What He's Thinking Before You Sleep Together

Anyone is capable of being excited or disappointed by what they see when someone doesn't have their clothes on. Anyone. This woman says this is common amongst women but I worry that my body compared to the bodies of other women they've been with or seen on the media in the media won't hold up. That's true. Whoa. How is that not true? What do you mean? Have you seen the bodies on Instagram? Actually no you haven't. None of us have. That's true. That's also true James. We've only just seen filters. That was going to be my point. The bodies you see on Instagram aren't how people actually look. Exactly. So none of us, none of us can live up to the bodies that are out there. None of us. It's absurd. So if you understand, it's almost like lose the battle today. Lose the battle today. Get it over with. I'm not saying be down on yourself. Do the best you can with what you have because why wouldn't you? It's ridiculous not to. You may as well do the best you can but once you've done that understand that you already lost that battle. It's lost already. You just need to focus on the fact that that's not what wins relationships. It's not a battle that by winning you've figured out love. If that were true every person that had ever come to me for coaching who had an incredible body would have found love already because they win. But that's not how it works. How many personal trainers are there online with the ultimate body and they're single and they're struggling to find love? It's not you don't get love by ticking that box and you don't not get love if you don't tick that box. So it's attraction is this really wonderfully forgiving thing that it takes so many forms and so many tastes and so many things are offset by confidence and so many things are offset by kindness or by a sense of fun or by the fact that you own whatever it is you have. That's a lesson that we can all learn and should all learn by the way because I don't care. You may be listening to this right now and you do have the top 1% of bodies out there but what are you going to do when you get injured and you can't do that? Or what are you going to do when someone walks into the room and is eyeing up your boyfriend and they have the same body as you? Are you now under threat? Are you now vulnerable? That cannot be your life. There have to be things that you do because you're excited to do them. You want to get fit and healthy and look great because you're excited to do it but you are not thinking that your love life rests on your ability to do that because it absolutely doesn't. Having it won't automatically get you love and not having it doesn't disqualify you from love. I have a question that I've always wondered about. Now I'm in a room three men can answer my question. Four. Jeremy's somehow get a shot of yourself. We hear a lot as women and I think it's women tell each other this but I think it's kind of true but I've always wondered how true it actually was. We say to each other honestly by the time you know you are naked with a man they're not eyeing up and scrutinizing everything that's wrong with you. They're just if you're doing it right and you've got good chemistry and you're into it together they're just excited to be here. They're not actually thinking about the other person they slept with who had a better body or thinking about somebody they've seen. They just are happy to be here in that moment. Is that true or is that something that we tell ourselves to feel better? It's not entirely true. God damn it. I think that anyone. Sorry everyone out there who thought it was true like me. Well think about how important what I'm about to say must be for me to interrupt my own video. Well here's why it's important. It's going to change your love life and it's free. If you want to know why someone may have faded out. Why they may have disappeared. Why all of a sudden it felt like the momentum was lost with this person. Go to whyhesgone.com where I talk about the main reasons someone disappears. Go check it out whyhesgone.com and now let's go back to the video. Anyone is capable of being excited or disappointed by what they see when someone doesn't have their clothes on. Anyone. It's true of women too. Why do men walk around like feeling like they haven't got a big enough penis? They're worried about what how what's gonna be the judgment when I take my clothes off and we're aware that people can be disappointed by what they see but assuming that you're with a person who is going to make their mind up about whether they want to keep seeing you based on that is wrong because there will be plenty of people that you will encounter in your life who have who are in a place in their life their maturity the way they see the world the way they see people that means it's not resting on that for them there are plenty of people out there who have their own taste so assuming that what you have is a thing that everyone doesn't want universally is also wrong because people have different tastes people like different body types and also assuming that you have no power over the situation is wrong that you're just a kind of naked person standing there subject to whatever this person's judgment is it's not like that you have a massive amount of influence over the way that person sees you by the way that you handle those things yourself if the first thing you do is point to you know I think I've said this in some form before but if if Jameson showed me a video he made and just as I was about to watch he said by the way sorry about minute two it kind of sucks but enjoy the video I now can't enjoy the video on its own for what it could have been because I'm I'm just obsessed with well hang on what's this minute two thing and I'm looking for why minute two is not great and even if it wasn't not great even if it wasn't great I'm looking for why it's not great and I'll probably find a reason I'll find something I'll be like yeah you're right it was kind of slow in minute two and I wouldn't have even known that I wouldn't have even thought of that so drawing attention to it at a time when that person is still making up their own mind is really unproductive and more than that is counterproductive and it's telling someone what to think and that's a big mistake people make in attraction is they say I don't like this part of me so now I'm going to tell you what to think about it as well they get to decide that so one level it's like one level of mastery is I'm not going to make your mind up for you I'm going to let you have your own opinion that's one level that's one level above what most people do which is they point out the things they don't like so that they can reject themselves