10 Bad Habits to Break for a Calm and Peaceful Life

Welcome back everyone. Today I want to share with you 10 bad habits to break for a more balanced and peaceful life. This video topic was inspired by a video from another creator called Kira Anne, who recently made a video on the same topic. So I will leave a link to her video in the description box below, in case you want to watch that as well. She had some great points to share. And I also immediately sat down to write my own list of 10 bad habits to break for a more balanced and peaceful life. So let's dive right in. So I think we all probably have some habits that we just fall into now and again, that really are not serving us. And some of the habits on today's list are things that I'm also still working on myself. These habits can potentially drain our energy, increase feelings of stress or anxiety, strain our body and our muscles, or just hold us back from feeling like our best selves. And step one is always to become aware that we are doing these things, so that then we can try our best to counter them and create some positive habits instead. The first is not feeling our feelings. I have learned, and I've been recently reminded again of this in my own life, just how important it is to feel your feelings and to learn to sit still with them and experience them without pushing them down, or without trying to distract yourself by doing something else in order to avoid dealing with them. So I like to think of emotions as little messages, just ways that our body or mind or soul, or however you want to call it, is telling you, letting you know that something is going on. And while it is never fun to have to deal with things like sadness and anger and grief and loneliness or fear, ignoring them also doesn't work. They have a way of stacking up and bubbling over. I have had quite a stressful couple of years in my own personal life, so overall things have been going very well, so no need to worry. But I've just been dealing with a lot, and it has been quite overwhelming at times. And while I always try to be mindful of my feelings and acknowledge them, I notice that I've also been pushing them away a little bit, instead of dealing with them head on. But when we can acknowledge our feelings and accept them for being there, and just sit with them for a while and process them, we can then also start to let go of them and move forward in a mindful and intentional way. So how do you actually feel your feelings? There are many things that you can do and that you can practice with. Let me know in the comments if that is something that you would like a separate video on one day. But one thing that I just like to practice with is first of all, noticing and acknowledging my feelings when they arise. And then instead of thinking about them, or even naming them, or judging them, or feeling like where is this coming from, why am I feeling this way, all that like mental energy thinking about them, I just feel them. And I acknowledge them and I accept them for being there, and I just feel them for a bit. Like I'll just sit still with it, like hey I'm noticing a feeling, and I'll just feel it for a while. Or maybe I will listen to a sad song and cry a little bit, which always is very relieving. Sometimes I'm feeling disappointment, or I'm feeling frustration, or I'm feeling grief, or just this melancholy. That's really hard to place. And I've noticed that if I think about it too hard, I'll kind of ration it away sometimes. Or I feel like yeah, I shouldn't feel like that, my life is great, I should be grateful, and things like that. And I try to stop doing that. I try to just experience the feeling as it is. Because you know, it is all part of life. You cannot have only the positive feelings and never the bad ones. If you want the positive ones, they are the other side of the coin. They go hand in hand, and that's just the way it is. Number two is multitasking and hurrying. If you've seen more videos from me, you knew that this one was coming. So let me ask you a question here. Do you ever have squirrel days? And by squirrel days, I'm not talking about squirrel appreciation day, which apparently is a thing and that makes me so happy. But I'm talking about squirrel days. And what that means is where you're just running around from thing to thing, from place to place, starting things and not finishing them, feeling distracted, being like finding it difficult to focus and concentrate. So at the end of the day, you've just been running around like a busy squirrel and you still feel like you haven't really gotten much done. And you've been feeling like stressed and hurried and forgetful and distracted. I have these days sometimes, and they're annoying. And it is because I'm trying to multitask and I'm trying to hurry. Both things we now know from research are making us less productive in the end, and more like in a heightened state of stress. If you approach your days from this angle of okay, what else can I do? And how can I get this done as quickly as possible? And you know, while you're waiting for the coffee, you're also unloading the dishwasher and heating up a pot of soup and listening to a podcast at