Feeling Burned Out? 5 Life-Changing Tips Every Mom Needs to Hear

do I look older it's cuz I had a birthday this week guess how old I am but if you guess anything older than 36 I'm blocking you I'm just kidding I don't even know if you can block on YouTube I don't know probably should have blocked the guy that said the reason why I have mental health issues is because I was raised by lesbian moms sir it is 2024 I don't think you're allowed to say that and I can assure you I have friends raised by Straight parents who are a little more cuckoo than I am so all that to say I'm making a video guys and it is about Mom burnout and perhaps it's for you or perhaps it's for me sometimes I make videos and I'm like what would serve the people and then I just look inward I'm like what do I feel right now and then I talk about that and actually it does help I do want to report first that I don't think my children need parents anymore and here's why I woke up this morning well no it couldn't have been when I woke up no I had a meeting this a meeting this morning and I got out of the meeting which I did here in the house in a bedroom with the door closed came out of it and Eloise and Jules sweet baby Juliet my three-year-old had switched bedrooms switched bedrooms like switched all of their possessions to the other room so Eloise and Wilson they were sharing a room and JuJu pie was Shar was not sharing she was alone in the room by our room and I didn't even know that they were trying to switch rooms well okay that's not entirely true I'm I'm exaggerating for the people no no I did know that they were thinking about it but I was sort of like this is a phe like the fact that they are thinking they want to I was like leaning in you know like playing like oh yeah maybe one day you guys could but I didn't actually think that was going to work out I mean Wilson and Jules are just over a year apart and so they are really fun and can be kind of wild and can also like fight like battle and so I don't know the the peace that was happening between Eloise and Wilson sharing a room was working and then the piece that was happening by having piece like p a c Zen that was happening by having Jules have her own room because Jules is well she thinks she's the president of our household she today um she had to get dressed to leave the house and Sean was like I'm going to get you dressed or you can get yourself dressed Jules knows how to get herself dressed she has been getting herself dressed since she was a young 2-year-old who just wanted to compete with Wilson who was a three-year-old and had not yet figured out how to get himself dressed or maybe he had just chosen that he wasn't going to do it Jules beat him beat him in the competition of getting dressed by learning how to get herself dressed first she's very independent and a smart little woman so today she's like I can't get myself dressed and Sean's like all right cool I'll help you and then she's like I want Mommy to do it but I wasn't available to do it I think I was going to the bathroom or something and I hear her have a huge fit like gigantic meltdown over this and she is wellfed and she has taken a nap so these are Big feelings um that have no clear no clear reason other than she just really wanted her way and so then I come out and I'm not able to fully get her dressed in that moment moment remember she knows how to get dressed but I'm like oh I'll help you a little bit so I like start taking her jammies off but I don't complete the process and then because I turn around to walk around walk away I look back and she's putting her jammies back on like oh you're not going to fully do it then I'm not taking them off I'm like oh this girl anyway all that to say to put Wilson and Jules in the same room it's just probably not a move I would have made um but but the girls had already done it themselves and they both said that Wilson wanted it that way which I'm like did you guys manipulate him into doing that poor middle children I don't know they have moved all of their possessions to the other room and it's kind of funny cuz I had sort of decorated the rooms like for the specific kids so I don't know now I'm just getting confused and Jules was like could you switch the curtains could you take down the curtains and move them to the other room and I was like probably not uh but I'll I'll think about it telling you my inner thoughts to her I was like oh maybe anyway uh so then we tried nap time with Jules and Wilson both napping together because they both still nap thank the heavenlies for that and they did eventually fall asleep so I feel like this might work and then ELO spent the whole time in her new room alone reading Harry Potter again she read all of the Harry Potter books this summer anyway okay I can just feel the comments the comments are going to be like video doesn't actually start for the first 6 minutes because this woman is going to rant about her inability to parent her children or something I don't know I went to Eloise I was like Wow Eloise you switched rooms like this is like emotional I don't know why it's emotional but it's like a milestone and she's like Mom I switched to a room closer to your bedroom I was like what's next you're going to move out without telling me everything's really rational here and I'm happy you're on this channel because we're going to have a good time okay this video is for those of you who are feeling burnt out toasty like overwhelmed overcooked overdone ready to hand off every responsibility and lay down and just keep on laying that actually sounds so good doesn't it I want to talk to you because what you're going through is real and it can feel in these stages of early parenting like the challenges never end or like the exhaustion never leaves um I remember feeling like will I ever sleep again Googling that actually I probably told you that before I was supposed to be napping and I was Googling will I sleep again no I was Googling how long can someone live