Jo Teaches an Autistic Child to Communicate | Season 2 Episode 7 | Supernanny USA

Let's take a look and see what family we've got this week. Hi, we're the Ficini family. My name's Trey, this is my wife Deirdre, and we have twin daughters that are four years old named Kayla and Marlena and a son, Tristan, who's three and has been diagnosed with autism. The first time we found out Tristan was autistic, Deirdre caught me on the phone, absolutely hysterical. It was very hard for us to come to grips with Tristan is autistic. He's a very difficult child to raise. We can swing later when we come outside. He lacks the communication to tell us, you know, how he feels, so whenever he's screaming, I'm at a loss of what to do. You're not going to die because you can't go outside. He's hyper, likes to jump on the bed, spin around in circles, wants to go outside all the time. Every now and then we'll forget to lock the van door and we'll catch him in the van. Tristan, what are you doing in here? We're just scared to death that he could get locked in there. I don't think you're supposed to be hanging out in the van, Mr. Man. The biggest issues with Kayla and Marlena are they follow me a lot during the day. What? Quit following me around! They have a trampoline, swing sets, they have every toy imaginable. Instead of following me around, they could be doing some of those things while I'm doing things that I need to catch up on. Tristan, stay down from there. Both of you, out! I feel like I'm just struggling, trying to keep my head above water. Mommy's tired. We want help because we're dealing with twin girls who demand our attention and Tristan, who needs our attention. We're playing 52-card pick-up every day. Supernanny, we're desperate, we need your help. Please come help us. If she doesn't come, I don't know what I'll do. You guys need some good help. I'm on my way. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. How are you? When Jo walks into my house, I really couldn't believe that she was here. It was kind of hard to sink in that I'm actually going to get help and my life is going to change for the better. Oh, thank you. This is Tristan. Hello, Tristan. Hi. Pleased to meet you. I'm JoJo. Come here, Marlena. Marlena, come here, Miss Shy. How are you? How are you? We were really excited to see Jo, and I was almost speechless. I was just, oh, thank goodness the help's here. I'm here to observe. Just relax, do as you normally would. And I'm just going to watch and ask some questions. Soon after I arrived, Trey said he had to leave for work. Bye, girls. Bye-bye. Let's go clean your playroom. Mum walked in and said to the children, right, it's time to tidy up. It was mid-morning. Clean up the playroom. Don't dawdle. Just give it to me. Girls, clean up the toys that you know where they go. Come on. Why would you clean a playroom if you're going to be playing in it all day? It's the girls' playtime, so it seems like they should start to have some fun. I've got to go check on Tristan, so I want you to continue cleaning. No. Come on. Sit. No. The girls were busy cleaning, so it gave me a good chance to see Mum interacting with Tristan. Sit. Sit. I could see that Deirdre was frustrated, trying to understand Tristan. If you eat the rest of your hot dog, you can get down. All done. I realized that there was no real stimulation in the home, and Tristan was just in his own world. I saw Tristan sneak up to the door and try to get out. And at one stage he did. Deirdre had no clue. Is Tristan in there with you? So I had to run after him. Tristan, no, no. Okay, we'll play in a little bit. How often does he... Doing laundry or something like that, that's usually when he'll try to escape. I'm locking this door. He did get really scared. I mean, he went out that front door. I mean, he could have gone anywhere. Yeah, I know. When he goes missing, it takes us a good 15 minutes to find him, and during that time, my heart's just pounding. You know, I don't know what else to do, but maybe lock him up or tie him up. I don't know. He finds ways. He finds his way out. I really cannot believe what I just heard. This boy has autism. He has no sense of danger. You want to go outside? No. Well, what do you want to do? Go play. Go play somewhere. Go jump on the trampoline. Hello? Hey. The girls were following Mom around the house, and she paid them no interest. Girls, I'm on the phone. I'm sorry. I'm dealing with my children. Yeah, great. She kept shooing them away. Girls, I'm on the phone. Can you wait? And telling them just to go off and play, just go off and play. Go play. The children are clearly starved for attention. Mom doesn't interact with the girls. They needed to be stimulated and to have that attention and that focus. Mom goes on the Internet throughout the day. Well, hooray for Mom, because she's got three children that need her, and she needs to realize that. When Supernanny returns. But first, a tip from Supernanny. Hey, parents, if the phone rings, feel free to tell them you're calling back. Set up your children with an activity first so that you can have an