Comment fixer et tenir ses RÉSOLUTIONS 2023? (conseils basés sur la recherche)

In a few days, a new year begins. For many of us, this period of the year is like the end of a chapter and the beginning of another. It is a time marker to make a new start, open a new blank page, start again from a good start. It is also a time when we are in the momentum to set new intentions, new goals to always get a little closer to our dream life. It is a phenomenon that has a name in psychology, it is what is called the effect of a new start. Before thinking and setting your intentions for 2023, I invite you to watch this video until the end to be sure to make this new year yours. The year where this time you really reach your goals. Hello everyone, I hope you are doing well. How is your end of the year going? Have you already thought about your new resolutions, your new intentions for 2023? Or maybe you don't even dare to get involved in this work because you say to yourself in advance, anyway, I never keep my resolutions. If this is the case, rest assured, you are far from being the only person. For many of us, this flaming energy of the beginning of the year only lasts for a while. We let go quickly. So why do we let go quickly? Why do we end up with lots of resolutions that are never achieved? Well, there are several reasons for this. First reason, it may be because your goal does not make enough sense for you. It does not have enough depth, it is not aligned with who you are at the bottom of yourself and what you desire the most. Secondly, it may be because it is ultimately not your goal. It may be that of someone else, a parent, whatever, but it is not the one that comes straight from your heart. Maybe this goal has been badly formulated, badly defined, so it is not enough motivating and stimulating for you. Maybe the action plan that has been defined is not clear enough and detailed. Another reason is the fact that you are too focused on the result and not enough on the progress. Or maybe it's your self-sabotage that's blocking you. Anyway, today I'm going to lend you a hand to help you fix, formulate and concretely achieve and realize your new intentions for the new year, to avoid being faced again with resolutions that turn into failure and finally live a life that you love. And for that, I will share with you advice, tips, practices, techniques from psychological research that have changed everything for me and I hope for you too. The first step is to define your dream life, to define the life you want for yourself. So if I ask you the question, what is your dream life? What life would you be happy to live? What would it look like? How would you describe it? You need to have an answer. To help you, I have prepared a free download, a workbook called Create the Life of Your Dreams. You can find it in the information bar. It's totally free and you have a lot of exercises that will help you define, to put words, a description of your dream life. Before fixing these new intentions, it is important to know the life you want to live because inevitably your intentions will be linked and that will represent your big picture, it's your why, it's your ultimate goal, let's say. I encourage you to take a pencil and answer this question seriously. What is the life I dream of living? And we are not talking here about the dream of someone else, of a parent, a brother, a sister, a friend or the path of happiness and success that society wants us to take. Here we are talking about ourselves, about what really eliminates us in our trip, what makes us feel the real joy, the real freedom, the real pleasure, the real happiness. Recently, in an Instagram poll, I asked you what your dream life is and here are a little bit everywhere around me the answers you shared with me. Whatever your dream life is, and that's what I want to share as a message, I guarantee you one thing, it's that this dream life is not a result, it's not a point of arrival, a destination, it's a feeling. It happens in the heart, it's a perception, it's a way of seeing and appreciating the moments and elements of life. This dream life is also a path, a journey of realization and creation of one's happiness, of one's ambitions, and each step of this journey must be appreciated to its due value. This dream life, it actually happens every day, in the here and now. Not in 5 years, not in 10 years, even less in the hope that it will present itself one day to us. You are every day the master, the artist and the only person responsible for your life. Second advice, before formulating your intentions, is to be grateful for the path you have traveled. An American research has been published on the site of the American Association of Psychology and this study, it was interested in the profiles of Olympic Games athletes and especially on their level, their state of happiness and the award ceremony. What this study revealed is that the bronze medal winners were happier than the silver medal winners. Why such a result? Well, because this last profile had a tendency, and what was noticed, to always compare himself to what was above him and thus to enter into a cognitive process that we call in psychology counterfactual thinking and which consists of modifying by imagination events, facts, reality. You know, these are those famous sentences that start here and that we all tend to say If I had dressed better, I might have been hired. If I had done such a thing like that, I would have had this result. The problem is that by systematically thinking about the element that could have changed the result, you put more emphasis, the focus on the gap, the gap that exists between the point where you are and the point of arrival. And that leads to dissatisfaction, to disappointment, and it impacts our level of confidence What I encourage you to do is to celebrate all that you have managed to do, all that you have overcome, to be grateful for your evolution, for your development, to be grateful for what you are and what you have at the moment, because inevitably, you never start from scratch. And I want to say, it's also self-love, it's respecting yourself, it's self-valuing and celebrating yourself. This recognition does not mean that we are content with what we have or that we do not have the right to want more or that we have to give up our dreams, our projects, our passions, our ambitions. No, it just means that we decide intentionally to put the focus elsewhere. And I'm going to share with you a secret to see your intentions come true. It is to mix intentions oriented to self-acceptance with intentions oriented to self-improvement. Self-acceptance is all these goals that push you to be more yourself, more authentic, to be less influenced by the environment. Self-improvement is all these goals that push you to evolve, to become better, to improve yourself. And I can guarantee you that this is the best way to show compassion towards yourself and to develop at the same time. Another tip is to focus on what you want and not on what you do not want. Researchers in Pennington in the United States carried out a study to focus on the link between an effective formulation of a New Year's resolution and its success rate. And what this study revealed is that people who had a formulation that came close to the result they wanted were much more successful than people who had a formulation focused