Why It’s So Hard to Set - and Keep - Healthy Boundaries with Rick Hanson

Most of us know, at least in principle, that it’s good to have healthy boundaries. The hard part is actually setting them — and then holding onto them when other people push back, get upset, or simply keep doing what they’ve always done.

In this talk, I explored some of what makes boundaries so difficult, including feeling overly responsible for other people, doubting our own perceptions, and getting pulled into trying to change things that really aren’t in our control.

Check it out for some wonderful stories that all point to a basic kind of freedom: knowing what’s yours to deal with, what belongs to someone else, and when it’s time to stop trying to grow roses in a parking lot.

• 35:06 – A Buddhist approach to setting healthy boundaries
• 36:09 – How privilege affects our ability to set and hold boundaries
• 44:48 – The Five Reflections: other people inherit the results of their own actions
• 48:09 – Over-responsibility and believing we can control how other people feel
• 51:46 – “I see you, Mara”: trusting your own perception of what’s really happening
• 58:46 – Refusing to receive someone else’s hostility, judgment, or agenda
• 1:05:02 – The Buddha Gorilla: compassion without taking responsibility for another person’s choices
• 1:13:26 – Stop trying to grow roses in a parking lot: turning toward more fertile ground

You can see the meditation that went along with this talk here: https://rickhanson.com/talk-meditation-why-its-so-hard-to-set-and-keep-healthy-boundaries/

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can do that here: https://rickhanson.com/wednesday-meditations-with-dr-rick-hanson/dana-offerings/

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