Keep Letting My Boyfriend Has Pay Off My Debt?

Brought to you by CHM, a budget-friendly, faith-based alternative to health insurance. chministries.org slash budget. Should I allow my very generous boyfriend to pay off some additional debt of mine? Wow. Tell us more. What does additional mean? How much has he paid off so far? I have many questions. He paid off a personal loan that I had taken out to do some home repairs about a year and a half ago. And then about six months ago, he paid off my student loan. How much was the personal loan and how much was the student loans? The personal loan was maybe $15,000 and the student loan was probably $35,000. Oh my. So he's paid off $50,000 worth of debt for you so far. Right. How much more is there to go? Well, all I have is a car and a home loan. That's the only other debt that I have. Do you guys live in your home? We don't live together. Okay. We maintain separate households. We've been together for about three years. He's widowed. Widowed. Any kids? We both have kids that are all college age. Okay. How old are you guys? In our 50s. Okay. He's retired. He retired young. Okay. He and his late wife did everything right financially. And I'm divorced. And so that kind of messed up my financial situation. Are you going to marry him? I'm just cutting to the chase. We've both decided we don't want to remarry, but we're committed to each other. So you'll continue to live in separate households and hopefully be together forever? I don't know. We're still figuring that out. I'm going to tell you, Jenna, I think this question is more about you than it is about him. Because if you said to me, this is the one. I think we're getting married. I want to be with him. And I think it's happening. I think he's going to pop the question. I would feel less of the way I feel right now, which is I don't think you need to be accepting these gifts from somebody that you don't think that you're going to be on the long haul with $50,000 is a lot of money. Well, I think we're going to be in the long haul. We just don't necessarily want to get married. I was in a very abusive marriage. True that. He had a very long, happy marriage. But true that. But you and I both know long haul doesn't exist without a committed, without commitment. And I didn't hear it. It's like, it could be like, I care for him. I love him, but I don't know. It was more like that is fair enough. If you're serious about budgeting, you can't ignore healthcare. For most families, it's one of the biggest line items. Y'all, you can cut subscriptions and eating out, but if you're still stuck with a massive premium every month, it's going to be stressful. Now, Christian Healthcare Ministries is different. It's not insurance. It's believers sharing each other's medical bills. And the best part, programs start at just $115 a month. So go to chministries.org slash budget and use code Ramsey for 50% credit towards your first month. Like I care for him. I love him, but I don't know. It was more like that is fair enough. I don't feel that way, but I can see how it comes across that way. That's my only thing. I don't hear me because this is on all the radio and all the YouTubes and all the podcast. I think you're a great person. I don't think that you're in any way trying to like scam this guy. Yeah, you're not doing anything wrong. It's on his volition. He wants to spend his money how he so chooses. He could give 50 grand to a charitable organization or a gambler in Vegas. It's his money. He's choosing to help somebody that he loves, which is a very noble thing. We can all agree on that. I just don't know that I would accept such a gift if there wasn't a full commitment there, because this is the type of thing that could breed resentment later, I think. Couldn't this hang over your head of, hey, I paid off 70 grand of your debt and this is how you... could that happen one day? I don't see that happening with him because he also pays for... we go on a lot of vacations and he pays for everything. He doesn't let me pay for much of anything. He has done well and he... Is he independently wealthy? He's obviously retired. He has a huge nest egg. If he's just willy-nilly paying off debts like this, it sounds like he's doing very well. He's a multi-millionaire, is my guess. Well, yes. We're very open about the financial situation and it's very lopsided. Give me an estimate. What's his net worth versus your net worth? He's in the double-digit millions and I'm in the less than half a million. For you and your placement in this relationship, I love the idea. I'm not saying that you need to go back and pay him back the $50,000. I'm not necessarily saying that, but I don't want you to let him pay your car off. I want you to do that. I want you from this... if you take on debt, because you have said, hey, we're separate, we live in separate places, we have separate finances and you're dating. You guys have maintained your boundaries. I actually love that for you. Since you're doing that, I would do that in this area as well. No, it's my debt. I want to pay it. I think that allows you to maintain a certain amount of independence and I think it allows you to keep the... if this were a marriage, it'd be different, but it's not. It allows you to keep the balance of power right where it should be, which is no one can say that this guy is taking care of me, that I'm mooching off of him, that I'm living off of him, that I need him. You're still a very independent woman and I want that for you and I think it's a good thing for you and I think it'll make you feel better in the relationship long-term. What do you think? That's how I feel about it. He's just a nice guy. I can sense it. He really is. Oh my gosh. And I think you're a nice lady too and you're like, this is great. I think it's probably really great. I don't sense anything that's off here. If I were in your shoes. It's not a bad problem to have. It's not. But listen, I'll take it a step further. I hope you guys do commit. I hope that you guys find the trust that you need and find the healing that you both need because you both have been through it. You said he's a widower and you've been through an abusive time. Healing would have to take place in major ways, I think, for both of you to get there. But man, if you can, it's such a beautiful thing. Yeah. Marriage is not the villain here and I know it feels that way because of your past experience, but being married to this guy is going to be light years difference than your last one, right? Right. I can already see that based on the way he's treating you and his generosity. So it's not that we're like, you better get married or else, Jenna. I just think it adds a different level of commitment. It adds a layer of protection on his part, even though he doesn't really need it financially. But the question to ask yourself is this, is this help accelerating your own independence or is it replacing it? That's the part that worries us more than anything because what if one day you guys break up and now you were kind of needing him for his income and the lifestyle and now you don't have that. You don't have your own retirement. So there's also some protections you don't have in that regard, right? George makes a good point and I'll go further on that point, which is I love that the separation that you guys have created, because that's just what I think is a normal dating separation and I think that that's good. But I think if you tie your finances up too much in the way of letting him pay major debts, there could develop, let's say in the future, you're starting to notice some things that you're like, man, I don't know if this guy's the one. When he's done so much for you, it could make you feel like you need to stay with him longer than maybe you would have if these things hadn't been done for you. Does that make sense? It could just create a cloudy vision there that I wouldn't want for you. But I don't see that happening. I think it's going to be all good, but I just want to throw that out there for you. What is your income right now? From my primary job, make about $150,000. And then I get some of my ex-husband's pension, which all goes toward my retirement. And then I have a side gig. Yeah. So you're good. You've got money. You've got your own thing over here. You can pay off this car in a couple of months, it sounds like. What's left on the loan? Right now, about $40,000. Okay. So if you took, let's say, four, five grand a month, you could be done with this in eight to 10 months? Potentially, yeah. See, there's my question. She's like, I'm not putting that much on it, George. If this was only on you, there's no urgency here. You're not changing any behavior that got us here while we went out and bought a $50,000, $60,000 car. And that's the part. I want you to be good on your own to where you don't need him. And I think it's going to change Jenna. If she pays off her own car loan, she's going to drive that thing differently than if generous boyfriend swooped in to pay it off. Now she's going car shopping again, going, what other debt can we get in? Let's play this game. This is fun. So I'm wishing you guys the best. I hope you have a long, wonderful life together. And yes, I hope you get married selfishly.