Personal Trainer ASMR - [Rude English Gentleman]

Can I help you? Yes, obviously. This is Snobber's gym. If you wish to what? You do know what I'm trying to read. So you wish to join up this gym, do you? Oh, you just wish to become a member. Just like that. Yes, I'm sure you do. Wait, were you that person that I was meant to expect here in the next ten minutes? You are. Oh, dear oh dear. I thought I was meant to be interviewing someone who wishes to join this gym and not take one look at it and then find your nearest takeaway. Fast food store afterwards. Are you not one of those people? I'm sure you're not. So, you actually wish to become a member of this gym. I'm sure you do. And you wish to commit fully to your training. You do. Well, I might just be able to fit you in. Well, seeing as you rudely turn up here ten minutes early, when people say it is polite to turn up early, it is very impolite and inconsiderate as I was quite happy listening to music and reading. So, there goes my personal time. Why don't you follow me and we can get into the consultation room where we can discuss whether it is appropriate to let you join the gym. Once we've gone through that, we'll go through some terms and conditions together and see if you're fit to sell your soul to me and the gym. And once we've done that, we shall get you started with a workout program and hopefully sort out that lost course of the body and make some difference there. How does that sound? Good. So, you just follow me. Keep your distance, though, because I don't want people to think that you are associated with me or come into the training thing. Of course, I am the owner of this gym. My name is Fred. And we can go and get this sorted and discuss the appropriate training program for you. So, keep your distance. Don't look at me. Certainly don't look at anyone who is training here. I don't wish for them to get offended. Okay. Let's go. Okay. So, before we get you started in joining this gym, if I should let you, I'm going to have to take you through a number of standard procedures to make sure that you are dedicated enough to make a change in yourself. And if I don't see that, then you don't come into my gym. So, is that clear to you? Good. But if you don't commit 100%, then 100% I shall come over and get rid of you myself. Okay. So, what I have here is your signing up sheet. So, what we shall do is just fill that in first. Okay. So, of course, it's the usual red tape nonsense that you need to sign. Here, you sign yourself away to me. If you do that, then that shows that you are committed to transform yourself and you can come into this gym. But by the looks of you, I really don't think that's going to be the case. I mean, you look at the sort of caliber we have in our gym here. And look at you and how out of place you look. I mean, we have some work on our hands, but you are most certainly a lot of work. And do I want that on my hands? Well, personally, no. But if I want to challenge myself, then absolutely. So, here at Snobby's Upper Class Gym, I have all the details, if you wouldn't mind just answering them honestly to me. And we can get you signed up. So, let's grab something to lean on here. And get a pencil, so if I wish to rub anything out, I can do so. So, new member's name. We haven't actually introduced ourselves properly. But you don't need to introduce yourself, because I won't come up and talk to you whilst you're training, but I will need your name for this. Okay. Oh, what a horrible name. And your address. Ah. Yep. Continue. That's almost within running distance of this gym, is it not? Although I find it unlikely to see you running to the gym. That would probably be a little too much for someone like you. Don't you agree? I said, don't you agree? Good. And your phone number. Just in case I need to call you up and cancel your membership. Okay. Continue. Right. Now, because you probably don't run anywhere or walk anywhere or have any form of exercise, I assume that you have a driver's license. Great. You brought it with you? Good. Well, I shall take the number on that driver's license. Should I wish to report you, I jest, but I shall take your number. Okay. Yep. And... Okay. Usually, people that join this gym, I'm able to suss them out very quickly. But you seem somewhat alien to the types of people I seem to see around in this area. So it's hard for me to guess your age. But if you are under 18 years of age, an apparent and guardian should complete this for you. So, how old are you? Okay. Well, that is fine. So, this membership agreement between member, listed in section 1 above, and the Sorbets Upper Class Gym, is on a month-to-month basis, at the initial due rates of... So, usually, a month's membership will be about 50 to 60 pounds. But you, I see, has been a lot of work. So... Oh, I could offer you a discount, but that would mean that you're not 100% committed, and I could allow you into the gym. Oh, we find ourselves in a bit of a dilemma here. So, why don't we say 65 pounds a month? That will suit you? I know it's a little bit expensive, but really, look at this gym, look at you, look at the work I'm going to have to do. 65, we have an accord with that. Good. Okay, 65... Keep scrolling down. Ah, a very important section I