Guys Have a Hard Time Not THINKING ABOUT YOU When You Tell Him This

So today we're going to talk about this makes him think about you a lot. Think about you a lot. So let me ask you a question. Have you ever found yourself where you genuinely cared about a man, and you thought about them all the time, and you felt a disconnect when they weren't feeling the same? In fact, it's interesting how when you genuinely care for someone how all of our insecurities and fears begin to rise to the surface, you know, when and it's interesting, and I'm even experiencing this in my own relationship, how how my care for another human being brings up a lot of insecurities within myself, and I suspect the same thing might have happened for is happening for you as well. Because there's this fear when we give our heart to somebody, when we genuinely care for someone else, there could be the fear of abandonment, the fear of rejection, the fear of not being liked. And it's just so fascinating to me how this can affect relationships, and it has a ripple effect in relationships, whether you're a man or a woman. When you genuinely care for someone, when you genuinely like someone, how that can create these ripple effects of insecurity, doubts, and fears. And it's understandable that we humans experience this because many of us have not healed our childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas. So let me give you some examples of childhood wound and traumas or adult traumas, and believe me, I'll get to what makes a guy think about you all the time, because this is a really important piece for you to understand about yourself and to understand about men. So I've shared this publicly in my upbringing, my mother would give love and then she would stonewall, and she'd give love and stonewall and give love and stonewall. What I mean by stonewalling, she'd go silent for days. And what I mean by giving love, she would make dinners and take care of me and giving me a hugs and that sort of thing. And then all of a sudden she would get upset at my father or my brother or myself, and she would go silent for days with everyone in the household. And I want you to imagine a small child experiencing this, and maybe you can relate to something like this yourself, or maybe you have a different experience in your childhood that may cause you to fear love, to fear to trust love. And then when we look at our adult lives, for most of us in midlife, roughly 75% of the population who's single and looking for love over 45 years old is divorced. Once you think about the unraveling of the tapestry of a previous life and the emotional consequences, the emotional effects of how that might cause one to doubt, to be feared, to feel unlovable. In fact, the number one emotional health issue most humans face is, I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable, and I'm not likable. Isn't that sad that we humans experience this? And this is why the dating marketplace, and I call it the dating marketplaces for many people, a significant percentage of people, is because they're trying to fill the void that exists in their life because they're not genuinely loving on themselves. And so is it any wonder so many people are trying to connect with others? And I think deep down our little kid wants to be loved, and yet so many humans have a really tough time really leaning into love. And yet we so desperately want it. We so desperately want to feel loved. We want to feel liked by someone. Because think about when you were growing up in high school, how much, you know, many of us, I know for myself, and maybe you felt the same way, you just want to be liked by everybody. You want to be liked by your friends. You want to be liked by the people you didn't like. Unfortunately, we grew up in groups and tribes. There were the jocks, and there was the cheerleaders, and there was the brainiacs, and then there was the stoners, or at least where I was growing up. They were called the BLers. It was called behind the library, where people went to go smoke and do pot when I was growing up. Kind of like the movie Breakfast Club, there was a different faction for each. And yet even in that movie, each one of them just at their core just wanted to be liked on the inside. Just be liked for who they are, appreciated for who they are. And so we go out in the dating marketplace, because we're trying in many cases to fill this void for so many of us. This is why I'm such a big proponent. For those of you that watch my channel on a regular basis, I recommend such a variety of books. Because I believe, whether it's books, or workshops, or training, or therapy, whatever you do to actually heal from the inside out, it prepares you to actually lean into a deeper relationship with someone else, hopefully that they've done the inner work as well. And yet a significant percentage of the population, men and women alike, have done little or no personal development, self-help, or spiritual work. By the way, the link below to Jonathan Recommend Books, I always recommend my book. I didn't bring up a copy this time. I know I'm always pitching my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? I did because I want to encourage you all to first find that place within yourself where you feel lovable, you feel likable within yourself. In fact, my t-shirt says, kindness is so gangster. Think kind to yourself. That's the invitation I invite all of you to because this isn't about a man who likes you. It's more about you liking yourself. Once you really think about that, this isn't about finding a mate for them to like you to feel good about yourself. This is about finding that space where you feel good about yourself. And then you can be expressive of who you are. And by the way, if you're not familiar with the work of Gary Zukav, he wrote the Seat of the Soul, but he wrote this book, Spiritual Partnership, A Journey to the Authentic Power. And why I'm recommending this today is because I do believe we enter into relationships to heal those parts that maybe need a little