enjoyable conversation, and your children will not fight for your attention. So Tristan's out here. The girls are inside. Who's looking after him? I think Mom's got a vacuum. This is crazy. Deidre should be out here with Tristan. I mean, that is a main road there. Keep an eye on Tristan, okay? Okay. There's no interaction between the children and their mom. I appreciate that she's got things to do, but what attention are these children getting from Mom? Marlena, how old is your brother? Three. Three. And how old are you? Four. Four. Marlena had been asked by Deidre to look after Tristan. Four-year-old child looking after her younger brother, an autistic child. Absolutely absurd. Hello. Hi. Hey. How's your day? Great. Good. How's it going here? Hey, girls, how are you? What's up? When Dad got home, it was the first time I'd seen so much energy, and the girls were really excited to see him. Hey, T. But unfortunately, that energy didn't last for long. You guys, get out of the kitchen, okay? Tristan, go sit down, please. The children are sitting down eating their dinner, but their setup completely isolates Tristan from the rest of the children and Mom and Dad, and they don't get him involved in conversation. Should I sit down there with him? Why? Oh, look at him! Tristan! Tristan, no! I got it. I wasn't surprised that Tristan got up. Nobody said a word to him. Dinner is a perfect time to have conversation with all the kids. That wasn't happening. No! Mom and Dad just kept plopping Tristan back into his seat. Tristan! He wasn't happy about that. Whatever. It's clear to me that Tristan being autistic needs special attention. Mom and Dad need to learn how to deal with this instead of pretending it's not happening. Deirdre and Trey are missing the mark when it comes to their kids. I need to sit down and discuss this with them. When I first meet a family, I go in and I watch the dynamics between the parents and the children. I then approach both parents and we discuss the issues that I feel need to be addressed. Why don't we all take a seat and have a family meeting? Just really nervous about what she has to say. I know that she is going to critique my parenting abilities. I don't know what Jo's going to say. I really want to know what she's been thinking this whole time. You're a couple in a loving relationship. You're blessed to have three beautiful children. Thank you. But there's no pulse in this house. Could you elaborate on pulse? As in nothing alive. As in seeing two parents not happy. And it's sad. You're 27, Deirdre. Not 87. Where's your inner child? Don't you remember the things that used to make you laugh and giggle? I've got to ask you, why don't you allow yourself to be happy as a mother? I believe I'm a failure. I believe that nothing I do is good enough. So I stop trying. Your kids need you because you're their mother. Let's talk about Tristan. I mean, we're all in agreement here. He's autistic, right? Then why do you guys try so hard to forget that every day? Denial. Do you mean denial? No, I accept it. But I don't know how to handle it. I mean, I barely know how to handle my girls, as you can tell. How am I supposed to handle a special needs child? Let's talk about outside. The pair of you allow your children out into that front yard by themselves. What about Tristan? He doesn't know boundaries and danger. Where is the responsibility? It's absolutely madness. I couldn't walk into the house. I was worried that if I came in, something might happen. And that's me. Why are you guys not thinking that way? There's no excuse. There isn't. Your girls come up to you, they get this sign all the time. Go away, go and play, go and do something. Now that's rejection. And that's serious. I saw at least 20 times where Tristan actually came over to you and you could have took that opportunity to do so much with him and it did not happen. He needs help. I have no idea what to do. I have no clue. And the fact that you said there were opportunities today where we could have done something about it breaks my heart. I'm ashamed that I didn't even see one opportunity to help him. You guys need to become positive and embrace what you do have. And have the wisdom to recognize the things that you cannot change and the things that you can change. So are you guys ready to change? Yes. I do recognize that there is a problem now and I'm ready to move forward. She put her finger right on it. I'm really looking forward to seeing what Joe can do to help us change our attitudes. Let's get to it then. I'm here to help the Facentes with their issues. However, Tristan is autistic and he does need professional help so I'm bringing in an expert. Hello. Hi. How are you? I'm good. I've brought Dr. Lynn Cagle over to meet you guys because she's had over 25 years experience with autistic children. I'm Dr. Lynn Cagle and I work at the University of California in Santa Barbara and I'm the clinical director of the Autism Research and Training Center and at the center we do research and treatment for children with autism. What I would love is for you to give Lynn the opportunity