Best Of Peter Parker

New York. Hey, it's home. Who you talking to? No one. Just making a little video of the trip. You know you can't show it to anyone. Yeah, I know. Then why are you narrating in that voice? Uh, because it's fun. Magic! For magic! Magic with a kick! Magic with a... Hey, how you doing? Don't worry about it, I got you. Yes! Yes! Hey, big guy, quit moving around! Sorry, sir. So sorry. I record everything you see. Everything? Everything. Like all the time? It's called the baby monitor protocol. Yeah, of course it is. What is this guy's problem, Mr. Stark? Uh, he's from space. He came here to steal a necklace from a wizard. Hey, that's gonna dissolve in two hours. No, no, no, no. Come fix this. Two hours. You deserve that. I got ice cream in here, man. You deserve that. You're a criminal. Bye, Mr. Criminal. Hey, man. What's up, Mr. Stark? Kid, where'd you come from? A field trip to MoMA! Just rolled it back to last Friday. With pleasure. Hey, everyone. Yeah, kick-ass party. Hey, what's up, Liz? Peter's told me a lot about you. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is just me messing around. Go later in the day. Later in the day. Kid, that's the wizard. Get on it. On it! It is I, the son of Odin. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's definitely not what you want to do. That's not a hug. I'm just grabbing the door for you. We're not there yet. Bye. Hey, buddy, I think you lost this. Look, I'm just going to be myself. Peter, no one wants that. Dude. Ugh! Uh, Mr. Stark, I'm being beamed up. You got to let go. I'm going to catch you. But you said save the wizard. i can't breathe we're too high up you're running out of air yeah that makes sense good evening peter hello hello hey you're that spider guy on youtube right call me spider-man okay spider-man Stark, it smells like a new car in here. Okay, I'm going to get a little closer so I can see what's happening. Would you like me to engage enhanced combat mode? Enhanced combat mode? Yeah. Activating instant kill. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want to kill anybody. Deactivating instant kill. Happy trails, kid. Friday, send him home. Yep. Oh, come on! As the Spider-Man attempted to foil their heist, a powerful blast was set off, slicing through the bodega across the street. Miraculously, no one was harmed. If you spot something like that happening, you turn and you run the other way. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Oh my god! All right. Go, go, go, go. I should've stayed on the bus. Oh, okay. Do you lay eggs? What? No! Please don't put your eggs in me! If you were stuck in a burning building, I could tell you where to go because there'd be screens around me and I could manipulate people around them because I could be your guy in the chair. Ned, I don't need a guy in the chair. Looking good, Parker. I see from me. You know what you're gonna say? You should not be here. I was gonna go home. I don't wanna hear it. But it was such a long way down and I just thought about shooting you back. And now I gotta hear it. And I'm stuck to the side of the ship. And this suit is ridiculously intuitive, by the way, so if anything, it's kinda your fault that I'm here. What did you just say? I take that back. Ricochet web. Ricochet web. Cool. Cool. Splitter web. Weaponade! Weaponade! So you're done there, he's in trouble, what's your plan? Um, okay, okay, okay. You ever see this really old movie, Aliens? Hey guys! You ever see that really old movie, Empire Strikes Back? Jesus, Tony, how old is this guy? I don't know, I didn't carbon date him, he's on the young side. Can't you just be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man? But I'm ready for more than that now. No, you're not. That is not what you thought when I took on Captain America. Trust me kid, if Cap wanted to lay you out, he would've. Listen to me. We're now in a flying donut, billions of miles from Earth, with no backup. I'm backup. No, you're a stowaway. The adults are talking. Hey, suit lady. I kind of feel bad calling you suit lady, you know? I think I should probably give you a name. Like Liz. No, no, no. God, that's, that's weird. What about Karen? Guys, look, I'd love to keep this up, but I've only got one job here today, and I've got to impress Mrs. Stark, so I'm really sorry. Come on. Why'd they call you Happy? Hey, should I go to the bathroom before? There's