MIKE: Comedian Lawrence Killebrew and Ring Toss Challenge

Hey, we are back welcome to the show tonight in honor of the all-star game here in Philadelphia We have Harman Killebrew on tonight No, no, we have Lawrence Killebrew the comedian not not Not the baseball player who's passed away a couple years ago. Oh Well, I like Lawrence. Yeah, I'll be great. See you Larry great stand-up, you know nationally So it's been good to talk to him. I'm gonna change my notes. We're gonna have to prep you Okay, that yeah the your most famous Grand Slam. No Lawrence has not hit a Grand Slam. Okay Let's do what the top three then Okay, so I know it's late and you normally a munch on a croissant Whistle in the morning as we're doing good day, Philadelphia. I do yes You don't mind one I've never I love a quiffle you're too small as long as it doesn't have cheese in it That's true. But you know Burger King does their their sandwiches on it. I'm like quiffle I love quiffle and my I can always remember as a kid My mom who's a French major in college would order like, you know I went this that in the oven and it would get to the croissant part. Yeah a sausage. I get cheese quaffable One of the person we like what? Well, I found one that I think you might enjoy This comes to you from I believe it's Thailand. Oh, let me put up a picture. We've got a guy. No Now, oh, no, they call it the hair croissant Now, oh, no It's human hair. No, they say they include pubic hair because apparently I did not know this Pubic hair has protein in it Would you? Eat that if you are protein deficient I mean Leave it your drawer It came out of my drawers as a matter of fact, I mean way to ruin a quiffle it's actually Shredded seaweed is it really? Yeah, it's not human hair. Oh, it still looks terrible. It looks horrible Why would you do that? Anyway, I thought I'd surprise. I mean listen, he's he's gone a panel. He's a love He's a champ Just tap him on the head when it's done You know the last sound the pubic hair makes Where's Tom Okay, how about this one We need to meet remember when we went to the retirement community. Yeah, and I actually Considered it if it was nice age 55. They were having a blast and that was at around noon But this woman Lillian drone drone of Vic sure She's in a retirement community. They're this close to throwing this woman out of the retirement home because she parties too much Really and it they're loud parties They go late and get very rowdy out of control. You do this one more time Lillian and you're out. Well, it's like any Murphy sings My girl likes to party all the time party all the time party all his only hit. Yeah Rick James hit that he kind of yes. Yeah party all the time party all the time party all the time Actually, they came to a compromise they're not gonna kick her out if she stops offering Alcohol at the parties that seemed to be the problem. Well, I'm sure death will kick her out soon enough Soon enough the minute she said no alcohol. Nobody goes to her parties anymore. So that's over Okay, now we're gonna switch to a woman Serena Neal She likes pickles, but I do too If you could fill this isn't like the hair thing No, okay, if you could fill a swimming pool of your favorite food and then dive into it What would it be? Hair croissants Ice cream ice cream for you I mean, I just I have I love ice cream. So that would be perfect. Yeah You'd have to have it melt a little bit to actually remember like on Double Dare Would you go down the Sunday slide? Yeah, I landed like that was By the way, speaking of double Derek Mark Summers is gonna do a 40th anniversary in September and he's gonna come on the show Oh nice, and we have tickets to it if you want to go Okay, pick the giant. Sure. You can okay So I was trying to think what would I love mozzarella cheese? No, but I don't know that you could dive into a pool of cheese. So anyway, let's get back to this woman Serena Neal She loves pickles. So a friend of hers owns a pickle company. They accidentally froze like 50,000 pickles by mistake and you can't sell frozen pickles. It ruins them So he donated 50,000 pickles to this woman. They filled a swimming pool and She jumped in you want to watch this? I sure do. All right 50,000 damaged pickles and I'm gonna put them all in a pool and go swimming first We're gonna unbox all the pickles open up the jars and then put them down the diliminator They get rinsed off by these hoses and they fall down in this wheelbarrow. Here's our first wheelbarrow of clean pickles for the pool This is about two pallets of pickles coming along beautifully We still have like eight more in the driveway. Time has finally come to swim in my pickle pool I feel like an alligator. Look how many pickles I can hold. Would you like one? If it was there and I was there I would do it Why is she cleaning off the pickles to put them in a chlorinated pool because they are covered in garlic I think and that would clog up the drain. Oh, wow. You've done your research. Oh, yeah She's kind of a big deal. Yes, you knew that was coming. Sure Oh, by the way after they it wasn't wasted they donated to a recycling company for renewable energy I did not know you could use pickles to create electricity. They just said that I think so, too Because still swimming anytime I screw up like on good day, Philadelphia, I like throw a piece of pie or something people Yeah, you're wasting food. Yeah If the pickles were ruined anyway, I mean they're what we're gonna do She look like she did but she had no problem landing a in a pile of pickles. No You know what? I mean? Okay coming up next look how many pickles she can hold In her arms and Harmon Killebrew now up next on the