak no good English. You chased me. She's like, no. She's not mutual. He's retired. Hi. This is just a table for the tits. It's a VIP tits table. Hi. She has this arrow pointing down. Go here. What kind of species are you? I'm white. I know that. Which main flower boat did your grandparents take to come to America to take the letter from the Indians? Irish. So you get red. You have red. So how about your man? White. Italian. Okay. Italian-Irish. This couple is very white. How do you guys meet? That's very Korean of you. So what's your name? David. David means big. Big means stomach. So big stomach eat a lot. Not to fashion you. You look perfect. How about you, lady? What's your name? Kimberly. Kimberly in Chinese because that's also Kim Kardashian's name. Kimberly in Chinese means Jin B Lee. Jin means golden. B means pussy. Lee means beautiful. Beautiful woman with a golden pussy. What do you think? They confirm. What are you? You're like Gabrielle Union of Louisiana. What do you do? You're a boxer? Nice. Can you give me some black girl sassiness? Black girl magic? Because I need some black girl magic. I'm always like even Chinese culture is like we can't say no. You say yes, yes. You know like someone suck my dick. I'm like yeah. I just cannot say no. Can you just be like hell no when somebody just says something insulting to me. Just teach me hell no. Can you teach me? Can I have the finger? Just like hell no. Hell no. Okay. I need to go to her. Okay. So how do I do that? Like up. Hell no. How about my head? Just like the attitude. Because I have my hair up. Hell no.