a bathroom on it. Whoa, no pilot? That's awesome. Is that where you're going to sit? Yeah. Is this your first time on a private plane? First time on any plane. I got you! I got you! I'm sorry, I can't remember anybody's names. I found you! Hey, could you hold this for a second? Thanks. AHHHHH! Hey, is this anybody's bike? No? Hey, buddy, is this your bike? Not changed. Does anyone have a pen? Do you have a pen? And finish. Not panels. I'm here to kill Thanos. He took my girl. Wait, who are you? You're the Avengers, man. Sup, guys? That's not my- What? I thought that was a closet. This is still my room. No, please. My room is way bigger than- You know Thor? Yeah. Tall guy, not that good looking. Needed sex. He's got that internship. Yeah, well, hopefully soon it'll lead to a real job with him. That would be so sweet. Right? He'd be all, Good job on those spreadsheets, Peter. Here's a gold coin. I don't know how jobs work. That's exactly how they work. Oh. Let me just say, if aliens wind up implanting eggs in my chest or something and I eat one of you, I'm sorry. I do not want another single pop culture reference out of you for the rest of the trip, you understand? I'm trying to say that something is co- Hey Happy, um, here's my report for tonight. I stopped to grab that bicycle, couldn't find the owner so I just left a note. Um, I hope this Lascaux Dominican lady, she was really nice and bought me a churro. Why would I tell him about the churro? I'm confused as to the relationship here. And what is he, your ward? No. I'm Peter, by the way. Doctor Strange. Oh, you're using your made-up names. Um, I'm Spider-Man, then. I'm gonna die. Who's that new guy? That's me! I gotta go, I gotta go! So where would you like to take me tonight? I put a tracker on someone. He's a bad guy. Tracker? Okay. That thing does not obey the laws of physics at all. Who's your aunt? Who's your aunt? La tia de... de una italiana que está buenísima. ¿Cómo va a estar tu hija, eh? $10 it's $5 for that common $10. Hey, come on. I'm joking. I'm joking Okay, so the crazy thing just happened right there I'm fighting Captain America and I stole the shield and I threw it at him He's big now. I gotta go. Yeah, probably stop staring before he gets creepy though too late You guys are losers. Those wings carbon fiber? Is this stuff coming out of you? That would explain the rigidity-flexibility ratio, which, gotta say, that's awesome. I don't know if you've been in a fight before, but there's usually not this much talking. Alright, sorry, my bad. Not bad. My friends are up there! What?! Uh, don't worry ma'am, everything's gonna be okay. Hi kid, where you from? Queens. Brooklyn. Minor upgrade. Oh my god. Put it on. This is the coolest thing I've ever seen. Let's go. I don't understand. Is it for me? Happy Happy You have a metal arm? That is awesome, dude. This is insane. Insane. Look at this thing. Look. Look at the eyes. This is the greatest day of my life. Let's go. Okay. I can't go to Germany. Why? I've got homework. Don't pretend you didn't say that. It's the most amazing thing that's ever happened! So Mrs. Clark was like, Hey, Andrews! And I just sort of flipped in, and I stole Cap's shield, and I was like, Hey, what's up, everybody? And then- Hey, just a second! Coming! There are thin walls here. You alright? All right. Same side. Guess who. Hi. Hey. Hey, man. Yeah. Remember me? Uh, hey! Hey, I need information, you're gonna give it to me now! Alright, chill now. Come on! What happened to your voice? What do you mean, what happened to my voice? I heard you by the bridge. I know what a girl sounds like. I'm not a girl! I'm a boy! You have the right to remain silent! You're done, alright? You did a good job. Stay down. No, I'm good. I'm fine. Stay down. No, he's good. I gotta get him back. You're going home, or I'll call Aunt May. You're done. Let's just go home. Oh, Peter. I know. I know it's really hard trying to fit in with all the changes your body's going through. It's flowering now. Can we just stop you there? Yeah. Is this grant, like, got money involved or whatever? No? Yeah. It's pretty well funded. Wow. Yes! Hey, hey, hey, hey. I didn't tell you where. You don't have a location. Right. Of course. Yeah, my bad. Silly. Just, yeah. Where is it? Can I give you some advice? You gotta get better at this part of the job. I don't understand. I'm intimidating. Okay, what the hell was that?