Embrace Your Uniqueness: The Beauty of Aging

Welcome, welcome, welcome. This is Keeping It Real on Purpose and I am your host, Edna White. In this powerful and raw episode of Keeping It Real, I'm going to sit down with Cindy Sharp. Now, that name should tell you that you're going to get something really good. She's the founder of Self-Love Leader and the creator of the Love Drop Method. Now, you know, we got to hear about this. Born with Poland syndrome, Cindy turned her difference into a divine design. Ain't that something? And now she's teaching women over 50 how to do the same thing. So all you ladies who are over 50 better pay attention, get your pen, your paper, and listen to what we got to say today. Together, we're uncovering true self-love that making sure what it looks like when the world tells you you're too old, you're too different, and it's too late. Don't let them tell you that, though. So, this conversation goes beyond the surface of confidence. It's about leadership, purpose, and healing, and the power of owning your story. Welcome to the show. >> Well, thank you so much for having me. I'm very happy to be here. I'm excited for you to be here, too. Um, and just reading over all that you've done and I love how you take on the power of over the 50. Take it. We We're tired of being over the hill. You were tired that we're not over the hill. We're on the same road. We're not over the hill. We're on the same road. You can see us. >> That's it. Us girls just need to make sure that we aren't giving up too soon. And that's why I speak to the women over 50 because I've noticed that some of them are giving up and it's time. It's not time for us to give up. It's our time to shine. >> That's right. That's right. That's the new success. The new success code is self-love. That's it. So today, um, I want you to really talk to me about how you show up in the world. That's my first question to you. How do you show up in the world? That's a really super great question because we obviously, you know, we all carry this kind of backpack with us. Um, sometimes it's a backpack of rocks and sometimes it's a backpack of love or a mixture of the two. And um, why I how I try to show up in the world is to be the best person I can to be a guiding light to others. Do I do that every moment? I I don't think that's realistic, but my goal is is to in some way be able to show some love and light to others just by being not only in my presence, but me having the gratitude of being in their presence. >> Gotcha. That's good. That's good. I'm glad that you are doing that and you're showing up in your world like that because we all need that. So what's now I want you to tell me about because I I know that we you said Poland syndrome. Explain to us what that is and the uniqueness of it. >> This is really um the basis for my whole life and the basis of my work um which of course we'll get into but let's talk a little bit about it. So I was born with this very rare birth defect which is you know less than you know 1% of the 1% of the world population. I mean it's just very rare. And one of the things that you are born with there's many different things that you can you can have heart problems maybe um missing some ribs these types of things. But the the most common things are that you are born with a an hand or arm difference. And I have two hands that are different. I call them my jazz hands. And then but the thing that really was the biggest struggle or the thing that I carried around very heavenly kind of like that um box of rocks or not box of rocks but that backpack full of rocks was that I was born with a congenital radical masectomy and that left me feeling >> very very different. It left me feeling um like I didn't fit in. It left me with this sense of I'm not like the other girls, you know, I'm not pretty. I'm not, you know, all those things that come along with um having uh balanced breasts, so to speak. And so the the the the thing about it is is that you know for many years it was kind of my biggest challenge. But at some point it turned around and I realized that it was really what I call my love drop. And that is that it was that one little drop of love that I got that you didn't get or that the other girl down the street didn't get that is unique and difference different. And as soon as I was able to, you know, kind of walk through that that veil of feeling like I wasn't worthy, I wasn't valuable. Um there was nothing that I could say that would matter to the world because I was different. Once I actually got to the point of understanding that that difference was my golden ticket, so to speak, it was the love that um only I could share the, you know, the light that I was here to bring. Um so it's, you know, a a really interesting birth effect, but uh it has some pluses in the long run. And part of that might be because I have a little gray hair and you learn a little bit, you know. Absolutely. What's how did your difference become the foundation for your leadership style? >> Oh, that's really that's really a good question, too. Um, here here here's a little bit about my background that um you may not know, but I was an AVP for um JP Morgan Chase at one point in my career. And what I found is is that I thought what