Are Asian Parents The Worst?

I had no idea that there was this many kids who were frustrated with their Asian parents. We got to talk about it. All right, you guys, we got a list today of 22 things that toxic Asian parents do to their children. So whether you are a kid and you want to find relatability in this, whether you're a young parent, you're looking for things you want to avoid from your childhood, or if you even want to go so far as to send this to your older Asian parent and see what they think, you know, this list is just here to help. And before we get into the list, I just want you to know that we're not just doing this just to be negative about Asian parents. And we're not saying all Asian parents did this. I mean, to be honest, you can show gratitude and respect your parents while still being frustrated with how they raised you. So please let us know in the comments down below if you relate to any of these. Let's get into number one. Toxic Asian parents do not teach you any essential life skills, but then they laugh at you later in your life when you don't know how to take care of yourself or have that life skill. Yeah, a lot of the common examples are cooking, right? They want to keep you out of the kitchen when you're young and just make you study. And then when you can't cook for yourself later, they laugh at you. Maybe they don't teach you the mother tongue because they want you to learn English. And then later in life, they're like, hey, how come you don't know how to say this? And then also, oftentimes dating. They never let you date when you're younger. And then when you hit 25 or 26, they're like, hey, how come you don't have a kid? How come you don't have a husband? How come you don't have a wife or girlfriend? What's going on? Yeah, it's definitely a little bit hypocritical or like just unaware that they were responsible for coaching you through the first like 15, 16, 17 years of your life. I would definitely say for us, our exposure to this was maybe like 3 out of 10, but I definitely saw it. You know, this is one of the more relatable ones on the list. Andrew, I would say this. The biggest mistake where I've really seen this shown, Andrew, is a lot of parents, Andrew, they don't want to pay for like AAA, right? So they tell their kids a tow truck's too expensive. So they teach them how to change a tire. I personally know three people, Andrew, who are trying to change tires on the freeway and then got clipped by another car. So their desire from their Asian parent that was taught to them to save money ended up getting them hit by a car and sent to the hospital. Yeah, and I think when it comes to information that you're not taught by your parent, it's okay to acknowledge, be like, yo, my parent didn't teach me this or they didn't know about this, so they couldn't teach me. So then you got to just learn from other sources. We are in the age of information. Yes, there is some bad information out there, but generally it's easy to find the good, helpful information, especially the simple advice, you know, whether it's from other YouTube channels or blogs or whatever. Yeah, I definitely do not think it's wrong to categorize your own parents as like immigrants who are from a different country in a different society who don't know everything. And not only do they not know everything, they were probably pretty busy, you know, surviving and making sure the family had the base needs altogether. So, you know, some of the details that like Tom Brady knows with his like 10 out of 10 coaching father, like, you know, got missed on you. And I don't think it's wrong to fill it in with the art of manliness or, hey, dad, how do I or all these dad channels or all these mom channels are just like things that are augmented supplemental learning. Your parents do not have to be your only source of information when it comes to essential life skills. Yo, Andrew, we know some Asians that are still calling their parents for like way too many things in 2022. I'm not going to lie. I've seen it. Number two, Andrew, Reddit was saying the toxic Asian parents judge everything they do and say they criticize every move they make and tell them what they should be doing instead, whether they know better or not. Andrew, this was shown in a bunch of movies, Tiger Tail, Farewell, Everything, All in One, Joy Luck Club, pretty much 70% of any soft Asian movies that come out. I think the West, especially new age thinking is way more on like positive reinforcement and a lot of Asian parenting, especially from the old school, is more like negative reinforcement. And you just got to realize that like what was the goal, but you could disagree with the method. Number three, Andrew, these quote unquote toxic bad Asian parents demand to know every single little detail in your life. You have no privacy, no boundaries. And if you try to hide something from them, they really question your motives on why you're hiding it from them. I mean, it's definitely comes out of good intentions of them wanting to know you're safe, wanting to know that you're on the right path, right? Because they just care about your future so bad. But oftentimes when you tell them and reveal to them this information, they don't always necessarily have the best like advice or maybe they don't always understand because of the generational and cultural differences. This is one I don't really have like a nice way to like wrap it up in a bow and tie. You know, I think this is just the eternal struggle of immigrant children to get their parents to understand where they're coming from in this Western life. Point number four, Andrew, toxic