Professor Battle

The seagull in this story is not so much a seagull as it is a seagull-shaped representation. A representation of what? His fear. His fear of seagulls. Yes? You call that a lecture? If you've just joined us, welcome to live coverage of this year's prof- What a fight we have for you this evening, folks! These two professors must put everything on the line to connect with these students in front of them. And how are the students doing this evening, Jimmy? Well, they're adolescent and they're caffeinated. Malleable young minds waiting to be inspired. As we lead into the first round, it appears only a few of them are browsing Facebook. It's a promising start. Before we can happily discuss what this book is about, we must first ask the question. What is a book? Oh, and the pad is down! This rookie is off to a rough start, Jim Bob. Meanwhile, his opponent has already made tangible links to four major schools of theory. When is the meaning of life? All Professor Bingham has managed to do is open an embarrassing photo album. Oh my Microsoft Word! Is that a rainbow gradient? And just look at that teacher-student eye contact! He has made such a connection that he is literally transferring knowledge into their brains! Looks like she's gonna pass. She's really understanding the argument from all sides now, Jimmy. And that's halftime! Wow, with so many great contenders, it is really hard to pick a favorite. There's only two. You can do this. You don't need these gimmicks. Father? This is the humanities. Forget about the manatees and just be... Hugh. Culture! Art! Science! These are all just words! But when you place it in a proper socio-economic context... Rolling Waltz of Life never ceases to tire the restless soul. Witches, people! Witches! You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot teach him how to fish. Oh, what a maneuver! Can we go to the judges on that one? Ha! I get it! Lewis is up to something. Oh, it looks like he's tagging someone in! That's what I love! You know what I love about this event, Jerry? I'm sleeping with your wife. Oh, and it's Webster with the folding chair! Some students are about to get... And he's engaging in class discussion! There's a finishing blow! Now, let's take a wee moment to examine what the author is really trying to say here. Oh, yes, Craig? And it's all... over. Bingham is down and he's a total mess! Call Anton Chekhov, because this seagull's blown the coop. She wanted me to give you this. Teach me to be like you. True learning cannot be taught. I... I... see now! Ah! Hello! I hope you enjoyed the video. I would like to thank NCH, New College of the Humanities, who are a real place for higher education and nothing like what you just watched, for helping me make this sketch. If you'd like to know more about what they do, there is a link to their website down below. Also, we made a companion video over on Bing Radio, which you should go and watch. Or you can stick around here and watch this again. Did you see all the Easter eggs? I don't think so.