have with me here. Oh, and don't worry, once we've signed all this and got that out of the way, then I can get to measuring you and talk about your goals and give you some advice and things that you need to do to prepare yourself for your first training session with me, or one of the colleagues at this gym. So, by signing this, under section 8 here, a member agrees to keep and obey all rules and regulations now in force, or in the future prescribed by the gym. That's me. So if I wish to sit there one day and see something I don't like, I will turn that into a rule, and when I turn that into a rule, everyone must obey that rule. That's including you. So no matter what it is, you must do what I say. Some examples of rules for my gym. Considering other members' rights and privileges whilst training, so if I decided that I had enough of working for the day and signing up people like you who wish to train, it is my right and privilege to walk up, look at the weights you're lifting, and take them from you and train myself. Though, that would be unlikely because the weights you lift will be inconsequential to what I need to lift myself, so that's something you don't really need to worry about. Always pay your membership fees each month, and that will be due on the 5th of every month. Always printing your first name on the sign-in sheet when you enter and leave the gym, that way I can keep a track of you and your workouts within this gym, and make sure that you are coming in every day for training. So that's number C, that is important. Always unloading all bars and machines when using them, and replacing all weights after use. Now, this is important. So if I at any time find that you have used a weight, and you haven't decided to put the weight back, there, I have the liberty to take those weights and throw them in the proper allocated section, and personally terminate your contract and get you to leave. There will be no personal training after that, so do take consideration of others around you, and make sure you put your weights back. We have some people who find it hard to resist the urge to leave their weights after they've used it. Let me tell you something a little bit funny in regards to this clause here. Some people were doing that the other day, and I noticed they left their weights, but of course, this infuriated me, so I decided to pick up their weights, and throw it back to their allocated positions where they're meant to be, and then run after the people who had left the weights there, or the person. And when I caught this person, I was just about to throw them out, but they were just refilling their drinks, so accidents can happen. Always follow directions on the proper use of training equipment, so probably someone like you won't have a clue what anything is, but don't worry, on the equipment you will find instructions on how to use them. Well, this, no spitting in a water fountain, not that I've ever seen anyone do that, but of course, it is paramount that you don't include that sort of loutish behaviour in a place like this, as I'm sure it's not only me, but a lot of people will be after you if you're caught doing that. Never place any weights on the floor, say you've just decided to put them up, and then just leave them on the floor, no, no, no, put them on the appropriate sections. Never bang your dumbbells on the floor. Of course, we have mats provided, which should help. Dumbbells, should they fall on the floor, but if you take them away, or lift them and drop them from said height, then of course we can have a problem there. I'm always trying to treat members of staff with the fullest respect, especially the owner, and the courtesy at all times. So, when I say walk up to a door and you are there, then of course you would open it for me. That is very important, that's what we call Jim etiquette. So, ah, and accepting the fullest responsibility for any damage that you have done to the equipment due to misuse of the equipment. Great, so you agree to all of those things that I have listed out here and read to you and discussed. Great. Well, you don't need to go into any of that, of course, you are welcome to read those bits, should you wish. Oh, good. So, let's get straight on with the signing of the course US contract, and just sign everything to me. Great, so if I can just get you to sign here. That's me, I'm the member. And if you could just sign here for me. Excellent, yes. More handwriting, and there. And just write the date in there for me. That's correct, well I didn't write it on there for you to look, sorry. Excellent, well I may photocopy that so you have a copy also, which someone will give to you when you leave. So then, that's that signed. So, I'm officially a part of this gym, which means I'm able to discuss with you some goals and achievements that you want to do, some advice to kickstart you into your personal training program. So, what we are going to do now is discuss what you wish to get out of this gym. What your goals are, and see what you want to do to try and help that lost cause of the body of yours. Okay, so why is it that you want to change a little bit? Not that I really need to ask, but let me write all these down so I can create the appropriate plan for you