the same time. You are putting yourself through a lot. So instead, try to slow down and focus on one thing at a time. Not only will you probably feel more balanced and peaceful, you will also even have some energy left over at the end of the day. And very likely, you will have been more productive. Because you haven't been running around doing all of these things at once, which our mind is not built to do. But you will have been focused and aware. Number three. Mindless scrolling. Oh my, the endless scroll. Such an annoying habit that I also sometimes fall into myself. I am not on social media myself, but of course I am on youtube. And youtube also has the endless scroll. And sometimes I do fall down the reddit endless scroll rabbit hole. Which rhymes. Mindless scrolling is just such a waste of time and energy in my opinion. It is awful for your neck and your shoulders and your posture and your eyes. And also just for your mental and emotional energy. Sometimes I do fall into this trap, and then all of a sudden I'm like, oh like what have I been doing for the last five minutes? I've just been scrolling mindlessly. That's five minutes of my life that I will never get back. So then I stop. So if you recognize this, try to stop just mindless scrolling. Do whatever you have to do. Like delete some apps, or set some time limits, turn off your notifications, keep your phone elsewhere. In my opinion, there is a really big difference in using apps like youtube mindfully by seeking out content that you would enjoy, or that you just find some kind of value in. Or just the mindless endless scroll. Number four is self-improvement before self-acceptance. So I'm reading this book currently, it is called when things don't go your way by Hyman Sunim. And it has a little thing that goes, if the ultimate goal of spiritual practice is unconditional peace, then the path is not that of self-improvement, but of self-acceptance. I like that, because I like there's nothing wrong with self-improvement, and there's nothing wrong with growing as a person. But I feel like we've become a little bit obsessed with that, to the point where we might feel like the way that we are now is not good enough. And if you're always trying to achieve the next step of whatever it is that you're trying to achieve, then the bar will always just rise with it. And you will never be content with how things are now, or how you are now. So I always say, there is a way of working on yourself in a very like loving way, if it comes from a place of self-acceptance first. Because no one is perfect, and you also don't have to be. You can just completely accept yourself just the way you are, and still perhaps work on certain things that you want to change or improve. I've also talked about it before on the channel, about how I'm just not really into the whole continuous self-improvement thing. And I stand by that. I do feel like if you are a bit more intentional in your life, then you will improve and grow as a person. Even if you don't actively try to. Because you go through experiences, you reflect on them, you learn from them, and you try different or better next time. And that's how you grow. So I don't feel like we need to force it in that way. The next bad habit to break for a more balanced and peaceful life, is distracting yourself all the time, to avoid feeling boredom. I think we have unlearned how to be bored, and how to do nothing, and how to enjoy that feeling. And this is one of those things that, even though I know this, and I've been practicing with it for years, it is sometimes difficult. So my boyfriend is working at an office now. He used to work from home for a couple years with me. And now suddenly, a couple days a week, I'm here by myself. And so I have noticed me trying to distract myself more. So for example, if I'm unloading the dishwasher, if I'm doing laundry, instead of just doing that, I will, I don't know, put on a podcast or a video, or do something else to kind of distract my mind for a bit. And while it's just not that bad to do sometimes, I also think that it is so so important to be able to have that silence, and have no stimulation for a while. And be okay with that. I feel like many people have become kind of addicted to constant stimulation, mental stimulation. And it is hard for your brain to process all of that. So try to sometimes also not distract yourself. Maybe eat a meal without any distractions, or do a task without any distractions. Or just, what I like to do, just sit on the couch and stare at the wall for five minutes, and let your mind do whatever. And it is so healing and restorative, and it is so nice. Number six, talking more than listening. As someone who loves to talk, which is why I have this has been on my mind lately. I've been really practicing this when it comes to relationships, and talking with people, and having deeper conversations. Just talking less, and listening more. When you are able to listen to not only the words that someone is saying, but also how they're saying them, and their body language. Instead of just waiting for your turn to speak, it is a great way to deepen your relationship with that person, and to understand