The Real Secret to Keeping Your Man (Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy)

So today I want to answer a question. I want to get back to basics. There's a woman who sent something in that I think we've all been able to relate to at some point. So here goes. My boyfriend is around hot women a lot. He's also super hot. How do I come across as high value without getting jealous or insecure? This is really common. We meet someone, we're attracted to them, but we're also worried once we have them that we're now going to lose them. It's actually one of the, in a way, the great tragedies of so many relationships is that we think that the battle is getting them. But once we've got them, all of a sudden a whole new set of insecurities arise. Will they abandon me? Will they find someone better? Will they find someone prettier? Are they too good looking for me? Will they realize that I'm not enough for them at some point and leave me? You feel yourself getting jealous, overanalyzing. All of these things happen when you meet someone you really like. If you're not in a strong place when you meet them. Now there's a few problems here. Firstly, we have to stop playing the comparison game between ourselves and other people. There will always be someone who is objectively hotter than us. You know, in the sense, in the magazine sense of the word. There'll always be someone with a more perfect symmetry in their face. There'll always be someone with that body that looks more like it should be playing the lead in a movie. The problem with focusing on, is my partner too hot for me? Are they going to find someone prettier than me? Are they going to leave me for that person? Is that it puts all of our focus on things that are outside of our control instead of what's inside our control. You're putting your focus on how your partner's feelings might change or them going to a party tonight where there might be good looking people there. You can't control these factors. And by the way, the moment you start trying to control those factors, you already lose. You're already essentially damaging your relationship. When you tell someone they can't do something, you can't go there because that sort of person is going to be there. I don't want you talking to that person. What we have to be doing is instead of trying to control things that we can't control, focus on the influence that we can have with how great we are. So you can't control someone's behavior, but you can influence their behavior. And the greatest way to influence someone's behavior is to be great. Ultimately, the answer to every relationship question is to be great, to be better, to focus on better communication, to focus on becoming more interesting as a person, to focus on growing as a person, to focus on becoming more confident, to living a richer, fuller life. And the person that holds on to their partner is the person that isn't trying to cling on. They're the person that just focuses on creating this incredible world that someone else gets to be a part of. The people that I've been most into in my life haven't necessarily been the best looking people. They've been the people that as a package represented something to me that was irreplaceable. Maybe it was the way their mind worked and I found the way their mind worked to be so sexy. It might have been their take on situations or their wit, the way they went about life, their level of loyalty, their level of kindness, their level of sex appeal, which, by the way, often has nothing to do with someone's symmetry in their beauty. It has to do with the way they carry themselves. We also have to remember that love tends to win. You can become attracted to someone in a moment of infatuation, but love, the love between two people who have built a bond, who really look out for each other, that feeling usually wins. Now, that's not to say that people don't make mistakes. People slip up, they cheat, and that's a discussion for another time, what causes cheating. We know that even if it's not actual cheating, there are moments where people have a wandering eye or they might feel lust for somebody. But love wins. Love is a different thing. Love is that connection between two people that really means something because two people have fallen in love with what each other represent and what they bring to each other's lives and the package that they are. People fall in love with packages, not features. If you focus on becoming the rounded package, the person that really brings it in every area, and then you lose your partner to somebody else, they decide that they want to go with somebody who looks different or gives them something different, in a way, at least you can sleep at night knowing that you gave your all instead of focusing your time on trying to protect your relationship from people that you perceive to be hotter than you. You can sleep knowing you really did give it your all. I think the biggest tragedy is when people don't give their all because they give into insecurity and jealousy and drama. That's when relationships really lose. The focus should not be on looks, on winning a battle you can't win. It should be on how much value you bring to the table, and ultimately, that's going to define your relationship. That's it for this week. I will see you soon. I'm looking forward to seeing you in the next video. If you haven't signed up to my mailing list and you're one of our new viewers on this channel, go sign up, go to howtogettheguide.com forward slash advice, and I'll see you soon.