was going on is boy, I'm just coming into this feeling this, you know, insecurity that I've carried all my life. This, you know, I'm not valuable and I'm not worthy. And what I learned and what I found out was that what was really going on, >> okay, sorry. What was really going on is the fact that when it comes to leadership, there is a style of leadership that women do different than men do. And so when I started really accepting myself and really loving myself and really allowing myself to know it's not about me and me being different. It's about the fact that as a woman I have something to share that is different from the regular leadership style. And the regular leadership style I like to explain in this kind of um old uh you know this this is a very um old saying by Lee Aoka and that is move follow or get out of the way which is a real male generated way of leadership and what I've learned myself is that leadership itself when it comes to the style of how we as women lead is more compassionate, it's more understanding, it's more loving. And >> when I learned this um I started teaching it and it was a combination of two things. And the two things are one having my own self-acceptance of who I am and two seeing that within that self-acceptance as a woman that I had a voice and my voice was important because it came from love and compassion. >> Yeah. And I think I know I'm from the real estate world and you gave a great example of you know men dominated area. I I'm from the real estate world. So that was my profession over 20some years. And I was very male-dominated, you know. Um and to see I think we had in in my remote area we had about three to four um you know that had their women brokers who had their own offices you know either they were working under somebody you know or the the social broker but they never had but the l what I wanted to get to with what you were talking about is the leadership style um and I remember going to a meeting and you know I'm like this all the LA. Hi everybody. You know, I'm like that, you know, I'm just like that all the time. And I go into this meeting and it was a meeting for women in real estate. So there was about 10 to 12 women there from Suffach County to Nassau County, about that many. And so I walk in and everybody's got this staunch look on their face. So I'm like, okay, I would expect this in men, right? Because you know, they're like, what are you doing here? SW, you know, that that was the look. He's like, "What are you doing here?" Because you're a woman. You're not supposed to be here. But these are all women, >> right? >> We sometimes take on leadership leadership from the male procepts, you know, the male part of us. And we we when we lead sometimes those things kind of show up that we we learned it from men but we have is do you think that is a survival mode for some of us women? >> I I think that um first let me just say say one thing to you and that is um when I was um working for JP Morgan Chase I was in the mortgage business. So the real estate m business and the mortgage business are very very similar. And I I don't want to say this in a negative context, but it's kind of a little bit of a boy club. And I think the thing is that what what we have found as women ourselves is that >> we wherever we are we haven't really been at that place where we are um what is the best way to explain it where we are accepted in this role as a leader. And so the only person that we have to look at is who do we model? We're gonna model after the male leaders. And when we're modeling after the male leaders, what happens? >> We're not bringing our heart. We're not bringing our compassion. We're not bringing those magical listening skills that we >> Exactly. >> Exactly. We're not ourselves. >> Exactly. Right. So I what I I think happens is is that we want to do a good job. You know, women are the providers. Women are the the the the childbearers. You know, we come into this world with this um very loving, magical energy, but we also come in and we want to do a good job. And when you're in whether you're entrepreneur or you're in the corporate world, what ends up happening is is that you look at how the other leaders do it. you go, "Oh, they're successful. That must be how it's done." >> Yes. Yes. >> And that's one of the reasons that I do what I do because we really have to come from our own selfworth and the knowledge that >> we women have something to share and it's going to make a big difference in the world once we finally stop hiding and get out and share it. >> Absolutely. Um I I interviewed um a woman uh by her name is Dr. Tana session and her book is stop being the best kept secret because we are we are you know and it's it's amazing that >> you know um >> for years we can live in that that that you know because we we do have the masculine and the feminine sides of us inside of us but sometimes we do you know because of situations. I know for me all of my um while I was raising my children, I was raising them on my own. So guess where I was all the time? I was in the masculine side, right? So only time that I really was vulnerable really with anyone was with my children because they didn't see that part because I was still trying to navigate and like you said be