Beyond Willpower: The New Path to Healing with Jeanne Foote

In the world of recovery, many paths lead to the same destination, healing. But what if there was a different, more holistic way to get there? Today, I'm talking with someone who's been called the best kept secret in the world of addiction and trauma recovery. Now I'm going to say this wrong, Jen Foote, yes? Yes, you got it. Jen Foote is the founder of the Recovery Concierge and brings a unique, a 360-degree approach to treatment that goes beyond conventional methods. She'll share her own lived experience and discuss how to integrate trauma-informed model that can meet people wherever they are with compassion, strategy, and unwavering support. We'll dive into how to heal and how to be on this journey at your peak performance, not just survival. Welcome to the show. Well, thank you very much for having me, Edna. It's a true pleasure to be here today. Okay, so I'm going to dive right in. You've been called the best kept secret in the world of recovery. Why do you think you're unique with your approach, with your 360-degree approach? Okay, so with all due respect, I think recovery is one of, addiction recovery in particular, is one of the areas in healthcare, behavioral health that has really poor outcomes. And I think we need to raise standards. Like we don't settle for those outcomes in physical health or mental health. We really, we try to raise standards wherever we can. And so through my own lived experience, as well as seeing, you know, people, AA, traditionally, nothing wrong with AA 12 step has really dominated the marketplace and there has been success in that. But there's also a tremendous amount of stigma in addiction, especially, I always say addiction is the poor relative of mental health. And so therefore, it really creates a lot of barriers for people getting care. And at best, it can be a very short term short live without complete, wouldn't say complete, but what I would say would be, what do you call it, I'm just trying to struggle for the words, excuse me, where there's maintenance, like any other, right, like there's, there's maintenance in the terms that there's regular checkups, and there's a step down approach and all of those things, which often lack in recovery, like 30 day treatment, you're out, go to 12 step and you're on your way. But I like to go to the theory of good, better, best, what else can we do? What else can be as for people who have complex trauma, or really complex childhood or come with chronic PTSD, which I did, I was abstinent for seven years, but very unwell. So I don't always think absence is the testament of true good recovery, we want to be thriving, we want to be flourishing. And that is often, it's missing in a lot of the models, it's about absence, we're measuring, I think, one metric, where we should be measuring. Wow. So I know that it is complex. And I know, you know, when I first encountered like addiction, that was like, they only focused on that part. And again, like you said, it's always like a revolving door, they're back, you know, doing that, you know, I really want to understand this, because this is this is like the crux of what's going on pretty much everywhere right now. And there's a big focus on that, especially starting with children. So, you know, what other parts besides like, you know, that you look at, you know, besides the addiction? Okay, well, we have to look at all behavior has purpose. If we look at someone who has a misalignment in their thinking, and in their behavior, there is, there is not harmony and integrated harmony, the lack of, there's a reason, there's a reason why that person is acting out. So we don't, so people have focused traditionally on the addiction as the problem, which is problematic, don't get me wrong. But there's something that's driving that behavior in the first place. And that is often the missing piece. And once we get to what is driving the behavior, then we can really correct it. But unless we're incorporating that part into it, and then again, you know, with relapse, if we look at relapse as relapse, rather than a reoccurrence, which could happen in any disease management illness, right? And we can take the stigma out. And then that person is not a failure that the person who's struggling with addiction already feels like the worst flawed human. So we don't need to add more salt on their wound. We need to give them more compassion, we need to love them up so they can understand how they got here and what they can do from this place moving forward. That's good. I love that you said love them up. Because, you know, what I've seen is a lot of you got to do this, you got to do that. And they're like struggling even to do those things, but love them up. You're so right. There is no love and compassion in those steps at all. It's just like regimen. It's regimen, you know, and it feels like this is the first time for many that they've been taught any tools or structure. Right. You also have to remember that shame drives the addictive cycle. So if someone thinks that they're flawed, it's not what's wrong with you, it's rather what's happened to you. Right. And Dr. Bruce Perry, who wrote a book on trauma, which is you never really met someone who has an addictive issue