to help you. Okay, so. Begin. You wish to lose some weight. Lose some weight. I would have thought that is extremely obvious. I would have recommended some weight loss to start off with. Yes. Okay, so, we'll put that in bullet points, shall we? So, you wish to lose some weight. So, after you've lost some weight, what would you wish to do in terms of muscle building, cardio, if you're more into fitness, or you just want a bit of everything? You want some abs, well, I'm holding you back. Straight in. Of course, you don't just get abs, you get them through hard work, diet training, and persistence. Do you have all those things? Well, there are qualities I would say a lot of people have in here, but certainly not you, but maybe we can work on that. Of course, training is a mental aspect as well, so you must get your mind around being so horrible looking, and maybe that might help a little bit. Okay, so, you wish to get abs, and what about muscles anywhere else in your body? I see. So, you want to get a little bit bigger. Okay, little being the optimal word, if that can even happen. And get a little upper body to work with there as well. These are all doable things that we can accomplish here. So, when you say upper body, that means the sort of triangular, the trifecta effect we're going for. So, we'll take a look at your arms, and your shoulders, and your chest. We will work on those, and then your back also, and try and change a little bit of that into muscle, which we can accomplish whilst losing the weight. We can raise your fitness levels up whilst doing this. And once you find you pass the wall and the plateau of training, and you realise how hard it is, and how hard I'll be on you, then you should be able to accomplish all these things. So, I believe those are some feasible goals for you. Very simple, very basic, not over the top, and I think that you can do it. So, what I require from you is some measurements. And with these measurements, we're going to set some goals. So, I'm going to measure the circumference of your arms, measure from shoulder to shoulder, and maybe on your chest, around your chest as well, so we can see progress, actually have some data to see some progress. I don't usually do this to people, but I feel like you will probably need this, because you need to be motivated, and you're not. Good. And I will make sure these facts and figures are shown to you all the time to see what terrible progress you're making, so you can improve. Okay. So, I shall put that down there, and get the tape measure out. So, don't feel uncomfortable about this, I'm just going to come a little bit close now, and wrap this around your arm, and take a measurement. Okay. So, come out for me. Oh dear, I do. Okay, we should just write that down. Alright, so, figure there. Whether that figure was to be translated into words, it would be disappointing. Okay. So, you'll write on for me. Hm. Do that again. How bizarre. Both of your biceps seem to be quite considerably different sizes. Well, I knew that you would be a bit of a strange one, but you've now confirmed that for me. So, thank you very much for that. So, biceps... abnormal. But we can work on that to make sure they are both symmetrical with one another. So, I'm just going to wrap this around your chest, take a measurement there, and we can see if there's any improvement there. Okay. So... That's it. Keep your arms up for me. Breathe in, and breathe out. Okay. So... A bit of a nothing chest, really. Hopefully, we can get some improvement... ...on your chest. So, the size, I recommend we try and go with that. Let me trim it up. I'll just loose the flap here a little bit. Okay. We have done around both of your arms. We have also done around your chest as well, and taken a measurement there. So, what I'm going to do is get the last measurement from here to here, on both sides of your shoulder, so we can see the width and the improvement that we need to make there. This would be something which is key. So, that's it. Just look straight at me. Alright. You don't seem to be... ...that broad. Probably the shortest in this gym, actually. So... ...exceptionally... ...regular... ...for... ...someone in here. So, I have your information there now. So, with all this written down, I can come up with the ideal workout plan for you, to help you accomplish these goals, and set yourselves some targets for you to stick to. Like I said, if you don't stick to it 100%, then, of course, I will come and make sure that you are no longer a part of this gym, and I can promise that 100% that I will stick to my word about that one. So, that is the measurement section over. We will jot your results down next month, and the next several months to follow, until we think you are able to go solo, and you are able to be confident in that as well. So, let me get some items for you. I think, to start off with, we can work with losing your weight, which, of course, we accomplish by treadmill and the cross trainer. So, a mixture and combination of those things. You know what they are, of course. Well, this is very much cardio based, and this will help you lose your weight. Now, initially, if you want to start putting on muscle, you will start balancing out the cardio and the weight training