PresentPlay Stories - Marianna, mother of 3, surviving to thriving, mindful parenting transformation

I just realized that if I keep parenting the way I'd parented with my first and then when I had the two, I just, I don't know if I'd survive. It was just, it was so hard. Hi, Mariana. Hi, Avital. Thank you so much for making the time to join me here today. I am so excited to speak with you. I've been such, such a huge fan and I love, love, love this community. So I am so happy to share anything I can. Tell us a bit about yourself and your family. When I just had my one daughter, I thought motherhood was just so complicated. And my daughter was, she was born with pneumonia, so she was in the hospital a long time. She was very sick. And when I brought her home, I just sort of, I was so happy to finally have her home that I was ready to do anything at all. And I made a commitment to myself that I'm going to be the best mother I can be, that nothing else is going to matter. And I kept that commitment, but in the process, it was very difficult to maintain myself and self-care. And I was absolutely in love with her. And I love being a mom, but it was so challenging. She, she was a tough baby. She didn't sleep well. She didn't eat well. She always wanted to be held. And I just felt like I had to give myself fully to her. So now I look back to some of the things that I was doing when she was little, and I would take her on walks and she would start trying to play with like a stick in the mud. And I would say, Oh no, baby, don't touch that. You're going to get dirty. I'm going to have to wash all that. Don't do that. And now I look back on that in horror because I was just, I just had no idea what I was doing. I didn't know, you know, what childhood was all about and what she should have been doing and how she should have been interacting with nature and playing with that stick in the dirt and touching the mud. And so anyway, so then I had my second one when my oldest was almost three. And that's when I realized that having one was really a piece of cake and I don't know what I'd complained about. And then I was just spreading myself out even thinner. So then finally, when my third one came along, I just realized that if I keep parenting the way I'd parented with my first, and then when I had the two, I just, I don't know if I'd survive. It was just, it was so hard. It was just giving so much of myself. And I felt like I was always exhausted and completely sleep deprived. And I was just running after them. And I was so nervous that they were going to fall off somewhere or get dirty outside and getting them out of the house was such a fiasco. If I had to be home alone with the three kids, I was like petrified. I was like, Oh my God, what am I going to do? All three of them? And it's just one me. And now, you know, just being in this community, the main difference I've really noticed in our family is we're just connecting so much better right now. I used to, and I grew up, so I grew up in kind of a traditional European family. And my, my mother worked a lot. And I was the only child. And my dad and I were together a lot. And he was a great father, but he was very tough and old fashioned. So I could, you know, if I ever started crying, or if I was complaining, it was very tough love, stop crying, stop complaining, everything's fine. I don't know what your problem is. I don't like So, so for me, even though I didn't want to be that type of parent, unfortunately, one, you know, when especially once I had the three kids, I would just get really frustrated and overwhelmed. And I didn't really know any better. And I would lash out or scream at them, or I'd say something mean. And then I felt horrible about it. Like I didn't want to be that parent. You know, I wanted to connect with my kids. I wanted to love them. I wanted to be there. I wanted to give them everything they need. And I think the biggest difference now is just how we're connecting how I'm responding to the kids, how in tune I am with their emotions. I mean, my oldest, she's um, she just turned seven, she gets anxious very easily, trying something and not succeeding has been really tough for her. So the way I've been responding to her now and how, you know, before I probably would have just said, Well, you know, this is homework, you have to do it. But like, sit down, this is ridiculous. Everyone has to learn to read, everyone has to learn math. Now, you know, she has a moment where she gets really frustrated, I get down on her level if she's sitting on the floor, and I say, Vivian, I know this is hard. And the difference we see in the behavior is amazing. So I've become so much better at connecting with her and just and just loving her and being there for her. And having my kids leave the house and be home and come back in a happy, cheerful state. That's priceless to me. I want to enjoy my motherhood. Like the kids are only little during a certain part of my lifetime. There's only you know, a few more years where I'm going to be their favorite person where they want to snuggle with me where they want to read another story where they don't want money to leave. They want me to give them 28 more kisses. And yes, sometimes it gets difficult to do all that, you know, and I think being part of present play has really opened my eyes and has made me so grateful to everything that I have in life up until a year ago. Most of the time I was just really frazzled and overwhelmed and stressed out and I mean, I was taking care of my kids because I have to and I love my kids. But it was just like it was just my job. Like I have to feed them. I have to do their laundry. I have to take care of them. I have to tuck them into bed. And it was just go go go one thing to the next. Oh my god, we're late to this activity. Now we have to drop you off here. I have to pick you up. Now you need to go to the pediatrician. It was all just like my life was all about doing the next thing running, running, running. And now we have time to play at home. And now, you know, with the present play community, we've implemented all the different play zones. We have a swing inside our house. My husband thought I was completely crazy. And it's been now we're going on to what the end of the fourth month that we've had the swing and it is the favorite we have an art zone a messy zone if they made a mess before I would freak out I was like oh my god now there's like paint on the floor and I gotta clean it now art's part of our life the two girls they'll play they'll have like a tea party and they'll set up their animals and set up their little dishes and they've got this elaborate immersive play going which never happened before because I think before I was just always getting in their way I was like we'll do this and maybe you shouldn't do that and now I'm just like the way I'm approaching having kids and yes it's still a lot of work I mean the work doesn't go away I still have to do laundry and clean and cook for them and all that other stuff but it's just my mindset and my relationship with them and how how much more calmer I've become and how much more um mindful of the moment and how much more present I've become I want to be there for them I want to enjoy it I want to soak it up because I only get to be a mom of little kids once it's just I think it's just crazy the transformation I've been through because I mean I I quite honestly think this is absolutely a no-brainer it's just this is this has made such drastic changes in my life and just being in the community and having access to the resources and being with like-minded people that are in the same situation I mean considering the membership fee is so marginal it's literally like a few coffees a month I would prioritize this over pretty much everything else I don't and again you know I I I'm trying to think of a really nice way to say this but I can't stress enough like how important being part of Pleasant Play has been for me in terms of the changes that it's allowed me to make and the type of a relationship that it's enabled me to have with my kids and that's something that just you're never going to put a price tag on it I mean just the content I haven't been through all the content online I just looked at it today again and I'm going oh my god there's still so much that I'm behind on and actually when I first started it kind of stressed me out but now again because I've gone through like such a transformation I'm like you know what I'm going at my own pace I'm picking through here and there the transformation and our entire family to how we interact and how we connect I I think that this is so far beyond worthwhile I can't even I can't even do justice to it it's and I'm sipping my like five dollar cup of coffee I'm going like you know for a few of these you can be in Pleasant Play and I can also tell that you know there's a much greater mission behind you you're now seeing all these kids with anxiety and like all these disorders and I just I think it's not to say that there aren't some that are legitimate but I think a lot of it can really be fixed by this whole like Pleasant Play movement and so I've just become such like an ambassador and an advocate for this change because you're creating this whole movement and it's just it's such a pleasure to be part of it and I'm so so glad I discovered Pleasant Play and I really I just hope you know for the sake of the future I just hope more people learn about it I mean I think what really resonates with me too is your you know you're a busy mom you you've got three almost four kids and yet you you find time to do it all and you do it all so beautifully and it's just well I mean you know that the times when you don't that makes it even more real I'm so thankful that I came across it and I've been part of it. Pleasant Play stories.