where they are coming from. To give them a good feeling, like they're being heard, and they're being listened to, and they are getting your undivided attention. That is really wonderful. And for yourself also, if you're not just waiting for your turn to speak, or to convince that person of what you think they should do, or give them advice when they're not asking for it, they just want to be heard. If you are not distracted by all of those feelings, you will feel a lot more peaceful in the conversation. So next time you're talking with someone, and someone is sharing something with you, maybe a dilemma, or something they're dealing with, or just telling you what happened in their day. Instead of just jumping on any opportunity to speak for yourself, or to share your own anecdotes, like one-upping people, or sharing your advice, you know what you should do. You should, instead of doing that, just try to practice listening more. And it's really really wonderful. Number seven is complaining or playing the victim. I say this with as much love in my heart as I can, so I don't mean this to sound mean. And complaining is sometimes really nice. And I don't want to say that we all have to be positive all the time, because that's annoying. Sometimes you can complain, and you're justified, and you just want to vent a little bit, and that is great. And there is even research that suggests that when two people are complaining about something together, it creates a deeper bond, and things like that. So I think there is room for complaining, and also sometimes for feeling the victim. When you really are the victim of some something that happened, and it wasn't your your fault, or you know, it is okay to acknowledge that. Like hey, I was the victim here. So there is a time and place for this. However, if we want to live a more balanced and peaceful life, it really helps in my opinion, if you have a sense of control, and being capable, and having the option to change your own life. And to feel like that is within your control. And if you continue to complain and play the victim, then you cannot also at the same time feel in control of your own life and your own destiny. And then you cannot make positive, mindful, lasting changes that you might like. So what I would like to suggest is knowing when to vent, and complain, and be a little negative, and grieve over things that happened, or feel angry, or frustrated, or disappointed. And then also choosing a time to consciously make the effort. Okay, I'm letting go of that, I'm focusing on the future, I'm focusing on what I can control, and what I do know is good for me. And I know that if I do those things, my life will improve, and I will feel better. In the end, no one else is responsible for your happiness. That falls on your own shoulders. And you have that power, you have the tools and the capabilities to make that happen for yourself. But not if you continue to feel the victim, or if you are continuing to complain about everything that's going wrong. And again, I'm saying that with all the love in my heart. Number eight, making your own self-worth dependent on other people's opinion. So doing things that do not feel like you, or that you don't enjoy, or that don't align with your values, just to get people to like you. The moment I learned to not let other people's opinions of me affect me so much, and to have my own self-worth be something that I determine, and not other people, my peace level went from right about here to right there. I don't really know how to explain what happened, how I was able to not let other people's opinions of me affect me so much. But I guess it was just some kind of insight or reflection about how I also don't like everyone. And I learned that on average, about a third of the people like you, about a third of the people don't really have an opinion on you either way, and about a third of the people don't like you. And I was thinking about this like, yeah that makes sense for me too, I would categorize it for the people that I come in contact with. About a third of them I'm like, it doesn't match, not my vibe. About a third is like, yeah, you know. And about a third is like, yeah I really like that person. So when you approach it like that, like I don't have to like everyone, and everyone doesn't have to like me, and it is perfectly fine. If you live your life in an authentic way, and if you like to be yourself, then you will inevitably attract people that like you for you, and that you like back. And you know, everyone else that doesn't, that's fine. They can like other people. You know, you don't have to be liked by everyone. And not everyone needs to agree on your choices. As long as your choices are not hurting anyone else, then it's perfectly fine. And you will find people that like you for you. Number nine is only wanting the best for others, but never for yourself. So maybe not allowing yourself the best, because you think that maybe you're not worth the time, or the money, or the effort. I'm specifically talking about how sometimes it's easier to make a lovely dinner if someone else is joining you. But if you're by yourself, then you're just like, you know, I'll