to be able to work with you, Tristan, and to be able to develop and progress. With the right kind of intervention, all children with autism can improve. Hi. Tristan. Hi. I think it's difficult for any parent to get the diagnosis of autism. It's considered a severe disability and it's hard. As you know, communication is a big one. He's not using any words yet. He doesn't get the idea that he needs to use words to communicate. The second area that children with autism show is the repetitive behavior. So you've seen him, it's actually restricted interest. He's not playing with all the activities like a typical child would. And then the third area is difficulty with socialization. So although he adores you guys, he's not playing with the sister. It's the way that you would expect for a child his age. And so he looks to me like he's got the classic symptoms of autism. And so the good news about all this is that there are great techniques, they're well researched, and if you use these techniques, he will get better. Great. Great. Great. Once Dr. Cagle got acquainted with the Facente family, it was time for me to put up the routine. And between 8.40 and 10.30, you'll have one-on-one time with Tristan. And that's where we're going to incorporate a lot of techniques where you'll work with Dr. Cagle here. So from 12.30 to 4 o'clock, you've got this wonderful time here, this gap in the afternoon. So we've got music and trampoline, the swings, art, being creative. Oh my gosh. How am I going to fit all this in one day? Because it's a lot. I mean, wow. 6.30 to 7.30, I like to see you guys all outside as a family. Because it is important that you spend that quality time with your children. Joe's schedule was a little intimidating at first, but I'm willing to work on it and I'm willing to try it. And maybe if we need to, Joe can tweak it here and there. Any questions? But there was more than one routine up on that wall today. There was also Tristan's routine. Which actually follows along perfectly with Joe's routine. Dr. Cagle made a special routine for Tristan that involved pictures. At this point, his visual is probably better than his verbal. So explaining the things will be more difficult to him. But what we want him to be able to do is see each activity. And when he's done, he can take it off and put it in a little envelope so he can see what's left. Dr. Cagle's schedule will help Tristan realize certain things do happen in an order throughout the day. And it's not just chaos. And as much structure as we can bring to his world, it will definitely help. Let's get cracking. One thing that could make a massive change for this family is to develop Tristan's speech. So Dr. Cagle introduced the communication technique. Today we started with three steps for working on communication. The first one was finding something he likes. And something that he likes enough that he's going to try to talk for. Tristan loves the swing. So we used that to provide opportunities for him to say swing. Just push him a little bit and get him involved in the activity. And then stop the swing and say swing. Okay. This is the highlight of his day. Yeah. So let's stop him. And now try to prompt it. The second step is prompting him to talk. And the third is rewarding him for any attempt or any good word. Swing. Swing. Tristan swing. You have to say the word ten times before he'll even try to say it or attempt to say it and he'll be upset. Which that's going to be really hard for me as a mother because he's my baby. I want him not to swing too much without saying it so he doesn't say it. I'm sorry. Come here. Let's go in the house. We have to keep giving him opportunities and keep working at him. Tristan. Cookie. You're betraying me, you know. The important thing is that if he does get upset and is trying other things like crying, that they don't give it to him. This is the hardest part. The first few words are the hardest. Look at me. You want to do everything to keep your kids happy but the only thing is he won't learn to talk that way. We've got to teach him the words to say and that this doesn't work anymore. We don't want him to be 21 doing that. No, definitely not. Deirdre did a great job. I felt like it was very difficult for her to see him cry. But he has to learn that if he cries, it's not a good way to communicate. Tickle, tickle. Tickle. Tickle, tickle. Tickle. It's important that he learns that he's got to try to say the word in order to get the item that he wants. Tickle. It's the first word I think that he said on command. So it was such an exciting moment. Tickle. I think he's laughing and saying it like he knows what he's going to get. I started crying. I was like, oh my goodness. My son has it in him. And if he has it in him, I am all for bringing out his potential. Got a little frustrated at the beginning, but now he's going to get it slowly, fully maturely. Deirdre put in a lot of effort. And if she continues to put in this hard work in no time, Tristan's going to be speaking. Yay, Tristan! What we're going to do is a technique called play and walk away. Deirdre