without trauma. Now I get the spectrum on that. So you know, I'm talking more big T or more adverse childhood experiences, which was had everybody generation was doing the best they could. But really, it didn't translate so well, which is why we're conscious parenting. So, you know, and every model has its faults. But for the most part, you know, we really weren't given what we needed. And so therefore, that person is struggling with who they are on a multitude of levels. And unless we can really remove them and say, okay, what can we do from this space forward, understand the reason that they're misaligned, they're not integrated, and then let's help them move forward is a whole different model of care. Right. Right. Your services go beyond, you know, the traditional therapy as I'm seeing now. What's one thing that you do with your clients that most people in your field would consider unconventional? So I think things are slowly catching up. So I came before trauma was trendy. I my recovery journey started in 1993. I was in my early 30s at the time. And I had a complex, I probably have lived with C complex PTSD for at least five decades. I had no idea that's what it was. I understand I was doing everything that was prescribed to me. So I went to rehab, I had a young family, I was abstinence for seven years, I attended 12 steps, I attended aftercare, but I would keep relapsing not every day. But after two and a half years, after 17 months, after four years of absence, I couldn't understand why, because I had a trauma history. So one of the things I think that's different now that we integrate is probably very similar to what you do is we look at subconscious reprogramming. What is the driving force behind someone's programming, because our subconscious program is linked to our emotional brain, which then dictates our behavior, our emotions, and then our behavior, right? So unless we're getting to that part, at best, you're just going to put a lid on it for a period of time. And it's only a matter of time. I say it's like whack a bow, put one thing down and something else is going to pop. It will pop up in sex addiction, whatever, it'll come somewhere, right? Because you really haven't looked at the root driver. So that's one area. The other area is somatics, embodiment, and nervous system regulation. So trendy, again, nobody knew what that was 10 years ago. But I've been studying it for the last 20 years, because that was my way out. I had, I went on a quest to figure out how to get well, because nobody was giving me the tools. And I was a spacious, spirited person who felt that I deserve better than my children did. And that's what just sent me on a quest. And I guess I have a, I do, I have a relentless sort of pursuit to figure out how to move beyond that, because I'm really intrigued with personal development. And the more we know now is that there's so much we now know that instead of it a top-down approach, brain-body, it's an actual body top-up approach. We know that we have neuroception, which means we have filters in our body that really perceive fear, good things, things that we should be cautious of. So we may not have the acute memory of something that we're scared of, but our body knows it. And then it starts in the body, and then it goes up to the brain, not the other way around. And so we have to tune into ourselves. And I think the challenge is, obviously, is if you learn to disconnect from your body, which is what I did, I had a good head and I thought, okay, I'll just run with that. And eventually, you can outrun yourself, you just cannot outrun yourself, you've got to connect and integrate back into your body. And your body has tremendous intelligence. Like, take, for example, your heart. Your heart has 40,000 neurons. 40,000 neurons, that's brain cells. Incredible. That's when someone says they're heart sick, they mean it. They mean it, they feel off. So I think for too long, we've discounted our bodily intelligence, and our subconscious brain is actually running our life. And so unless we get a handle on what's going on for us, I think at best, we can just dial it down. Yeah, I like that. We've not paid attention to our bodily intelligence. Love that. I haven't heard that. That's really good. That's really, really good. You also focus on peak performance. How does the addiction peak performance? How do they intersect? Well, I think there was an old saying that you want to get out from surviving to thriving, right? And I bought into that. And I think thriving is good. But what if we could actually tap into the innate essence of who we really are with all without our titles without our, you know, accolades in life, right? Who are we really without our name, without our title, without our look, right? And I believe that we all have our unique spiritual curriculum, we all come to this earth with curriculum by the family given by our life experiences, whatever that may be. And so for me, to get out of addiction, and when I first, when it became, went into recovery night three, I felt like it was a death sentence. I'll be very frank with you. It was stigmatized. None of my friends who even enjoyed substances recreationally even thought they had a problem, let alone probably thought I did. I knew I had a problem. That