in that world because I had to be. So I I you know that's where I lived a lot and not until um later on when I'm you know empty neester did I say hey I'm acting like a dude around here you know I got to start embracing my feminine self and I had to start to what does that even look like because I lived there so long you know um and I think it has to do with selfworth and here's is my big my question. So when I became an empty neester is around in the 50s when I was 50s right. So what's the biggest lie women around the 50s still believe about selfworth because that that living in that ma masculine part that we have to because that's survival that's survival right it's survival. So what's the still the thing that we believe in our self-worth and our purpose? What's that lie that we believe that that the reason why we stay there? The lie that we believe >> is the fact that all that we've believed all our life about ourselves, all our all our insecurities, all our feelings of of not being confident about who we are as a human being. is that we connect to that lie. That little rivet in our brain, the record that goes round and round and round >> keeps on that track and we don't release it. And so that is how we get stuck in that lie, >> right? And we don't release it. That's the thing. We don't That's a good That's good. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> You just get >> All right, audience. I hear that. I hope you're writing this down. I hope you're writing this down because it's good stuff. Get your pen and paper out. >> Get it out. Get it out. Put pop on your phone recorder. Let's do it. Let's go. >> Okay. So, we're gonna we're gonna jump over to this the other part of you, which is the self-love. >> Um, we're going to talk about that. What does real self-love look like beyond affirmations and bubble baths? Tell them about it. You know, this is where it gets very confusing. And this is why a lot of women never feel like they achieve true self-love is because gota >> it's >> putting ourselves first. And if that means having a bubble bath, know it's part of it. It's all great and fine and wonderful, right? But the fact is is that it is this energy of acceptance and this confidence that just runs through all the things we do in life. And that means one thing, accepting our beauty and our magic and accepting our box of rocks that comes with it. So, it's about just accepting us at the clearest, deepest level, not trying to to just love ourselves completely every day and oh wow, I'm just amazing. The fact of the matter is, yes, we are all amazing, but we also come along with things that maybe, you know, aren't that warm and fuzzy. And those things are okay, too. >> Those things are okay, too. >> Yeah. I just found out that in my own um um journey just recently that even a form of communication is self-care. And what I mean by that um is I would just allow people just to say whatever and then get emotionally and get angry and answer them, right? Cuz I would get emotional. Sure. Sure. >> But now, um, something happened over the weekend and it was like total disrespect. And I'm I'm telling you, the way that I answered the answered it, it wasn't my in my emotional self. It was so truthful and so clear that I answered it amongst a lot of people. And they it was like you could drop a pen and it was like wow that makes so much sense. But the experience I'm telling you um Cindy this the the experience was I was standing on the outside of myself. I could see myself talking and I'm going wait is anybody else experiencing this? And I and I as I when I got when I got finished speaking, I realized that communication, not allowing someone to speak down to you, but not being emotional, but being able to say it in truth and and be very clear and confident about it is also selfare. >> Oh yes, absolutely. And you know when you tell that story which is interesting because before you told the story and you said that you were watching yourself from the outside you know saying these things I visually could kind of see that possibly sound but I'm just g you a little feedback and that is when I think back on you were your old self was your standing outside of yourself, your real self, the true self, the girl that you are inside was speaking and you were watching her. >> And what a magic moment for you. >> What a magic moment for you. >> Oh my gosh, it was so magical. I I I felt like a I don't know what a fairy feels, you know, how the fairies with the with the fluttering around and popping all I felt like that. I was like, "Oh, that felt really great. What was that?" you know, and not until later on I figured out what it was, you know, like what you just said. I was like, "Oh, is that was that's what's going on, you know." Um, let's talk about like I want to take that and move it further with you. Um, >> sure. >> Working with women who are over 50 also, you know, um, getting to that higher self is also um, you know, self-care. Can you talk about that a little bit? So are we talking about are you talking about more in like a spiritual higher self or someone doing the inner work. Yes. You're doing your inner work and changing from that. Yes. >> One of the things that happens I totally in when I work with women we do work