Asian parents use their children as their retirement plan, and they make sure to mention this as often as they can once you start your career and start to have a steady income. Man, I got to say, I do feel bad for a lot of kids who are in this position sometimes if they're the only child and they're like the pressure is put on them to also support their parents after they retire. And yeah, I mean, to be honest, you know, we're not going through it ourselves personally, but I have some friends who feel this way. And yeah, it's tough. Yeah. I mean, I think it also depends on like how you process that sense of duty and how that sense of duty was sold to you or not sold to you. If you feel like it was just like sprung on you later in life after you've already decided to pick, you know, social work as your career, which is to be honest, not monetarily lucrative, then you're like, dude, what the F? You know what I wish the parents would say if they're asking this much from their child to support them after they retire? I hope I wish the parents were like, yeah, and don't worry, we will be the best grandparents. We'll be like part of the team. We'll help raise your kids and we'll do all this and this and this for you if you take care of us. I'm not saying that makes it like way better and takes the pressure away, but I guess at least it would be like a clearer exchange. Andrew, one thing I noticed is that there's like sort of three major types of Asian parents when it comes to income. Sometimes there's the financial defenders, which tell you to make like a steady income, but then defend it by like not having a lot of expenses and overhead per month. Andrew, there's the proper hustlers, which is more like get educated. Maybe, you know, you become an eye doctor, open up your own LASIK practices or whatever, or the blue collar hustlers, which means there's no need for education, but you can open up a bunch of shops that don't require a college degree. Number five, Andrew, money is everything. Tell your kids that they are wasting money at every opportunity you get. For example, Andrew, this is Ronnie Chang's like Asian people love money so much and some of the people on the Reddit threads were complaining. They're like, dude, it's all my parents fault because I have so much guilt and trauma around spending money and making money and I just know I'm just going to forever be not happy with myself unless I make a lot of money and just I have an unhealthy relationship with it because of my upbringing. Whether I make a lot or a little, it just all revolves around fear and just why does money make me feel so like queasy because of the way I was raised? Toxic Asian parents. Well, luckily, I guess I go back to the other sources of information. I'm not telling you to listen to all the financial gurus on TikTok and Instagram. I'm just saying that there are good bits of information from some of those things, like especially the more ones on YouTube or the books you can read. Obviously, there's actually a lot of well-written books that you can read about finances and I do think at the end of the day, if you are raised with some type of fear about money, then you got to get inspiration from somewhere else. I mean, for me, I like, you know, our parents, they're not like business people, so they weren't always like spending money to make money and I think that's different than some of the other parents that we grew up with and so now, obviously, growing up now, I'm a little bit more just about like not spending as much. Yeah, I would say our parents were like almost more into the financial defenders thing where it's like, yeah, just get a good job, not a great job and then just like save your money, which is totally not a bad plan, but there's other plans too. Number six, Andrew, toxic Asian parents must take an immediate disliking to their kid's partner because they are a threat and will encourage their kid to rebel against them and leave them, so they must be stopped. Man, you know, a lot of Asian parents and I guess it comes back to fear, like they're just fearing that if this person's not the right person, then you fall in love with them, then you go move somewhere else, you have a kid and then you guys break up and then now you have a baby out of wedlock, you know, and I'm just saying that's like the fear that they have when they see certain people and so they're like judging them extra hard, so I guess I can't, I can't, there's no like one single piece of advice to give people based off this, but I guess that's just where it's coming from. Yeah, I always think of that one Justin Bieber lyric about Selena Gomez, you know, that's kind of a weird reference, but he's like, my mama don't like you and she likes everyone and I was kind of thinking, I was like, yo, my mom doesn't like any of the girlfriends that you bring over though. Yeah, that's why sometimes you just got to be able to make your own decisions and then when it gets serious, you tell them about it and not tell them about dating early on. Yeah, I think it's about like loving your parents and respecting your parents, but just knowing certain issues, you're just not really going to care what they think about because they're from a different planet. On the flip side, I don't want to say that your parents don't understand anything because they've still lived on this earth for longer than you have, so I think you can ask them and hear some of their feedback, but you don't have to let that be the decision maker. Number seven, Andrew, according to the subreddit, toxic Asian parents will tell their kids they can be whatever they want as long as they become a doctor, lawyer, engineer, or accountant. Yes, you can be whatever you want out of these five things, you know, and obviously that's just them wanting to be successful because those are the only five things that they know are successful. There was a lot of comments of people being like, hey, you know, I decided to go into social work. Why do you want to be a social worker? You can just be social after your work. Why dedicate your whole life to that? Man, if they just knew that you could make a lot of money being a social worker, I think parents would be okay with it. They just don't want to see you struggle, so you just got to prove to them and remind them that you're not struggling because I know that there's a lot of more gratifying work out there that fulfills you as a person, that helps the world, that fills your soul up, right? And some of it doesn't pay a lot in monetary terms. Right. I mean, you can supplement it with side hustles and stocks and different sort of side cash flow things, but you'd be surprised. Like, I don't really think you could ever fully take away your parents' disappointment, but there's like little things you can do for them, take them out to eat, maybe go to Korean barbecue, maybe get them one of those like tablets with all the Asian shows on them, you know, that are unlimited. I'm not going to say the name of the app, but you know, like there's just things you can do to mitigate it. You can't really fully remove their disappointment, but you could cut it in half. Yeah. And I don't want to say all Asian parents only care about money. They just don't want to see you struggle. But if you prove to them that you're making an impact in the world, like you can actually show them the impact of what you do. I think that it definitely cuts it in half. At least man, a newspaper clipping something prestigious. Point number eight, Andrew, this is a heavy one. Toxic Asian parents are always ashamed of their kids' mental health issues, even though they caused them. Man, I think where this comes from is because a lot of Asian parents, they don't necessarily believe in mental health in the same way. They're just like, oh, why are you sad? Then go do something that makes you happy or like just figure it out. Like why are you so sad? You were in America. I put, I give you this and this and this. Why are you, why are you like depressed? You know, they don't really believe in it. And it's tough because in America, obviously there is a lot of focus on it. Yeah. I would say the Western view on mental health is almost like a mountain trail ride where it's like, yeah, I'm off the trail and I'm in the rocky rocks and all the weeds and bushes and stuff like that. But I could get back on track. Whereas like Asians almost view it like rainbow road and Mario Kart. Andrew, once you fall off that track. Yo, really honestly think about getting therapy and getting a therapist who also comes from an immigrant family. Cause no doubt that this therapist who's also Asian or maybe from an immigrant family has already had clients and talked about this and has gone through school and had to think a lot about these issues. So just talk to somebody who has gone through the same things and has a lot of insight. I think it's very important. Anything else that feels therapeutic, possibly religious institutions, to be honest, as controversial as that sounds in 2022, uh, if you pick the right one, sometimes they do offer good like quasi therapy. No, yeah. Church, church is a good, uh, support system usually. And then also there's just like yoga. I mean, you know, you do a lot of things, you exercise a lot. It helps your mind also do a lot of mental things. You know, there's meditation, whatever you want to believe in guys, there's a lot of things that you can do that help. But yes, your parents might not fully understand for sure. I mean, listen guys, I definitely empathize even going through this list with people because you know, our parents wasn't fully like this. I definitely saw it around me and people at church and stuff like that. But like you got to do these things. Uh, on top of complaining on Reddit number nine, this is from the subreddit guys. Like I said, not my words, but they said the toxic Asian parents will ignore their kid when their kid tells them that they're being bullied at school. Yeah. Imagine this. I mean, from your parents perspective, man, they, they, they come from like maybe a struggling family overseas. Right. And then they come over here and they start with like a hundred bucks in their pocket and then they make it to a middle-class level. And then they have to hear their kid bring back stories from school about getting teased at. I'm not saying being bullied is not an issue, but of course they're just, it's just not going to be an issue that fully connects with them right off the bat. Yeah. I think the biggest mistake that Asian parents make, and it's not really a mistake cause I guess it's kind of human. It's like you said, like they put everything within the context of their struggles, like trying to immigrate to America, take the immigration test and like learn English and stuff, which is like, like you said, I mean, getting bullied at school, even though it's like, everything's relative to the spectrum of your own life, it doesn't seem like a big deal to them. Oh, you want to see what a real bully is like? Imagine almost not being able to come to this country. Definitely. I would say seek older mentorship on this issue because definitely when it comes to getting bullied for me, I mean, I even got bullied when I was in elementary and middle school