wasn't the issue. The issue was, it was so stigmatized. And it was like, I felt like a cloud was following me everywhere I went over my head, like it's that kind of feeling. And then when I found true freedom through some on my quest for modalities, and try and different things from Kundalini yoga to study and to become a somatic practitioner to become an addiction counselor, cohort, NLP trainer, all the different things out there. Like why are we incorporating this? This doesn't even make sense to me that we're still in here with willpower, like really? Because we all know that willpower. Thank you. I sometimes feel like I'm the only person who thinks this way, because so many people are very stuck in more traditional models. And there's nothing wrong with them, because they may work for somebody, but they fail too many. So this is one of the reasons why I'm, it didn't work for me. Right? I it worked to a degree. Take me all the way it managed to get me clean enough that I was sober, but not enough to flourishing in life. So I think, you know, thriving or becoming resilient. Good. I think flourishing is even better personally. Absolutely. It's a better word. But I love what you're saying. Because, you know, when you're learning, like you said, you learn your spiritual group. I love that. Because that's my that's where I am right now. And I'm, I'm just uncovering who I was before all of this, that, you know, the titles and the trauma and all this stuff is on top. And I'm just learning, re embracing who I am. And I was talking to my friend, and I was telling her that I knew that I was class sentient years ago, like, as a kid, I could see, you know, I was I could, I can, it was just innate, and I can do it, you know, it wasn't like, I had to conjure up anything, you know, and it was just there, my mother knew it. And she's like, How do you know that she would add to my brain? And she goes, Wow, if it's in your brain, there's nothing I could say about that. But she's like, wow. And I remember this, I was nine. And I was telling my friend, I often, I felt ashamed, because the things sometimes the things I say, bothered people, you know, kind of upset. Yeah, because you can see things others can't. Yeah. And so I would not say it, I would be, you know, I stopped saying it. And one day, I remember, I was like 12. And I, I've looked at this woman, she was visiting my mom. And she looked, I looked at her, and she looked at me. And I says, I said, um, I leaned over to my mom, I said, Mom, her husband is beating her, I see a black guy. My mom's like, I don't see a black guy. She says, I said, I see her black guy. And she goes, just hush, go in the room. And I and that was the first time I said, okay, I'm not gonna say anything. But the next week, she came back over. It was true. He had been doing it for a long time. It was true. And I had stopped even like trying to be around people and even like, do anything about and that's when I started being quiet. So I started like hushing up every time, because a lot of people like feel things. And I would hear voices all the time. Like, is that me talking like that? And I would be very quiet. So for years, I was quiet, you know, and I told her and you know, she said to me, just exact opposite. She's all go to school and learn that. How did I get it the first time? I went to school and got this. And I was like, No, I don't think I need to go to school. I think I need to embrace it. Well, you know, and walk in it and, and just embrace it and live there. And I'll learn as I'm going. Because I don't think that it takes books, I think, you know, packing all that other stuff up, then I have to prove myself. And then it's just, it's too much. And you get back into comparisons, you get it's all of that stuff, you know, 100% is very lonely to walk a different path. Right? Yeah. I understand what you're saying about that. And then your mother probably never looked at you the same way before. Because even though but she was probably overwhelmed that she didn't know what to do. Because how do you know this? Right? Yeah, yeah. She always calls me the white girl. I you know, I asked why it was like that? Why was that like that? And she and I question everything and I challenge everything. So she always says that to me, you're my white girl. You know, you have to know how things take. Beautiful. It's very interesting. I love what you're saying. I think this brings a whole different, you know, holistic is a buzzword too. But what you're saying and doing is not buzz is not buzz. It's, I can see it actually working. How I look at it is it's multi dimensional. And we're multi layered as well. Being a human is a complex. You know, we need a manual thing. We need to use this manual to be human, right? Like, right, look at the course state of the world today. And we're just talking about optimal behavior. We're not even talking about crazy, right? We need we need a manual, we need to understand our behaviors, our decisions, our thinking, our emotions, because unless we have some understanding, it's like, most of us, I call it hydroplaning, we hydroplane through our own life. Yeah, we have in the car, but we're not really driving it with somewhere else, right when we've done it. And, and so we're not conscious of