bit of light shine to it, that light of love. And what's going to make a guy think about you a lot, again, I'm going to share it with you in a second, but I want to lean into this light of love for a second. I'm noticing something interesting about myself now that I put myself out on a limb publicly that I'm in this relationship and I'm very happy and I'm very giddy, but so many of my fears have bubbled to the surface of insecurity. Because when you genuinely like someone, you put yourself out on a limb and you don't know if they genuinely feel it as well. I mean, you think, but you've been hurt before, you've been burned before, you've had experiences where you thought they were the one and it didn't work out. So could you imagine how this wears on us emotionally? How all of this can cause us to doubt ourselves? Have you experienced that? If you have, please post a comment below. By the way, if this is resonating with you right now, please let me know. Say, Jonathan, this is resonating with me. Please hit that like button. If you're brand new to my channel, please hit the subscribe button and please share this with friends. Because I know, I genuinely know what this feels like. This is why I feel like I share my personal experiences with you all because I understand what many of us go through, especially those of us who have an anxious attachment style. And if you're not familiar with the work of Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, I highly recommend checking out the book Attached so you can understand your love attachment style. Are you an anxious like me? Are you an avoidant? Are you with somebody who's an avoidant? Are they a dismissive avoidant? Are they a fearful avoidant? Are you a disorganized type of anxious personality? Because when you understand yourself, you can actually begin to lean into a potential new relationship. Because I will say this, relationships need three things, more than three things. They really need more than three things, but I'm going to share three or four right now. First, there needs to be a strong connection. The reality is these days when we're meeting total strangers, and I don't mean that connection of lust or limerence. I'm talking about a real energetic connection between the two of you, almost an affinity, like you've done this before. You've done this before with this person. That's what strong connection is. And yet we oftentimes confuse lust. Believe me, I've lusted for women and I've had limerence. Limerence means putting someone up on a pedestal, having extreme infatuation for another person. That's limerence. So now, having that strong connection and ideally having it early on, because the reality is these days we barely give people a chance after the first or second date. How many of you had had repetitive dates, one after another, first dates that never went anywhere? So yes, the mutual strong attraction. And again, it's not lust or limerence. Number two, I'm here to encourage intentionality. Because when you're intentional about the process, when you're really intentional about understanding, why are we doing this? And in intentionality, you utilize what I call radical honesty, laying your cards on the table. What I mean by laying your cards on the table is saying, this is who I am as a person. This is what I want. These are my past experiences, to give you some backdrop to who I am. This is also, I know some of my deficiencies. Laying your cards on the table, that's what radical honesty is. And that builds trust with another person. That builds intimacy, so long as it isn't wrapped in love bombing or future fantasizing. That's where a lot of people confuse. They get sucked into love bombing and future fantasizing, but that's a false sense of intimacy. Real intimacy is vulnerability, authenticity, and transparency. So when you operate from attention, both people operating from an intentional place. Now ladies, I know this is tough for you because men are oftentimes winging it or winging it, but you can lead by example. And when you're with a guy who genuinely has that strong connection with you, he's going to follow your lead with respects to the communication. It doesn't mean you're leading the relationship. You're leading the emotional aspects of the relationship. And I often say it takes a woman for a man to connect to his heart. Number three, and I'm going to get to why guys will think about you all the time. Number three is people who are introspective. They've done introspective work. In other words, they look at themselves and they know who they are as a person. They're warts and all. I share with my girlfriend, oftentimes I share my fears and insecurities, which goes against all the rules. The rules would say never, ever, ever do that. But it takes courage to be vulnerable with another person and to express that the insecurities are merely thoughts. It's not about the person. It's about the wound that happened in my childhood and how by putting it out on the light, I address it so it's no longer in the dark. Think of how many relationships where you stuffed your voice, you kept things silent, you didn't speak up, it was in the dark. And certainly later on down the road, it imploded on you. By being communicative about our insecurities and fears, we actually have an opportunity to build more trust with the right person. As I write in my book chapter nine, chapter one is if it's sincere, chapter one, speak your truth to it with kindness. Chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. So introspective work. And number four, and this is what's going to make a guy think about you all the time, is when you genuinely like somebody, you genuinely like who they are as a person. When you can tell someone you like them, see that's a powerful word, like. When someone says, Jonathan, I like you, that makes me feel good about myself to be liked. We all want to be loved in our core, but more importantly, that's our little kid that wants to be loved, but our little kid also wants to be liked. Just like in that movie, Breakfast