for being Asian. I would say, uh, my parents didn't fully know how to handle it, but I don't fault them for it either. Number 10, toxic Asian parents will judge and criticize everything from their child's way of interacting with the world. They're addressing mannerisms to what they say, also their friends and the company that the child tries to keep. Man, I think it's tough. I think these parents who really put their kid under a microscope generally, they're probably more tiger parents who expect a lot from their kid. Maybe they see that the kid is very smart or talented and they're like, no, I am going to mold you into the perfect, most efficient child possible. But you know, the truth is one thing I realized is like tiger parenting is just a style. Tiger parenting is like coming downhill with the basketball, like a point guard and pressing and getting rim pressure like Russell Westbrook or John Morant. Here's the thing though, Andrew, there's a good way to do it in an effective way to tiger parent and a completely ineffective way. And I'll tell you this bad tiger parenting. That's horrible. Yeah, I think, uh, and you know, I guess I'm giving advice on possible tiger parents because I know some parents out there are like, Hey, I'm trying to figure out how to be strict and, and also give my kids some freedom at the same time. Uh, and I'm like, I guess you just have to show them a little bit of both. You have to show them the incentive and the good side of it and the rewards and show them the great love and the benefits that they're going to get. And also, but then, you know, be strict on them when you can, because now in today's society, you can't just be one way. It's just not going to work. They will rebel and resent you for it. Number 11, Andrew, toxic Asian parents, according to the subreddit, convinced their kids that their hobbies are a waste of time and money. The things that their kids actually love and bring them passion and a zeal for life. The parents hate them. If it doesn't fit with STEM pursuit. Yeah. There's this one comment that said, my dad keeps calling my guitar amps garbage and just garbage boxes. And he tells me it's a waste of space. Oh man, that, that is pretty common. David, you got a story about what dad told you when he tried to take you out to like a decently nice restaurant. Oh, he did this multiple years. Yeah. I remember before the winter season, which is basketball season. He'd take me to like a nice restaurant, surprisingly out of nowhere, which never really happened. And they'd be like, uh, David, uh, we have something to talk to you about. We just want you to not play basketball this year and do swimming because, uh, we do not enjoy coming to the games because you are like always on the bench. And maybe when you play, you are just playing like five, maybe 10 minutes at the most. And you are never going to be the star player for sure. Never played a college. Yo, yo, tell me why what my dad said was in a way facts, but in a way it was just like not what I was trying to hear as a kid at all. But would it have been more convincing if dad broke down your basketball game and was like, David, okay, so you have stopped growing and you are only five, eight. So then, you know, the average height of a college basketball player is six, two as a point guard. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like if there was so much more information packed into it, like, let's say the parent was like, hey, um, I know you like guitar, but I noticed that when you play your riffing, uh, blah, blah, blah, the notes that you're playing, you need to tighten your, like, like there's just no, they just say no to your hobbies without having really any knowledge about it. I think this is the thing that kills kids. Yeah. I mean, when I look back on it now as a adult, I see where they were coming from, but I also see why, like, I don't mind just doing what I want to do. You know what I like? I like parents or people putting a timetable on their hobbies and being like, all right, I'm going to try this for a year or I'm going to do this for a couple more years and see where I get. And if I, if it doesn't work out, if the stars are not aligning, if my talent is not meant for it, if I don't put in the work to be really good at it, then yeah, maybe you got to move on. That's okay. It's almost like he should have said, okay, David, we will get you a trainer for one season. And if you are not scoring at least 10 points a game, then you have to quit. Or even if you said one month, get you a trainer. If you don't improve in that one month, then you got to stop. Yeah, I think it's tough because sometimes the Asian parents, especially if they're old school, I think the younger 2022 Asian parents are different. They almost try to kill it when you were still in that love stage with that passion. Yo, Asian parents, man, they're all about cutting things cold turkey. Oh, man. Just quit. Just stop. What do you mean? You can just stop. You know you like to play basketball? Just stop playing basketball. And to be honest, I think this is more specifically of a Chinese parent thing, too. To be honest, to keep it real, I really think it's like of the Asians, even the Chinese are the most like this. Here's the thing. As kids who had hobbies that ended up going, having a career in them, you know, media, entertainment. Right, right. We did some work with the NBA. How would we have been able to do that work with the NBA if we didn't love the game, right? You have to show that your hobbies add a lot of value, either to yourself or to the world, or that you're good at them. That's actually