just grab something quick. And you won't really nourish yourself the way that you would if someone was coming over. Or maybe if you notice that your socks are full of holes, instead of buying yourself some new socks, you're just like, I'll just make do with the socks I have. Like it's not worth it for me. So caring for other people makes us feel like we're doing something good for someone else. And that makes us feel important, or valued, or loved, or generous. And those are all good things of course. But when you need to put your own needs first, and that makes you feel guilty or selfish, then that can become a bit of a problem. We cannot pour from an empty cup, the famous saying. And I feel like it is true. If you want a more balanced and peaceful life, you need to also think of your own needs. And I think a large part of that is also believing that you are worth it. That you are worth the same kind of thought, and effort, and energy, or money, then you would gladly give someone else. So a little exercise. The next time you are doing something and you want to kind of minimize your own needs, or be like, oh I'll just do this quick thing for myself, try doing the deluxe version that you would do for someone else. Do that for yourself. Make yourself a really nice meal, or make yourself the fancy tea that costs more, and that takes more time. When you notice that you really need more underwear, if at all possible, try to give that to yourself. Be a bit more self-accommodating. And number 10 of the bad habits to break for a more balanced and peaceful life, is forgetting to be thankful. Gratitude is my go-to activity, go-to practice, whenever I feel bad. And it has a way of placing everything in perspective, and lifting any cloud of negativity, or dissatisfaction, or disappointment, or frustration from my shoulders. Making me feel lighter, and happier, and more peaceful instantly. There is a little trap with gratitude I find, and let me know in the comments if this is relatable for you. Because I'd love to know if more people have this. Where if you're experiencing something, and you're like, I shouldn't feel this way, I have so much to be grateful for. And the gratitude in this case, even becomes something kind of dragging you down. Because you feel like you shouldn't feel how you feel, because you have so much to be grateful for. You shouldn't complain, or shouldn't feel bad. But that's not the kind of gratitude that I want to talk about. There are many many studies that show that regularly practicing gratitude in one way or another can reduce depression, reduce stress and anxiety, increase health, increase heart health, improve sleep, so many great things. And it is all because you're putting your body in a much more happy state. When you wake up in the morning and it's raining, I like to appreciate the fact that I'm safe. I have a roof over my head, I'm lying in my warm comfy bed, I'm safe, I'm protected. And it is a very powerful feeling. If someone gives me flowers, I like to of course thank that person. But as soon as they leave, I like to just look at the flowers and take some pictures of the flowers, and smell the flowers, and really take them in. I feel like giving something your attention is a way of showing gratitude as well. You could make a list of three things that you are grateful for before you go to sleep, or in your journal. You could do exercises like that. What I like to do is feel my appreciation and my gratitude, and then do something to act on it. So for example, if I feel grateful that I have this apartment, and that I'm safe and happy here, I will clean the apartment. So I will take an action to show my appreciation for something. And that really has a way of strengthening it even more. I would love to know from you, is there a bad habit that you are working on breaking right now? Or that you would like to break for a more balanced and peaceful life? And how are you going about it? I would love to read that stuff. So if you are comfortable, please share that in the comments. And if you want more videos from me, then you can always join us on patreon as well. Patreon is another platform where I post exclusive videos and content, kind of like behind the scenes content of my life. There are already more than 100 videos up on patreon so far, and there are two new ones every month. So there are vlogs, deep dives into things. I'm filming a patreon video this afternoon, where I talk about what it means to live well, and make the most of your life I guess. I only have one tier on patreon, it is five dollars a month, so the same for everyone. And if you join, then you're also helping me to keep making these videos here on youtube. So if you want to join, you can go to patreon.com simplehappyzen. I'm signing off now. As always, questions, comments, conversations down below. Have a wonderful wonderful day, and I will see you all again soon. Bye bye. Okay, I know this is going to sound weird, but do you ever feel suddenly aware of your tongue? Like how you're suddenly aware of it, and you kind of don't know what to do with it anymore? Or how to have it be relaxed or something? I had that yesterday, and it was so annoying.