show. Nope. Nope, Larry Comedian Lawrence Killebrews with us in studio. That's tonight on Mike Don't get me wrong. I'm not gonna say her feet was ugly cuz that was not the case She's it just didn't have a pinky nail or her pinky toe It was just nail polish and skin I'm like you could have left that blank. What was the point of you painting that? No Why? Lawrence Killebrew is here Lawrence. Good to see you Thank you for having me man appreciate it where did this all start well, we'll start the the stand-up the stand-up started basically from seeing people that I knew to stand up and I wanted to try it out and actually I got my Reason for doing it from going to church went to church I saw the preacher and I was just in awe By how he had control of his congregation and I wanted to do the same thing, but I knew I couldn't be no preacher Because I like the cuts so stand up was the next Avenue rascals Rascals comedy club who remembers rascals Cherry Cherry Hills in the hotel over there. Yes That's where I got my first start at that's who gave him my first chance. And then after that I continued at the lap Oh How vivid is that first night I remember it like it was yesterday I did I Remember exactly what happened. I walked on stage I looked at everybody. So how y'all doing y'all? Nothing, I forgot what I yeah, I forgot. Okay. Good night Literally my first time on stage I went up there. So how y'all doing? I forgot good night I forgot good night. And that was my first what did they say when you went back? They didn't let me back for a while, okay They didn't let me back for a while But then I was persistent I wanted to keep doing it and then I started going more and more and more and more and then I became a household name. Well, that's that's the key. Don't give up Yeah, you keep doing stuff man But that thing about I forgot was that had to have been 15 years ago more than that 20 20 years ago. I've been doing comedy about 20 20 years now. How many days I mean, did you think about never going back? I wish I mean in that moment when you forgot everything. No, cuz I made a decision I told myself this is what I want to do for the rest of my life and I wasn't going to stop So there's no other plan B for me. This is it. I'm telling jokes Until I get your age Wow, yeah, that's a long time a very long time. Okay, that's enough. It's a very very long time This is only Monday, but can you tickle me? I can Tomorrow is tickle me Tuesday. We're not actually tomorrow tomorrow show will be Rescheduled but every Tuesday after that for the all-star game But every Tuesday after that me and my guy Reggie conquest will be hosting tickle me Tuesdays at the punchline Philadelphia comedy club. It's a great night man. It's a great night that we have I started this night back at the laugh house comedy club a long time ago, and it just has a brand to it So I wanted to bring it back to a newer club to my home club now, which is fun. Yeah. Yeah great when you were first starting Before you ever hit rascals who were your inspirations, uh To be honest, it was always Philly comedians because I'm really yeah I always get my inspiration from comedians that I actually know so to Ray Kevin Hart will spank a whore in name Lynn Derek Gaines Denny love Charles Walton, these are all guys that I saw personally. So that's why I get inspiration. I can't get inspiration for somebody I don't know. I can't get inspiration from Chris Rock But those guys that I see every single day I can get inspiration from them because I see their journey Did you ever tell your pastor what an influence he had on you? Uh, no, cuz that actually it was crazy about that I didn't even know him. It was a French church who kept inviting me and I wanted to Get him to stop inviting you. So I just went Basically, that's what happened. What did you do before stand-up? I worked at Foot Locker. Oh Locker. Yes. Oh sneakers. What was the was there a good part? No, what's the kids feet stink? The kids feet stink the adult kids stink of all that feet stink You know what? I do hate when grown men come into my store and ask me to measure these feet you 45 You don't know what size you wear by now, sir You're a 45 years old. You've been wearing the same size for the past 20 some years. Why do you mean? No, I'm not measure your foot. No, don't they have that machine or that little thing? To me it was weird. I'm bending down looking at you Measuring your foot. I think you wear none and a half. No, sir. No, what about ladies? I'm I like oh, I do that all that baby. I'll measure your feet, baby. What you mean? I love it. I love the street. They got pretty feet cuz I'm a feet guy. You're a feet guy. I'm a feet guy I'm a late onset foot fetishist. Hmm. Yeah only in the last five years. I'm not into feet. Okay I like I like a pretty foot. I ain't gonna lie pretty pretty What is it pedicure, you know, I love a good French French Nails, but I should have said it off the beginning. You look fantastic. Thank you. I do I try I'm gonna drop what I've dropped 22 pounds. Congratulations. Yes, you see me. It feels good. Doesn't it feels good? How you doing it just running running and eating my I got a trainer though I got a trainer and me I'm not getting along because he's telling me a lot of things that I need to hear I just don't want to hear right like one of the things you're telling me is I can't stop I gotta stop eating all this junk food. So he decided to food prep my food. You know what that is? Oh, yes And he did he made me a meal every day of the week and he dropped it off on Monday and I ate all of it On Monday. Yeah, I ate it all I ate it all I could that sounds like it's his problem Like he should