How to Treat Postpartum Depression Without Medication

hi friends welcome back to my channel if you're new it's great to meet you my name is Jessica hover my friends call me Jess some of you don't even know that my last name is hover strong o emphasis on the hoe I've actually never said that in my life and the wink came way too naturally my maid name was Wilson that's why I named my son Wilson and my best friend got me this for Christmas and I love it okay what can I tell you I live in Los Angeles I lead a community of moms called very good mother Club I lead an online community so we've got a coaching call every week on Tuesday if you are a mom and you want to join from anywhere in the world we would love to have you the moms in there are incredible it's a bit like therapy kind of like group therapy but you're going to make a lot of friends you're going to laugh somebody might cry everybody's welcome you don't have to shower before you get on the call some people just have us like in their ear while they're cleaning or working or eating or feeding a baby people have their kids running around all are welcome it is a safe place so I lead these calls every week and then in Los Angeles we have a shop fairy good mother's club and I host Gatherings for moms I am a certified Doula I've been a mom for almost 10 years and yeah I'm really passionate about seeing moms feel good inside of their lives and inside of their bodies and minds and that comes from my own experience going really badly after I had my first baby who I am obsessed with I'm obsessed with all of my children but I did not do this transition into motherhood very well I felt awful in fact if you look up the video you could just type into Google I don't like being a mom and probably my YouTube video will pop up it did for a long time the thing is I loved my kids but I really didn't like being a mom I I I was so IL equipped or unprepared but I didn't realize it I thought that I would be good at this I mean I was raised by lesbian moms that means I have at least twice as many moms as most of you also moms split up with each other and have new wives and so I have a lot of moms I have stepmoms I have so many reasons why I thought motherhood would come easier honestly that's what it was and I love being a big sister and I thought surely if I could be a big sister I could probably be a mom and then I became one and I felt like my life was flipped upside down I remember seeing a friend who became a mom post something about her sweet spot she's like I'm a mom now and this is the best time in my life and this is so fun and easy and I felt so ashamed I felt like embarrassed ashamed confused I was like why is it that these other people because I assumed like if that's her experience that that is most women's experience which now that I've worked with moms for so many years I've found that most women actually don't experience that level of like ecstasy when they arrive to Motherhood some do they really do I would say the majority of us really don't I think we get to Motherhood and we're like this was harder than I thought even for the ones who consumed a bunch of content and hang out with moms and nannied before there's still this really kind of Rocky transition into caring for your own child now I'm just passionate about helping moms have a way better experience than I had arriving into motherhood I think I mentioned that I live in Los Angeles I'm currently in a hotel room in indiaan California because La Is Burning uh so wildly H my house is safe right now but there's fires on all sides and they're too close for us to feel comfortable comfortable staying there also our kids were getting really anxious my son Wilson my baby he is such a little nervous guy and he was crying and he couldn't sleep and he kept asking what we were going to do if the fires come and then there was a fire that got just too close to our house it's actually gone they put it out really fast but we decided yesterday that it was time to go and then as we were on the road there were um the notices on our phone that was like okay it's time to get ready to go and so yeah I think we left at the right time anyway all of this to say today's video is about postpartum depression and I want to make this video how to handle postpartum depression without medication but I want to begin with a disclaimer that I am actually not against medication I was medicated so the my story is that I struggled for 2 years of motherhood before I sought out professional help and looking back I let it get way too bad I should have and knowing what I know now I should have been honest earlier I think I was doing a lot of like fake it till you make it smile be optimistic count your blessings like how could you be struggling you have no reason to struggle your dream are coming true and even if your dreams aren't coming true you're living somebody else's dreams like so many other women want to be a mom how dare you not like this and so it took me a really long time to admit to myself and to my people that I wasn't okay that I needed help and evidence of this actually is that I documented a lot of my life in the first two years of Eloise's existence uh thank goodness because she was so cute and that was such a special time in my life and it's not that my videos aren't true because they actually are true they're just only a bit of the story so like the happy Sweet Moments are the I mean they're the photogenic moments they're the ones that I choose to put out there into the world but what was happening behind the scenes was lots and lots of journal pages of like I don't feel good God will you help me God what am I doing wrong God will you help me to be a better mom there was a lot of God I was actually at that stage of my life I was working for a Christian missions organization and uh which I I loved I had a really good experience inside of that organization but uh yeah so I think there was a