without sleep because I was sure I was about to be a goner but it turned out I wasn't it turned out I was just part of the team that we are a part of now where we raise beautiful babies and trade sleep from time to time and yeah I want to make a video that is just pure encouragement for you and I want to share five things that I have found to be helpful in times when I feel really low and I want to remind you I know I joke with you because you are my friends or we're like internet friends but this is something I take really seriously because you can go quickly from feeling burnt out and overwhelmed to feeling depressed and like the stage I got to where you start feeling helpless hopeless like life's never going to turn around again and eventually women can find themselves parents can find themselves in a position where they've been overtaken by depression and what ultimately happened for me was the suicidal ideation and ending up going to an outpatient program for help because I had gotten to the end of my rope so what I want to do is Catch You way before that uh I'll flag that by saying if you relate to those dark dark feelings you are not crazy but please go get help you can call a doctor you could literally drive to the ER if you were at the point where you're like oh my gosh I'm really not okay and they will help you they have to help you um I don't know what country you're in but I'm in the states and if you go to an emergency room and you say that you're having thoughts like that they will help you it's part of what we do here um if you go to the ER and tell them you have cancer like I did there's not a lot they can do for you no that's a different story actually the ER people were so nice this one woman like cried with me she's like I'm sorry it's taking you so long to get a doctor's appointment okay that's that's an another video I'll keep us here you're watching this video maybe because you relate to this title maybe you really are feeling burnt out you are absolutely not alone and feeling these feelings doesn't mean you're bad at this I think sometimes when we really struggle in anything motherhood work anything at all lately I've been struggling uh financially to figure out how to get my business to be profitable and it's crazy how the thoughts kind of go from oh this is this is too bad like this is a bad circumstance to like I'm in idiot you are a fool how could you not figure this out why is this taking so long I've worked with moms now for the last 5 years I've been able to connect with thousands of you online in person here in LA and I see this Common Thread where we get burnt out and we feel this heavy weight of guilt about how low we're feeling so we're feeling bad and then we're feeling bad about feeling bad and I just want you to know that you are not failing at this you are somebody who is absolutely normal and as much as you are unique and fearfully and wonderfully made you are also not unique in your suffering okay there are so many of us who relate to the lows that you're feeling and you're allowed to admit how bad you feel in certain moments in fact I would really like you to admit it I think one of the things that contributed to me ending up so dark so like feeling lost and at the end of myself was that I I leaned way too hard into the fake it till you make it thing I was like well just smile and be optimistic and everything will eventually be what I'm pretending it is and it did not go like that the longer I kept my stuff inside the more I spun out and really desperately needed help and one of the major contributing factors to my healing was group therapy which is why so much of what we do in very good mother's club is this sort of communal therapeu conversation where people share freely and openly about what we're doing which actually brings me to if you're really feeling bad right now and if you're really feeling bad right now you can go click the link for my upcoming reset for moms it's a 3-day program we're doing I would love for you to be a part of it and that can be like a really intensive short sweet impactful experience where we can help lift you from whatever you're feeling get out what you are feeling don't keep this stuff inside so it's great for you and I to connect via video and be like yeah J I am not feeling great this week but beyond that I want you to tell the people who love you okay and if you don't have enough people who love you join very good mother's club and let's make more friends because there are people who want to see you thrive and you bring so much to the table just by you being present with your life and your experiences and your Wise Wise thoughts you can help somebody else feel better too I like to think about that you know how you sometimes wish you had more friends there are people wishing had you in their life you know people say it about romantic love like somebody's waiting for you I don't know if anybody ever said that to you but I had real romantic friends who were waiting for their partners and they would be like somewhere out there he's waiting for me people are longing for your friendship in the same way that you are longing to connect with somebody else so the first thing we're going to do here is normalize these feelings because they are absolutely normal and that does not make them easier it just makes you not a crazy lady which is very important how are we doing on self-care and I actually think the word self-care is like so cringy because what it sounds like I'm trying to do is sell you bubble bath how are you doing in caring for yourself what are small ways we can integrate more care into our day what I find is sometimes when we're doing bad what we what we try to do to like balance it out is just sort of numb out so that's where we find ourselves scrolling on our phones where at the end of it we feel worse for me scrolling is top of mind because that's what I I end up doing but what are we doing where okay you have five minutes you could scroll your phone