Club, where they all want to be liked by their peers. There was the nerd guy, he just wanted to be liked by the cheerleader, by the jock, by the stoner, by the loner type. He just wanted to be liked. Imagine when you say the words, I like you. I really like who you are as a person. And maybe you even give a laundry list of why you like the person. My girlfriend says to me, she likes me because I'm exhausting. And I go, what do you mean by that? I'm exhausting. And she goes, you always want to unpack things. You are so fucking complicated, Jonathan. And yet, just like in the movie, Harry Met Sally, where he fell in love with her neurosis, especially the way she ordered food, she's falling in love with my own neurosis. She likes that part of me. She says, I like you. That makes me think about her all the time. Folks, I'm here to encourage more real, honest connection with another human being, real honest communication with one another. We're trapped in this dance, as Chris Rock says, people showing up as the ambassador of them best selves, and they're putting on airs. It's all about attraction and how you're supposed to be dressed up and fancy to entice a guy and how you have to be in your feminine energy to allow him to come towards you. But I'm here to say, and men are so strong and have to have a lot of money to be able to attract people. Well, how many relationships have men been in with the super hot-looking woman? He got tired of her, sorry to say. And how many women have been with the super successful man and she got tired of him because of his controlling type of behavior? We have this fantasy that some people want the gorgeous, attractive type and women want the financially successful type. That's hypergamy. That's the word that I hear being thrown out, which has been throughout history. But at the end of the day, don't we at our core want to be with someone we just like being with them? I was at the doctor's office yesterday. I saw this couple. It was a woman in a wheelchair, not a traditional wheelchair, one of those racing wheelchairs. So she must have been paralyzed for quite some time in her life. And as she was with her husband, they were in their sixties. And I'm watching the two of them just talk to one another. And it was so cute. I mean, I thought it was cute because you could see the genuine friendship between the two of them. Think about it. You like your friends. You like being with your friends. You like connecting with your friends because you like them as people. And I'm watching this couple. They're just conversing with each other. And it was so cute. And it was so adorable because I could see that they genuinely liked each other. I'm here to say, I'm here to invite everyone to throw out the pretenses of how things are supposed to be. This is why I continually recommend reading this book, If the Buddha Dated. I love this book because it throws out all the bullcrap gender rhetoric and says, how can we connect with a person at a heart-centered level? How can we really connect with them at their heart? Because at the heart of hearts, we all just want to be liked. And the fact that my girlfriend says to me, I like you, Jonathan, makes me think about her all the time. Because we all have a little kid and yeah, wants to be loved. But more importantly, our little kid, most of the time wants to be liked for who we are, seen for who we are, appreciated for who we are, even the good and bad and the ugly. So I invite you to try this. Tell a guy you like him. Say, I really like who you are. Now, genuinely, I say it from a place of genuine sincerity. Don't say it just as a way to get a guy. If you genuinely like him, then start expressing it to each other and start practicing. One last thing before I wrap up here today. My girlfriend and I had a difficult conversation today about something. And I stopped and paused and I said, it's okay if we just share a couple things we're most grateful for about each other. We just share something we're grateful for about each other. I stopped and expressed a couple things I'm grateful for about her and about our relationship. And when she shared a couple things that she was grateful for about in our relationship, I felt us coming closer together. It was a kind thing to do. A kind thing to do for one another is to connect through gratitude. And I invite you all to invite that in your life. So I'm going to end with a prayer today. God, universe, spirit, I invite in genuine love in my life, most importantly, loving on myself. Because when I can love on myself in a healthy, happy way, and when I heal myself, I can actually attract in a partner whom I genuinely like. A partner where we have amazing chemistry with one another. And our communication is bountiful because we operate from a place of friendship and we really like each other as friends. And we can blend our lives together because that allows us to experience life to the fullest when we can blend our lives together. And when we operate from a place of our values are aligned to one another. And we build the deep roots of trust through emotional connection, talking about the tough stuff like money and other things in our lives. And we have social activities and mutual interest because that's the fun stuff that we like to do together. And we spend time with our family and friends because that's something we like to do together. And lastly, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. Because at the end of the day, when we can feel connected from our hearts, where we genuinely like being with each other, when we care about each other, we will think about each other all the time. And God, universe, spirit, I invite that into my life. And that's my invitation for you as well. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Do you like it? Then hit a thumbs up. All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barak of self-love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear, a pillow. Here's a teddy bear. And give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye.