My 30-Year-Old Brother Is Taking Advantage of My Parents

In today's digital world, you need ID theft protection that actually works. Protect yourself at Zander.com. So I'm the oldest of three brothers. We're all in our 30s. Specifically, my youngest brother, who just turned 30, he has never financially been independent from my parents. And so, you know, being the baby that might have something to do with it. But just ever since he's been in college and have graduated and now married, my parents have always financially provided for him. Even, you know, in real life, marriage into his 30s, etc. About three years ago, my dad sold his company that he worked really, really hard to build. Built it over about 25 years, sold it, made some good money. And naturally, since that happened, the asks for money or for financial help from my brothers, specifically my youngest, have drastically increased. I have expressed my concerns to my parents that they are getting taken advantage of. They have heard those, don't necessarily acknowledge those. My dad is an incredibly generous person and actually would call himself a Dave Ramsey disciple, but he doesn't really, I don't think, see the fact that he's getting taken advantage of. For a little more context, my wife and his brother are pregnant and they are expecting this year. And I just choose to believe that they wouldn't necessarily be planning to expand their family unless they had a financial backer in the form of my parents. And so I just see it coming from a mile away. And my parents don't necessarily see it that way. I actually have my parents understand that what's really happening. Here's the thing. I don't think you're mad at your brother. Not necessarily. No, I would say mad. The problem here is not your brother. Yes, if he was on the call, I would tell him to grow up and be an adult. It's your parents. It's your parents, dude. And the part that you have to, like, man, I overuse this word, I think, but you have to metabolize is you told your dad what you think and he, through his action, said, I don't care. I'm a grown man. This is my money and I get to do what I want with it. And it is true. I mean, they do get to do with their money as they please, which I completely respect. I just, why do you think they're getting taken advantage of? They sound like they're sound mind. They're smart people. They're generous people. Why do you think they're getting ripped off? Listen, identity theft doesn't happen because you're careless. It's part of the modern world. Even when you do everything right, criminals can steal your information and turn your life upside down. That's why I've told people for years to have identity theft protection. And the only one I've ever recommended is from Zander insurance. They monitor for fraud. And if something happens, they do the hard work to restore your identity. Go to zander.com and protect yourself today. Why do you think they're getting ripped off? Um, I just, I don't, I mean, look, the help that he's providing is not like setting my parents back or anything necessarily. But, um, I, I think that he might struggle a little bit with the idea of like, well, do I take, you know, my kids off the payroll or do I go figure it out? Why are you, why are you inventing stories that might be in his head and then trying to judge him for those stories? I don't, I don't want to say I'm judging. I just, so here's where I'm at. I am very protective of what my parents. I think you're annoyed, Dan, that you've worked hard. You're supporting yourself. So is your brother, your middle brother. And then your younger brother is kind of mooching off your parents and you're annoyed by it. That's frustrates you. It's annoying to you. You don't like it, right? That is fair. And you're annoyed and you're mad at your dad. But you can't change your parents. Yes. Like it's your parents' decision. And you can't change your brother. And they're obviously smart people. They're choosing to do this. And so that may hurt you. That, that, that may be frustrating. Golly, that he gets this handout and me and my wife aren't getting anything. Mom and dad aren't reaching out to us. And you know what I mean? It's not, it doesn't feel fair. Whatever the feelings are. I think those are all your feelings, but you're not going to be able to, to change what they're doing. It's, you know what I mean? In a way it's none of your business. I mean, kind of. When you find yourself in a position where you can't change the outcome. It's so frustrating. Then shoot. Yes. Hey, it's frustrating. It's maddening, dude. And we're both on your side here. I get that. For sure. But to continue to dwell on it, to create, I think he's doing it because of this. And I can't believe he's probably, it's a choice for you to be miserable in your own skin. And so, so what? Good. I literally, and I don't say this lightly, I would let it go. Cause you've put, you've made your position known. Your little brother is not of character to that. He wants to build up his own home on his own. He wants to keep asking for dad for money. And your dad is of the opinion that he can do whatever he wants with his money, include fund his youngest son's life. And so I've made my position known. I'm going to choose to not let that misery poison my household, me and my wife's relationship, our kids' lives. We're going to choose joy and happiness in our life, which means I'm out. I'm out of y'all's fights. I'm out of your money drama. I'm out of all that stuff. And I'm going to make peace with the life I have chosen to create for me and my spouse. Cause any other choice is a choice to be miserable. Cause you can't control any of the other stuff you want to control. So I don't think I'd say I'm miserable. I think frustrated is definitely, definitely the accurate word. Well, you're calling a show to talk about it though, Dan. Well, so here's John, to your point, like, yes, I have made my, my thoughts known and I've expressed these to my parents and I've made the decision, like, I'm not going to bring it up again. Right. So I'm not necessarily like pushing the envelope or trying to continually like rehash it, but it is, it is frustrating. So my dad was the guy who taught me to just work for everything that I have and to grind it out into hustle. And that's how I sort of like molded my life. I know, but you're, you're, you're setting yourself up in a, in a, in a lifeguard tower, looking down on your brother and your dad. And you're asking, why aren't y'all up here with me? And what I want to tell you is just climb off the lifeguard tower and get on with your life. Right. Cause even then you loop back to, I've done these things. My dad taught me this stuff. I built my life this way. And my son, I mean, my brother hasn't, and it's like, you're right. And all you're left with is your frustration, but nothing's going to change. You get what I'm saying? I do. And I, I don't disagree. I mean, there's nothing I can do. So how can we help Dan? What do you need from us? Well, I still, I do still go back to the fact that my, and look, maybe there isn't an answer. Maybe I just have to let it, you know, let things take their course. But my parents are essentially right now, the giving tree. And at some point they're just, they're going to get picked and picked and picked and maybe they got to figure it out. Yes, they do. But they're so your advice is just let, let that happen. Let it happen. You can't do anything different. Give me an alternative. Here's the big. Are you going to go file a competency claim against your parents and take over? Like, right. So what are you going to, you can't do anything. Can I tell you after thousands of dollars of therapy through my life, coming to the realization that you can't change people. And I used to really believe in my head. If I say this sentence in this conversation with this person. This way, they're going to get it. Like the light bulbs going to, they're going to see it. If I, Oh, I have a great way to present it. And they're, they're going to get it. Yes. They don't get it. You can say it over and over and over and over and over and over and over. And they may not change. So Christmas, when y'all go out to dinner, you get a separate tab for you and your wife and say, I'm not going to take dad's money. That that's what you can control. Nothing else at that table. The best ID theft protection comes from Zander. Real monitoring, full restoration, no fluff. Learn more at zander.com.