or what else could you do that would actually nourish you maybe you could make yourself a nice cup of coffee or tea or you could sit down and put your feet up or you could lay flat are we stretching our bodies are we moving our bodies because endorphins help make us happy I want to First encourage you to do something for yourself um maybe it's take a nap are you able to take a nap I know it's hard for some of us to nap but anything you can do that pours back into yourself is going to help you have a clearer mind to tackle the stuff that's really challenging and overwhelming the other piece of this is some of you guys forget to eat when you're feeling stressed and overwhelmed but you need food you absolutely need food no matter what your shape is no matter what your Fitness or weight goals are or whatever because I know all of you come back at me with all these different reasons why you're skipping meals I want to tell you that if your beloved little baby skipped a meal your toddler skipped a meal you know who would know about it everybody because that little child would freak out that little child would cry and scream because their body is hungry and they don't function properly when they're not eating so get yourself a snack get yourself a warm drink lay down put your feet up pull out a book read something for pleasure turn on something funny introduce a little self-care back into your life because you are doing so much for everyone else part part of why you're burnt out is because you do not have pleasure and we need some pleasure the next thing that is not as easy for me but I have been trying to do it is figuring out where we can set up some boundaries and say no to people are we being asked a lot and saying yes to everything is there any way that we can lovingly graciously say no I am not able to take that on right now no thank you for the opportunity I am not able to do that I am not able to go there I am not able to do this one more household thing where do we need to stand up for ourselves a little bit where do we need to express to our partners like hey I am spent I'm at the end of myself I need you to carry a little more weight here so that I can come back to life and be okay I think it's important that we do that I know for some of our personalities it is extra hard to do it but it is a necessity we need to be well and you know that that's true because you want the people you care about to feel the same freedom to ask for help to say no when something is being asked of them so really looking at your life honestly and saying is there somebody I need to say no to maybe it's a boss a coworker a friend who's asking too much of you in this season because they don't understand what you're going through don't make them read your mind they cannot guess what you are experiencing right now they need you to communicate about it and I know that that's hard and I know for some of you you're like but I do so much for them and I don't ask them I just do it I know and you're really good at that good job that's amazing some people though really need you to communicate with Clarity what your needs are and it will help them they will love you so well if only they know what it is you need and if they don't then perhaps the relationship itself is is struggling and it needs some attention and that's a separate story but for the people who are actually in your life who are loving you well and want to do anything they can to help you use your words really communicate what you need and what you're not able to do push push away the things that you can't do maybe you need to make a list of all the stuff on your mind and go what's actually urgent maybe you have pressure right now that you need to go paint the deck but that deck is fine that deck cannot be painted for another year and they'll be okay but maybe your baby is going to need you to hold them a lot for the next 6 months to a year so you're going to choose holding the baby over the de so we'll either delegate the deck we'll let the deck wait or we'll what hire somebody yeah or we'll just be like cool what's up deck I like the way you look right now it'll be fine build a support system many of you are lonely many of you are desperately isolated you are inside your house and hanging out here with videos like this feels like communing with somebody is that the right way communing yeah I think so it sounds so like churchy though anyway it feels like connecting with somebody and and that's beautiful and important but what you really need is to be known and loved I want you to have that in your life that is going to elevate your experience of life so much to be known to be loved to be able to know others and love others so that could look like going and making new friends you can join an online community you can look around is there a mom group in your area that you could go to I know it feels scary I know there's a lot of anxiety around being the new girl that's a real thing but as somebody who leads a mom group and has new girl show up all the stinking time it's only terribly awkward for a brief moment people are ready to be your friend um and and also you've done way harder things than walking to a group of people that you don't know you're raising a kid you you do so much hard stuff all the time so you can definitely handle going being the new girl and being like how was that that was fine even if it's not a great experience you made it out of the house talk to strangers well done you feel good about that you also might consider just calling your old friends be like who can I Facetime who can I call who can I voice message reaching out to somebody and be like do you want to have brunch with me or maybe if they have kids too like could we meet up somewhere that's kid-friendly and parent together it's taking initiative and reaching out to people because we need it the more support we have the better we will feel last thing is practice Grace for yourself what do I mean by that some of you