lot of me kind of passively hoping that there would be a divine intervention on my mental health and something would shift and I come from a family line that struggles a lot like I've got family members who took their own life I've got family members who struggled with mental illness I've got family members who are alcoholics and medicated and I think there was this young very I mean really pure desire to be the one who is totally healthy and well and good and doesn't need all of these other things to be okay because I have faith and my faith should carry me and what I now believe which has changed a bit from then is that my faith is carrying me and my faith has carried me but God can use medication God can use a lot of things to help me and I can trust that when I need help it means that there's something wrong and I don't need to deny my own internal Compass if if that makes sense I to some of you you're like lost like what does any of this have to do with anything but some of you you actually need to hear hear this I was talking to a friend who is struggling with mental illness and she was trying to decide if it was time to seek out medication and she was driving her car while she's talking to me and her car had a little notification that I think it was that the tire pressure is low and she was like oh signal that the tire pressure is low I got to get air in my tires and then she goes back to the conversation with me and she's like you know I just haven't been feeling good for years and I've tried everything I can think of and I'm just really not sure I kind of want to ask a doctor about medication but I just don't know and I'm just not sure and I just want to trust God and maybe he doesn't want me to do that it was something like that and what I felt as someone who loves her dearly is look how quickly you trusted a signal that your car gave you and look how slowly you are trusting your body's signals that something is not okay and I basically was like you're allowed to trust the signals going off inside of you if you feel like you need more help like what I'm telling you is you don't have to be the one who determines you need medication I'm not saying that but you can go I'm not okay I haven't been okay for this amount of time it's a very long time now I have tried this this this this this this none of them are working I think the signal in me is it's time to talk to a professional about what options I have to be okay and looking back at my own life I took a very long time to do that and rightly so I was afraid I would get medicated and never get off medication I would be addicted to something for life I was afraid I would get on the wrong medication I was afraid that I would get on a medication and it would send me on a bad path and somehow my issues would compound and I would have a bigger problem than just being depressed what I can tell you now out some years later is that I got medicated I after doing a whole bunch of things that I'm going to encourage you to do I got medicated I worked with professionals we ended up first I was on a medication that didn't work for me then I got on a medication that did work well for me it was a whole drama but I was medicated for 7 months I was weaned off after that professionally by a psychiatrist I have not been medicated since I have felt so so much better since and since that time I've gone through marital issues I have gone through a pandemic I got pregnant and had a baby then I got surprised pregnant again and had a premature baby who was in the NICU and during all of that time I never got as low as I did after that first baby that I had so just for any of you who might be feeling like okay this list that you're about to give me Jessica I have actually done every single thing on that list and I've done it for a long amount of time I'm still not well I want to tell you friend to friend I'm not a doctor just friend to friend you are allowed to trust the signals your body is giving you and go seek out a professional a mental health professional who can help guide you into possible next steps and it doesn't mean anything for your forever but it might mean some relief for this very next stage of of your life and you deserve some relief you in fact you are so worthy of the help that you need I just want to speak that over you you know how you love your children maybe you don't have your kids yet so if you don't have your kids yet this isn't going to hit until you have your kids and if you rewatch this part it's going to make perfect sense but for those of you who have babies you know how you will do anything in your power to help them be okay how you love their bodies you love their personalities you think they're just the sweetest cutest thing you've ever seen you sometimes want to eat them you know that feeling where you're just like how can I have you closer to me because you're so precious that is you you are worthy of that same type of love care and affection and I know that some of you have never even received that from another human on this Earth even inside of your marriages some of you are in marriages where you feel starved for affection and I'm so sorry but the truth about who you are is that you are worthy of that kind of tender loving care and you are worthy of feeling better if you've been suffering for a long time I want to tell you friend you are worthy of feeling better and there is hope on the other side of this okay I haven't even started with my list I just wish I could hug you and listen to you and tell you that it's all going to be okay please hear me it's all going to be okay especially if you're having dark thoughts that would ever dare whisper something to you like life would be better without you or this world would be better without you or your family would be better without you I'm crying because those were the exact thoughts I had and I would have missed out on so much life oh my gosh you know what I