on avoidance, on what they did not want. Before defining your intentions for 2023, formulate them based on what you hope to achieve and especially on the benefit that you will derive from it. You may have noticed it, but since the beginning of the video, I am talking about intentions because I find that it is a term that is more related to the heart, to authenticity and that reflects a better alignment with our dream life. I will give you an example of an effective formulation. If you say, for example, I want to lose 10 kilos and stop being overweight. Here it is ineffective because you emphasize what you want to avoid. Rather start from the benefit that you will derive from it. And there it would give something like I want to lose 10 kilos to be in better health. In addition to better specifying your goal, frankly, isn't it more stimulating, motivating and encouraging to achieve it this way? Another tip, another technique is to create sub-goals that make sense to you. So at the beginning, we have our dream life, our big picture. From there, we will now define sub-goals and these are actually your intentions for the new year. At this stage, you will ask yourself what are the actions to take to achieve this great goal? What behaviors to adopt? What changes should I make to get there? And studies in psychology have shown us that an objective that is solid and lasting must have two features. The first is that it must be significant enough for you. That is, it must really make sense. It must be something that you care about. And the second feature is that these benefits must not stop with you. They must also extend to others. Thus, as soon as your goals follow these two criteria, you are more committed to it. You resist temptation better and you are even more motivated to achieve it because it is aligned with who you are or who you want to become. And when your actions make sense, when they have a deep goal, you reach a level of happiness, and there I speak from personal experience as well, a much deeper level of happiness that we call the demoniac. Another very important practice is to focus on progress and not on the result. At the time of my survey on Instagram, I also asked you the question How would you feel if you did not achieve your dream life? And there I got answers like empty, sad, frustrated. And by reading your answers, I said to myself, I absolutely have to share an important message with them, which is the following. Do not attach your value and your happiness to an external element, a person, a project, a job, whatever. If you say, for example, as soon as I have my diploma, I will be happier. Well, what you do by thinking like that, is that you condition your value and your happiness to an external element. On the contrary of happiness, it is conditioning. Real happiness, the one that lasts in time, it is already there, it is inside you and it is around you. You just have to make the decision to see this beauty, this magic in all the elements of your life. And I will even go further by asking you a question that may motivate you to be less attached to the result. Have you ever wanted something so strong but once you have it, you realize that you are not happier than that, that you did not win in terms of happiness? Well, that's a no. In psychology, this is called hedonic adaptation. It is a principle according to which people have a relatively stable level of happiness despite there being in parallel changes in their lives, positive or negative events that happen. It's like having more money. When you have more money, you can have more expectations, more desire, but in the end, it does not necessarily mean that there is a gain of happiness in parallel. Which leads me to conclude that it is not so much what we manage to do that is important, but what we become and continue to become on the path of our dream life that matters. It is the pleasure, the joy, the transformation, the evolution, the growth that this path, that this process brings us. That's what's really worth it. Another advice that is important to achieve these intentions is to accept your responsibility and not to forget that you will have to push yourself to get there. Your dream life, it's all up to you. You have the responsibility, no one is going to create it for you. You are in partnership with yourself. I really wanted to insist on this principle because I think there are a lot of people who are still in hope, who are waiting for things to happen, for opportunities to arise, for people to come and do things in their place. However, the reality is that we are all and everyone responsible for these results. It's easy to dream of what we want, but between where we are and where we would like to be, there are efforts, work to be done. You will have to push yourself to be this happy and fulfilled person that you were born to be. And you must not be afraid of work. On the contrary, you have to find a form of pleasure, of accomplishment. Even small actions, I really want to insist on this, are not to be underestimated. We often tend to overestimate what we are able to do in a day, but underestimate what we are able to achieve in a year. However, small actions, even 5 minutes a day, if they are done regularly and installed in a discipline, I can guarantee you that it gives great results. Then, our important practice to be sure to realize these intentions is to re-evaluate, to have moments of devaluation and to start again if necessary. Once you have defined your goals, set a deadline and especially moments where you will pause to evaluate, to make a small analysis of the level of achievement of this goal. Where am I? How is it going? What did I do well? What did I do wrong? In addition, you will inevitably face obstacles, but it is important to remember that it is not your goal, that you no longer hold on to it. Well, stop! I think it's smart to recognize it and especially to stop it at the right time because it is a gain of energy for something else and it is useless to waste your time. What also leads me to share the following advice is not to wait for the beginning of next year to stop an intention and set a new one. This advice can be taken at any time of the year. And finally, last advice and not the least, it is to reward yourself and especially to share the good news around you. As soon as you reach a new goal, a new intention, reward yourself. It has super beneficial effects from a psychological point of view and frankly I see in this behavior a form of self-love but it is also a boost to your personal satisfaction, your level of confidence, your level of happiness and joy. It allows to anchor more sustainably a positive behavior that pushed us to reach a goal. Why not also share these good news around you of the people you care about. And besides, on this subject, there is an American study that has been carried out led by Nathaniel Lambert whose results suggest that by sharing good news it multiplies its benefit in terms of level of satisfaction and long-term happiness. That's all for my advice. Do not hesitate to tell me in comment what was the most useful advice for you. Do not forget to download the workbook Create your dream life in free download in the information bar. I wish you the best, lots of success for this new year and I'll see you very soon in a new video. Thank you for watching and see you in the next video.