9 Signs He's Already Chosen You (that he'll NEVER admit!)

Hi, in this video, I'm going to be sharing nine signs he's already chosen you that he'll never admit. There's a conversation men have that women almost never hear. It goes like this. A guy's buddy will say, hey, want to play golf on Saturday? And he says, let me check with her. And every man at that table goes quiet because we all know what that means. He's done. He's chosen. And he hasn't told her yet. He may not have even told himself yet, but every guy at that table just heard it. I know I have. Ladies, men almost never announce it, but we give it away in little things. And once you know what to look for, it's all right there in front of you. Today, I'm going to show you nine of them. I'm Matt Schaefer, and I've spent the last 10 years helping women around the world understand what's really going on inside the male mind and heart. If you're new here, be sure to hit that little subscribe button. I got new videos coming out every week, and you're definitely going to want to click the link down in the pinned comment and up at the top of this video and take my free ... Two-minute quiz, it's going to show you exactly how the man in your life is experiencing you, and when we keep telling me, it's almost eerie how accurate it is. And be sure to stay with me to the very end of this video, because once you've seen all nine signs, I'm going to show you the one thing every single one of them has in common. And once you see it, you're never going to have to guess where you stand with a man again. All right, without further ado, let's dive into the video. And that first secret sign he's already chosen you is, he's changed your name in his... phone. And ladies, let me let you in on something. When a man first meets you, you probably get saved in his phone in a way that would horrify you. You might be Sarah Coffey or Rebecca Tuesday or Debbie Reddress. I'm not proud of this. It's just how it works. Half the time, we don't even know your last name yet, so we just save you with a clue. And then at some point, without telling a soul, he goes in and changes it. And let me tell you how this worked with me and my wife, Ashley. When I met her, she was saved as Ashley Bethel because Bethel, my church, is where I met her. Every woman I met at that stage of my life got a last name that was usually just a location. Then we became real friends, right? And she got her real last name added onto the phone instead of Bethel. Then once we started dating, she became my baby in my phone with a little heart. And then once we finally got married, I changed it to Ashley Schaefer because I was so proud that she had my last name. I wanted to see it every single time she called. And here's what that says about a man. Nobody sees that screen but him. He's not doing it for credit. He's doing it because in his own head, you got promoted. So you don't need to go stooping. But if his phone ever lights up at the table while you're sitting there and you happen to see what it says, that's his heart in his own words. And the second sign he's secretly chosen you is he gets weirdly invested in your drama. For example, you might mention one time that Brenda at work took credit for your idea in a meeting and then two weeks later, out of nowhere, he just randomly asks, did Brenda ever apologize to you? And let's be clear. He's never met Brenda. He doesn't know what Brenda looks like or what her vibe is, but he has opinions on Brenda now and Brenda is on thin ice. And it's not just Brenda, right? He asks how your sister's doing. He wants to know how your mom's appointment went. You told him once that your neighbor's dog kept getting out and now he wants updates on the dog. Now what's actually happening in him is this. A man only keeps track of the people he's planning to be around. So when he's chosen you, Your people just became his people, and Brenda is his problem now, too. So keep telling him the small stuff, the work stuff, the dog stuff. When a man asks for the sequel, it means he's staying for the whole series. And the third sign is the people you've never met already know all about you. For example, you meet his coworker for the first time and before you can even say hello, she goes, oh, you're Sarah. And you're standing there thinking, what exactly has he been saying? Well, my dear, let me tell you, it's been. A lot. That's what. But here's what he's not going to tell you. A man doesn't talk about a woman he's unsure about. Trust me. I can say this one from personal experience. He's going to keep that one quiet in case it doesn't work out and he has to explain it later. But the moment he starts telling people about you in depth, he's putting his own name and his own reputation. Now, for me, there are two people I always tell first when I fall in love, my mom and my best friend, Adam. And with Ashley, I talked about her so much that by the time my mom finally met her at the airport, they were hugging like a couple of old friends. My mom said to me right there in that moment that she already felt like Ashley was her daughter-in-law before they had even been in the same room together. To be honest, it made my heart explode to watch my mom hug my wife for the first time They had known each other for years. That was one of the many times where I deeply realized I made the right decision by picking that woman. So when someone you've never met says, "'Oh, you're Sarah,' just smile. He's been bragging about you for a while and he is never ever going to admit it." And the fourth sign he's chosen you is when he says, let me check with her. Ladies, you gotta understand something about men. A single man checks with nobody. His buddy calls, asks if they want to play golf on Saturday, and he says, I'm in, without hesitation. It's done. No meeting, no committee, no calendar, and no check-ins, right? But then one day his buddy calls and he hears himself say, oh, hold on a second, let me check with... My lady and his friends lose their minds. Yeah! Check