even experienced that I didn't even put on my list of hard things I've experienced since being unmedicated cancer freaking cancer last year I had cancer and I um had surgery and it was a whole thing and even then I didn't get as depressed as I did and I was pretty low but I didn't get as depressed as I did after having my first baby so okay 13 minutes in I'm crying because I just want you to know you are so worthy of help and care okay okay now we're going to bring it together because I'm going to give you a list of things that might help lift you if you're suffering from baby blues or postpartum depression and this list is not medication okay [Music] so what are baby blues so baby blues are the low feelings that you experience after having a baby they affect roughly 80% of moms and they last like the first 2 to 3 weeks so they're very common but they do feel like depression in fact a lot of times during that first few weeks after having a baby that's when people start wondering am I depressed it's caused by hormonal shifts sleep deprivation and just the adjustment to Motherhood everything you're juggling suddenly there's a lot that you're trying to figure out and you're used to being the one who like quick runs to the store to grab the thing or like oh yeah I know the answer to this question somebody in the house needs something I know where it is and you're feeling like oh my gosh I I I mean you just had a baby whether you had a vaginal birth or a C-section or you've adopted this child your life at the moment has flipped it's not what it was just 10 days ago and so you're trying to make sense of it and that is a lot emotionally and your partner if you have a partner is going through that too if you don't have a partner of course you feel low there like if you have a partner of course you feel low if you don't have a partner of course some of you just need to be reminded that the reason you feel bad isn't because you're doing a bad job you don't feel like all of this is hard because you you are bad at this no this is hard because it's actually a hard thing you're walking through and people who don't have a hard time often have more support than you do or even like their DNA genetically they might be disposed in a way that you are not maybe you are more disposed to low feelings than they are am I saying that correctly genetically disposed to depression yeah I think I'm saying that right yeah you have no idea what they have that is making them feel good I recently talked to a mom and she was like oh my gosh I loved the early months of motherhood and I was like oh my gosh that is so amazing and I was a little like confused I was like really not that you wouldn't love the early months I love how cute the babies are in the early months but like those are tiring months anyway she went on to say yeah I had a night nanny I had a night nurse I would go to bed and then there was someone else feeding and changing and taking care of the baby all night long and then I was handed my baby in the morning and so I just did Day times and I had help during the day too I'm like oh well yeah if you're fully getting all the sleep you need that is going to relieve you of a lot of the crazy lady happening inside your brain so where was I going with this oh that's why you feel bad you've got a lot going on symptoms include mood swings uhhuh uh-huh crying uh-huh some of you are like yeah all the time irritability and feeling overwhelmed so this is Baby Blues I'm talking about but I'm actually kind of also talking about postpartum depression so these feelings they usually resolve within two to 3 weeks postpartum if they don't then we're swinging into like a postpartum depression Zone and that's where we may need more help that's where we're going to seek out like yeah tools Friendship Community all these things to feel better postpartum depression what is it it affects one in seven women it lasts longer than baby blues and it interferes with your daily life so everything becomes more challenging for some of us we get like kind of paralyzed like we can't do anything I am stuck I can't leave the house I can't any transition like even the baby's crying and you feel like I I don't know what to do I I am stuck if that happens within the first few weeks that's baby blues if it happens after that consistently then we're treading into postpartum depression territory loss of interest in activities it's it is common in the early years of motherhood to hear mom say like I don't remember what I loved to do and that's fair that doesn't mean you're depressed that is a very real part of motherhood where you're just like I don't know what's fun and a lot of it is because you don't even have that much time to do the things that are fun okay I have to stop myself for a second if you have never had a baby before this video might make it sound like having a baby is horrible and uh especially if I mentioned I can't remember if I told you this that I made that video called I don't like being a mom I do like being a mom now and all of this it's still worth it like if you haven't had your baby yet this baby is going to be the coolest funniest sweetest most delightful part of your life you're also going to have so many other delightful parts of your life so it's not going to be like the only thing but oh my gosh the amount of joy and fun and pleasure that is about to come into your life and also just the version of you you now you're great you as a mom you are going to be oh hello oh sorry so I just had to stop filming because Sean and Eloise walked in and then I helped them get lunch and now I'm filming again so I actually don't know like does this look the same I don't know what we did realize I can't remember if I told you this is that in packing yesterday I packed the wrong earrings like this is a different earring than this these are the only earrings I brought so if my house goes down Downs down this all I got okay