what we're doing or thinking, or saying, right? How many times have we answered somebody and said something when we really haven't taken it in? Right, right. And understanding if we want to go beyond just existing and just automatic pilot, right? Right. That's cool. That's good. I like the hydroplaning because we do that a lot. Do a lot. Um, you recently started a training academy. What's the biggest misconception you hope to dismantle for other professionals in the behavioral health field? Talk therapy will only take you so far. It really is like limited at best. It's not to say that it's not good. There's good, better, best always. Um, but it really, first of all, it exacerbates trauma. You can't talk your way. You have to process it. Number one. Um, and that was my issue because I was going to therapy for a year, living in therapy on and off for decades over the years. Um, and I couldn't understand why I was getting worse, not better. And that was part of it. There wasn't an alternative back then, right? So I was doing what I thought was right thing. Go to a psychotherapist or, you know, go to a therapist or whatever, go to rehab, do all the things. And really, um, externally, my life looked good. I was married, I had a career, I had children, but inside I wanted to off myself. So that wasn't a good metric of what I call recovery. So, you know, I was abstinent too. So that's, you know, sometimes absent doesn't always equal good recovery either. I'm not saying that people shouldn't be abstinent. There's again, spectrum on all of this. And I think and illnesses as well. And so for me, um, you know, it was really about learning how to really come back to myself. You know, you hear about the journey of coming home. I was terrified to look at myself. I'm going to tell you something. I hated myself so much. I couldn't look in the Wow. Let alone use my voice. Right. So that was, you might be right. Because I, you might be right. Because I think I didn't look in the mirror either. I was mortified to see what was going to reflect back. My mind, it was much worse than what was probably happening. But I just couldn't face myself. Yeah. And it's not because I was the worst human who ever lived is because programming was running my life. And I had a bias for negative. So we do have a negativity bias, we remember the bad, much better than the good, the good, like shut, you know, it doesn't stick, like Teflon, it just slides off, right? But the bad, we remember and remember the narratives, what's the matter with you? Who do you think you are? You know, whatever they were, right? And we all have them. Yep. And that was what was running the show for many, many years. Wow, that's good. What's one message you would give someone who feels that they've tried everything. And the recovery is hope is like a hopeless cause. We'll never give up number one, because there is answers out there. But I think that often the very thing that we don't want to do is the very thing that we need to do. I think intuitively, sometimes we need to go to the places that scare us, right? For me, that was coming home to my body after years of sexual abuse, right? Yeah. So I thought, okay, I'm just gonna be a good thinker and smart and all the things and so head up worked really, really well for me until it didn't. And so coming home to my body would mean that I have to, I actually have to feel something right with it. I felt like insurmountable. Yeah. But it was the very thing that gave me freedom. Right. That's one thing I tell my, my clients to you have to come home to your body. And it's a very frightening thing. Because for so many years, you've been ashamed of it, you know, didn't like this, or you were hiding from it, whether you were getting fat or skinny, or, you know what I mean? And you have to come to it, come back to it and just really embrace yourself. It's hard. 100%. And I think so. I think the very thing, you know, I watch people, because I counsel people and coach as well. And I've watched people do everything they go, oh, I'll try yoga. I'm gonna try that. And you're talking to me, girl, you're talking to me. Right. So we go through this, like, okay, let me just try this. And I think this is gonna be it, right. But you know what, at the end of the day, we're the common denominator in everything that we do, we follow ourselves wherever we go. And sometimes we just have to do what we don't want to do if we really want that personal freedom. It's the same with fear. In order to get onto podcasts like this, or to speak out and be feel like I have a different view. I have to get over myself. That's been hard for me. Yes. But nobody's gonna hear me if I don't get over myself. Sometimes we have to do what we don't want to do. Right. Exactly. Exactly. It is, you know, and I heard somebody tell me, no, I'm healed. She said, I'm healed. I said, girl, I am still finding things in the back of the shadows that I was like, oh, yeah, that's still there. So I said, No, I said, it's a, it's a healing, because you want to live, you want to flourish. And when you're flourishing, and I said, think about a blossom flower, when it's opening up, it's opening, it's opening, it's opening, it's, it's a whole lot of steps in there. So that healing process. So we're not always