really what they want to see ultimately. Number 12, Andrew. This is from the subreddit. I don't fully know what they're talking about. They may be saying that the parents feel entitled to the income that the child makes as an adult because the parents funded the children's childhood. Yeah, man, this is tough. I don't really have a lot to say about this because, you know, it's something so far from what we experienced, but I've heard of this. I can imagine that this is true where, you know, certain parents, I mean, basically, I would say it. They want to get paid back, right? It's basically all in all wrong for the parents to do this. However, I guess as a kid, if you are making your own income, like there are things that you can buy or treats that you can buy, like treat them out and stuff like that. Get the hacked iPad. I'm telling you, get the older iPad, not the new joint, not the pro 12 inch or whatever. You get this app. I don't even want to promote the app, but I'm just saying it got every show on it from the east and the west. Try it. Number 13, Andrew. Toxic Asian parents have a weak father figure that does not stand up to the clearly toxic mom figure. Like I said, I think there's probably one is more Chinese because in Chinese families, I don't know why the mom just seems more dominant than the dad sometimes. Yeah, no, I've definitely heard of this. I have friends who kind of have this similar situation, maybe not to the extreme turning red. The dad is weak. The dad oftentimes, you know, just wants to work hard and just wants to not deal with this little personal like kid stuff because they're just like, I am like trying to support the family. So I'm not trying to think about this like interpersonal stuff and that. But then let's the mom run free and trample over everybody. And yeah, man, that's. No, the mom is acting like Michelle Yeoh's character in Crazy Rich Asians, right? Pretty much where he's like, you are not good enough for my son. Yeah. And then the mom can always pull the I gave birth to you card. And you're like, damn. I mean, I've definitely seen it. I swear to God, you know, we went to a large Chinese church. I've seen everything. I've seen great parents who love their kid, like I said, turn their kids into Tom Brady and whoever else is the Gwyneth Paltrow. And I've seen people turn their kids into, you know, have incredibly strained relationships with their kids. The parents were so toxic and so bad. It's tough to say because I get it by the time you're old enough to understand how to contextualize these things. Maybe the damage has been done already. Yeah. And it's tough to kind of stand up to the mom more because the mom is supposed to be the loving one. And then the dad's supposed to be the strict one. But some dads, they don't want to be strict. And then if you have trouble connecting with your dad more than it feels, then you're more distant from both your parents. It's a tough situation, but I could see how it's true. And, you know, again, therapy. Number 14, Andrew, they constantly compare children to everyone else, including their sibling, making it some sort of weird competitive rivalry. I will say this, man. This is definitely more old school. The newer school parents, I think every generation moves away from this. But man, I got people in my family, I saw people at church that genuinely, actually, I know some people that are my age, that genuinely feel like their brother or sister is, and it's crazy because their brother or sister never really did anything to them. Dude, I'm still meeting people. This is day in New York City who is like, nah, I don't like my sister. Like me and my sister don't get along. I'm like, what happened? Did you guys like betray each other? No, nothing finances in the will or nothing happened. There's just like some unsmoothened kind of things from childhood that happened. And I'm like, dang, man, that sucks that you only got so many siblings and family members in life. If nothing truly bad happened, you're going to let that type of stuff tear it apart. I get that it happens. I wish that it wouldn't. Obviously, this is coming from two brothers who work and live together, obviously, so of course we have a pretty good relationship. But I think overall, I do think it's tough that the parents pin the siblings to each other. I would rather them pin other people outside of the family against them. That would actually make more sense. Yeah, I mean, I would say that you got to find a mission in life that bonds you guys stronger than what repels you guys. And sometimes siblings in a family, they can't find that thing that, you know, brings them more together than the forces drawing them apart. I would say that. And this is also why a lot of Asian brothers and sisters just actually don't have good relationships. This sucks. It's especially a Chinese thing, though. I got to keep it real. It's like, I think about other like Viet or Filipino or Korean friends. They see it too, but it's a little bit of a different situation. You know what I think is one of the drawbacks of some Chinese families? I don't want to say all Chinese families, but like they don't do enough like fun stuff together. You know, they don't have enough like get-togethers parties or sing-alongs together. Because every family has ups and downs, right? But imagine your up is like not as low as your downs. Imagine you just have low lows, but you have high highs. Then you can find somewhere in the middle. But if you only have low lows and then the highs are not that high, then the average is lower. And basically, yeah, your relationship is worse. Number 15, Andrew. Toxic Asian parents get mad AF if their child is bad at math. Yo, there are so many memes about this, man. And I think the reason is because Asian parents traditionally only know that if you're good at math, then you have like a high IQ. Then you're intelligent. That's the only thing they know based off because they don't know about your reading comprehension. They'll be like, you know, little Billy, he's just not good at math. He's good at other things. Like look how he is with the Pokemon cards. Like he's so smart. He knows every power of, you know. Or maybe, wow, look at like he's just a good performer. He's a great presenter. He's a great speaker. You know, maybe he can go into sales or like whatever, being a teacher. But he doesn't have to be good at the numbers. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Asian parents, they tend to more believe like your math ability is your brain ability. And maybe in the West, to be honest, I think they almost don't believe in that enough to the point where people think that math is not representative of your brain ability. It totally is. But it's just representative of technically, Andrew, just one side of your brain. Number 16, Andrew. Toxic Asian parents emotionally invalidate what their child says about grief and suffering and then makes it about me, me, me. I've seen this before. I've seen it more at church with other people's parents. Like I said, lucky enough, a lot of these things, you know, our parents was like two out of ten, one out of ten on them. But I definitely saw people who was like, mom might do this to them at a seven or eight level. Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, it's really tough because some parents, they really have a lot of like PTSD from wherever they come from, you know, the things that happen to them. Yeah, of course, it could have been rude. And you know, not to say, obviously, even a lot of parents, they still have their own mental health issues and emotional health issues. Oh, and you know, Asian parents and got no therapy. Yeah, exactly. So I do think if you know that your parents went through a lot, you kind of got to like read the room and like, you don't want to bring up every single little issue up to them because how they respond is probably not going to be the most understanding, to be honest. You know, and this is where talking to other people outside of the family and whether it's therapy or friends or something that also have a similar background is going to really help. And that's why people have this retiform because they want to vent because they're like, maybe I don't know where else to go about this and I just got to let it out. And then other people upvote it and they're like, yeah, I understand, bro, blah, blah. You're not the only one. And it's kind of crazy. I think a lot of people are like, man, why do I got to go pay for therapy? It's expensive or my insurance doesn't cover good therapists or whatever. But I'm almost like, yeah, if you do feel like it, it really is unfortunate that your Asian parent who's first gen had trauma and then they hand it on to you and then you got your own trauma. Now you got double trauma because you got to take some of their trauma too. It is what it is. Like you said, you just got to get the therapy. I wish we had a therapy brand deal for this video. Uh, any therapy companies that want to hit us up? Let's talk. Number 17, Andrew, they talk ish about strangers who are just going out about their day. And that is toxic. Yeah, I mean, uh, I know our parents didn't really do this, but I guess I've heard stories where the parents are just like, wow, look at that person. Like, geez, like, look at that kid. Wow. You know, um, basically just judging strangers. Oh, man. Any advice, David? I mean, this is. Listen, man, there's just, uh, I think hearing this list and hearing other people's stories, like confirm what you think it can lead you to more closure about it. Like closure doesn't mean you can like fix it. You just have closure about how you feel about it. And you know, I can see this affecting some kids a little bit and being a minor annoyance to a few people being extra sensitive to it. Number 18, Andrew, toxic Asian parents will constantly give bad and unsolicited advice and opinions. Oh, man. Uh, definitely something I kind of relate to. I think, uh, you know, when parents are not very educated about something or, or the hobby that you're into, they'll just give a bunch of bad advice, maybe bad dating advice. And you're just like, yo, this is just, you know, just, just take a lot of that stuff with a grain of salt. I guess that's the best thing I can tell you. Um, and it's okay to say and acknowledge in your head that like, yo, your parents just don't know this. They just don't understand. They really don't. They don't get it. I would say guys, if you can find a way to find the best answers on like Reddit, Quora, even to some extent, Twitter, you know, it could be helpful. You got to get a lot of expert opinions outside of your world. You know, you got to post things and, um, get just the, if you only got your parents there giving you advice, their advice is going to weigh that much heavier on you. Cause that's the only person you're getting advice from. But if you're getting advice from like a hundred people, you can kind of like take out the outliers. Oh, yes. Uh, triangulate or take pieces of advice. Maybe you do want to take a little bit of your parents' advice. Still, you take that in, but then you take a whole bunch of other advice and then you mix it all together. And then guess what? You have an advice ball that