also I forgot my face makeup but this lighting is doing me some doing doing me good I don't know it's doing just fine for me um okay what I was saying is before you had kids like now if you don't have any kids you are beautiful Flawless and when you have kids you're going to level up okay I mean not to encourage you cuz then also what if you don't have kids and then you're like what I'm never going to level up no babe what I'm saying is it's all good it's all great and it's going to be so fun postpartum depression what did I say persistent sadness and emptiness that's a symptom loss of interest in activities fatigue anxiety and irritability uh-huh uh-huh and difficulty bonding with your baby if you have all of those for a prolonged period of time that goes beyond the first few weeks after having a baby you might have postpartum depression practical steps for handling pbd without medication even though I'm for medication we're not we're not going to jump immediately to medication because there's a lot we can do to feel better that we may not have tried yet first and probably the most crucial thing and the thing I resisted because I really didn't want to make motherhood like my whole personality is which is so ironic so ironic isn't it because now I'm like the mom lady and if you follow me on social media it's like does she have a life outside of her kids I don't know know I do I do but yeah I pretty much did make motherhood my whole personality uh I kind of recommend it though is obviously we don't want to put our entire identity in any one facet of our life because the nature of life is that we're going to grow and change and if you were to remove that one thing whether it be motherhood or your career or your physical appearance or your friend group or just any part part of your life your relationship then if if when potentially that thing is taken from you you will feel like you are no one anymore and motherhood is a very specific role in our life and there are just about 18 years of doing that some of you might have your kids live with you long into their 30s um if you want to I don't know I don't know but basically my point is I'm actually what is my point my point is don't put your whole identi in motherhood but also don't try to not put your identity in motherhood what I was trying to do is like I'm going to be everything I already was and being a mom is just going to be this cute adorable little accessory over here kind of like this one earring that doesn't match this one and uh so because of that I like didn't want to join a mom group cuz I was like I already have friends I don't need Mom friends sure most of my friends aren't having kids yet but still I've Got Friends I had really great friends actually but they weren't parents yet and one way I knew that is because they kept inviting me to do things at a bar late at night and I was like guys where am I going to put Eloise they're like she could come and I'm like okay yeah uh mom friends they don't do that they don't invite you to things that don't make sense also friends without kids they if they've been around kids they're going to be more sensitive to like what you may or may not be able to do but if they've never been around kids they just very pure-hearted might be like come do everything you did before without much planning very spontaneously and we'll just pack the baby in your purse and call it a day and uh yeah just give it time they'll learn as you're learning things you can teach your friends who don't have kids and eventually it'll all be good if you want a support system I recommend joining a mom group if you don't have a local mom group you can join then why not join very good Mother's Club online yes I am shamelessly plugging my own grp group why because I freaking started the group for you guys I started this YouTube channel and then I had a baby and then I started talking about Mom stuff not even meaning for my channel to become a mom focused Channel or a parent focused Channel and over and over and over again hundreds thousands potentially messages came in where moms were telling me they were lonely and they were asking me questions and I didn't have the answers to all of their questions and also I'm not even a professional mother I I don't think I have all the answers so what I realized is what any one of you would realize if you were in my position was like oh these moms need each other like I might not have the answer but somebody over there has been through the same thing that this person is going through and if we could all just be connected then this would be a lot easier and so we started a Facebook group we still have it it's called Jess hover and Friends there's like 10,000 moms in there uh and then we started our membership Community very good mother's club and the reason we did that was to put some barriers to entry so that people are more respectful so that people genuinely are getting to know each other and being real people and real friends and what's come out of that is people have visited each other they've sent each other cards they've looked out for each other through hard times and good times and then out of that came the opportunity to build an in-person Community here in LA and my bigger vision would be that we could Empower moms to start communities all around the world where you could be the one Gathering moms so that people could find their best friends and everybody could have a much better experience of motherhood you know the village idea but yeah we want to find a support network if there's a mom group in your area you should try and join it and I say that knowing that it is terrifying a lot of the moms who come to my shop in La for the very first time walk in and cry and a lot of it is just like the nervous anxious like you don't understand how hard it was to get here the baby cried the entire 15 minutes in the car and I I do I do understand and the thing is I would