The real effects of single-parent households | Stephanie Gonzalez | TEDxCarverMilitaryAcademy

Good evening, everyone. So when you think of a typical American family, what comes to mind? A while ago, people would have thought of a mom, a dad, and maybe a brother or sister. Some people still do. But in today's society, there has been a huge increase in single parent households since the 1950s. Many children are living in a single parent household with only one parent for support, love and guidance. And about 200,000 children are living in a single parent household in only the state of Illinois. In fact, I'm one of those children living with only my mom and my brother, no father in the picture. But imagine that 200,000 children living in only the state of Illinois. Just think about how many there are in the whole United States. And I know some of you are in this room right now. For the most part, children in these families have single parents because they are either going through a divorce, a parent chose not to stick around or a parent has passed away. This takes a toll on children's emotional and social lives. It controls almost every part of their lives. They grow up differently because parents have to take on two roles and are under more stress trying to support the family while at the same time being there for the kids. It doesn't always work out well because while worrying about other things, another might be left out, such as just being there for the kids. Speaking to a consultant from a single family organization, Single and Parenting, Kathy Fallon had mentioned that the most common problem in a single parent household are parents being too busy working and providing for the family, not enough time paying attention to children's emotional needs. So children become depressed and detached from their social lives because they have other responsibilities and have to cope with their problems at home. Eldest children end up having to take up so much more responsibility, taking care of younger siblings or even taking care of the household because they are the oldest. In my home, my brother is 10 years older than me, and he's always been obligated to take care of me, hearing watch over your sister, watch over your sister. Even now, I'm old enough to take care of myself. And he's my brother. Rodney still has to watch over me sometimes, even though he says he doesn't. He always says he's he's only here for 9-1-1. My mom never brought around any other person in the family. I guess not to step on my on my brother's toes with him being the man of the house and to not make me uncomfortable. I've always saw my brother as a role model and a father because he was all I've ever known since. Yeah, since I was little. So it's always just been me, my mom and my brother. I have a friend, and for half of his life, he was happy with two parents and two siblings. When he was eight years old, his father had passed away, and this took on many new changes in his life. He started to feel depressed and didn't cope too well with only living with one parent. Describing his situation, he had said, it's harder on my older siblings because without a dad, they had to look over me. So being the youngest, it was definitely easier on me. My mom was gone most of the time working, being the breadwinner in the family. So she was only there for whenever she needed to be. It was hard getting used to one parent. I didn't cope too well, and it was worse because people would mention their families, how happy they were, and I would kind of break down. I dealt with it by holding it in. However, I feel that I am successful coming from a low school like Marsh to Jones. It is a real step forward for me. A lot of people like to say that minorities, people living in low income families or just people in different circumstances are doomed to fail, but that is not true. Children in single parent families are disadvantaged for the most part, only living off of one parent's income, having one figure for guidance and going through numerous changes in their life along with stress. But they can overcome this. You can't let these things take over your entire life and let it change your path. It's almost like letting someone tell you that because you're short, you can't jump higher than the next person or that because you're a woman, you can achieve more in life than a man. In middle school, my friend and I would like to walk around Cal Park and visit the beach. Two years ago on one of these walks, she had confided in me about her parents' divorce. This girl's name is Gabriela Pantoja. Now, look at that smile. Nobody would really think that anything could be wrong with her. I had asked her what it was like going through the divorce and she responded with. My parents' divorce has made me an emotional and bitter person because I'd never tell anyone what was going on. So I kept my emotions aside so that people wouldn't pity me or see me as a victim. It makes me very angry. But despite the changes, I feel that I am successful with my attention more towards my education to get my mind off the divorce. My parents serve as my motivation to do and be better. Gabrielle is just another example of how hard it can be transitioning to a single parent household. When I would think of my situation with my family, mostly my dad, I would listen to this song called A Trophy Father's Trophy Son by Sleeping With Sirens. I felt that it explained my situation almost perfectly. And my father isn't in my life the way that I would want him to be. But listening to the lyrics, I related so much and would sit there in my room just listening to them or thinking about them. Father, father, where have you been? It's been hell not having you here. Why are you walking away? Was it something I did? Did I make a mistake because I'm trying to deal with the pain? I don't understand this. Why are you running away? Tell me, please. I need to know. Is this what you call family? I realize I'm fine without my father in my life. I've been doing well without him all because of my mother and brother. I get just as much love from my mom as anybody else. I know that I can overcome living like this and not let it take over my life. Andrew Gabriela, myself and my brother are just prime examples that you can succeed only if you try. Living with living in a family with only one parent as the breadwinner and supporter with children having so many different responsibilities and emotions is a struggle, but people can overcome this. If you are one of these people, don't keep everything in. Talk to somebody that you trust or talk to your parent. Try and do well in school. If you're a parent, even if it's for five minutes, spend that time with your kids. Stay positive. It can make such a difference in your life. The smallest thing can make the biggest reaction. You just have to take that one step. Thank you.