before the other person rejects them but then there's a level of mastery on top of that which is realizing that you you don't just have to not influence in a bad way you can actually lead in a good way so if you actually own what you have if you decide that it's sexy or if you decide that you're great and you own that with such comfort and I'm not saying everyone can get here immediately because this process takes time for people to reach this point with themselves but if you can get to that point with yourself then you're now giving you're not just not giving a negative cue you're actually giving a positive cue you're you're telling someone what to think about this thing in a positive way and people are very suggestible people want to be led when we go into a store and we go should I get this one or this one and we're not sure right we don't know what jacket to choose and the store owner says this one looks great on you we're influenced by that if they say well this color is really in season this is or they say well this one by the way this is my last one because five people came in and bought this one this week we're influenced by that we're not just going in going no I have my objective truth about these jackets no we're going in and we're influenced so think about that in terms of attraction we can influence other people with our level of certainty people can come in and go I want that jacket not because objectively that jacket is so attractive but because we go well this person who's selling this jacket really they really believe in this jacket they really know that this is the best one and so okay I'm I'm willing to trust that that you've convinced me like Ed Milet when he was on our Love Life Club membership he said sales isn't I need to get you to believe in what I'm selling sales is I need to get you to believe that I believe in what I'm selling and so that's to me mastery when you're naked. I can't believe how great of an answer that is and to answer your question even more Audrey I just think we we were making fun of Instagram filters earlier but I do think there's something sort of like if you look at the song lyrics thinking of Craig David I think he has something like beautiful angel materialized guys I think have this sort of perfection idea in their mind but it is so there's so much leeway in that perfection they really want you to just be that character in their sexual fantasy of that moment and they want to buy into that fantasy so if you kind of believe it if you kind of own it in that moment just believe you're the beautiful angel materialized and the guy will believe it too. Where did I hear I hope that I'm saying this right but I heard somewhere this idea that Helen of Troy um who you know is I'm saying this right it was Helen of Troy that had the beauty that could sink a thousand ships or launch a thousand ships that's right I feel like I heard somewhere of this idea that she wasn't described or that the the way she looked wasn't described um I don't know if this is factually true but I remember hearing this and it stuck with me that she wasn't described because it allowed people to make her whatever they wanted her to be it didn't there wasn't this I you know you're telling me it's this well that may not be what that level of beauty is to me um whether that's true about the way that uh Greek myth was told um or whether it's just a telling of it I think that there's something to learn from that in respect to what you're saying. I also want to make one last point on this which is and I think it's been made over and over but I do think that it's important for us to not put all of our confidence on how we look I think societally there's a lot of that going on which is like if you're not attractive if you're not thin if you're not this if you're not that then you're not worthy of love and nobody's going to want you and actually most people in relationships they don't end up you know men and women we don't end up with the most beautiful person we've been with we end up with the person that makes us feel the most that makes us the happiest that we have the most chemistry with that we have the most you know in common with connection with if it was just the most gorgeous person we'd ever met we wouldn't be happy because that person isn't necessarily going to be the person who's most suitable for us so and a lot of people who marry the most gorgeous person they've ever met get in a lot of trouble that way of course and look you know sometimes you're lucky and that that is the both that goes both ways but I think for the most part that doesn't tend to be the recipe for happiness and any evolved person will see that so even if you are going to bed with someone and they have been with people who have better bodies than you so what be better in all these other areas that make it that they can't actually ignore you and it doesn't matter and also I want to make this point because I think it's I think it's important and I don't think it gets mentioned enough personal pride goes a long way in making us feel better around other people and personal pride comes from us feeling like we're doing the things that that make the most of what we have I'm not saying obsessing about your looks but if if you know that you're doing things that make you feel good if you know that you're going to the gym or you're you know you're eating well or you're doing things that take care of you that creates a level of self-esteem it makes you feel like well I'm I'm like I'm proud I'm proud of me that I have been working out I'm proud of me that I've been playing a sport or that I've been eating well and taking care of myself I'm proud of me for that so I don't care if you're not I don't care if if you if that's not good enough for you that's okay but I'm super proud of what I've done with what I have and I think that's really really powerful and sometimes I think we have to be honest with ourselves about whether our what we feel as embarrassment or what we feel is shame or what we feel is unworthiness is not so much a reflection of us being objectively unattractive but of the areas of life that we deep down feel we are neglecting our confidence would improve if we stopped neglecting them not because we'd suddenly look a hundred times better but because we now feel proud of ourselves wait before youtube sends you down the rabbit hole of watching raccoon videos or videos of large crocodiles on florida golf courses I have something that will help your love life more than these things and it's at if you want to know why someone faded out why they were giving you attention and all of a sudden they stopped this guide shows you go to whyhe'sgone.com and then enjoy your baby bear videos