we healed on one spectrum, but then it's other levels. I think that's where you just hit, you know, people. So I don't believe we're ever there. Yes, like the kids. Yes. No, we're never there. There's no destination until we die, right? However, the good news is, it does get better or better deal with so instead of it being like smacking your face. Yes. Like it's overwhelming. Yeah, it slowly starts to recede into the background. Yes. And so then it doesn't take over your life in the same way that it used to whatever. Right? Yeah. And so we get more comfortable with it. Yeah. Yeah, we have to. I mean, I love what you said. It's not in your face anymore. Because, you know, just, you know, even just like dealing with, like you said, your body, your body. I mean, I had, I think, even when I was modeling, I hated the mirror, that was pretty bad. You just reminded me of that. I was like, I had to take a reflection on that. Because my eye goes to the flaws before anything. Yes. Oh, don't like that. And then everything else is now derailed. Right? Yes, it's off. You're off the track. Yes. As soon as you see that one thing, it's off the trails. And that's it. You have to you have to bring yourself back. And I'm often says, No, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. You know, and I have to regulate myself back there. And then recenter and then go back and look in the mirror and start again. Yes, I get it. Well, he was talking to me today, girl. He was talking to me. I don't know who else you talking to audience. You getting what you're putting down because I'm getting it. It's you're talking to me. A lot of things that you just described. Um, I may have not had, you know, like, the proverbial I've hit the drugs or whatever. But I had I was a cutter. I was a cutter. And my body was the only thing I could control. So I wouldn't eat. So I controlled where my how my food was put on my plate. I controlled how I ate it. I had control. There's many, as I said, the spectrum, I'm sorry that you struggled like that. Yeah, we are. You're not most women and men now to struggle with body image issues. Right. And so it's an area where the restriction is an area where you can control. Right. Look what it does. And unfortunately, we get rewarded. Yes, friction. Absolutely. Absolutely. It is the perverse part of that equation. But yes, so everything comes in spectrum. I think, you know, addiction is what I call a misalignment. We're not in alignment in an integrated way. And so whether it's your phone, how many like, we haven't even seen the tip of what's coming next between sex addiction, food addiction, get technology addiction. Yeah, you don't work. Like for me, I fell into work addiction. Yeah. It was all that. You get rewarded for it. It's a good reward in work. But it robs you of balance. It robs you of many different things. Sometimes your health, right, depending on how bad people. Yeah, I felt after that was over, then I fell into work addiction. And it was like, 60 and 60 hours and found myself almost sleeping at the job. What the freak am I doing? And I was for myself. So I didn't have to. But I just was so addictive. You know, and then I fell into the strong woman's addiction. You know, that one that one. Don't ask for help. Do everything. I had that shirt on all day, you know, that superwoman shirt on all day. And when I got home, I was like dying. I was crying uncontrollably. It was just I was a mess. I was a complete mess. And I often say in a lot of my, you know, a lot of my videos, I say strong, that strong woman syndrome killed me. It was addictive. People were saying, you're such a strong woman. And I could feel my adrenaline. I'm doing it. Never ask for help. And I ran myself into the ground. You know, I ran myself into the ground because that. Yeah, I was addicted. I understand that I'm in a season of the sacred pause. That's great. That's great. We're still trying to 10x whatever I do. But really being very discerning now around what do I have to say no to in order to say yes to things, right? And that's so foreign to me, because I used to think like, I can do it all. And now I recognize and you just can't, you're gonna have to make choices, really make choices. And that's a hard one to get your head around if you if you've been not proficient most of your life, right? I can do it. That's true. That is really true. Oh, that's this is some good stuff. Well, this is an incredible, powerful conversation with the one and only chin, right? Am I saying right foot? Yes, correct. Yeah. Thank you for your vulnerability for showing us the path to healing that is holistic, and one that includes mind, body and spirit. To learn more about Jen's work and discover her unique approach to recovery, visit her website at the recovery concierge.com. Can't miss that recovery concierge.com. And if you want to leave a comment on this video, or on audio, you can do so and I'll get it right over to If this episode resonated with you, don't keep this powerful message to yourself. Share it with a friend who needs to hear it. And remember to like, subscribe and leave a comment to let us know your biggest takeaway. Your journey to healing is valid and you don't have to do it alone. Bye for now. Thank you. Absolutely beautiful. I enjoyed it.