have told you exactly didn't tell me that I had to space it out That's what figured it. Yeah meals food. So I ate it all. Yeah Megan you hear that clip or no? Okay, I'm gonna show you this I don't know if you ever met this guy calamar white. No, he's a stand-up this happened to him watch Booed off the stage throwing water bottles out. That's not booed off. That's you being thrown off Yeah, that was is anything even come close have for you never in my life because I'm fighting somebody I'm not walking off stage me jumping in that crowd and we getting busy You're not gonna throw a bottle of me and think I'm gonna just walk on tickle me Tuesday has become something totally Tackle me Tuesday Okay, so you're not gonna be at the punchline tomorrow No But the following Tuesday for following Tuesday and the following Tuesday after that me and my guy Reggie Cara will be hosting it's gonna be a lineup of great comedians I would love for you all to come out and fill it off here and experience this great night called to me Tuesday Good to see you, man. Thank you, man. Always always Come right back. Good The funny homo sapiens are back on Do these two even qualify as homo sapiens? All right, we're gonna play a game Megan what is this Okay, so it is we're gonna call it a hook hook and ring toss game I believe it's in some adult establishments bars and whatnot But here's how we're gonna play. So you guys are trying now, which is impressive You are swinging your ring and trying to get it on your hook So what's gonna happen is you're gonna start at the same time. You're going to just keep going as both of you It's gonna be chaos Every time you get your ring on your hook you are going to move the little wooden piece towards your opponent Away from you the object is to get it off the board. So you want to get more you want to get it on? I can't okay I moved this one piece toward. Yep towards Vince. You want to get it you want to get it off the board? Okay, wait, and then if you lose, there you go All right If you lose you have to pick one of the three Mystery shots that are hidden under those cups. You have to pick one and whatever you get you have to do Okay. Now you have this at home. This is mine. Are you you're good at it? I'm okay Would you consider it a good hooker? I am. I'm a great hooker. Okay. Thank you. Absolutely. All right, give us a countdown three two one go See, I I think I think I'm no good. Oh Maybe the other direction You both have terrible technique, yeah, well, well, what's your technique Megan? I told you I actually gave you a demo You've got a you got to kind of swing it out to the side and forward. Hey, there you go Vince I'm gonna tell you right now. You don't want one of these mystery shots. I don't The pressure it's the pressure Mike hurry up. Okay hard. Sorry. Oh, yeah hooker. You only need two more At any time I could just stop this game Vince. So you better get it together Go on there This is really sad, I know all of a sudden I have no technique not all of a sudden I've never really had it. You gotta push it forward a little bit there. Oh One more Mike, oh, this is not looking good for you. No, and I really don't want what's in there Oh one of the three I'll say while you're doing this is fine. And all three are very edible very edible edible drink Well, there might be a little thick Then go this is so bad for you Like if I end this game right now, just stop threatening me. It's just breaking my distraction. You have to work through distractions Okay. Oh, wow I'm gonna call it in a minute or less than that Vince you got to move it. I'm trying All right, give us a countdown 10 9 7 6 4 3 2 You want anyway, all right Vince you have three choices one is a completely normal Thing the other the other two are less normal, but edible nothing's weird And when you pick it, I'll tell you what it is. We don't believe a thing you say. No, I swear Try unveil, I'm gonna be so mad if you pick a good one a good one. Yeah. Oh No, I'm not having that. No, that's it. That's that's dressing. I don't want it looks like mayonnaise It's not mayonnaise, but it is it is is it thick? Yeah thick. Oh, it looks like a a Sample that I gave dr. Mike a few weeks ago You're not taking that yeah, that's don't yep, you're gonna take that one you just told the other one The Caesar dressing, I'm not All right, fine take that one. Oh, what is this half and half? Oh, it's just half and half No This tastes so bad try it might do the other one Not the Caesar do the do the other one? Yeah, is this urine? Yeah, it's mine. I'm not hydrated Your mic fell off Your mic fell off Mike All right, we're gonna go to break Midnight snack next Okay, the midnight snack comes from a company. I've never heard of Daryl Lee And we'll do that in 15 seconds. Well, yeah Wait, wait that text I get the first bite The feeling you remember wrapped up in a home Same hoagie fest love now a full meal gotta have a wah-wah Okay We've said over and over we don't like licorice. No, so what do they bring out tonight licorice? Australian and Australian one is is not like American licorice. It's very Different texture. You have experience. We had it here. We did. Yeah, we had it Black licorice here. I blocked it out. Now. They're trying to disguise it as lemonade Yeah, it's like those things that you put on the end of a shoelace Okay, I'm guessing they're pink little pellets they come out like look at that and they're not even pink they're orange Oh, and they smell terrible. Oh The smell is really bad. I don't like it It's better than black licorice for I'll go for all right. No, they this is these guys are good choreographers. Watch this routine. We'll see you tomorrow