makes sense to your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to take a look at the correlation coefficient. Number 19, Andrew, this person said that their toxic Asian parents did not want them to pursue a career that was too demanding because they really wanted their daughter to give them grandkids. Now, I do think this is from a certain type of family. I know families like this, that almost actually in a way held their kids back from reaching their highest potential of a job or career because they didn't want them to leave home and they didn't want them to work too hard because actually the Asian parent valued family time together and grandkids more than they even did a higher career. Yeah. And I think everybody always assumes that like the Asian parents are always pushing their kids to get like a PhD or something like that. That's not true for every family. Like some families, Andrew, they want their kid to play like mafia boss in the business world. Some parents want their kid to play the career hunger games and some kids, Andrew, I mean, some parents, Andrew, they just want their kids to get to Sims and build that like family life as soon as possible. Yeah, no, a lot of parents variation in Asian families. A lot, a lot of Asian parents just want their kids to really live within five miles of them and start raising their family there and just be happy and even have just like a regular job. That's fine. Like that's most, that's actually a lot of Asian parents that don't get talked about. I think we tend to focus on the super harsh model achievement-oriented tiger parents, you know, who are pushing their kids to essentially be model minorities or rich kids or hustlers or like business owners or whatever. But no, a lot of Asian parents just want their kids to be middle-class and happy. They don't want to see him to struggle. Of course, I think that's part of it. Number 20, Andrew, toxic Asian parents think that you must get a spouse that makes six figures, is handsome or beautiful, has a PhD, owns their own house and car, has no college debt, no past partners and not any older than 25 years of age. David, it kind of made me laugh. Yeah. I mean, obviously, like we said, not all Asian parents are even this picky about the person and how achievement-oriented they are, man. Oh my God. These are such high standards for a husband or wife. Are you kidding me, man? Like you, if you, if you are pushing this on your kid to make sure they find a mate that's at this level, that's handsome, rich, from this, blah, blah, blah, then you better raise your kid to be the equivalent partner of that. To be able to secure that. Yeah. And then you may, of course, even question these superficial markers of accolades or self-worth or whatever. Well, that's why some parents want to push their girls into pageants because they think that, oh, if they win Miss Chinatown or Miss Little Saigon, then they put them in a better position to meet this guy. No, I'm not going to lie, Andrew, we've worked with a lot of different people throughout the years. And I will say this, pageant girls, they like are the girls that got more raised to like look for this in a guy. Yes. They just get in a pageant. They're being judged on all these things. Like I'm just saying, you know, pageant girls, they just run a mini pageant in their mind for every guy they meet. Number 21, toxic Asian parents do not let their children be independent, but at the same time expect them to be independent as the children of non-Asian parents. So basically, these immigrant kids, they're like, I got raised as a sheltered immigrant kid, wasn't allowed to do certain things, learn certain things, see different things, get these reps, go into these worlds. And then you're expecting me to like get the world as good as like a non-Asian, non-immigrant kid? What the hell? Yeah, I mean, geez, this kind of goes back to maybe one of the earlier points about like not teaching them essential skills and then laughing at them for not having these essential skills. And yeah, man, I mean, like we said, maybe, I mean, what if your parents actually said, hey, how come you don't know about this? Why weren't you watching all the YouTube channels that were very helpful that could teach you about this stuff? What were you doing? You know, I don't know. But yeah, obviously, your parents, they don't teach you everything, to be honest. Yeah, I mean, this one's tough, man, because there's so many pros and cons to like different things. I definitely knew some kids in college where it's like their parents would bring them like a week worth of microwave meals, you know, like hot food for like the whole week. And then the kid would just be like not even going out and meeting people in the mess hall. And then they would just stay at the computer playing games, watching animes, and then microwaving the food. So I don't know, these things, they can go upside and go downside. It's really difficult to say. But you know, one thing I will say is that typically to be successful in the West, you got to at least understand how the Western game works and then make decisions on how much you want to buy in or not. Number 22, Andrew, last but not least, the Asian parents that are toxic. They want to save money, which is kind of like universally frugal and value minded Asian, Andrew. But they don't know where to save it. They might save 50 cents a dollar on expired milk. But then the milk is no good to drink because it goes bad in one or two days. Yeah, no, I mean, dude, we did grow up with discounted foods like I mean, obviously, there's a lot of stuff that's on sale that's about