cry too and I wish I was them they're braver than I was I didn't join a mom group I didn't go put myself out there like that and had I done that I would not have ended up as depressed as I was I I confidently say that if you have people who are in the same stage of life as you and they understand what you're going through and they're looking out for you and you laugh at each other's jokes and you care about each other you don't even have to be that good of friends just that type of dynamic going on in your life is going to bring you some relief of the heaviness that you're feeling I don't know if you've had this it could have nothing to do with Parenthood but have you ever had it with somebody where you're talking to them and you're telling them what you're going through and they're nodding and they're like yep I get it I see you just just having that like empathy and that sense of like wow I'm known and I'm understood that is so healing for our spirit we need it so please make it a priority to find Community somewhere and you could even put out a desperate plea like be really open hey family I'm not doing well I really really need to find a group of friends could you help me people are willing to Google search for you you don't have to be the one to even look for the mom groups in your area somebody who loves you could do that for you or reach out to me and let's figure this out together you need Community maybe you feel like you need one-on-one conversation before you put yourself out there into a group of other people um this I really get I remember in the low of my depression feeling like I didn't really want to make a bunch of new friends at that point because the version of me that they were going to meet wasn't even a version of me that I liked it wasn't even a version of me that I recognized I didn't know who that girl was the girl who previously had felt like pretty competent and collected and like I knew who I was at this stage of motherhood when I felt so low I was pretty lost and it seemed seemed like putting myself out there and introducing myself and trying to be like great was going to be fake it was going to be disingenuous and then I also was like well great I Al I don't want to be the depressed girl I don't want to show up and be like hi everybody I'm doing really bad at this and what if none of them were doing bad what if I was the only one these were all of the thoughts I was having but now I've been leading Community for mothers for well I've been doing this for four years online and a year and a half in person sweetie pie You are not alone you are absolutely not alone whether you are loving motherhood whether you are really drowning you're not alone whether you and your partner are thriving whether you guys are getting a divorce not alone if you are struggling with something somebody else is to or has to or is going to pretty soon and either way you guys are the answer to each other's prayers you are the piece that somebody's been missing and the piece you're missing and it is just such a beautiful thing to watch stories unfold of new friendships new friend groups New relationships I mean in our little Community here in La these women are each other's people it's so crazy I I got added to their personal WhatsApp group that they made after they started coming to the shop and they show up for each other for holidays they they attend funerals give each other things there's fires right now in La daily all throughout the day they're checking in on each other people are going to each other's houses to give the little ones a bath when they go to the park they all go together it their lives have been changed but it wouldn't have happened if they hadn't have been brave to put themselves out there here in the next few weeks we're starting an 8we coaching program it's a coaching intensive so it's me and Dr Julie Fernandez some of you know her she's a good friend of mine and she is a coach of moms and she's a mom herself she's amazing and then we have therapist Katie Lynn who some of you know she's your therapist mom friend on Instagram and she's a good friend of mine I've known her since high school I think high school maybe before anyway together we're doing an 8-week intensive coaching program for moms every single week via Zoom if you're in vgmc we're also going to see you on the Tuesday calls and then we're going to have our own little group there's going to be Journal prompts we're going to send you a gift it is a transformational intensive we want to see you start one way and finish entirely different and the focus is going to be on your mental health on your relationships maybe career identity whatever you're going through we're purposely keeping the group small so that we can be really intentional to address everything going on in your life right now whether it's your first baby whether you have multiple kids and they're toddlers or maybe they're coming out of the toddler stage and you're entering a new stage of Parenthood this group is going to be so special and we are capping it at 12 spots and I think right now we have 10 spots available I haven't really promoted it that much so this is me on the spot inviting you to be a part of it I would love for you to sign up if you are are not doing well if you are in this postpartum kind of blur and you're like I need some help I need some support we'd love to be your people this could be the support network that you've been looking for so I'll put the information to that in the link below whether or not you join that whether or not you do anything that I'm leading please my friend build a support network of moms even just be open with your family you might have a really loving family but you've been kind of like trying to keep everybody out because you feel the sense of responsibility like you chose to have this baby and so you should be the one to take care of this baby no my love yes sure you chose to have the