with her. Check with her. They will give him a hard time about that for months. I have definitely been on the receiving end of some of that stuff, right? But here's the part he couldn't explain if you asked him. When he says that, he's not like asking for permission. He's not scared of you like you're his mother. He's checking because your plans matter to him now. His calendar used to be a solo act. Now it's a duet because he was willing to stand for that. He took a roasting from his friends and that's how, you know, he meant it. So my takeaway for you here is when he checks with you before going out and doing something with the guys, just answer him, right? Don't say, Oh no, you don't have to ask me. He knows he doesn't have to. He wants to because your life together and his feeling towards you truly matter. And the fifth sign is he remembers the thing you said once in passing and quietly does something about it. Now, I'm not talking about your birthday or your anniversary. Those are on the calendar. Those are the... Formal appointments, I mean the throwaway thing, right? That thing you said once while you were kicking off your shoes that you don't even remember saying. Here's an example from just a couple days ago in my own life, right? When the clocks changed this fall, it started getting dark really early. And Ashley, my wife, mentioned just once that while she was parking her car out by our gate at night, it was so dark walking up to our house that it stressed her out. That was it. It was one sentence. She didn't ask me for anything to do anything about it, I decided to do something about it. I got these little solar lights off Amazon with motion sensors and I put them up while she was gone at work. Didn't say a word about it, right? And that night she pulled up, got out of the car, started walking towards the gate and ding. Those lights came on and the light that I really appreciated was how her face lit up when she came in the door and how grateful she was that I did that. She gave me a big hug and a big kiss and said, oh my gosh, you were listening and you did that. And I'm like, of course, sweetie. It just made me feel so good to be able to do that for her. Because what that is for a man is loving the language most of us are actually really fluent in. We don't always have the words, but we heard you and we fixed the dark. We take Action, that's a big love language, acts of service for a lot of men. So when he does something like that, don't wave it off with, oh, you didn't have to do that. Tell him exactly what it meant to you. That's the fuel. That's what's gonna make a man want to do it again. And number six is a really important one. It's he won't watch the next episode without you. And ladies, I need you to understand how big this is. A man waiting for anything is a miracle. We don't wait for the microwave. We stand there and open it at four seconds. But you two started a show together, right? And so when he's home alone on a Wednesday night, remote in hand, and he's craving playing that next episode, he doesn't press. And he goes and watches something else, right? He'll watch 11 minutes of a guy restoring a lawnmower on YouTube, but he's not going to watch your show without you. And just so you know, if he slips and watches ahead, you'll know. Because when you sit down and watch together, he'll act overly shocked, right, at every single twist. Then you'll know because he's a terrible actor, right? Now, from his side of it, that show is... Hours. And most men have spent years doing everything on their own schedule. Waiting for you is him choosing we over me in the smallest possible way. So save the episode for him, even when it's killing you. And that seventh secret sign he's chosen you is he suddenly gets his act together but pretends it's random. Maybe he gets a new haircut. He's back in the gym, right? Maybe he cleans out the closet or fixes those things in the house that have been broken for three years. But then you ask him about it and he's like, oh, you know, I just felt like it. Trust me, my dear, he did not. Just feel like it. I'm exhibit A on this one, right? Since Ashley came into my life, I am now in the best shape of my life. I've invested in a huge training program for my business and we just got done replacing the entire air conditioning system in our house. Ladies, nothing says I'm all in like a brand new HVAC unit. That is a love letter with a warranty, right? And then there's the haircut. Ashley thought I'd look great with the sides shaved short on my hair. And to be honest, I was intimidated but I went along with it and I ended up doing something even crazier. I let her do it. I handed this woman a pair of clippers and sat down in a chair. For a man, that is a trust fall and she just trimmed it again today, if you can't tell. But here's what's really going on underneath this glow up that he's doing for you. When a man sees a future with you, he looks around in his life and thinks, This isn't good enough for her yet. I get to become the best version of myself, right? So he starts building, not to impress you, but to be ready for you, right? To feel worthy of having you in his life. Now, for me, it's that I want her to have a safe, happy, healthy home to build a life and family with me in. So ladies, when he shows up with that new haircut, tell him it looks good. And if it was your idea, take full credit. Number eight is one I can totally relate to. It's when he starts asking your opinion on everything. And it might start small, right? Asking which shirt he should wear on date night. And then it'll slowly grow towards what color should I paint the bathroom? And now my dear... I promise you, this man has not once in his life needed anyone's opinion on paint. He's been picking his own paints since he was 22, and it's all been some variety of beige, right? But he picked it. But then one night at dinner, out of nowhere, he looks at you and he asks, what would you think about Arizona, right? And when he asks you that