gets frustrated that the girls follow her around everywhere. Your children follow you because they want your attention. They want to play with mummy. You can't expect them to leave you alone for one minute if you don't give them your time. So today I introduce the play and walk away technique. The first step is to bring them something that they will be interested in so that it's got their attention. The second is for you to then get involved with the children. The third step is to then walk away and allow the children to continue without you. And then the fourth is to come back, see everything's okay, give some praise, well done. This would help her to be able to engage with the children so that she can then go off and do the chores she needs to do. Look what we've got here. Do you like puzzles? Yeah. You think you'll be able to do it? Yeah. Mom, teach them how to put it together. Set it down on the floor here. Oh wow, Kayla, you've already got it. Does that look right? Yes, there you go. Alright. When Jo first introduced the play and walk technique, I was just amazed. I'm like, oh my god, I could really do something like that and walk away. Help each other do the puzzle. You must share, okay? It made sense. I had no clue that I was supposed to do that sort of thing. And, you know, I really feel like it's going to work. Oh my goodness. Look what you did. Well done, you found the pieces to get off. My goodness. I thought that Deidre did very well for a first time attempt. Now that mom understands how to keep the girls occupied, it means that she'll have more time to focus on Tristan. Want to play a game? Yeah. It was a real concern of mine that Tristan just walks out of the house without mom knowing about it. So to stop Tristan from wandering off, Dr. Cagle is bringing in a new technique. This one is called the name game. And what we're going to do is we're going to put Tristan down. We call Tristan's name. We're going to help him to run to the person that called him. And when he gets there, he gets a treat. We're all going to cheer. And you can even help him get to dad when dad calls him. We're trying to teach him to call his name. Tristan, can you come here? Tristan. Come here. I really wanted the twins to get involved with some of the therapy. Tristan, come here. We had the girls work with him and kind of help mom. Come here. He actually started coming when we were calling him. And Dr. Cagle kept the girls involved which I thought was really great. Did she get a little chip too? You helped him too, didn't you? Would you like one? There are some things that are so simple that you would never even think of to use that we could have been doing. I was like, oh my gosh. It clicked in my head. I'm like, well that's a great idea. Yeah, Tristan. To see Tristan come closer into the family and feel more involved, Dr. Cagle suggested that the family learn how to include Tristan in the daily activities. Do you want to help set the table? When we went to set the table, I was really thinking that we're going to pick up these spoons and he's just going to bang them together and nothing's going to come of it. Sit down. And that's great. That's wonderful. You can see how he's learning so much by helping like this. Nice job, Dad. Setting the table with Tristan was the most moving moment I've had with my son. He was actually interacting with me and doing the same things I was. Nice job! This is wonderful. He's actually going along with it. He's not just lost in his own world. He's actually in my world with me. He's getting to learn how to do things. He's getting involved and he's not spacing out. It was so important that Trey saw how successful Tristan could be. Today was a great day. He helped him set the table. He imitated his dad and dad was happy and that's going to happen more often. So awesome. I felt so helpless. There was nothing I could do. So to get some help and to actually hear that he's making words and to bring him into mainstream again, I don't even know what to say. It was absolutely amazing to see Trey and Tristan make so much progress. So the next thing I wanted to do was to teach the family how to play and have fun together. So Dr. Cagle and I introduced the inclusion technique. Shall we dance? Dance Tristan! He amazed me. He loved it. It's always hard to tell what these kids with autism are capable of. That's why it's so important that people don't give up on them and that they learn the strategies to work with them. Tristan was playing. Two, three. Oh my God. This is amazing. Dad was gobsmacked. And this is exactly what I was saying when we don't know what to do. Now we know what to do. I hope someday Tristan can talk to me. He's going to need some work with socializing with other kids so this is a great way to start doing the same activities and we can even have him later trading toys and things like that with him. And I hope that the response that Trey saw has given him the strength and motivation to continue this every day because what happened in that playroom was priceless. It's time for Dr. Cagle and I to leave. Enjoy, okay, you two. But it will be interesting to see how the Facente family get on without us. We will see you when we get back and remember those gaps in the routine where you're productive so that you can enjoy all three children together. And remember, keep Tristan engaged all day long and keep providing opportunities for him to use his communication. Great. It's going to be hard because I have to incorporate Tristan in my everyday activities and keep the girls busy. That's going to wear me down. Take care. Bye. The Facentes are on their own now. Let's see how they get on. Tickle. Fantastic. Mum's trying to get Tristan to communicate with her. Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle. You said tickle, I heard you. Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle. Good going, Mum, getting Tristan to respond. I want to play a ring-a-round-the-rosie. It's a ring-a-round-the-rosie! Yay! Let's do it. Ring-a-round-the-rosie, a pocket full of posies. It looks like the kids are having fun. Kayla, can we finish the song? Kayla, if you keep interrupting, I'm just going to give up on this whole music thing. Mum, don't get frustrated. Stick with it. Say choo-choo. Choo-choo. You can't share it. Mum, you're supposed to play before you walk away. Where are you going? I need some space right now, Marlena, because I'm trying my best to get you all involved in things that might be fun for all of you at the same time, but you don't want to do it. Kayla doesn't want to do it. You're fighting over toys, things like that. I can't handle that. She's a four-year-old little girl. She does not deserve that. You ready? Yep. Tristan, come here, Tristan. All right. The name game, and the girls are helping, too. Girls, can you just wait three seconds? Can I have another piece? That's what I was saying. I thought she was going to show us how to deal with them while we were working with him, and she didn't say anything at all about that. All she did was bitch about us. Clearly, we've got a few techniques to revisit. I'm on my way back. Today, I sat down with the Facente family and showed them the DVD footage. Whilst Lynn and I have been away, we have been watching you both, and we do have some footage that we would love to show the pair of you. It enables the parents to see exactly where they've gone wrong so we can amend that. And today, both Deirdre and Trey needed a big wake-up call. Tickle. Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle. I love that. That was perfect. That's excellent. That's what we want. Look at how happy he was. Tell me how you felt. Were you having fun? Yes, I was having fun. It was fun for me just watching him smile and have a huge smile on his face. You recognise that when you put so much in, how much you're rewarded back. And that's why you have to keep doing it. You can't share it? I'm sharing it. Girls, when you guys fight, it makes me frustrated. I need some space right now, Marlena. Because... Your frustration and anger led you into that bedroom where you needed just to cool down but the impact on that was Marlena feeling like you didn't want to be close to her. She can sense your frustration and what can she do about it? She can't. That conversation should have been had with an adult and not with your daughter. Let's move on to the next one here. Come here, Tristan. Can you just wait three seconds? I thought she was going to show us how to deal with them while we were working with him and she didn't say anything at all about that. All she did was bitch about us. Okay, Trey. Here in that clip, we can see your frustration. This is about you learning how to deal with the girls and Tristan and everybody together. All the attention shifted to them and now I've lost the focus with Tristan on why he was getting the reward. That's where my frustration was coming from. Girls did great. They helped you. They helped you get them over there. It was wonderful. It was such a positive piece of footage and yet the only people that didn't think it was was you two. I should open myself up to whatever they're saying rather than shutting them down and I've been so used to doing that. But you're aware and that's a start. Eyes very much need to be open. If you're seeing generosity and kindness from your children, reward. I'm ashamed of myself for even not seeing that. You know, putting blinders on, I guess, to their good behavior and just focusing on the bad. You must do all that you can to build their self-esteem and confidence. I'm really ashamed of myself for not noticing how wonderful my children are. But now you notice. You can do so much now to make it better for all of you so that you're all happier as a family. After watching the DVD, I want to go up and just hug my girls, tell them how much I love them and how sorry I am and how much I'm going to try to be the parent that they deserve now. We're going to be here for the whole day, helping you guys implement, reinforce and tweak everything. Ready for some more work? Sure. Okay. When Supernanny returns. But first, a tip from Supernanny. Parents don't feel pressured to have to