baby great job you did so good and you're still responsible letting these people in doesn't make you less responsible in fact it's very responsible of you to let other people in to help you it's a really Wise Choice this baby or these babies that you have need you to be well that's going to help them be well and everybody around you is going to thrive if you're doing better so inviting these people who already love you into your life is going to be a really really helpful Choice um and it's going to lift you it is prioritize rest and nutrition sleep deprivation worsens postpartum depression symptoms we all know that being tired worsens all of your bad symptoms right when you're tired you just don't function as well to be in the early stage of Parenthood you're going to be extra tired it's it's an abundance of fatigue that we haven't experienced before and so we're looking for ways to get you some rest in fact I heard one doctor explain that when a woman comes in and she's struggling with postpartum depression before he medicates her he says what can we do right now to ensure that you get a full night sleep and for some of you are like no but I can't I'm breastfeeding all throughout the night I can't get a full night's sleep okay I hear you if you are suffering from what appears to be postpartum depression we need to figure something out so that you can get a longer stretch of sleep especially for those of you who are getting maybe like chunks of two hours or 3 hours we want to try and maybe give away one of those feedings to someone else so you can get one 6-hour stretch of sleep that could be really lifechanging for you so what I ended up doing for my second pregnancy um with Wilson and then we also did it with Jules was that one of the nighttime feedings my husband did for Wilson I pumped and he was able to do the feeding with jewels I probably did pump there was a but she was on formula for a time because she was in the ncu and she had a lot of reflex reflux issues but either way the way we chose to do it was I got to a point where I could sleep through the feeding initially I think I was so engorged that I had to get up Pump and then go back to sleep but even so that process was very short compared to the process of waking up with the baby nursing the baby changing the baby's diaper burping the baby putting her back to sleep or putting him back to sleep and so yeah what what was cool about it though Beyond just me getting more sleep and feeling better it gave my husband an opportunity to bond with my baby in a way that he hadn't with the first because I did all of the feeding and that baby didn't take it um a bottle we didn't even try but uh or I we tried but it was way too late we want to look for some way that someone else can be taking care of your baby if you're feeling really really desperate like you're really not okay you could even bring someone in to take care of the baby like the entire night there was a night um after my sister's baby got out of the NICU and my sister had been getting up with the baby for so long and she was really struggling that for one whole night her little baby slept over at my house and the baby was formula fed at that point and so I got to take care of him the whole night and it was so special for me it was like truly a gift to me to get to do that but then also um for her it was really healing for her she had been through a lot and so that was really special you know what's so crazy as I say that her baby was only 3 months younger than my youngest baby but oh you know what I think Jules might have been sleep trained at that point maybe I did it when her baby was 6 months old that makes sense either way I had a baby but still I was doing so much better than her thank goodness she let me help her if she would have been like I can't ask for help because my sister has a baby too that would have been bad for both of us my little sister was really struggling and it was a great opportunity for me to get to help her gosh I hope you are listening to me while doing something else treat me like a podcast right now because I am just talking to you as if we are hanging out and I get that I'm a little rambly okay prioritize rest oh nutrition well the rest thing yeah even if if you can't get a full night sleep will you take more naps will you maybe you need to minimize some caffeine so that you can actually sleep when it comes time to sleep like if the baby's napping and you can lay down for a little bit maybe someone else in your family can hold the baby and wake up with the baby and you take a really long nap that could be great um okay sorry I'm oh shoot I'm opening the door I don't know what I'm thinking getting way too comfortable nutrition nutrition is really important you some of you have toddlers some of you have toddlers you know how they get really cranky and just like hard to deal with when they are hungry or they are not eating properly my son he could be eating but if he doesn't have protein he is a moody little man um you're not that different neither am I we need to eat nutrient rich food to help our body to be okay and our bodies are undergoing so much from pregnancy to having these babies and then breastfeeding and even if we don't breastfeed the weaning process from producing breast milk and then having it go away that is so much on a body so we need to make sure we're eating protein we're eating not good carbs fruits veggies like the basics the basics of taking care of a human body they really extra apply to you right now incorporating movement into our lives uh I don't know physically how you're doing but if you are healthy enough after having your baby we want to be moving our body so that we can create some endorphins and feel better just going for a walk with the baby could be good or doing like a an exercise video I've been doing Fitness Marshall's Dance videos they're like really fun they're kind of sexy I kind of love um