question, he's not making small talk. He's not asking where he'd like to visit. What is it? He's asking where we would live. What this does to a man when he's asking you all these questions is he's pulling you into the decisions he used to make alone in his truck, right? For years, a man runs the big stuff in his own head, the job, the move, the money, then he announces it. But when he starts thinking out loud with you in the room, you're not just his girlfriend or his partner in that moment. You're the person that he's thinking about building a life with, right? So my takeaway for you here is this. Give him your real answer, not the easy one. He doesn't just want to go with the flow cheerleader. He wants your honest opinion because now it's your future too. And the ninth sign he's chosen you is probably the biggest one on the list. It's when he closes his exit door. And I'm going to be honest with you about something because I was that guy. For most of my dating life, I kept one door open, like not in a dramatic way, but in a quiet way, right? When someone would ask, so, oh, this girl seems great, right? Where's it going with her? I would say in response, oh, you know, we'll see. It's going great. Or, well, you know, I'm not really looking for anything super serious right now, but I'm really enjoying things in the moment with her, right? That we'll see, or let's just keep things in the moment, that was my exit door. And I left it cracked every single time because I just wasn't sure about that person in the long-term prospect of that relationship. And then Ashley came along, and I did something I have actually never done. I deleted... Every dating app on my phone even before we were in a committed relationship and I actually picked up the phone and called the other women that I had been seeing and talking to and I told them I've met somebody and I'm really serious about her right and I'm just not available anymore. There was no we'll see, there was no backup plan, there was no door I wanted to keep cracked open just in case it didn't work out. Here's the cool thing that happened that I didn't expect. When I closed those exit doors, it didn't feel like I was losing anything. It actually made my life so simple. All the energy I used to spend just keeping my options open, I got to pour every bit of that into her. And that just was such a beautiful, edifying experience for my relationship. I was able to focus my attention on her and her needs and building a foundation for a really stable, long-term future together. It just felt like the end of a 25-year journey of searching for the person that I was going to spend my life with. It was such a blessing. That's what a man who has chosen you does. You're probably never going to see him delete the apps or hear about those awkward phone calls with the other women that he's been talking to, but you'll notice that the we'll see disappears from his vocabulary and also from his energy. He's going to start making plans that only work if you're in them, not just for this weekend, right, but for next month or even six months from now, right? Stop keeping one foot out the door because in his mind and in his heart, there's nowhere else he wants to be than right there with you. So when it comes to this one, ladies, you don't have to chase it out of him and you don't have to test him to find out. Just stay quiet and notice when the will sees stop. That's a man who has closed the door with you on the inside of it. So now here's that one thing that all nine of these have in common. Go back through them for a second. Think about it. The name in his phone evolving and changing over time. His weird interest in the drama with Brenda, right? Him telling his buddies that he gets to check in with his woman before making plans. Setting those lights up by the gate, right? I mean, in response to a random question. That episode he refused to watch without you. The random new haircut or the offhand question Arizona. Not one of them is a speech. Not one of them is, I love you. But every single one is a man quietly letting go of a piece of his single life. The nickname with no last name. The calendar that was only his. Watching whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Making every big decision alone. And that one door he always kept cracked with a foot halfway out of it. A man doesn't announce that he's chosen you, more often than not. He just stops living like a single man. So here's what I want you to do next week. Stop listening for the speech, but just watch what changes. When he asks your opinion, give him the real one, right? When he does something quiet for you, tell him exactly what it meant. Don't test him. to make him say the things you want him to say, give him the room to show you. So often, the way a man shows you how he truly feels about you is through his consistent behavior over time. Now, this whole video has been about reading the signs he's giving you, but here's the part most women never get to see. He's reading you. Two, every time you're together, he's quietly noticing things and deciding things that he'll never say out loud. So if you want to know exactly what he's actually picking up from you, I made a free two-minute quiz just for that. It shows you how the man in your life is experiencing you from his side of the table. The link is down in the pinned comment up at the top of this video. Be sure to check it out. Now, I want to hear from you. What's the funniest name a man has ever saved you as in his phone or the sweetest? Tell me in the comments. I read every single one. If you're new here, be sure to hit that little subscribe button and ring that bell because I've got videos coming that are going to blow you away. So now you know what a man does once he's decided on you. I'll see you in the next one. Bye-bye. now the first tiny test is a classic it's he picks the place now early on when you're dating somebody or in a relationship he's gonna make a plan he's gonna pick the restaurant the time maybe