on mindset and inner work. One thing that we try to do is we try to completely honor who we are >> at a core level. Um, and what happens a lot of times, you know, this happens with women over 50 is >> women over 50 is >> you, you know, you may have had this happen to you, is where, you know, our bodies start changing and and our kind of hormones start changing and we've gone through this life maybe of not feeling valuable and worthy and like now it's like, oh, okay, now what's going on? really that's almost like >> it's like the the the lily coming up through the mud and and and opening that that absolutely beautiful part of life where we actually can really start opening our hearts to a you know a bigger >> um I'm the word is not coming to the word but it's near it's one level down from self love or one level I should say deeper not down but deeper in self love and it's that complete >> 100% acceptance of who we are of who we are >> yeah it's that gut feeling that um it's deeper than self-worth and I don't and I it's that word is evading me too it's deeper than selfworth it's it's the gut feeling that you had when you were 5 years old and that when you were outside riding the bike. You didn't need mommy to do it, help you with it. You could do it. You could, you know, know how that age, she's like, I don't want no help. I can do it. That that feeling, >> right? >> That feeling you want to do it all your own. I don't know what the It evades me, too. But that's >> it'll it'll come to us while we're together. I know between the the two of us, we'll we'll we'll get it. But it's that it's that it's that place where we stop asking for permission. And it's that place where we start showing ourselves completely, you know, peeled back. Everything doesn't have to be perfect. We let go of that perfectionism and we just are magical beings that we were born to be. We were born to be. >> That's right. Just magical. Just magical with no mystery at all. Just magical. >> No mystery. >> How can women reclaim their voice and lead their lives with intention? especially after trauma, rejection or reinvention. >> Well, I'm going to say something that, you know, nothing always is something that people are going to resonate with, but I'm going to give you my take on this and that is and that is >> a lot of us get into this >> I have to have I have had so much so much You know, before the show started, we talked for a few minutes and you shared with me about your story. I have my own story like your story. And what we feel like is we feel broken and we have to heal. >> We have to heal. >> And I think it's different >> different. >> I don't think that we're broken and we have to heal. I think we have to remember we are we are >> that's it. That is it. >> Got it. >> High five with you. High five with you. >> High five, honey. Bunny. I'm highing you. We have to remember who we are because we were born perfect. >> We were born in this as a being that came here on a mission to do something magical. And the fact is is that we need to just release all those layers. Let them go. Stop trying to heal something that's broken because >> broken because >> you're not broken. You're not broken. You're perfect. >> No, that's correct. I love that. I love that, Cindy. Now, I know this is the end of the show, but I wanted you to tell us anything that you're going to be doing. um you know anything exciting coming the end the ending part last quarter of this year and what's going on and how they can reach out to you. >> Okay, great. One thing that I'd like to work is something called the love drop method or honoring your love. >> And the love drop is what we've been talking about today. And that's honoring this person that we were born to be just like we are, just like we came to this magical earth. And so the love drop is that one drop of magic >> that one drop and essence of your being that was given to you before you got here while you're and so what I do is I ask women how to find that love how to honor that love and how to get out on their mission and their soul's calling that they are here to share >> to share. >> Yeah. >> And and how I do that is is I work with people a couple of different ways, but right at the moment I'm working with people one on one. And if they want more information about that or they'd like to um speak to me directly, they can go to my web page which is the selflove.com and they can do one of three things. They can sign up and speak to me directly. they can get my free book and I also have a workbook that women who would like to start working on their own can purchase and um it's a downloadable PDF workbook that they can just write in it and use it as a journal and it's just magically takes them to where they need to be to find their own. Awesome. Well, Cindy, thank you for keeping it real on purpose with us today. To everyone listening, if this EP episode moved you, share it with somebody, like and sub subscribe and you let you know that you have your own little love drop. Okay, don't forget don't forget to like to subscribe and hit that bell so you never miss an ep episode. And remember, your diff is your divine design. Now go lead with from the mind up. See you next time around. Bye for now. Thank you for having me.