I'm like dancing as if I'm so sexy but I'm not really giving off sexy Vibes right now but his videos are so fun if you like to dance just anything to get your heart rate up that helps send endorphin to the brain Everything feels a little lighter a little brighter when we've moved our bodies Baby Friendly dance classes Baby Friendly yoga classes that they offer there gyms with child care that could be lifechanging drive to a gym hand the baby to someone lovely go take a shower exercise if you want but if you don't want to exercise this could be perfect alone time so that you could just feel a little bit more like yourself again and then I guess mentally we're going to practice a lot of self-compassion I want you to be aware of the way you're talking to yourself maybe be aware of the videos you're consuming the music you're listening to really get protective of your own soul like what messages are we letting come in here because right now you my love are a delicate flower you are a precious little Sugar Plum Fairy we just came out of the holidays and we need to protect you at all costs and you're the ultimate protector of your own self and so we want to make sure that the things that are coming into our minds maybe we write ourselves little love notes remind ourselves all the time of what is true and good we are good moms we are doing a great job we are loved we are SM smart we are so stinking beautiful um yeah you were really hot before you had this baby and then now you have this baby and you are just the milest mil who ever miled and that needs to be at the Forefront of the brain and everything else can just die away is should I not use the word die melt away go away okay go away supplements to support your mood breastfeeding friendly that's what I wrote ready first one fish oil are you taking fish oil you could take fish oil that would be good uh it supports brain health and mood regulation second vitamin D apparently most of us are deficient I'm not a doctor but this is just what I found from some Googling okay and it's linked to mood disorders the next one is magnesium I take magnesium every night I feel like it helps me sleep it's very calming um and it also helps me use the L my favorite magnesium for moms is from the brand mother mother which is owned by my friend Jodie and she's just the best woman ever um mother mother you should look it up I'll link it below but they have a really good magnesium and you can start using it when you're pregnant and then continue on or you can take magnesium I also have a magnesium drink I've got magnesium I can rub on me drink swallow as a pill I'm like really into magnesium right now also probiotics because gut health is linked to our mental health and my friend works for Arbon I don't I I don't even take her stuff right now I really should she's awesome she's like in one like the top two % of Arbon but she was telling me that she completely transformed her body and gut health by using Arbon products so um maybe I should just link her below and then you can see and then the last thing oh vitamin B it supports your energy levels and nervous system Health just refilm this ending because I didn't like the original red flags when do you seek help Sean also calls them black flags obviously if you're thinking of harming yourself or the baby Sweetie Pie we need to go get help right now I'll link resources below but you could actually just get in your car and go to the nearest emergency room and they have all kinds of resources to help people who are struggling with mental health issues that's essentially what I did for my own self if you want to watch my 10 days in a mental hospital video I'll link it below you are trying all of these things that I am mentioning to you and your symptoms persist and they just really aren't going away it would be a great time to reach out to a mental health professional or even just your doctor to be asking what next step we can take if you want one-on-one coaching I provide that service so I'll link that below if you want group coaching you can join very good Mothers Club and access our Tuesday calls if you want to be a part of the coaching intensive that one's starting in a few weeks I will link that as well and then obviously if you're in La please come to the shop I would love to know you it would be so fun or you could come to one of our monthly mom's night out we go to dinner somewhere fun and have a great time I am sending you so much love you're doing such a good job be really gentle on yourself sweet one really gentle on your body on your mind you are just as much a gift as that little baby is a gift and actually as I'm talking if you're like Jessica I'm not connecting at all to this love that you're describing towards the baby that's probably the feelings of like not bonding that I described earlier that some of you feel like you're not bonding with the baby that could be part of baby blues that could also be part of postpartum depression also just there's a lot going on hormonally and if we can try and address some of these things I talked about some of that love and natural affection and like feelings of I don't know like the oxytocin hormone releasing in your brain that helps you feel that giddy love feeling that will come but you just hang in there you're doing great it will come don't stress Don't compare yourself mute people's Instagram accounts if you need to get off Instagram entirely if you want we want to look out for you you're doing great this is a season remind yourself this is very important this is Meaningful and this is temporary I will not feel this bad for long okay I love you I believe in you I am so for you I know it sounds so weird that I would say I love you when we don't even know each other but I do have a feeling if I met you I would love you you seem very lovable and I'm sending love from here to you if you need me you know where to find me I will see you soon okay bye