당신에게 호감 있는 사람이 애타게 보내고 있는 '3가지' 신호 (이고은 박사 1부)

A lot of people ask me, I'm too timid to express my feelings to the person I like, so I can't date. What I think is, I think it means you like that person less. Because people who are timid and introverted can't date and get married. Love gives you a surprising look. When we see a new, fresh, and likeable person, Dopamine secretes in our brain. If you like that person, you can't hide your feelings. First of all, Hello, subscribers of Knowledge Inside. I'm Goeun Lee, majoring in cognitive psychology. I'm currently teaching and researching at the Department of Psychology at Busan University. I wrote a book called How Psychiatrists Remember Love. There are a lot of stories like this. Some people are kind to me, but many people think, maybe this person likes me. But you have to think about it. Whether that person is kind to other people, or a polite person, it's much more likely to be just one. Why do you think it's a good thing that someone is kind, sweet, and polite to me? You need to ask your heart. Did I want to be kind and interested in someone like this? And am I interested in this person? I don't think it's hard to distinguish between being kind and interested in someone like this and liking them. If you like a certain person, even if you're kind and sweet to everyone, you're going to share information that only this person can share. It's not just asking what you're doing on the weekend. It's not just asking politely. What are you doing on the weekend? If you have time, would you like to go here with me? You can suggest that. This is information that only the two of us can know. There's definitely going to be an exchange like this. It's about expressing your feelings because you like someone. It never confuses the person you like. If you're confused, it's much more likely that you're not. If you like someone, you won't be able to hide your expressions. First of all, you smile a lot. The corners of your mouth are raised. And your pupils are widened. This is a sign that it's hard to take your eyes off of that person. And your behavior can be a little different. You're going to be considerate of that person. You're going to give up for that person. You're going to step back and get out of the way. You're going to keep doing these things. Usually, when you see a new, fresh, and favorite person, a lot of dopamine is secreted in our brains. When that happens, you're going to be able to express those phenomena without hiding. Not only dopamine, but also norepinephrine and cortisol hormones are released. Then your blood pressure will rise and your heart rate will speed up. Because of that, your face turns red and you can get tongue-tied. You say you get tongue-tied. Usually, you speak comfortably. But in front of that person, you stutter. Because you want to look so good, those phenomena can occur. The tone of speech you use is a positive expression of the other person's words. And you say, I'm like that, too. Or I'm like that, too. You use that tone a lot. You're going to appeal to yourself. You're going to appeal to yourself as much as you can. So, among the ways you appeal to yourself, you're going to be similar to that person. You're going to be similar to that person. It's not true, but if the other person says, I like pasta. Usually, people who don't like pasta because they don't digest it well say, I really like that food, too. It's actually a tone of speech to appeal to yourself to use a positive tone of speech. If the other person truly loves me, I'm not going to spare anything. That's what I think. If someone says they like me, and it's a tone of speech about money and time, I think you should think about it again. If you like someone, you can never be selfish. Because in our brain, there's an area that recognizes the ego. But in that area, the person you love comes in. That's why the other person's pain is the same as my pain. The other person's trouble is the same as my trouble. To exaggerate a little more, the other person's pain is my pain. That's why if you truly like this person, you won't be selfish to do anything for yourself. So if you have someone you like, but if they're selfish to you, think about it again. I want to give you that advice. This is just my personal opinion, but you want to have a conversation through KakaoTalk or Messenger. But the ego on SNS or Messenger is also me, so you need to change your profile picture to a normal one. I think it's better to change the pictures with weird pictures or swear words. If it's a conversation tip, if you like someone, we start to be curious about that person. This curiosity is interest. Then you should express that you are interested in them. So the message we usually send is like this. What are you doing? Are you sleeping? That's the message we send. So it's right to try to have a conversation to express that I'm interested in you. And it's not an informational conversation, but an emotional conversation. I didn't ask you because I was really curious if you were sleeping or not. It means I'm curious about your daily life, so if you can continue that conversation, it's much more natural and it gives you a chance to open your mind. As I said, it's good to give positive answers to the other person's reaction. If the lunch I had today was delicious, and it was good to work in the afternoon, it's good to say that you like it or compliment them. When the other person sees you, you can feel that they are interested in you, warm and kind. I think that's a skill. People misunderstand a lot. They think it's cool to look chic. They think it's heavy to give a short answer. But it's a misunderstanding. You have to be much more friendly. And after the other person hangs up, the last thing you say is what you're going to say. If you say good night, you say good night, and you say good night at the end. It's like, I hang up after this person hangs up. You need to make an effort like that. If you do it in a chic way or like you're giving information, they'll feel cold. You can misunderstand