as well, until the weight training supersedes the cardio, and that is when your fitness level is up a little bit higher, and you can start putting on weight. So, let's use this terrible magazine as an example. It is, of course, to spot the people who think they know about the gym, and they pick up this magazine. Then, know not to let them into the gym. Keep all these down at reception. So, this young fellow here. Okay, so what we shall be doing is sort of working around this area here. We will be working on the chest, and separate days for these muscle groups, for shoulders as well. Tricep area here, biceps. So, we will be combining the two into a workout. Hopefully, improve those flabby wings that you call arms, and then, of course, mainly, like you said, you wanted to target the abs in this area. Well, of course, cardio and doing the cross trainer and resistance on that, and running, you will be able to work on your stomach. Once you start to lose that weight around that area, this will become very handy. Now, this is an ab builder. There are two stages with this, and what you can do, you can be on your knees and roll it out, and then you can be on your feet for more hardcore than rolling out. This will work out your core and help you accomplish those abs. So, if you were to do your cardio workout, for example, and then go straight into about five sets of this, about 20 reps of going in and out, you did that every single day, then the results will start to happen around there, but you have to be 100% committed. Once you do this, then I will come up with a nice training program for you, so we can start incorporating different exercises, make a complete exercise, do a bunch of sets together, combine it to really target the abs, like doing crunches after this, or different types of sit-ups and weighted sit-ups and everything, which can really help improve that and make you feel like you have actually accomplished something in the gym. Okay, so, an ab roller is very important. Did you wish to have a look? There you go. No, no, no, no. You haven't touched my hands again. I know, ma'am, you cannot touch that until you've fully sanitized your hands before entering this gym, and I did not see you do it when you walked in as well. I don't wish to be rude, but I don't want to be touching people like you. I'm sorry, but I try and keep clean when talking to clients and in my gym. So, you keep your hands to yourself, and I will keep mine to myself. So, something that you can get at home, you can do many things with this, and I feel like this will probably be the start-up weight for you. These are what I call imaginary weights, and once you use them and get past the imaginary weights, you'll get to grips with the techniques, and then you can start putting your weights on there and actually achieve something. So, this, we have many of these bars throughout the gym, ones with weights on, and this will really help you when it comes to things like bicep curling. If you want to do things like triceps, as you notice, it targets the back as well. There are many different types of movements. For example, we put your imaginary weights on the top and the bottom here, and we can target shoulders as well. So, this has many uses. I recommend before starting any of the heavy machinery that you come to grips with the bars, the dumbbells, and once you get the technique for that, then you won't find anything else like the machines, no problem. So, I think that that really concludes our little initiation, let's say, and I will come up with a workout plan for you, and you can try and achieve the unachievable which I see before me. But don't worry, I have zero confidence in you, so even if you have a little bit of confidence, that will hopefully get you started, and you could prove me wrong. I personally give you about a month, possibly two, before you quit all this, or you do something like drop the weights or don't put them back before I throw you out. So, here's the sign of the can, yes, the membership fee. So, you take that down to reception, they will photocopy it for you, that's great, and also you can pay the membership fee there. What I will tell reception as well is to make sure you pay three months or four months in advance, with a start-up cost of £100 or so. I'm sorry, but recent times at this gym, I had to do that for all of my customers, and once you do that, I'm sure you'll be more inclined to come back to make the most of your gym membership. So, I think that we have covered everything here today. I don't think you can have a little workout today. Now I have to make your programme, that could take probably a day to write that off, to really make sure that I find the easiest thing possible to try and sort yourself out a little bit. But, we can do this. So, you get yourself down to reception, grab the paperwork, pay the appropriate things. Next time you come to see me, I will have a nice workout programme for you to really target the key things which you asked for, and you can get on with your working out, and welcome to the gym. So, I bid you farewell. Glad that we can officially meet each other, and I will see you at some point in the future, no doubt. Okay. The door is open. Time to use it. Just move. Thank you.