have written like hey I don't have any understanding of what Grace means except like Grace and dancing um Grace this is something you hear about a lot in like a church setting maybe you feel like you dropped the ball in some way today you feel like you failed at parenting you failed at being a a wife or a partner you failed at your workplace I don't know the list could be long at what you think you failed at which by the way you're probably wrong you only failed at thinking you failed at all those things you didn't fail but this is coming from somebody who struggles with perfectionism and has a very long list of all the ways I think I fell short and Grace would be to say Hey you really tried today and so I'm going to treat myself as somebody who did a good job even if I think there's room for improvement welcome to the club there's always room for improvement we're humans to be human is to fall short some days and some days do awesome and sometimes we feel really awesome in the morning and by evening we're spread thin and losing our temper and all of it is a part of The Human Experience so really give yourself Grace that you do not need to be perfect you do not need to get it right all the time you're not going to fail your family or your future or your friendship it's okay to say that something wasn't quite right but that doesn't mean I am a failure I am just a person trying to do my best at this life and so are you and so is everybody around us we're all just trying to do our best living here like you don't have to be perfect you can just do your best and call it good enough and your best is going to be really amazing one day and just surviving the next day and that is all normal and that is all actually exactly the same as the mom who lives in the house across the street from you I want to remind you that you are in a season of your life it will not always feel the way that it feels right now sometimes a tree is extra dry and crispy and then the next season there's a bunch of blooms and it's gorgeous and fragrant and then in another season the leaves start falling off and then there's a season where it's bare for some trees just entirely bare and you're like is that tree even alive anymore and it is it's just in a season and you are allowed to be in Seasons where you feel like you're not quite yourself the thing is it can't be too long though I don't want you just deciding that life is you suffering all the time we're not trying to have you suffer motherhood is a hard job parenting is is challenging and there's just that's it's going to remain challenging even for the most supported parent you are doing a challenging job similarly to like a marathon runner they can be fully trained fully supported hydrated all along the way eating snacks it's still going to be a challenging run right so you we're trying to set you up to be as nourished and nurtured as possible as you do this challenging thing of early Parenthood I want you to enjoy your life that is like the heart of everything I'm doing here with very good mother's club with these videos the podcast the meetups in LA tomorrow night we have a mom's night out the calls we lead in the community everything is to help you really enjoy your experience of motherhood it is natural to struggle in different ways as we raise our children a part of the job and unfortunately I can't make that go away for you I can help you to feel as good as you can possibly feel in this journey and in that you can have more connected relationships more connected friendships more connected Dynamics between you and your children so that when they grow up and become adults they get to benefit from all of the work that you're putting in to be a healthy loving parent and a healthy loving adult and it is an honor to be a part of your story so let me recap this first we're going to acknowledge how we're doing okay we're going to be honest about it are we feeling burnt out we got to acknowledge that we got to tell people second we want to introduce some self-care back into our lives what do I mean by self-care I just caring for ourselves think about the basics the nutrition the rest the movement the nice cozy treats the things that make you happy watch something funny listen to music you love do anything that brings you back use a hair product that makes you feel great a five minute makeup routine that makes you feel fresh whatever it is that cares for you you are doing so much for everybody else the next thing we're going to do set boundaries and say no wherever we can look for ways to do it and then take courage and and go for it next we're going to build a support system what utilize the one you might already have or please join fairy good Mothers Club I would love for you to meet the moms in there I'm on the calls every week I would love to know you and we're going to get you set up with people who care about your well-being just this week one of the moms on the call said that she's feeling better now than she has ever felt and she said it's a combination of therapy and being a part of vgmc so if you need help please join or join our 3-day reset you can sign up for the list down below practice Grace and let go of perfection we are not trying to be perfect parents we are trying to be just good enough we are just trying hard and that's all we've got okay it's great that's all we need you are doing an amazing job remember this is Meaningful and this is temporary everything you're doing is so meaningful and it is temporary so when you're walking through a hard time remind yourself remind your soul this is temporary I can get through this it will not stay like this forever remember if you need more support there are ways to join down below and send this video to a friend if you know a mom who's struggling let's encourage her and let's all just like rally together and feel better because this is our life we're here we got to enjoy this time okay you're really special I'm so grateful for you thanks for being here bye