that this person doesn't like you. I think it's much better to throw away your own effort. Appearance may not be very important when you fall in love. We call it a booger. Then you can be a pretty person in my eyes. You can be cool in my eyes. You need to build confidence in your appearance. I don't think that's very important. The first information we receive about this person is appearance. We don't know what this person thinks and how much knowledge they have. When you first see this person, what you see is their appearance. But you don't judge everything just by their appearance. After that, you can appeal your charm or show how capable you are or how much you can like yourself. Because you can see it as much as you want, it's not desirable to be too confident about it. Rather, the research results show that people with high self-esteem and confidence are more likely to feel attractive. So I think it's much better to think about that. This is also a story according to the conversation method. To express that I'm curious about you and that I'm interested in you, I think I ask a lot of questions. When I ask, what do you like? If you continue to talk in a positive way, you'll do it. And the decisive thing that I get after the blind date is can I see you again next time? I think it's much better to make a promise and break up. Of course, if the other person likes you and wants an after, that's what happens. If not, we can think about it. When you go on a blind date or meet someone for the first time, you get some kind of favor. But this favor must not lead to a relationship or love. You have to be able to think that it's not. The time I met him was very good, but when I came home and thought about it slowly, I realized that I'm not suitable to be in a relationship with him. People can judge. That's why you don't have to go too far alone. I'd like to give you a tip like that. A lot of people ask questions. You're so timid that you can't express your feelings to the person you like. You can't date or you can't confess to the person you like. What I think is it's hard to confess because you're timid and it's hard to express your feelings to the person you like. I think it's an expression that you like him less. Because people with timid and introverted personalities can't date and get married. Love gives you a surprising look. What I mean is it gives you confidence. So if you really like him and you think you have to hold on to him, that timid personality is nothing. I think it's love that gives you the courage to confess to him. How to choose a date place It's a question of where to go on a date so that the other person will like it. But according to this question, there are a lot of opposite results. In some studies, in the case of men, they say they like open places. In some cases, there are cases that are the opposite. Then in the case of women, a place where only two people can be They say they like a place where there are few people. There are also opposite results. But what I think is important here is if you have a plan to meet this person in a certain place, ask the other person. And I think it's better to get consent. What kind of place do you like? Do you like to walk? What kind of food do you like? After getting consent, do your best to search and decide on a date place. If you meet that person, you've been searching for this place to meet me, and you've been through a lot. You must show gratitude. Then wouldn't the relationship develop in a positive direction? In my opinion, it's not about the date place. It's about finding a suitable place for this person's characteristics and what this person wants. I think this is much more important. If you're considerate, the other person can't forget it. At that time, my foot hurt, but I made the route short and changed it to a nearby place. If you say that, Oh, this person really puts a lot of effort into something. You'll be able to accept that. So that kind of consideration is an experience that you can't forget. So those parts are much more important. Why do you think it's a waste? I think the way I get to know myself while dating and the study of people and the experience of the heart are very precious. Even if it's not the romantic love and the experience of love that we think, or the experience of truly loving someone, I think it's a great nourishment for our lives. So if you say it's a waste or you do something you don't have to do, I think it's an expression that envies people who are in a relationship. Love is an effort. What this effort is, I met a very different person. Because I met a different person, we spend time with this person and have a lot of experiences together. In that case, of course, it's different from me, so the characteristics of this person and the characteristics of me need to be coordinated. Because of this, there may be a fight, there may be a misunderstanding, and there may be an unintentional fight. If these coordination parts fit well, the relationship keeps developing and the relationship continues. If this conflict situation is difficult and not well coordinated, you will think about it again or organize the meeting. You will go through such a stage. Even if you meet someone, when you truly love them, it's natural to try with that heart. I don't think that effort should be weird or rejected. Then it will be difficult to get someone you love, right? Yes, I think so. How do you define love? It depends on how far you expand love. Humans need love to survive. Love is like the mechanism of survival. What it means is if you love someone or have someone you love, you want to be that person. The most basic condition is that you want to live well. That's why love is a survival mechanism that makes people live. And it's not just love. Living with many memories that we were grateful for, the sad news of someone whose face and name we don't know, the heartache, all of these are actually the power of love that humans can feel. That's why I think that love is the heart that humans need to live or survive.