Visiting my Birthplace Trenton, New Jersey

Guys I'm currently at the train station. This is Amtrak and New Jersey Transit and SEPTA. I'm in Trenton, New Jersey. This is where I was born and raised. Sit down. Just pan around. You know what? I don't ever stop in Trenton. I'm always passing through here. This is just like a point of transfer whether I'm coming from D.C., Philly. I'm You know, going to Philly, I never stay here. starting I just transfer and pass through. I ******* hate this town. It's very triggering to me because there's just so many memories, more bad memories than good. to And I'm going to tell you, something just popped up in my head speak. about my deceased grandfather. And it's a childhood memory. It's a good one, though, but I don't mind sharing it with y'all. Hold on. I'll show y'all in a minute. So we're going to go up the escalator and I'm going to show you out in a minute What do you think? what just came to mind. I'm going to walk down this hallway. So we're approaching the exit down here and this is actually a pickup area. This is what popped up in my head. An old memory of my grandfather. So this is the waiting area where people pick up you know passengers they get off the train. My granddaddy used to sit right there In his wagon, his car, and he'd be here on time. I come to town, this is when I was much younger, and my nana would send him to pick me up and bring me back to her house where I would stay the night. My granddaddy, we'd call him Toots. All the grandchildren, his nickname for the grandkids was Toots. And I just remember he would wait for me. He was on time. I always were. I said, I wonder if Toots is going to be there when I pull up. Sure enough, he was always on time. may you rest in peace toots. I'm gonna tell you something. Trenton is demonic. And, you know, I know my grandfather is long gone. But I can remember one of the things he used to tell me and all you know, my cousins, my siblings, as the young children of the family, he would advise us he said, Get the hell out of here. He would he was advising us to move out of Trenton move far, far away and never come back. My granddaddy used to say leave. He said, it's nothing here. Don't come back. And that was the greatest piece of advice he ever gave me. You know, he has a reputation in our family for being silly and goofy. And, you know, my Nana cussed him out all the time. But I tell you what, out of everybody in my family, that was the only sound advice I could take from anyone. I can't even think my Nana gave me a sound piece of advice like that. because she wants everybody up her ass. She's the opposite. She's very codependent and she's very controlling so she wants her sons, her grandchildren, everybody to chase her and be up her ass. My granddaddy was the opposite. He said y'all get up out of here and don't come back here no more. Don't come back. Get out of this place. Thank you toots because that was the greatest piece of advice. Thank you. And now that I passed through this train station I just shake my head. There's like a sadness, a melancholy here in this train station. I can't explain it, but it's like everybody's walking around depressed in here. The walls are painted gray. It just looks somber. Like I could feel the energy. It's low vibrational, low energy, somber, melancholy. You know what I mean? Depressed. That's why I will always pass through here and never stay. My train will be here in a couple of minutes, y'all. But look. Take a good look. This is Trenton, New Jersey. Take a good look at our train station. Well, I'm not going to say our, I don't claim it. I'm so grateful I got out of here. I'm so grateful that I broke generational curses. I don't care how mad my family is. I got away. I don't care what they think about me. I'm free. I'm free from it all. Just imagine I used to be the one in the family. They would bully. They would tease me about my body. Being overweight. Oh, you have such a pretty face, but you'd be so much prettier if you lose the wait. They tease me, you know, my mother called me dumb, I'm slow and stupid. When all in Actually, I'm undiagnosed autism. I'm autistic, ma, which means I inherited from you and my father. You both need to go get tested. ------- evil ass bitch. You know, um. They bullied and teased me about everything, honey. I have poor hygiene, but the reason why I have poor hygiene as a child, again, that's tied to my autism. Sensory issues. Children with autism are hypersensitive to you touching their skin. Brushing their teeth, using the bathroom, we walk around with no socks, we're barefoot. I got in trouble all the time for walking around barefooted, but I was always barefooted because I felt so comfortable. To this day, as a grown woman, in my 50s, I prefer to walk barefooted, and that is my autism. Imagine growing up in a family bullying you because you're obese, slow. And I don't know, pretty. I think there was jealousy about my beauty as well. I see it clear as day now. Absolutely. My beauty is, I don't look like nobody. I'm stunning. I'm stunning. And they kept my self-esteem so low, I could never see the beauty in myself. But you know what? What's done is done. I wish everybody the best, but I have no regrets leaving this place. I have no regrets. I have no regrets cutting family off. My life has leveled up. They should all feel ashamed that it had to take me cutting family off from my life to level up. It had, it took me to cut family off from my finances to quadruple. It had, you know, I had to cut family off to, to get my body right, to get my education. They called me dumb and slow, but yet in my immediate family. Explain that. I'm in graduate school pursuing a PhD. Explain that. Stupid where? I'm autistic, which means I inherited autism and ADHD. Are hereditary, mom and dad. Anyway, shout out to my granddaddy, Charles Hunter Clark. Thank you, Toots, for advising me to get the **** up out of Trenton and never come back. Nothing has changed. It actually looks worse than what it was.