go to the shops and buy loads of toys. Use the materials that you have at home. Lollipop sticks, old plastic cups, maybe even shells from the beach so that you can, with your children, be creative and make your own little treasures. I was really disappointed not to see the play and walk away technique being used because it will keep the girls occupied and allow mum to spend more time with Tristan. So the first thing I did was to introduce some arts and crafts for the girls. Okay, here's your glue. Put a little bit on the back of whatever bead. Very good. Oops, fell down. I want to take you out in the picture so mum, that means this will be as if you were at home during the day with all of them. How about me? Mum, we'll go straight into the laundry room and we'll leave the girls. Fantastic. Soon enough the girls were having so much fun. They didn't even notice that mum had stepped away to do some laundry with Tristan. Yay! Jo's play and walk technique is a simple thing. I mean, I just felt like, oh my god, it works. That's so great. I want you to go past the girls, give them praise about how they're behaving well together. Okay. Wow, girls are playing really good together. I'm very proud of you. I think Deidre finally understood today that if she gives her attention to the girls first, then they'll be occupied. She'll be able to leave them and walk away and get on with her chores. And that's how the play and walk away technique works. Tonight I wanted to show Deidre and Trey how they could have a peaceful family dinner but still work on Tristan's speech. You going to help me? Let's go ahead and follow through with that and see if we can get him to ignore. There you go. That's better. Very good. With meal time, I'd like to work with Deidre and Trey on getting him to say yum yum and show Deidre how successful he can be at saying those words during dinner. Yum yum? He's really hungry. Yum yum? I don't think he's going to do it, Trey. I have that mother bear instinct. I want to feed my child and I don't care what it takes to do it. No, we're going to make him say it. I could see that Deidre was getting really frustrated. She wanted to give in to Tristan's temper tantrums. If she'd have done that, she'd have only been going backwards. Never be scared of a tantrum because you know what? It would be the same as if Marlena and Caleb over there had a tantrum. It's not that I'm scared of the tantrum. It's that I know he's hungry and it's a little bit past dinner time. Just remember that even though you know that he's hungry, just that little bit, that little step further is what makes such a big difference. Just think that pretty soon he's going to be saying it every time. Finally, Deidre and Tristan calmed down and a few minutes later they had success. Yum yum? Yum yum! Very good! When Tristan turned around and just said yum yum, I was just like oh my god, it works! At the same time, Caleb and Marlena were behaving beautifully. I didn't want them to be forgotten so it was important that they got praised too. You are such a good girl. Listen how good you are. Good girl, Caleb. You're eating like big girls. Every single bite tonight he said a word for. Every single bite. So mum, I think the girls have done well. If you want to let them excuse themselves. Would you like to be excused? Dinner tonight was absolutely fantastic. Tristan was engaged, mum and dad were giving the girls lots of praise and for once there was this beautiful family dinner happening before my eyes. Priceless. Well Lynn, I think our work's done here. I think they're doing great. It's going to be tough to say goodbye. I feel very confident that Deidre and Trey have learned a lot from this process. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for rescuing my family. Because without you, I don't know where we would have gone. I feel that educating Deidre and Trey has allowed them to become more confident parents. Bye sweetie. Bye Tristan. Keep working together, don't give up. Bye bye. Wow, cool. Since Joe and Dr. Cagle have been gone, we are all much more appreciative of life in general. And we had been taking it for granted for a long time. For the first time in my life, I can't wait to wake up tomorrow and be the mom that my kids deserve and just have fun with them and start living my life rather than what Joe said, I'm 27 not 87. When I look at Tristan now, I see a hopeful future. He's gonna be all that he can be. All because we worked with him. I've seen a real huge change in Tristan. He tries to communicate with us a lot more and I think it's because he's finally coming to understand that we understand him. What Joe and Dr. Cagle have shown me means my kids will have a better future. They are gonna have a better mommy and daddy. Deirdre and I now realize that our family is number one and our kids are our utmost priority in life. Thank you for giving me the hope for me and my family to have a normal functioning, well adjusted household that will continue to grow for generations. Thank you Joe Joe. Thank you Dr. Cagle. Yeah! You gonna be a rockstar? Good job! Yay! Tristan!