to hit their expiration date in like one or two days. Obviously, a lot of old school Asian parents, they don't believe in expiration dates. And I do think for dried goods, it's not that big of a deal. But of course, when you're talking about things that spoil and rot, yeah, you have to at least pay attention to it. For dairy, I'm just like, yo, just get a coupon and get the one that is good or just buy oat milk or soy milk or almond milk. I mean, we had like a pretty thrifty mom who would always cut a lot of coupons out and go to different stores, shopping, trying to save as much money as possible. And I do think that in today's world, obviously, a lot of the coupons are on your phone. So that makes it easier, right? You don't have these papers flying everywhere and stuffed in your glove compartment or anything like that. But man, I think as a kid, there's so many ways that you can help your parents save money and also not just saving money, but even making more money. Because I wish that maybe our parents maybe knew a little bit more about making more money versus saving money. But it is very natural that you go into save mode because that's actually easier. It's easier to save money than it is to make money. Making money, guys, is offense. Saving money is defense. All right, you guys, that does it for the list of behaviors that toxic Asian parents have. My major takeaway is that, man, it's crazy. It was really triggering to go through this list. And I felt for myself, but really more for other people that I knew growing up who had it much more intense at an 8, 9, or 10 out of 10 level. I didn't really get it that bad. I mean, man, how can you judge your parents, Andrew? They came through, you know, they brought you to a new place, and they're trying to figure it out, but they just can't be the Tom Brady dad, you know? You know where Tom Brady's like, my dad's my hero, man. I love him. He just taught me so much. It's just like a lot of people, they don't really feel that way. They might feel that way, but they can't express it that way about their parents. Man, going through this list just reminded me that parenting is hard. Parenting is hard as an immigrant parent, you know? And no one's going to bat 100. Honestly, no one's going to be 10 for 10. Almost such a low chance, right? So I do think when you judge your Asian parents, and of course you can judge your parents, right? I think you can once you become an adult and you realize things about life. But you judge them based off, like, if they really tried. Did they really love you? And then, you know, everything else, there were just complications and cultural differences and generational differences. Listen, sometimes being an immigrant and not feeling like you got the 10 out of 10 parenting is like going to have dinner at Panera Bread, right? It's a fast, casual restaurant. It's not a full-on restaurant. There's not a nice, warm waiter that's going to sit down and talk to you. You just go in, order your food, and you get food. You get fed, right? Which is important. You get all the necessary things you need, right? Especially compared to somebody who did not get dinner. And there's people outside who are begging for food, who they want your Panera Bread leftovers, right? They'll take them. And then there's also times when, for your birthday, you're like, I want to make sure I go to a nice restaurant because I want to have a waiter put the napkin on my lap for me and fill up my water and talk to me about the wine or talk to me about the entrees and the appetizers. Are you talking about a Cheesecake Factory, Andrew? Are we talking about something better than Cheesecake Factory? I'm talking about even more than Cheesecake Factory. I'm saying getting the full restaurant experience. And I think those full restaurant experiences, you always remember them. And those are the best ones. And obviously, maybe that's considered the 10 out of 10 parenting. But at the end of the day, a lot of us got Panera Bread. But you could live off Panera Bread. And you could be fine. You could take business meetings at Panera Bread. You can get coffee. You can get charged up at Panera Bread. Yeah, and sometimes you only got $15.50. So you're looking at the soup and sandwich combo, right? Because that's $15.50. At the end of the day, there's nothing wrong with it. But it's just not the full great experience that you imagined. That's all it is. At the end of the day, guys, I think everybody's responsibility is to like up the level of parenting that they give to the next generation. Whether that's as an actual physical parent or a mentor or just a person in this world. Because all we could do is like contextualize and understand why our parents like ended up how they did. Of course, we would like want to fix this and fix that. But then we love them for this and that. Because like who else was there for us other than our parents, you know? So I think that it's very difficult. And that's why we recommend therapy for some people who are having a tough time balance that. But you can just be the close to a 10 out of 10 person that you can be once you identify the things you want to fix. All right, everybody, we're going to close it off there. Please let us know in the comments down below if you relate to any of this or if you're a parent yourself. All right, hopefully it was helpful. Hopefully you watched the whole thing. I think it was worth the watch, to be honest. Because even just doing this video, I came to some realizations myself. So I got some things to think about. But anyways, thank you so much for watching. And until next time, we out. Peace.